What are your binges like?
HealthyNFit4Life
Posts: 185 Member
I usually have an emotional trigger, stand up in my kitchen, rapidly consume thousands of calories, and feel overwhelming guilt after. I'm a serious binger.
0
Replies
-
I never do it before 4pm. And, it comes on like a strong urge- like a drug user to crack.
If I feel like I've had a tough day- I use food as a reward.
If I am hanging out with friends at a restaurant, I think that's an excuse to get out of control.
I have triggers.
I go for certain foods- appetizer platters at a restaurant, potato chips in front of the tv, or sometimes I bake something and eat all of it- usually a cake with butter cream icing. Thousands of calories in one rapid guilt-inducing binge.
But, I'm clean 35 days.
I did a cleanse program and I found that useful because I could only have blood sugar regulators every 2 hours, and didn't eat anything for 48. The control that I got through that program has helped me to control the urges and when I start to eat bad foods they don't taste good after 30 days of cleansing so I don't get my binge high from consuming them.
If I did a binge now- it would probably be on fruit
0 -
@meganraelo -ditto!0
-
okay, gross alert :noway: :noway: so this is embarrassing to admit, but...usually i wait for everyone to be asleep in the house....and i fantasize about what i am going to eat....and then in a FLURRY i literally eat whatever i want. i notice i put condiments on my food so i dont have to chew it and it makes it easier to swallow/eat faster. theyre weird combinations, like, i put bbq sauce on honeynut cheerios or vinegar on toast. sometimes i ration with myself and say `okay, just a handful of this, two bites of that, just two yams from this can or only the uncooked beans in this rice box` and this is okay and all, but i fill up my garbage with half eaten or emptied food containers and i have to take out the trash at like 4am because i am embarrassed when my family members see where all the food has gone.
sort of the goal of my binges are to `finish the carton.` its terrifying but i have eaten entire cereal boxes, jars of peanut butter, bags of trail mix, a box of granola bars, etc. one time i ate an entire wok of popcorn (about 40 cups. even the burnt bits and uncooked kernals at the bottom) completely saturated in lemon juice, hot sauce and garlic standing at the stove. scaryyyyyyy stuff because i dont even care about myself when i do it.
30+ days binge free though!0 -
I am another one who waits until everyone is in bed. I guess if no one sees me do it, it did not really happen right? I usually go for things like popcorn, my kids fruit snacks, cereal, bagels, peanut butter, granola bars etc. I usually binge when I've had a stressful day or if I'm feeling emotional. The urge comes on so strong that I literally can not stop thinking about food until I crack and binge. I eat lots of food in a short about of time, usually over an hour or so, and always eat until I'm so full that my stomach hurts
It's almost like a get a "high" from feeling this way. I've tried to talk to my husband and my mom at times, but they just don't get it......they see it as simply overeating, however as you all know it's so much more than that!
Only 4 days binge free 0 -
Love the stories guys!!!
Usually a gallon of ice cream with yummy things like brownies, cookie dough in it triggers my binges. I'll eat about 3/4 a gallon, maybe a family size bag of chips, a few pieces of bread with peanut butter or butter, etc.0 -
Sorry, too embarrassed to leave that up.0
-
i have a bad day or bad feeling, and i literally give myself permission to binge. i walk over to walgreens or something and get at least 2 chocolate bars, some reeses cups, skittles, chips, cheetos puffs, ice cream.. on the way back i grab a large starbucks.. i eat some of the chocolate and candy so people at work dont see me eat all of it. I hide the skittles in my bag and just reach in grab a few every couple of minutes. then on the drive home, even though i still have junk left, i stop at mcdonalds and get a shake, fries and a mcflurry. sometimes even a sundae as well. i eat all that before i get home, cant have my roomies seeing it.. chuck the mcdonalds and any other rubbish in the big bin before i walk inside.. go up to my room, sit in front of the telly and devour the rest. when im done, i go into the kitchen - once every one is asleep - and raid whatever we have. ice cream, chips, peanut butter. i just love eating so much. i love putting food in my mouth. hate the calories and the feeling after, but during, its heaven. nothing can touch me.
but im almost 3 weeks binge free, and never prouder of myself. ive had sweets every now and again, but one candy bar or one small bowl of ice cream.. moderation is key, its a struggle for me to learn, but im trying. here's to june!0 -
I have been waiting until my mom goes to bed. I will eat normal things when she is around and then when she goes to bed it is like all bets are off. As the time creeps closer to 10pm, I get more and more anxious to eat. I have been even finding myself getting a bit irritated if she stays up later and I try and find ways to talk her into going to bed sooner.
