Advice needed...
Jules0336
Posts: 137 Member
I was talking to this guy back in March, we met online. We had an immediate connection and it quickly moved to nightly phone calls before we met. We met and it was great, connection was there (or so I thought anyways ). A few days after we met he decided that "he liked me, but not enough"...those were his words and the "enough" according to him was due to our living situations, he lives just under and hour away. We stopped talking and he deleted his profile immediately.
So, about a month ago I log into Match and I have an email from him...we message back a few times and then switch it to the phone. The connection is instantly there again...he tells me that it wasn't that I wasn't "enough" it was that he was scared, this is his first time dating since his separation a year ago. He tells me that he is going to be upfront and that he thinks he wants to date me. We have been talking daily and seeing each other quite a bit.
Cut to the awkward conversation tonight via text.... he tells me that "I really know how to take care of my man", so I say "Oh, is that what you are?" and he tells ME to SLOW DOWN. I remind him that he was the one that said it, not me. I then tell him to not even think about it as I don't want him to freak out. But did ask him why he gets so anxious about it and he said it was out of his "comfort zone". I also remind him that I have not once asked him to get serious or put any pressure on him and he replies "I know. Because you are to nice".
I am so confused. When we are together (we are not having sex by the way) he tells me he likes me, tells me that "I fit" what he is looking for and that "it feels right" so if all of that is true, why freak out at the talk of saying he's my man, especially since he is the one that said it? Is it possible that he still isn't ready? And comfort zone? Really?!?
I liked him that last time, and I am worried that I am going to end up getting hurt, even more so now that we are spending a lot of time together.
Help
*Edited to say, sorry for the novel :flowerforyou:
So, about a month ago I log into Match and I have an email from him...we message back a few times and then switch it to the phone. The connection is instantly there again...he tells me that it wasn't that I wasn't "enough" it was that he was scared, this is his first time dating since his separation a year ago. He tells me that he is going to be upfront and that he thinks he wants to date me. We have been talking daily and seeing each other quite a bit.
Cut to the awkward conversation tonight via text.... he tells me that "I really know how to take care of my man", so I say "Oh, is that what you are?" and he tells ME to SLOW DOWN. I remind him that he was the one that said it, not me. I then tell him to not even think about it as I don't want him to freak out. But did ask him why he gets so anxious about it and he said it was out of his "comfort zone". I also remind him that I have not once asked him to get serious or put any pressure on him and he replies "I know. Because you are to nice".
I am so confused. When we are together (we are not having sex by the way) he tells me he likes me, tells me that "I fit" what he is looking for and that "it feels right" so if all of that is true, why freak out at the talk of saying he's my man, especially since he is the one that said it? Is it possible that he still isn't ready? And comfort zone? Really?!?
I liked him that last time, and I am worried that I am going to end up getting hurt, even more so now that we are spending a lot of time together.
Help
*Edited to say, sorry for the novel :flowerforyou:
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Replies
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Hard to say. In general, texting is the absolute worst way to have a discussion about anything. Every other post here seems to be about a misunderstanding through text.
However, I'm having a hard time understanding why you're seeing someone who told you that he likes you, "but not enough." Even if that was before you decided to give it another try.
I've always believed men know rather quickly if they want to get serious. Not on the first date, perhaps, but soon after meeting the person. The rest is just technique...
The guy sounds like a wishy washy wimp. He wants you, he doesn't want you... I mean, how old is he, 16? I'd drop him like a bad habit.
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Jules is this the guy we talked about a couple of months ago?
It sounds like he in still unsure about himself and I don't think you should have wait and tip toe around my longer as it seems it been a while. I don't know if this guy will make an honest personal decision on how he feels if you pressure him as it sounds like he might be trying to talk himself into it.
Good luck though 0 -
It sounds like this "connection" is pretty much one sided and a construct of your mind rather then reality.
I am not going to dump on him since I know nothing of his previous marriage but no matter,he is wounded and while helping one pick themselves up and on with life is a good thing being an around the clock nursemaid is not.
My guess is that you are a level of ego salve,a comfortable companion and a cure for loneliness.
At some point soon he has to decide what he wants out of his life and realize it is not fair to you to be holding you back from yours.0 -
When words don't equal actions, something is wrong.0
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No, he's not ready!! :flowerforyou:0
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Yep, you shouldn't have to force someone along when it comes to relationships. Everything should go smoothly.0
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You got yourself a hot mess and a flake all rolled up in to one girl. Tread lightly!
Personally, I wouldn't have given him a second chance.0 -
Yep, you shouldn't have to force someone along when it comes to relationships. Everything should go smoothly.
Weren't you on here about a month ago asking what the hell is wrong with Steve? Why won't he give you more emotional certainty? If he doesn't want to get serious, there are other guys who do.0 -
This seems like a lot of drama over not a lot. Keep it local (no more than 25 mins away) and hopefully there's a nice flow and easiness to interactions.0
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Yep, you shouldn't have to force someone along when it comes to relationships. Everything should go smoothly.
Weren't you on here about a month ago asking what the hell is wrong with Steve? Why won't he give you more emotional certainty? If he doesn't want to get serious, there are other guys who do.
No, that wasn't the situation. That was me being impatient.0 -
Jules is this the guy we talked about a couple of months ago?
It sounds like he in still unsure about himself and I don't think you should have wait and tip toe around my longer as it seems it been a while. I don't know if this guy will make an honest personal decision on how he feels if you pressure him as it sounds like he might be trying to talk himself into it.
Good luck though
No, not him. I ended that one after some good advice
Thanks though0 -
Thanks for the advice/opinions everyone :flowerforyou:0
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I had the same thing happen to me. TRUST ME NO MATTER WHAT HE TELLS YOU HE IS NOT READY the guy I met was a widower. Really nice guy but extremely afraid to open up his heart.0
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My thoughts are this - the guy is hurt and trying to heal. You are basically a nice little bandage that's covering the pain for him. He is at least being straight up when he's saying he's not ready, and it's probably for the best that you aren't getting physical with him since in this instance it wouldn't exactly be casual.
If you don't have any other prospects, and as long as you know you can handle it, there's nothing wrong with being there for him and maybe someday he might heal... though.. prepare yourself for that never actually happening. Though the moment some healthy hottie makes an appearance drop the project.0 -
Though the moment some healthy hottie makes an appearance drop the project.
Almost as good as "But honey, fake it till you make it."
So wise in the ways of the world. This young lady is slinging pearls, people. Please pay attention.
--P0
