What is up with the "too old" mindset (at least in the US)?
HoneyBadger302
Posts: 1,983 Member
Being involved in more fitness-orientated groups I know and see many people who stay fit, active, trim well into their senior years. Yet there is this pervading mindset (at least in the US, I cannot speak to other countries) that once you're much over 40 you're "old" and can't do 'things' anymore - be they sports, staying fit, looking good, active, etc.
I see this dichotomy in my own family - my father in his 70's still rides thousands of miles a year on his bicycle, goes camping, travels, just a few years ago hiked the 7 highest mountains in the country...meanwhile my mother, who is 5 years younger than him, can hardly take her dog on a walk, and has numerous health issues that a lack of activity in her life has directly related to.
Yet if you talk to the two of them, my father will complain about his aches and pains way more, but goes and does the things anyways, whereas my mother has much more of a victim mindset and just "accepts" her situation (because improving it would suck and be boring and not particularly fun in any way).
I use them as an example, but it is something I see repeated over and over in the much larger circles I see. There are individuals who break the mold, but most people see living life as for the young, and once you're past 40, well, you're obsolete.
This drives me nuts! Yes, you have more aches and pains as you age, and you need to include a lot more "prevention" work in your workouts, but gosh darn it, done right there's no reason I can't do at 45 what I was doing at 25 - how I go about it won't look the same, but the end result sure can be...
Just wondering if anyone has ideas on where this mindset stems from as it seems pretty standard and pervasive in our culture.
I see this dichotomy in my own family - my father in his 70's still rides thousands of miles a year on his bicycle, goes camping, travels, just a few years ago hiked the 7 highest mountains in the country...meanwhile my mother, who is 5 years younger than him, can hardly take her dog on a walk, and has numerous health issues that a lack of activity in her life has directly related to.
Yet if you talk to the two of them, my father will complain about his aches and pains way more, but goes and does the things anyways, whereas my mother has much more of a victim mindset and just "accepts" her situation (because improving it would suck and be boring and not particularly fun in any way).
I use them as an example, but it is something I see repeated over and over in the much larger circles I see. There are individuals who break the mold, but most people see living life as for the young, and once you're past 40, well, you're obsolete.
This drives me nuts! Yes, you have more aches and pains as you age, and you need to include a lot more "prevention" work in your workouts, but gosh darn it, done right there's no reason I can't do at 45 what I was doing at 25 - how I go about it won't look the same, but the end result sure can be...
Just wondering if anyone has ideas on where this mindset stems from as it seems pretty standard and pervasive in our culture.
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Replies
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Use it or lose it.4
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I would say it depends on who you associate with.
One of the reasons I became a hiker and backpacker was because I saw so many old people out there hiking. I've run into several 80 year olds on various trails. In the long distance hiking community, about half the thruhikers do their treks after retirement, so starting at age 60+. I knew it was something I could and would do for a very long time.
This is less true for runners, since running can be hard on the body, but I have met several 70+ year old runners. I hope to be one. If you go to races you'd be surprised at how many older people participate. Certainly in the 40 and 50 year old age groups there are a lot of very competitive people.7 -
I know at 47 years old, I'm one of the "old people" in my gym. It's weird to me. I don't feel old (most days). I'm a lot more active now than I was in my 30's, but I was raising my son then. Now that he's out of the house, there's tons of time for activities!
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It's just a false mindset. Maybe it's stereotyped that way, in our media. Think of all the children's movies that show the "hip granny" snowboarding or some other extreme sport, for the purpose of it being silly, something you'd never expect to see in real life. I feel like you just don't see movies about people in their 40's to 50's, it's either 20-30 or 65+. And anyone 65+ is shown as slow and feeble. Sometimes wise, sometimes grumpy. There are of course lots of exceptions, but that's my impression overall. But you're as young as you feel. And if you have a poor mindset, you're going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you refuse to let a few more pervasive aches and pains stop you from being active then you will be active, and likely to be a whole lot healthier and happier. Don't ever stop. Slow down a bit maybe, but don't ever stop taking care of yourself. The day you decide it's ok to sit and play solitaire and watch tv all day is the day you age 50 years and sentence yourself to "It's all downhill from here."5
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I'm 40 and am in better shape now than I was when I was 30. By far. I've lost 100 pounds since Feb. Lol you should see me fly around the baseball diamond now.4
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The Rocky Mountain states hold stats for some of the most active and least obese. Respectfully, we don't spend much time in the gym. It takes a rugged individual to live out here. There's farming and ranching, you can't coast on your laurels. Seniors can't stop until they drop out here in the wild, wild west. You'll rust.3
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Just to be clear, I don't for one second believe I can't do things just because of my age (I do have an injury that limits a couple things, but it's more about working with/around it than not doing the things).
