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MyFitnessPal Community

How mean would it be ...

mruszaj

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

Replies

mruszaj

I would say change it and erase him from your life, but I know how everyone is asking why you care about his feelings but I mean you were together for FIVE years lol thats a long time! So of course you dont want to hurt his feelings and its better said than done, but I say lose contact

Right, i know it sounds horrible, but 5 years did lead to some feelings..

jcpmoore

The last time someone tried to convince me that such a person was a "good guy," they really regretted it. My friend ended up finding out that the guy was abusing her daughter. He abused her joint accounts because she didn't close them. She finally got it together. The guy is now in prison for killing his wife, whom he married after my friend broke it off.

Your first sentence is your first mistake: "a man who I thought I could change." You can never change another person. People do change, but you don't have the power to change another. If you don't like who he is now, then dump him, shut the door, close the accounts, change the number, and don't look back. He's not going to change for you.

Be safe. That's way more important.

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

builtforlife

Just forget about him and do this workout.

http://youtu.be/CLni-gagURo

Polly758

SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I think that's standard break-up procedure... especially the bank accounts, my god, you share a bank account with a man you consider a criminal, then don't close it when you break up with him?

mruszaj

There are about a half a dozen sarcastic/funny things I could say here, but since I realize you're hurting, I'll try to keep them to a minimum.

The first one that comes to mind is - screw changing the number, etc. WITNESS PROTECTION! (Hell, I'd love to start over....)

Seriously, though - he might have "treated you well" and all of that - but he was PRESSURING YOU into doing something. I don't care if it was something as simple as getting a boob job, dying your hair, or driving the getaway car...PRESSURE is NOT GOOD!

I understand the hurt. I applaud you heartily for doing something good for yourself and your future. He was involved in CRIME? um....yeah....changing your number and disassociating with him is probably a VERY GOOD idea!

Besides, if I listened to every line from every breakup song I've ever heard I wouldn't know whether I should take him back, take back the Jag I bought him, ruin him financially, or steal his dog and ride off into the sunset. So - it's just a song. It's there to sell records and make money. Protect yourself FIRST, girl!

LOL, you are quite funny

Thank you for that. It took me a while to realize, and a part of me was also feeling guilty because I felt that I had to "save him" from being deported, since he had no family here. He was relying on me to prevent his departure into his poor, crime stricken home country, and I can say I honestly felt like I did have to save him.

But you are right, I have to look out for myself. Screw those songs. I'll just make up my own.

mruszaj

Just forget about him and do this workout. http://youtu.be/CLni-gagURo

hah ohhhhhh yes !!

lizzybethclaire

It's like a TV show. Good luck with everything

Di3012

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

Eh??? Look do yourself a massive favour and change your phone number and delete him out of your life with regards to all the other stuff, including joint accounts etc.

If you don't you will forever have a connection there, just move on and then he will too.

mruszaj

The last time someone tried to convince me that such a person was a "good guy," they really regretted it. My friend ended up finding out that the guy was abusing her daughter. He abused her joint accounts because she didn't close them. She finally got it together. The guy is now in prison for killing his wife, whom he married after my friend broke it off.

Your first sentence is your first mistake: "a man who I thought I could change." You can never change another person. People do change, but you don't have the power to change another. If you don't like who he is now, then dump him, shut the door, close the accounts, change the number, and don't look back. He's not going to change for you.

Be safe. That's way more important.

woah ! thats insane. I would not want to end up like her. I'm so sorry, that is horrible ;( Thank you for your words of wisdom!

Crochetluvr

I think you got the answer you were seeking from others. But the main lesson here is YOU cant change anyone....they have to change themselves. If you cant accept them as they are, get out right away. Dont wait. There is always someone else out there that you wont have to "change".

mruszaj

I think you got the answer you were seeking from others. But the main lesson here is YOU cant change anyone....they have to change themselves. If you cant accept them as they are, get out right away. Dont wait. There is always someone else out there that you wont have to "change".

Amen. It took me five years to realize I couldn't change him.. and I spent 1.5 of those years yelling at him and threatening to break up with him if he continued to do what he was doing. Finally, I realized that my threats were not going to get him out of that lifestyle. That is just who he was.. He came here from Eastern Europe, got involved in some crazy mafia type stuff, only associates himself with those kind of people, all of his friends are involved as well, etc etc etc.. and I realized he would never get out because he didn't want to. That is what his life has been from the beginning.

So screw it. Im gonna find someone who doesnt need to be changed ! Thank you

johnny_66

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

It sounds so bogus

I don't think marrying you would change his immigration status; if he is illegal then it stays that way! He could go back home and apply for a visa and return. JMHO

MonicaT1972

Why would you even post this so publicly with details. The internet is not an anonymous black hole. Do you not fear for your safety with the information you have dropped here?

turningstar

Wait....you have a shared account with a man you know to be a criminal?! No offense, but that doesn't seem like a great idea. Get him off your accounts and out of your life. You can always ignore him, rather than change your number.

