I need your help

Moe4572 · August 2012

I know this has been asked before, but I never really paid close attention to the answer, because I didnt think I would find myself in the situation.

On Sunday night I talked to a new guy for 3 hours...it was an easy, relaxed conversation and we talked about a variety of different subjects. Found out we knew several of the same people. We had a date set up for next Saturday, and at the end of the conversation, he asked if I wanted to move it to Monday, so I had no plans and agreed. Now, from his picture, I was unsure of wether I would be attracted to him, but figured I won't know unless I try. He is 6'6--HUGE bonus points, and maybe a little heavier than average so that is fine. So, we meet---right away I knew--NOPE, not going to work for me. He was tall--not sure 6'6 is accurate, but close and weight was a little heavier than averge, but then he smiled, and AAAAHHHHH:noway::noway: --he is missing teeth---only has like 3 in the front on top. There are some dealbreakers I can get let slide, but with missing teeth, there is no attraction!!!

How do I tell him? We had dinner, and then went to movie, because we had already had that planned. Right before the movie, he asked "how do you think it is going?" and I said "seems ok", and he said "good, because I like you alot".....seriously? He is a very sweet guy, very nice and caring and seems like he is a great dad. Through the movie, I kept thinking he is a great guy, can I not be so shallow and get past the teeth thing and the answer is NO. If that makes me shallow, then I guess I am shallow, I can't help it.

I can't tell him straight out there is just no attraction..............or can I? I don't want to hurt his feelings, and since he didn't seem self conscious about it, I don't think he even gets it. And, I know he has dental insurance, because that came up in conversation that had nothing to do with teeth

The_Iron · August 2012

Busted grills = no bueno. Especially when someone has the means to fix it, but doesn't. Yuck.

oddyogi · August 2012

Yep, I'd say just come out and say that there's no attraction. Maybe in a text or phone call when he tries to set up the next date. Or you can just poof I suppose.

Meghan0116 · August 2012

There is no way in hell that I could get past missing teeth. Blegh. That is one of my things. And, there is nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone.

Just tell him that you had a good time but there was no spark for you. That way it is on you and it might not hurt his feelings.

Nerple · August 2012

I agree with the rest, unless he plays the part of a backwoods loner perfectly and can jam on the fiddle. I'm pretty sure fiddle players are supposed to be missing teeth. And the fiddle is awesome.

disneywm76 · August 2012

I'm going to post a differing opinion here. What if he got his teeth fixed? Would that change how you feel about him?

Honestly, if he doesn't want to then I'd have to say NEXT. I don't know that I could get over that either.

SouthernSweetie74 · August 2012

You can't help who you are attracted to.

I have a thing with voices. I can chat or text with a guy. Everything may be going great. He calls me. I can't stand the sound of his voice. Poof.

I'm sorry. I know that sounds shallow. But if hearing his voice makes me want to puke, I just can't go there.

Men are the same way. If they aren't attracted to a woman, there's no way they are going to keep seeing her.

Don't feel bad.

Move forward.

christine24t · August 2012

Maybe he has a set of false teeth but they're broken right now?

Moe4572 · August 2012

As for him getting his teeth fixed, how do you ask that? I mean, seems kind of rude, and if he had been self conscious, maybe I would have thought he was in process of getting them fixed, but he smiled and didn't cover his mouth, so seemed ok with it--which is great for him, but I couldn't get past it. So, if he did get it fixed or got false teeth or something, it would make a difference, but honestly don't see that happening.

If he has false teeth and they were "broken", he definitely should have waited to go on "first date/meeting"

Cinnamon0603 · August 2012

The teeth thing is a deal breaker for me too. I don't think that it's a shallow vs. not shallow thing, as others have said you're attracted to who you're attracted to. We can't help that, it just is what it is. One of my favorite lines to let someone down easy (as I hate to hurt another's feelings) is I just don't think that we are good match.

disneywm76 · August 2012

As for him getting his teeth fixed, how do you ask that? I mean, seems kind of rude, and if he had been self conscious, maybe I would have thought he was in process of getting them fixed, but he smiled and didn't cover his mouth, so seemed ok with it--which is great for him, but I couldn't get past it. So, if he did get it fixed or got false teeth or something, it would make a difference, but honestly don't see that happening.

If he has false teeth and they were "broken", he definitely should have waited to go on "first date/meeting"

I completely understand. I really don't think I could get past it either, and I don't generally consider myself a shallow person. You are attracted to who you are attracted to, and it wasn't there with him. I wouldn't say that makes you shallow. :flowerforyou:

jkandktmom · August 2012

I agree the teeth thing would be such a HUGE turn off. I would be honest and just say you did feel any chemistry. He may be sad but it is better to be upfront so he isn't wondering what he did wrong.

toots99 · August 2012

There is no way in hell that I could get past missing teeth. Blegh. That is one of my things. And, there is nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone.

Just tell him that you had a good time but there was no spark for you. That way it is on you and it might not hurt his feelings.

^ This.

I agree with the rest, unless he plays the part of a backwoods loner perfectly and can jam on the fiddle. I'm pretty sure fiddle players are supposed to be missing teeth. And the fiddle is awesome.