Now that I have been home I have eaten through almost all of the chocolate she had in the fridge, ALL of the ice cream, ALL of the cookies and almost all of the chips and crackers. I didn't realize how much I had consumed until I thought about it and realized how much stuff was missing now. I am so embarrassed.
Part of me enjoys it, sometimes it is "fun" not to stop. I am not sure why. Sometimes I eat so far and so rapidly I will look at the clock and be shocked at how I just ate 2000 calories in 15 minutes. It is depressing. I am falling deeper and deeper into this. I haven't had a binge free day since March and I don't know how to pull myself out of this hole. It seems like a few people here have been "clean" for awhile, I hope that being here helps me get to that point.
Part of me feels scared to let go to, let go of the "comfort" food gives me.0 -
A big thing for me is when I do not get enough sleep, then a handful of oreos or something make me feel better to "keep me going." And I lose control with it because it is so good and for some reason I convince myself "I need it" The bad food actually feels ike it is healthy until afterwards when i feel like crap. PMS and my period are the same, I feel that I have to eat the bad food and that i need a lot of it in order to cope, like i will die without it lol0
-
Ditto christenwypy. I binge when I'm tired and anxious. My thoughts are consumed with chocolate! I can't wait for everybody to leave, or am trying to figure out a way to sneak some food without anybody seeing me. For instance, I'll make cookies for my sons, and eat almost all of them before my husband gets home. Then, I figure that I'd better eat all of them so he doesn't see what I've done. To balance out all the sweets, I then tend to want salty stuff, such as chips & crackers. By the time dinner rolls around, I'm so tired and *****y, that I just want to eat more to make me feel better. So far, I've gone 3 days binge free by using the calorie counter on this site. It's been great analyzing my diet and improving my awareness. I just wish that what I eat didn't always have to consume my thoughts, even when I'm doing good.0
-
I really don't know what to say because I can relate to eveyone else's binge attacks. I do typically wait until no one is around to see how much I inhale. The quantities are amazing. I can't seem to stop until I absolutely can't fit any more in my stomach - to a point of physical pain where I can't breathe well. That's when I feel I can stop. I now look at my Gastric Bypass Surgery I had a few years ago as part of my problem even. I can't eat as much to get to that point of pain. I always feel so guilty afterwards. The self-hatred is incredible. I always say I won't do it again. And, of course, I do it again. If I know that I am going to have a binge night alone but can't afford all the calories, I will take Ex-Lax pills. I have been doing this for so long now, I have to take 6-9 pills for any affect. I know that's awful and embarrassing to admit. It's what I do to "enjoy" my binges. I don't know what to do or where to go for help. My family schedule doesn't give me time to go see a therapist. I am trying here for some kind of outlet/admittance of my problem.0
-
Thank you everyone for sharing!! I enjoyed reading everyone's experiences and I'm sure we can all sympathize. I find it ironic that most of us will do it in secret. I also wait until everyone in my family goes to bed!!0
-
I wait when I'm out alone or I'm the only one in the house and then I go crazy. Like I'm crazy with the freedom or something and I just eat everything even if I don't like it. Like I found myself eating a bowl of oats and butter and I got this realization like "what am I doing?".
Sometimes I feel it's to spite everyone though I don't know why. I kow I have definite triggers being alone is definitly my problem.
Some people don't realize it but it IS an ED. I know I'm very secretive about it in general. I really hope I can stop "/0 -
I seem to do quite a few of the same things as everyone else. I always wait until I am alone. There is no way I would eat so much around other people. My "favorite" time to binge is when my husband goes to class. He will leave, and about 3 minutes later, I will be poking through the cabinets and fridge looking for what I need. My binges are almost always carb and sweet based--chocolate and pastry/bread are the worst. One of my most horrible recent binges was 4 whole sweet rolls (all cream-filled and frosted), a mini cake, a big candy bar, and some various chocolates. I wanted to have even more, but I didn't have enough time alone to accomplish that.
