Mom said "run away"
JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
Online briefly to log the exercise from the trip so far... and thought you all would get a kick out of my mom telling me to run far away from mr "I don't know why my 2 marriages fell apart." Funny thing is, I didn't even get to tell her about that part... she asked about his finances, and when I told her that his dad financed all his travel (a fact that actually does concern me) she stopped me right there, didn't want to hear anymore and said "Run. You won't be happy when dad dies and you're the one footing the bill for everything."
Your thoughts?
Your thoughts?
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Replies
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. she asked about his finances, and when I told her that his dad financed all his travel (a fact that actually does concern me) she stopped me right there, didn't want to hear anymore and said "Run. You won't be happy when dad dies and you're the one footing the bill for everything."
Your thoughts?
I agree.
It's one thing to help your twenty-something child out, and it's one thing to gift your child a sum of money to do something fun, like go on a trip, but if Daddy funds all the trips, that would be a red flag to me.
I work at a country club, and I see twenty and thirty somethings who live off Daddy's money, and often their character is not too well. The people who have made their money on their own are so sweet, because they understand what it is like to be in our positions, but it's the ones who live off their parents money/inheritance who are often the stuck-up snooty ones.0 -
I agree with the run. He is getting used to living outside of his means by having his dad help. This will either become a drain on his SO or he will be buried in credit card debt later in life.0
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Run? no. Sprint? YES!
I supported my ex and our family. Nevah again..... I don't mind being equal or even higher-incomed... but NEVER will I support again. Listen to your mother! :flowerforyou:0 -
Isn't this irrelevant? Didn't you already ditch the guy?0
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Hell ya I gotta agree with Mom..what grown a ss man lets his dad pay for everything? Um no way! Sprint run..far far away.0
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Hang on,what 'travel'?? Is this like a commute type every day expense, or a once in a lifetime trip he did? There's a difference between not being able to afford a necessity and being treated to a luxury.
Has the guy got a job? Does he earn enough to eat, live, drive, take you out?? Or is he a bum that will want you to pay for everything??
I think I need more details to decide if the guy is a ponce or not :flowerforyou:0 -
Well, no I didn't dtich him. We had a date scheduled for the night before I flew out and I was supposed to dig a little deeper about the ex wives... but.... I was late getting packed and was gonna cancel our date unless he wanted to sit and chat while I packed. So he drove an hour to watch me pack for a couple hours (I teased him- he's the first man allowed in my bedroom in years, ha ha ha) and that's really not a great environment in which to have a heartfelt convo. Besides, we get along great and that's tough to find (despite all the dates from Match- very few of the guys were actually fun enough for me to want another date with!). I figured I'd wait til I get back to think more critrically about it.Didn't you already ditch the guy?
I don't think his dad supports all of his lifestyle just the travel (which is one of the things I instantly liked about him- he likes to travel as much as I do). And i don't think he's asking his dad to help him out- these are just family trips the dad takes with the whole crew.
I knew he doesn't make as much as I do, but he does have a good job. Money is not the most important thing to me. And if he wasn't taking me out so much, he'd have more to spend on travel, lol!!
But I will admit, I was kinda bummed to find out that those trips were "extras." It's not that I expect to find some man to cover all my expenses, lol, but I already escaped one mooch.. .don't need to sign up for another. I just didn't get the "mooch" vibe from this guy the way my mom did as I was talking about him. Sigh.0 -
Haha Anna - I love your posts. We've had a lot of talks about money and frugality, interestingly, b/c I'm teaching a Dave Ramsey class right now. He likes the DR debt-free lifestyle (or, he could be telling me that b/c it's what I want to hear- though MOST guys I talk to about living debt free resist it when I first bring it up).
If he's telling the truth, he's just now recovering finanically from his divorce. He earns plenty enough for living/taking me out (I haven't verified his paycheck, lol, but I have verified what he does for a living). The trips are annual big trip plus a couple of shorter occasional excursions.
