SweetBasil35 Member

Have you heard Adele's song "Chasing Pavements?" I listened to it (literally) a dozen times last night. It's a song about exactly where you are right now... I'm in a similar place. I don't know about you, but music always makes me feel better. If it's not too cheesy - here are some of the lyrics: I've made up my mind,…

I suppose that's true... although as someone who seems to have a radar for the "emotionally unavailable" man in the crowd, I think it's still a bad idea for *me*. But, I can appreciate that sweeping generalizations aren't very fair. Thanks for that.

I understand what you're saying, but if I were dating you and you said that you NEVER wanted to be married again - that sort of trumps everything, if that's what I want for myself someday, right?

Thanks La - I've done a lot of work on myself too and I appreciate hearing that you agree about his lack of healing. It's nothing against him... it takes time, and there's nothing wrong with where he's at in the process. It's just not where I'm at.

Had I let things go too far while making out with him... it could have ruined my shirt. :wink:

Thanks for the support guys. I think some of you are getting things confused a little bit. I don't take issue at all with someone who is divorced. I'm 35 - I am totally fine with someone having a past... it's inevitable at my age. My issue is only with the "availability" of someone who is going through a divorce. I have…

That is exactly my motivation right now, Janie... you nailed it. I am determined to be available when that awesome guy walks into my life. And I'm going to have a hard time doing that if I keep sucking face with every attractive guy I meet in the meantime. :blushing:

Sometimes I don't, but sometimes I do too, Farmer... right now I think I'm gonna believe that my destiny holds only good things for me. Thanks for your support, honey.... I really appreciate it.

Thanks Flim. Yeah, I believe that he is really divorcing... I believe that he really is "over" his ex and not looking to rekindle or drag out the drama of a divorce. But I also believe that he's not ready for what I am ready for.

You guys are great... thank you for the support. I will definitely take things slower in the future - and like one poster said, it's only been a week - he'll get over it. Not that I think I'm breaking his heart, I just wish I would have handled myself differently is all. I think I would be inclined to make an exception to…

Certainly to not develop LUST so quickly.

I completely agree! I don't think anyone is emotionally available until they've processed what went wrong and had time to heal. I can't imagine many circumstances where one could do those things thoroughly while still being in the muck and mud of a divorce.

That is exactly what I don't feel good about!

Thanks Farmer... I appreciate the support. Just to clarify... he's separated and in the process of divorcing. He's not cheating. To clarify further... I have NEVER dated a MARRIED man (Caps for intensity...not anger) :wink:

Good point - it was definitely hormones and attraction! I wasn't sad/lonely... just horny. :blushing:

Speaking as a single mom of 2 kids... I would much rather someone show their interest in me by getting to know me casually and building a friendship. It's a turn-off when a man asks me out as a way to "mark his territory". Time is on your side here... get to know her, do nice neighborly things for her. If you rush into the…

ISFJ here (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging)... or as others say, "bleeding heart liberal". "Need to be needed" has been my (relationship) demise more than once. :ohwell:

How come the introverted side here, Nerple? I think that's true for me too, but I guess you would think we would be more extroverted here as we have some anonymity.

I struggle with this, too. My suggestion is to KEEP BUSY! Go out for a walk/jog... or several... each day, this will burn a few cals and keep you away from food. :wink: Stock up on fresh fruit and veggies... THROW OUT the junk food! Good luck, honey!

I disagree with DM. I have two kids and have raised them on my own. It DOES matter what age the kiddos are... a 5 year old hasn't developed his sense of self, whereas a 35 year old has. Kids form bonds easily and they do personalize it when those bonds are broken. A 35 year old does not. So, I think you're smart to…

THIS! ^^^ And maybe after she begs, you'll make HER wait! :wink:

Ouch! "You need to get out more often?" I think it's time for you to take a step back. The ball is in her court. It's possible that she loves to be chased (the attention, flattery, etc.), so if I were you - I'd back off. She might try to engage you over text, but I suspect they'll be hollow attempts to get you chasing her…

Well done, Kerry!

Thanks Anna - we're going there tonight! I'll feel it out and decide on the spot whether I just ignore him or not. Either way it's gonna be a great time... sooo many good looking guys - can't wait! :bigsmile: You guys were all so helpful in making me realize that he's the one who should feel awkward... not me! Thanks…

Some women - and men - are "people pleasers". It is very difficult for some women to set boundaries, with men in particular (but not solely). That is what I was referring to as a case of the "nice girl". I would never imply that what happened was actually "nice" - it was unfair and it got her into a real pickle... I think…

Honestly, I feel your pain. I didn't date for about 5 years, while my kids were young (teens now). It's tough to be a good parent, work full time AND find time to date.

It could still be a date, but I'm more concerned that it's too early to involve the kids. Kids get attached so easily, and they take it personally when things don't work out.

Nat, Car - you boys cracked me up! :laugh:

I love when a man is thoughtful of others around him. When he's kind, just to be kind. And I really love when a man teases me like I'm one of the guys, but always treats me like a lady.

I think you should consider a more direct approach, if you're up to it: "I know I gave you the wrong impression, the truth is that you came on very strongly and I was uncomfortable and didn't know how to handle myself, so I mistakenly went along with it. I can see that our personalities are not compatible, but I wish you…