I have goals and am determined to make them happen in my sport of choice, but I swear, just about every time I turn around there are some whispers or outright statements that I'm "too old" and should just settle for something "easier."
It infuriates me - while I know it's more about their perceptions of themselves it seems to be a mindset even in the average american mind. Everyone focuses on the kids not the adults who are making it happen. Yes, age and injuries can affect things on some level, but I've seen plenty of "older" adults smoke a lot of kids/young adults.3 -
I work as a civilian on a military base, mostly surrounded by kids literally half my age or younger. Yet I'm known as the pushup guy, because I can still bang out more pushups than any of them. This summer camping with my son's Scout troop, there was an impromptu pullup competition, where I again smoked all of them whippersnappers. (Good thing nobody has challenged me to a distance run...my days of running a 5-minute mile are long gone! lol)6
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Someone else here used the phrases "tyranny of low expectations" and "bigotry of low expectations"
. . . about another subject altogether, but I think that's what's going on in our culture regarding aging. It's low expectations of older people at a cultural, and too often also within an individual person (self-limiting).
Why? I don't know. For whatever reason, I think we have a culture that idolizes youth, encourages people to resist looking old, thinking old, blah blah blah. The implication is that old is bad, right?
It becomes self-reinforcing, in that people (let's say on the street) who stereotypically look old, move in stereotypically old ways, are going to read as "old people" to the audience, whereas people who don't fit the stereotype may just look more like "people".
I wouldn't even take it for granted that you will have more aches and pains as you age, in some absolute sense . . . certainly, I know some 70+ folks less plagued by aches and pains that some 30-somethings I know. Yeah, aging does increase odds of certain kinds of physical problems or disabilities, but aging in and of itself isn't synonymous with disability.
To an individual, only the n=1 case matters. I have fewer aches and pains at 66 than I had at 44, though it's now non-zero. But it's amazing how much improvement a person may achieve from getting stronger, fitter cardiovascularly, more flexible, lighter (healthy weight), less influenced by "metabolic syndrome" type conditions, maybe even better nourished, y'know?
For myself, I can pretty much do anything I could do when younger, with the exception of things for which some actual injury/disability factor does apply. (Young people with the same disabilities would face the same limitations . . . .).
One difference I do notice with age is that I need to be more conscientious about recovery: I'm not as resilient to serious overdoing as I was at age 20. I would've been better off at 20 if I'd managed recovery better then, too! Still, back then I could get away with stupidities like staying up all night partying, doing some physically hard thing the next day, and carrying on with normal life after. Now, not so much. I'd have more difficulty doing that, then it would take me longer to bounce back to normal (more like crawl back, now, probably).
At a social level, I think there's an influence of subcultures, and subcultures do tend to form in "birds of a feather" fashion.
I have some rough subgroups among my approximately age-mate friends that may have some relevance here: I have athlete buddies (mostly rowers, but some others), craftspeople/artist buddies, non-athlete cancer survivor buddies. There's little overlap (except for a small group of survivor-athletes). These groups have a subculture, for lack of a better term, where their own preconceptions become self-reinforcing. "Everyone" in the subculture shares characteristics, and the groupthink tends to be that those characteristics are somehow inevitably wired in to people in general.