FWIW, I've had guys who make way more than me be overdrawn on their credit cards, or be so steeped in debt it would take decades to pay off. So the amount a man makes is not the most important thing to me. It's his work ethic and how well he manages what he has.0 -
I think his comment about the ex wives is a bigger red flag given the limited information. The travel may have been Christmas/birthday gifts, etc. A person who divorces twice and has no clue why his marriages fell apart hasn't done enough self-reflection to see what went wrong and what about his own contribution to relationships needs work. I would prefer someone who has an answer to that question given no obvious one like "she cheated on me". You can do much better, so I don't think you've lost anything canceling the date.0
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haha Mellie, if I could "do better," by now I would have ;-) All the "better" guys seem to go for the sexier chicas, and I've pretty much resigned myself to just having fun getting to know random guys from Match for a few months before I leave town. Nothing permanent. Kinda like "research" seeing as I totally biffed it man-wise over the last 2 years I've lived here (either I pined away for ones not interested, or I scared off the actual decent guys). I think I'll have better luck when I move to a more "upscale" town where I'm not such an anomoly amonst women.
Though, I do agree, it was the ex wives thing that really stopped me in my tracks. But he is fun. And tall. And broad. hehe. And he's willing to dress up when we go out. And we like the same kind of movies. And food. And he came to church. So he's got a lot going for him. But I see where my mom's coming from too.0 -
I don't think his dad supports all of his lifestyle just the travel (which is one of the things I instantly liked about him- he likes to travel as much as I do). And i don't think he's asking his dad to help him out- these are just family trips the dad takes with the whole crew.
Seeing this, I reconsider my answer. I think that if they're trips the dad plans and pays for and they're a family trip, it's completely different than his dad paying for him to go to Hawaii by himself, or backpacking Europe by himself.0 -
Though, I do agree, it was the ex wives thing that really stopped me in my tracks. But he is fun. And tall. And broad. hehe. And he's willing to dress up when we go out. And we like the same kind of movies. And food. And he came to church. So he's got a lot going for him. But I see where my mom's coming from too.
Well, the guy sounds like your cup of tea!! :bigsmile: Absolutely no reason to worry about his Dad treating him to a couple of trips per year. I wish my blinkin Dad would treat me!!!! :laugh: I think your Mum probably jumped to the first conclusion everyone else did, without knowing the finer details.
As for not knowing why his relationships ended, I think I already answered this and basically believe he's just not ready to tell you. You said you're going to ask him again, so ask him when the time is right.
The guy sounds good for you, and good to you, Nobody is perfect!! If these 2 things turn out to be nothing then you'll kick yourself for making judgements without knowing the full facts. If he's hiding something, you'll find out in due course.
Sounds like its all going well to me. I mean, come on, he got in your bedroom!!! :laugh:
:bigsmile: 0 -
I guess I shouldn't have said anything because I just talked to my mom and remembered they are using the small inheritance from my grandfather to take the family (My mom, dad, sister, aunts, cousins, and me) on a cruise.
If it isn't something that is for the family I wouldn't be think of it as a red flag. If it was travel he does by himself or with friends I would see it as a red flag.0 -
Well, the guy sounds like your cup of tea!! :bigsmile: Absolutely no reason to worry about his Dad treating him to a couple of trips per year. I wish my blinkin Dad would treat me!!!! :laugh: I think your Mum probably jumped to the first conclusion everyone else did, without knowing the finer details.
Yeah, with my mom you really can't talk too long- y'all have seen that I'm quite wordy. Her mind works so fast I have to try and super-shorten anything I'm telling her b/c she's already moved on if I ramble too long. So seeing everyone’s responses, now I can see why she initially thought that.