Going into a relationship in hopes of changing someone.....doesn't usually work out. Good luck though! You'll be better off!

jaxandmaksmom

god i change my number to rid of a guy just cause he bugs me... for this situation.. i would move and change my number...

lmao forget the loser your a hot girl get a good guy

Austin1988

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

Please reference:

The Sopranos
Goodfellas

Watch and learn. After all, movies teach us everything about life, right

Seriously though, it sounds like you got out of the relationship just in time. You don't want to be tied in with that kind of stuff.

Marll

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

"He's a good guy"

involvement in crime
illegal immigrant status
force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

These things in my mind negate the good guy statement.

I'm of the feeling that when you break up with someone you should sever ALL ties. Close all accounts that are joint, shut down any services, move out and away from each other, change your phone number and make sure that any mutual friends know which side of the fence they should be on.

Secondly, while this may sound a bit goody-goody, if he's in the country illegally and commiting crime he should be reported to the proper authorities and removed from the country.

mruszaj

You make me feel ugly. Damn youre gorgeous....

no way, YOURE GORGEOUS !!

mruszaj

Why would you even post this so publicly with details. The internet is not an anonymous black hole. Do you not fear for your safety with the information you have dropped here?

Not really, he's very..foreign, lets just say.

mruszaj

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

"He's a good guy"

involvement in crime
illegal immigrant status
force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

These things in my mind negate the good guy statement.

I'm of the feeling that when you break up with someone you should sever ALL ties. Close all accounts that are joint, shut down any services, move out and away from each other, change your phone number and make sure that any mutual friends know which side of the fence they should be on.

Secondly, while this may sound a bit goody-goody, if he's in the country illegally and commiting crime he should be reported to the proper authorities and removed from the country.

I know, after I read it .. i realized how bad he sounds... Hes not a good guy i guess, just a bad guy who treated me okay.

mruszaj

I don't think i could ever report him. I have no evidence anyway, just basically what I have been told, and also a little of what I have seen.

nextrightthing

Totally off topic :-) but you have to watch "Walk off the Earth" do a cover on the Goyte song......it is fabulous. I really like that song. I warned this was off topic :-)

ElizabethRoad

SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

Are you out of your mind? Why do you have shared bank accounts with someone you know to be a criminal? I don't know what he is involved in but you could potentially be considered an accessory. You could also lose all of your money if his accounts are frozen.

One of the first things people do when ending a relationship is to separate any of their joint accounts, including Netflix but certainly when it comes to finances. I'm baffled as to why you think that would be mean, instead of just the logical thing to do.

StarkLark

SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

Are you out of your mind? Why do you have shared bank accounts with someone you know to be a criminal? I don't know what he is involved in but you could potentially be considered an accessory. You could also lose all of your money if his accounts are frozen.

One of the first things people do when ending a relationship is to separate any of their joint accounts, including Netflix but certainly when it comes to finances. I'm baffled as to why you think that would be mean, instead of just the logical thing to do.

THIS. In my opinion if you still have ANY shared accounts (for anything) your relationship isn't over. Sure you may not be with him anymore, but a shared bank account is the DEFINITION of a relationship.

Changing your phone number is a more drastic move that is rarely necessary after a break up, but considering the info you gave us I would say it's probably a good idea. Be safe and good luck

Derpina7

He's a criminal who was trying to pressure you into marrying him for immigration purposes and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?

Block, dump, delete. No contact. Period.

^ This

hanahlai

I would do it for safety reasons alone. You just never know! Not mean at all!

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

rileamoyer

RUN and Hide fast as you can!!!

mistyladidah

Wow, it sucks you have to deal with this.

Honestly, I think you have every right to sever the shared ties you had together, even possibly the phone number. Maybe give the new number a few more days to see if he backs off a bit. I do think you should do him the slight courtesy of telling him what you are doing. Just one final text from you so that he doesn't just go to pay for something or watch a movie and it doesn't work... your safety is important, and he could get pretty angry.

Ignore the song... it's catchy, but not really appropriate in this scenario.

Now go eat something awesome, and then work out to something uplifting and about new beginnings. :flowerforyou:

(oops, sorry, mom-mode!)

now_or_never12

Change your phone number and remove your name from everything joint.

As another poster mentioned, if he's into organized crime... or any form of crime and you have a joint bank account with him you can be charged as an accomplice. You know he's up to no good. If he gets caught and accounts are frozen, etc there goes your money and if he decides to do something stupid with any shared credit there goes your credit rating too.

Sever all ties and move on.

12skipafew99100

So I just recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man who I thought I could change. He was involved in a European crime ring and was trying to pressure me to marry him in order for him to receive legal status, because he was going through deportation proceedings.

He's a good guy, treated me very well, but I couldn't get past his involvement in crime and also his illegal immigrant status.. especially since he was trying to force me to marry him since I am a US citizen.

Anyways, I finally thought to myself that I would never want to start a family or be involved with a man who is involved in organized crime, and I finally broke free of him a few days ago.

So, the question is : Although I am kind of upset, I feel like his constant texting/calling is upsetting me and getting in the way of my fitness journey.. SO, how mean would it be if I changed my phone number completely, and also cut off/delete any shared accounts, such as : netflix, bank accounts, etc etc?

I just keep thinking of that Gotye song, "somebody that i used to know", where he says " No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records And then change your number.."

It sounds so bogus

Change the number and don't look back.