When I binge, I just space out. I seek out flavors. I feel better when I eat. I feel irritable, sad, and anxious when I don't. The real problem is, I feel great as I am bingeing, but after I am done, I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it is true. I hate myself so very deeply when I am sick and bloated with food.0 -
Binge normally strike because of emotional reasons, stress, or boredom ... It stinks because I wanna learn how to SIT with my feelings without feeding myself physical stuff and deal w. my mental stuff instead. The healthy way that is *
Before a binge, I'll chew gum nonstop. One after the other, convincing myself I'm not hungry and I dont need to eat anything else because I just ate a meal. OR I'll think of what my therapist/nutritionist have said to me to prevent one and think why do I wanna eat etc. Then it just HITS. I'm in my room alone and sneak downstairs to where my snacks are and grab a bunch, mostly pretzels, crackers, granola bars are my LOVE during a binge. I just sit and eat and play freecell and eat. I get mad if someone walks in my room, calls me in the middle, or notices I'm eating .. just eating in general. I repeat in my head how I shouldnt be doing this, but I started so finish. Then I think how my boyfriend just called and I skipped it - I think. WHY didnt you take that call and stop. You could have save yourself calories and all the guilt and the lies to say why you missed the call in the first place. :ohwell:
I just love and hate eating. As a recovering anorexic / bulimia and now struggling with diet pills and binges, it just sucks afterwards. I think how I used to be SOOOO good at restricting and now I suck and eat nonstop. Then I realize how I know we need food BUT goodness gracious NOT AS MUCH AS I CONSUMED just now. Then I get triggered to take pills to counteract the binge. It's a cruel vicious sick cycle. I try so hard not to make myself sick and just normally FORCE myself into work if it happens before work or if its late at night [like normally] I force myself to sleep and hope for a better day tomorrow.
HOWEVER, I'm learning to be a better friend to food and not see it as the enemy. I eat my daily allowances and well, struggling to get back to the gym REGULARLY. I think once I get some control IN MY LIFE, I'll be able to better let go of the binges and the feelings of HIGH I get during it. I sometimes wish I didnt have my own room because then I wouldnt have the advantage to be alone and do what I want -even though I really dont have control when in a binge. :huh:
I feel like being THIS open is making me soooo vulnerable so I hope you all arent judging me I get scared really easily being this open, but I feel the first step in BECOMING CLEAN is being as honest as possible and seeing how I feel with my binge and being honest with others who I believe can relate.
Good luck to everyone and keep up the good work as you all work to be binge free :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't think anyone on here can rightfully judge you. All we can do is relate. At least that's how I see it. All of the entries here have a part of me in them. It's comforting and sad at the same time. I have never put into words all that is me. Admitting that there is something so not normal about my relationship with food. Just before I sat down with my laptop, I devoured 8 oreos - just because I had to put fabric softener in my laundry and the cookies were on the counter. What do I do / where do I go for help?0
-
With respect to what SM5246 said, I wonder how many of us were anorexic/bullemic at some point? As a teenager I was anorexic and then gained a lot of weight fast, and I see my binge eating as just the opposite extreme. IT seems like everything I do is "all or nothing". When I really want something, I'll work so hard to be the best. With food and binging, I figure that once I start the ball rolling, I might as well go all out and start over tomorrow. However, when I'm in my full binge mode, everyday I'm starting over. I'm so anxious for my husband to leave. It's like I'm encouraging him to go to class or go out with his friends so I can have my binge. I often feel somewhat proud and deserving of the binge while it's happening. It relaxes me. Afterwards, I just feel so sad, and this has really been worse in the past year. My gosh, I'm 45 years old and have been struggling with this for almost 33 years!
