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MyFitnessPal Community

Ladies who lift...etiquette question

nossmf

Ladies, I wanted to get your opinion on an uncomfortable situation I encountered this morning at the gym.

Wrapping up my workout, I had a single exercise left. When I moved to the machine I needed, it was in use by a lady who was in the middle of a set. I didn't want to interrupt her, so I stood 15 feet away, turned 90 degrees sideways so I wasn't staring at her, and waited for her set to end.

As soon as it did, I moved closer to ask how many more sets she had remaining. My thinking was if she had a single one left I would return to where I was, but if she had two or more remaining I would figure out an alternative exercise.

However, she never gave me the chance to ask, just stormed off in a huff, proclaiming the machine was mine, she hated to be stared at.

…um, what?

Is there something I could have done different in this scenario to avoid apparently making her feel uncomfortable? I asked one of the female personal trainers, who said my behavior was perfectly appropriate, but it's still bugging me hours after the fact. It seems insensitive for me to go with a trite "she was too sensitive, ignore her" answer, but at the same time I don't want to go the extreme opposite end of the spectrum and assume I should immediately and automatically choose an alternative exercise any time a woman is using a weightlifting station I need just to avoid the possibility of interacting with and offending her, so I'm asking the female community at large.

Replies

claireychn074

I think it sounds like you did everything right. You HAVE to kind of queue for certain machines / platforms, and politely waiting for a set to finish then asking how many she has left is fine - I’m not sure what else you could have done? Staring at her across the gym until she finished would have been weirder. And if you don’t ask, you risk losing your chance to bag the equipment / messing up your routine.
Not at fault!

kmp9881

I would rather have someone respectfully ask how many sets I have left than be stared at from across the gym, or worse, right next to me. Sounds like you did the right thing, she just reacted either from previous experience (unfortunately many men at the gym are less than respectful), or from a little entitlement. Yes, it can feel awkward knowing someone is waiting on the machine you're using, but thats part of using a public gym.

Retroguy2000

We need that old arcades system of putting a 10p or quarter on the machine to say you're next.

Seriously though, as a guy, without knowing your mannerisms or tone but I assume those were perfectly respectful, you did nothing wrong. I've also seen guys say they don't like gyms because they react exactly like that woman did. They might be quite introverted and may view the whole thing as being confrontational even if it isn't really, and just want out of the situation asap. Also as kmp said, they're maybe reacting to a previous bad experience.

Btw, were they taking an age with the machine, scrolling on their phone etc. with long rests? Because if so, you asking might have been construed as passive aggressive.

TBH, the simplest solution might be just pick a different exercise if any stranger is using your preferred machine. Everything has several acceptable substitutes.

AnnPT77

While you know I'm not very lift-y these days, I have been at various points in the past. I'm another woman who thinks you did nothing wrong. Her reaction is her issue, not yours, when you're doing something that's normal polite gym behavior.

I've read enough of your posts here, including some about women/gyms, that I have zero doubt that you were polite, respectful, calm, etc.

I get how it would make you feel uncomfortable and wonder if you triggered it somehow. That in itself tells me you were respectful and appropriate in the moment - you obviously care.

If we're being reasonable, we can't hold ourselves responsible when someone reacts negatively to normal, polite behavior.

nossmf

Thanks, ladies.

And @Retroguy2000 there was no untoward delay at all…she was exercising when I arrived, I stood there maybe 10 seconds total before her set ended.

Elle227_

I am a friendly and outgoing person but I prefer not talking to anyone at the gym. When I see that someone is on a machine that I want to use I find a machine close by and workout there until I see the person leaving. Then I head over after I wipe down the machine I am on. I actually did that yesterday. My gym isn’t very crowded so it doesn’t happen often.

I wouldn’t like it if a someone approached me and asked me how many sets I had left but I would have answered and finished my sets. She definitely over reacted.

claireychn074

I’d also add, I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been asked how many sets I have left, whether someone can hop on the platform with me, whether they can share my warm up weights. Kind of accepted gym etiquette where I am and it’s the norm in the size of gyms I go to.

The only offence I’ve ever seen was when someone was bro curling in the only squat rack and didn’t want to share / move.

claireychn074

The only offence I’ve ever seen was when someone was bro curling in the only squat rack and didn’t want to share / move.