pizzamyheart Member

Teaches people to speak with a proper Boston accent through youtube tutorial videos

writes jingles for aluminum foil companies. The best so far: Use the Foil to cover that Boil, la la la la la FOIL!

Teaches kangaroos to put on lipstick the correct way

A limp French fry. He likes to pull it out and give it motivational speeches during lunch break.

Industrious noodle maker

He will sit on your toilet and sing while you shower for people who are too insecure of their talent to song in the shower for themselves.

also a plastic relaxation tool. However, it is not a thumb. It slightly resembles one though.

Shes in fabrication. Not industrial, but stories and myths. She is currently working on furthering the alien abduction myths by dressing up as an alien and hiding behind peoples curtains at night. She wakes them up and waves flashlights around then quickly runs.

Men have a hee-haw and women have a who-haw.

I don’t know why everyone is saying that this is ok. Isn’t there a saying “don’t flaunt it unless you got it?” Or something like that? I feel seriously let down by this news and because of that I was forced to eat six shortbread cookies.

He runs a business in which he teaches people To slide over the hood of their cars for dramatic exits.

An old rubber band. He claims it belonged to Rupaul, but this fact is unsubstantiated.

a small scrap of paper with nothing written on it. Its all crumpled up though, and when she wants to feel important she will pull it out, pretend to read it, and say loudly, "Ah-ha!! Thats just what I thought!".

He lays on carpets to see if they are soft enough

She was caught plucking the eyebrows of her supervisor while he was napping at his desk

A piece of fur. He likes to tell people its from a rare wolf he saw in his back yard. We all know its actually lint from his dryer but we like him so we humor him.

She is known as "The Heat Regulator" at her local coffee shop. She walks up to people and sticks her finger in their coffee to make sure its hot enough.

He kept asking the customers if their moms were sexy.

She narrates porn for blind people

scrapes the condiments off of the sandwiches when you don't like them

An eyepatch. Oftentimes he will put it on and whenever someone asks about it he'll say he lost his eye when he was constipated and pushed "a little too hard".

Smells the butts of people who don't have dogs so they don't feel like they are missing anything

a small spiral notebook in which he has written his most favorite romance novel phrases. His favorites are "her quivering mounds" and "his volcanic eruption".

a hankie that she has secretly named Harold

a flash drive which he thinks contains his work documents. However, when he and Brian from the office ran into each other and dropped their stuff, he accidentally picked up Brian's flash drive which contains his homemade amateur grandma porn.

He's a snake charmer, however he doesn't use a flute, he instead dances the hula with no pants.

I live under the bed of a certain mfp member

An old piece of bread crust that he claims Val Kilmer claims he stole from Al Pacino who stole it from Robert Dinero because it was the last ham sandwich.

Pizza Delivery Man. He performs an interpretative jazz routine upon delivery of your pizza. If you don't give him a good tip he will perform his routine again.

Delete me if you must, but creepy is my middle name and I can't change that.