The reason it REALLY caught me off guard is that my mother is paying for THIS trip, lol! The first (and probably only) time in my adult life she's ever done this- take all the kids and grands on a traipse through Europe.0 -
Then have a good time! And just remember that sexy is a state of mind. If you think you're sexy, you are. You will feel more confident and men will see it and find you more attractive.haha Mellie, if I could "do better," by now I would have ;-) All the "better" guys seem to go for the sexier chicas, and I've pretty much resigned myself to just having fun getting to know random guys from Match for a few months before I leave town. Nothing permanent. Kinda like "research" seeing as I totally biffed it man-wise over the last 2 years I've lived here (either I pined away for ones not interested, or I scared off the actual decent guys). I think I'll have better luck when I move to a more "upscale" town where I'm not such an anomoly amonst women.
Though, I do agree, it was the ex wives thing that really stopped me in my tracks. But he is fun. And tall. And broad. hehe. And he's willing to dress up when we go out. And we like the same kind of movies. And food. And he came to church. So he's got a lot going for him. But I see where my mom's coming from too.
Edit to add: I missed one of your follow up posts and agree that maybe he just doesn't want to say what the marriage problems were just yet.0 -
That’s really a double-edged sword, though. I’m pretty sure a man who spends time getting to know me me can pick up on the fact that I am allll about hot, adventurous, sex- in the right time and place. Unfortunately, I find that being too flirty early on only results in a frustrated -and angry- man who riles you for being a tease/leading him on because he expects more sooner. So being really “sexy” on a date is really not my thing.And just remember that sexy is a state of mind. If you think you're sexy, you are. You will feel more confident and men will see it and find you more attractive.
but thanks, I do intend to have a good time when I get back ;-)0 -
agree that maybe he just doesn't want to say what the marriage problems were just yet.
Yeah, I hope that's all it is. I have to remember: not everyone is willing to share their life story with total strangers the way I am ;-) I'll give it some time.0 -
I'm not talking about being overtly sexual and flirty - I'm talking about believing in yourself, that you are sexy. It will just come through in how you carry yourself. Confidence, not flirtiness!
That’s really a double-edged sword, though. I’m pretty sure a man who spends time getting to know me me can pick up on the fact that I am allll about hot, adventurous, sex- in the right time and place. Unfortunately, I find that being too flirty early on only results in a frustrated -and angry- man who riles you for being a tease/leading him on because he expects more sooner. So being really “sexy” on a date is really not my thing.And just remember that sexy is a state of mind. If you think you're sexy, you are. You will feel more confident and men will see it and find you more attractive.
but thanks, I do intend to have a good time when I get back ;-)0 -
That’s really a double-edged sword, though. I’m pretty sure a man who spends time getting to know me me can pick up on the fact that I am allll about hot, adventurous, sex- in the right time and place. Unfortunately, I find that being too flirty early on only results in a frustrated -and angry- man who riles you for being a tease/leading him on because he expects more sooner. So being really “sexy” on a date is really not my thing.
All true. If there’s a sexual vibe earlier on and it goes nowhere in the short term, most men will not like that.All the "better" guys seem to go for the sexier chicas.
A combination of good looks and a sexual aura from a woman will always get a man's attention.0 -
That’s really a double-edged sword, though. I’m pretty sure a man who spends time getting to know me me can pick up on the fact that I am allll about hot, adventurous, sex- in the right time and place. Unfortunately, I find that being too flirty early on only results in a frustrated -and angry- man who riles you for being a tease/leading him on because he expects more sooner. So being really “sexy” on a date is really not my thing.
All true. If there’s a sexual vibe earlier on and it goes nowhere in the short term, most men will not like that.All the "better" guys seem to go for the sexier chicas.
A combination of good looks and a sexual aura from a woman will always get a man's attention.
hehe it's not "getting" his attention I have a problem with... I get quite a bit of male attention... lol... it's "keeping" his attention once I find a guy I'd like to get to know better.
Granted, most guys I meet I can already tell we're not gonna even gonna make decent friends. But every other month or so I meet someone who I actually like and it sure would be nice to figure out how to keep him around a little longer.0
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