In my craftspeople subculture, I've literally heard (non-ironically) someone say "of course people our age can't lose weight", and everyone else around the table nodded sadly. I went out to dinner with 14 women (40s through early 70s, mostly 50s/60s) at a crafts weekend gathering, and we were seated at a hightop table (so tall barstool-height chairs). Probably 75% of the group had difficulty getting onto those chairs - several of them needed help from others. This seemed normal to them, because it was so generally true. Ditto for a group of the cancer survivors at a National Cancer Survivor Day picnic. A large fraction of my friends had to sit on the end-part of a picnic table bench where they could slide in, because they couldn't get a leg over the bench with the table-legs in the way. This seemed normal to them. I rode my bike to one of those picnics on a hot day (bit over 4 miles, less than half an hour ride), arrived pink and sweaty (no surprise). There was horror that I was doing something very risky. I could go on.
Some of the athletes (ones who've been active lifelong), on the flip side, are more likely to be surprised when people their age can't do certain things. They just assume people can go to events that involve miles of walking, lots of stairs, etc. Their subculture reinforces the idea that people are capable. However, I think they're more likely to have mobility-limited age-peers in their social milieu, than the other sub-groups are to have athletic age-peers.
Realistically, modern lives are busy. Some people never started being active, of course, even when young. But a large fraction leave off being active because modern life is complicated: They get pulled into demanding jobs, spend large amounts of free time supporting their children's sports/hobby activities, put a lot of energy into making a nice home for the family, etc. Everyone tends to surround themselves with similarly-situated people. The self-reinforcing sub-cultures form.
Why the larger culture reinforces the "incapable seniors" assumption is maybe more statistical than otherwise? I don't know, but personally I feel like my overall friend/relative context includes more inactive old people vs. very active ones.
It's odd that "getting old" is a thing that's seen as bad, that people don't want to do, and that the culture expects us to chase a more youthful appearance (wrinkle creams and potions, hair replacement for men, hair dye for all, more), but doesn't seem to emphasize diet/exercise. I've been aware of some near-age female friends who think I've "let myself go" because I don't dye my hair, don't wear makeup, didn't get reconstruction post-mastectomy (and don't usually wear prosthetic breasts), etc. . . . but they're overweight, inactive, and objectively less healthy. (For clarity, I'm not judging their lifestyle choices, but I am judging that they judge me.
Speaking as a cancer survivor and cancer widow, I like getting old. The actual alternative is not staying young.
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I saw this happen to my dad. He used to be an active guy, not in the gym-going sense but always moving. I remember playing badminton and tennis with him as a youngster. As an adult in my 30s we did a 12 mile walk together, he was a great walker. He did his own yardwork, including shovelling snow.
He has this expectation that people "slow down" with age, so he allowed himself to become more sedentary and lost a lot of the abilities he'd once had. It reached a peak when he ended up in a rehab hospital for five and a half months at age 80 because he'd just stopped moving. He also has this strange idea that you get better with "bed rest". This was all triggered by untreated gout (which is a whole other issue that he'd avoided diagnosis because of his alcoholism) but his remaining muscle vanished. It took them months to build him up to a point where he could walk again.
Now that his gout is easily controlled and he has few other health issues, he could be working to restore his function and mobility. Nope. He defines himself as a "semi-invalid" and allows that to restrict his ability. He doesn't even have to risk walking outdoors, he has a treadmill that he could be using. Therabands. Light dumbbells. All gathering dust.