^ And this.

dbrightwell1270 · August 2012

As for him getting his teeth fixed, how do you ask that? I mean, seems kind of rude, and if he had been self conscious, maybe I would have thought he was in process of getting them fixed, but he smiled and didn't cover his mouth, so seemed ok with it--which is great for him, but I couldn't get past it. So, if he did get it fixed or got false teeth or something, it would make a difference, but honestly don't see that happening.

If he has false teeth and they were "broken", he definitely should have waited to go on "first date/meeting"

I don't think it's your plae to tell him to get his teeth fixed. Otherwise you can't see him. It is the equivalent of someone saying, I like your personality but you need to lose another 40 pounds before I can date you. I think the justifiable response to that would be F--- OFF!

toots99 · August 2012

As for him getting his teeth fixed, how do you ask that? I mean, seems kind of rude, and if he had been self conscious, maybe I would have thought he was in process of getting them fixed, but he smiled and didn't cover his mouth, so seemed ok with it--which is great for him, but I couldn't get past it. So, if he did get it fixed or got false teeth or something, it would make a difference, but honestly don't see that happening.

If he has false teeth and they were "broken", he definitely should have waited to go on "first date/meeting"

I don't think it's your plae to tell him to get his teeth fixed. Otherwise you can't see him. It is the equivalent of someone saying, I like your personality but you need to lose another 40 pounds before I can date you. I think the justifiable response to that would be F--- OFF!

Yeah, that's definitely off limits.

Moe4572 · August 2012

As for him getting his teeth fixed, how do you ask that? I mean, seems kind of rude, and if he had been self conscious, maybe I would have thought he was in process of getting them fixed, but he smiled and didn't cover his mouth, so seemed ok with it--which is great for him, but I couldn't get past it. So, if he did get it fixed or got false teeth or something, it would make a difference, but honestly don't see that happening.

If he has false teeth and they were "broken", he definitely should have waited to go on "first date/meeting"

I don't think it's your plae to tell him to get his teeth fixed. Otherwise you can't see him. It is the equivalent of someone saying, I like your personality but you need to lose another 40 pounds before I can date you. I think the justifiable response to that would be F--- OFF!

I AGREE, which is why I would never do that

NNAhuja · August 2012

. He is 6'6--HUGE bonus points...--he is missing teeth---only has like 3 in the front on top.

I can't tell him straight out there is just no attraction..............or can I?

I feel as if you can tell him. The sooner the better though. You don't want to drag this out.
Do I feel as if it's superficial? Yes but you can't be expected to date a guy you aren't attracted to!
In all honesty, it would bother the heck out of me personally. I JUST got my braces off in March that I paid for out of pocket. If I'm looking at a guy I'm not saying he has to be a potential star of a Colgate commercial but his teeth will have to be decent.
Just tell him I like you as a person but I don't feel as if it would work out. I'd hate to use a line like "no chemistry" but this may be an opportunite time to use it. It isn't your place to say "Your teeth are eff-ed up!" but I think it's possible to deliver that message softly.

Dayna154 · August 2012

You could explain without telling him exactly why, that you regret to inform him that although you enjoyed the time spent with him you see only friendship between the two of you. If he asks for more just say no chemistry. Which is true on your part..
That should be enough, if not then you will have to hurt his feelings no matter what..
Either way tell him asap… Cause the longer you let him think there is something there the more hope he will have for it..

JanieJack · August 2012

I'm so glad you asked this question!! I had a hard time with a similar problem: someone I really clicked with I discovered he had bad teeth. I guess lighting was always dim before and I never noticed. It really turned me off, because when he kissed me goodnight all I could think about was those nasty teeth. I went away for a few weeks and he moved on. I was sad about losing his companionship, but honestly I just couldn't think of kissing him deeply with those rotted out teeth.

Almost like, if he didn't care enough to take care of his teeth (something we all see and he needs every day) what else in his life would he not take good care of?

TheKitsune6 · August 2012

Wow, am I really so different? I would have definitely asked him what was up. He's obviously not hiding it and there could be an interesting story behind what may or may not have happened. It's not rude to comment on something that obvious, especially if he brought up having dental insurance. You can be delicate about it but if he's not hiding something's up. He could have just lost them and is waiting for implants, or is saving up money because the deductible is crazy.

I find it odd that people find it so rude to mention it but not bad at all to write him off over something like this without even finding out more details. Sure if you aren't attracted to missing teeth I get that, but like I said the whole situation could be transitional. I'm not saying you should ever ever feel you have the right to demand changes be made, but he should at least get the opportunity to explain (if there is an explanation) because that might completely change how you feel about something.

JanieJack · August 2012

I find it odd that people find it so rude to mention it but not bad at all to write him off over something like this without even finding out more details.

You know, i would have thought that too... and if it were ME I'd appreciate someone telling me so I can be aware of this problem....

but when I posted a "should I tell him why I'm not interested" question, most people in this forum told me that would be incredibly rude. That the best answer was to tell him not interested, and then (only if) if he asks why to gently tell him.

Single Peeps!

I need your help

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