However, I have recently tried a new approach, which seems to be working (for at least 3 days, but hey, it's a start)! My son has been diagnosed with autism, and a treatment called applied behavioural analyses is used to correct/change his behaviours. IT's been amazing, but it is a slow process. Essentially, a behaviour is broken down into it's smallest components and worked on with only positive reinforcers....NO NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT.... AT ALL! For instance, the act of brushing your teeth requires several small steps such as getting the toothbrush out, putting paste on, water, brush the mouth, spit, etc.... you get the point. Each act of toothbrushing is worked on individually and rewarded individually, then combine. So, with weigt control & binge eating I have decided to attemp the same process. It seems rather "lofty" to say that I'm not going to binge, and frankly quite scary. So, I'm breaking my eating into small goals. Right now, it's just recording everything, and my positive reinforcer is 2 squares of dark chocolate with tea at the end of the night. For some reason this does not give me a craving & is very satisfying. A few new tops is my long-term goal if it's maintained for 1 week.
So for, so good...my outlook & mood is so much better. I'm not scared by the aspect of "being perfect" on my quest to stop binging (which is typical of anorexia). Rather, I'm looking at my small successes and plan to build upon them. But finding that positive reinforcement is key.
I hope this wasn't too lenghty. It really helps to write out my thoughts, even if nobody is listening, it's just therapeutic. Thank you!0 -
Binge normally strike because of emotional reasons, stress, or boredom ... It stinks because I wanna learn how to SIT with my feelings without feeding myself physical stuff and deal w. my mental stuff instead. The healthy way that is *
Before a binge, I'll chew gum nonstop. One after the other, convincing myself I'm not hungry and I dont need to eat anything else because I just ate a meal. OR I'll think of what my therapist/nutritionist have said to me to prevent one and think why do I wanna eat etc. Then it just HITS. I'm in my room alone and sneak downstairs to where my snacks are and grab a bunch, mostly pretzels, crackers, granola bars are my LOVE during a binge. I just sit and eat and play freecell and eat. I get mad if someone walks in my room, calls me in the middle, or notices I'm eating .. just eating in general. I repeat in my head how I shouldnt be doing this, but I started so finish. Then I think how my boyfriend just called and I skipped it - I think. WHY didnt you take that call and stop. You could have save yourself calories and all the guilt and the lies to say why you missed the call in the first place. :ohwell:
I just love and hate eating. As a recovering anorexic / bulimia and now struggling with diet pills and binges, it just sucks afterwards. I think how I used to be SOOOO good at restricting and now I suck and eat nonstop. Then I realize how I know we need food BUT goodness gracious NOT AS MUCH AS I CONSUMED just now. Then I get triggered to take pills to counteract the binge. It's a cruel vicious sick cycle. I try so hard not to make myself sick and just normally FORCE myself into work if it happens before work or if its late at night [like normally] I force myself to sleep and hope for a better day tomorrow.
HOWEVER, I'm learning to be a better friend to food and not see it as the enemy. I eat my daily allowances and well, struggling to get back to the gym REGULARLY. I think once I get some control IN MY LIFE, I'll be able to better let go of the binges and the feelings of HIGH I get during it. I sometimes wish I didnt have my own room because then I wouldnt have the advantage to be alone and do what I want -even though I really dont have control when in a binge. :huh:
I feel like being THIS open is making me soooo vulnerable so I hope you all arent judging me I get scared really easily being this open, but I feel the first step in BECOMING CLEAN is being as honest as possible and seeing how I feel with my binge and being honest with others who I believe can relate.
Good luck to everyone and keep up the good work as you all work to be binge free :flowerforyou:
I can relate to this sooo soooooo much. All of it.0 -
When I binge, I just space out. I seek out flavors. I feel better when I eat. I feel irritable, sad, and anxious when I don't. The real problem is, I feel great as I am bingeing, but after I am done, I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die. I know that sounds melodramatic, but it is true. I hate myself so very deeply when I am sick and bloated with food.
i can 100% relate to this..you are definitely not alone in this feeling!0 -
cwnicol-I can relate. I used to go on "diets" and restrict, and sometimes try to purge when I binged-but it would never work. I think that your new approach to preventing a binge is great!! Positive reinforcement is a great approach. Good luck and let us know how it goes!0