Since I inherited his physique, I know what I have to watch out for, and what I have to do to avoid ending up like him. But I've also known some examples of women in their 80s and 90s who have stayed healthy enjoying deliberate regular exercise so I know what's possible if I do the work.5 -
The view on health in this country alone is sad. We have a group of older friends we spend a ton of time with and 6 of the 10 are overweight. That tends to wear on the body and does make it harder to get around. I am here to lose what I gained after 2 Achilles surgeries over the last 7 months. I became one of those.3
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Yeah the whole to old to do something about it seems to be the prevalent attitude in the US. I am 52. And the college hires that we’ve on boarded over the last few years eat my dust when it comes to be physically fit. Granted when younger you have the luxury of time on your side, but unlike when I was their age we didn’t have Starbucks, Ubereats delivery, curbside don’t get off your *kitten* grocery shopping and all the other innovations company’s have developed to keep people under the spell with all sorts addictive snacks. Also amazing that most folks are as we see day in and day out on the news how unhealthy Americans are. I go out to a restaurant and I am amazed at the sights of people half my age with 3-4 kids and they are way way unhealthier than me at my age. If I had that much responsibility depended on me I’d get off my *kitten* and make sure I’d be around for those kids. It is work to improve when you’ve let things slide for 5-10 years or in my case 20+ years. You know I decided it was time to do something about it while I still can. And the pains I deal with are worth the effort.5
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Playing hockey year round at 70 and working out twice a week, among other things tends to put things into perspective, so I'll continue to ignore the rhetoric and count it as noise and try to control what I can control which is myself. Cheers.5
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oops, sorry, ...this post is a victim of the fact I can't delete something - ever - even if it hasn't been posted - once I type it in the text box. Fix that, MFP!!!4 -
I’m 61 and I don’t feel old. I also have difficulty understanding why some people in their 60’s think they are (unless they have medical conditions, of course). I’m in Colorado and spent the last few days in one of our wonderful national parks on the western side of our state, hiking with my husband (same age). I also feel 20 years old when I’m driving and listening to music from my college days, but that’s a whole different phenomenon (true, though).7
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It’s definitely a mindset issue. My mother is 80 and very sedentary. She is becoming more frail and is very afraid of falling. I’ve tried encouraging her to go for walks around her condo with a friend. Or do little weight bearing exercise routines at home. She doesn’t want to do it. Meanwhile, my 85 yr old MIL is pretty active. Goes for regular walks and does pool exercise classes where she lives. I plan to stay as active as I can while I age. I will be one of those senior hikers. And, at 53 I just bought roller skates.9
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It’s definitely a mindset issue. My mother is 80 and very sedentary. She is becoming more frail and is very afraid of falling. I’ve tried encouraging her to go for walks around her condo with a friend. Or do little weight bearing exercise routines at home. She doesn’t want to do it. Meanwhile, my 85 yr old MIL is pretty active. Goes for regular walks and does pool exercise classes where she lives. I plan to stay as active as I can while I age. I will be one of those senior hikers. And, at 53 I just bought roller skates.
You're braver than me getting skates. I can skate well enough, and I still have my old rollerblades from over 20 years ago, but I'd be worried about falling and tweaking my back. I hope you consider knee and elbow pads, maybe even a wrist guard, depending on your skill level and confidence.0 -
I am too old for some things! For example, I'm too old to learn to like Brussel sprouts or to be worried about it! Ha, ha. But I am an American 53 year old, and I don't think anyone is too old for anything until you're dead. :-)5
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Retroguy2000 wrote: »It’s definitely a mindset issue. My mother is 80 and very sedentary. She is becoming more frail and is very afraid of falling. I’ve tried encouraging her to go for walks around her condo with a friend. Or do little weight bearing exercise routines at home. She doesn’t want to do it. Meanwhile, my 85 yr old MIL is pretty active. Goes for regular walks and does pool exercise classes where she lives. I plan to stay as active as I can while I age. I will be one of those senior hikers. And, at 53 I just bought roller skates.
You're braver than me getting skates. I can skate well enough, and I still have my old rollerblades from over 20 years ago, but I'd be worried about falling and tweaking my back. I hope you consider knee and elbow pads, maybe even a wrist guard, depending on your skill level and confidence.
I def will be getting all the protective gear. I was a figure skater in my youth so I do have some base skills. But I roller skated a couple months ago and took 2 hard falls-and kept on skating. I love it!1 -
Well in the US as people age, they usually get less active. And it starts almost after highschool IMO. Where they were forced to do PE, once out, the majority don't engage in anything physical. Heck people don't even like to walk anywhere opting for the closest parking space, taking escalators instead of stairs, and basically driving everywhere they go even if it's say a couple of blocks away. The mindset for the average American is just to work hard and make money, then enjoy it. Only 35% (I think it's even lower now) of the US population engage in physical fitness activities. Hence as they age, the use it or lose it motto comes in. They lose it. And by the time they are 50, they hurt, have joint pains, and are likely suffering from some issues by being overweight.
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