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Competition
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
My son and his cousin have been competing t every turn… my candy’s bigger, I can run further; punch in the gut here, smack upside the head there.
I told my sister that I didn’t understand this innate competition between boys… I know boys are competitive, but I just don’t *understand* the competition.
She said it was no different than the competition between girls. I said, “What? There’s no natural competition between girls.” She laughed at me and spoke for a bit about the natural competition amongst women to be prettier, more accomplished, get the choice guy’s attention, etc.
I told her I didn’t understand that- I don’t meet another woman and get jealous and/or wanna compete with her. It’s a waste of energy I could be using to achieve what I really want.
This isn’t really a single’s question, but I love reading your opinions so what do you think? How do you see this innate drive to compete play out in your lives?
I told my sister that I didn’t understand this innate competition between boys… I know boys are competitive, but I just don’t *understand* the competition.
She said it was no different than the competition between girls. I said, “What? There’s no natural competition between girls.” She laughed at me and spoke for a bit about the natural competition amongst women to be prettier, more accomplished, get the choice guy’s attention, etc.
I told her I didn’t understand that- I don’t meet another woman and get jealous and/or wanna compete with her. It’s a waste of energy I could be using to achieve what I really want.
This isn’t really a single’s question, but I love reading your opinions so what do you think? How do you see this innate drive to compete play out in your lives?
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I'm a teacher, a middle school teacher. I see it all the time. Boys compete. Girls compete. Girls, in my opinion, are way worse than boys. They will back stab in a heart beat, start rumors about each other, talk about one another trying to get the others not to like them. It's horrible. Boys might go outside and throw each other around, but they can generally stil be friends later. Either that or they are not friends at all. Girls, not so much. One girl may be another one's best friend one day and stealing her boyfriend the next.
I think some women still do this. They do it in the work place, in social circles, in the PTO. Personally, I tend to stay away from this kind of childish behavior. I don't fit in anyway, though.0 -
I am always on the outside looking in and as an observer it is not even close how much women are in a perpetual competition with each other...not even close.
Whether it be in terms of make up or clothes etc ladies are as much or more seeking approval or advantage from other women as they are attracting attention from a guy.
It really is not even a question. :laugh:0 -
I agree with what is written above. Girls are worse in my opinion although it's not so obvious. I know that I myself compare myself to a lot of women my age that I meet. Most of it is my self-consciousness though not competition. I know I can't compete with many people and it somewhat stresses me out. Part of me wanting to lose weight was to be able to compete better in the dating market but even after it didn't make too huge of a difference. I know now that since I can compete on that level I just decided that I'm going to try and be me and hope someone likes that but I do admit I still look at others girls and say "damn I wish I had her body."0
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I have a competitive streak..but it stays well hidden..comes out with my brothers mostly..and then doing activies like board games that we used to play when we were children.
I don't feel that I competite with other women in the typical I want to be prettier than her sense..but I do want to achieve things..like career goals, financial goals ect. I see beauty as a useless thing to be competitive over because we are all beautiful..in our own unique way..and if some man finds my friend attractive and not me then good for her!.0 -
I have a competitive streak..but it stays well hidden..comes out with my brothers mostly..and then doing activies like board games that we used to play when we were children.
I don't feel that I competite with other women in the typical I want to be prettier than her sense..but I do want to achieve things..like career goals, financial goals ect. I see beauty as a useless thing to be competitive over because we are all beautiful..in our own unique way..and if some man finds my friend attractive and not me then good for her!.
I love that attitude!! I agree. We are all beautfiul in a unique way. I've never tried to compete with anyone in beauty, though, because I don't like losing.
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I have a competitive streak..but it stays well hidden..comes out with my brothers mostly..and then doing activies like board games that we used to play when we were children.
I don't feel that I competite with other women in the typical I want to be prettier than her sense..but I do want to achieve things..like career goals, financial goals ect. I see beauty as a useless thing to be competitive over because we are all beautiful..in our own unique way..and if some man finds my friend attractive and not me then good for her!.
I love that attitude!! I agree. We are all beautfiul in a unique way. I've never tried to compete with anyone in beauty, though, because I don't like losing.
You wouldn't lose!
My best friend is constantly comparing herself to me..how pretty I am..ect. I think she is beautiful big green eyes, thick hair and freckles...So what her face is elongated and not "sweetheart" or what ever she picks her looks apart all the time comparing to me. Yet she is the one in the long term relationship lol..her bf thinks she's hot stuff and I'm so happy for her. But she still compares. I tell her to suck it up. And I'll say the same to you..beautiful woman!0 -
Oh this is horrible to say and i dont have much time to go into detail but girls/women are much much more competitive than boys.. girls are much more mean undercutting and deceitful about it. I know its just a movie but "Mean Girls".....just sayin 0
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I have a competitive streak..but it stays well hidden..comes out with my brothers mostly..and then doing activies like board games that we used to play when we were children.
I don't feel that I competite with other women in the typical I want to be prettier than her sense..but I do want to achieve things..like career goals, financial goals ect. I see beauty as a useless thing to be competitive over because we are all beautiful..in our own unique way..and if some man finds my friend attractive and not me then good for her!.
I love that attitude!! I agree. We are all beautfiul in a unique way. I've never tried to compete with anyone in beauty, though, because I don't like losing.
You wouldn't lose!
My best friend is constantly comparing herself to me..how pretty I am..ect. I think she is beautiful big green eyes, thick hair and freckles...So what her face is elongated and not "sweetheart" or what ever she picks her looks apart all the time comparing to me. Yet she is the one in the long term relationship lol..her bf thinks she's hot stuff and I'm so happy for her. But she still compares. I tell her to suck it up. And I'll say the same to you..beautiful woman!
lol thank you... I wasn't fishing for a compliment, though, hope you know that...
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I have a competitive streak..but it stays well hidden..comes out with my brothers mostly..and then doing activies like board games that we used to play when we were children.
Me too! I hate to be wrong also.0 -
woman are so competive with eachother that some women can't even be friends with other women. How many times do girls say "Oh I prefer to hang out with guys, they are less catty" or "I don't like other girls I rather have guy friends". I have never understood that as I have always cultivated friendships with other girls.
Before I lost weight any time I went out with my one friend she would get hit on and I would be the one on the side talking to the wingman. Now that I have lost weight the first time we went out together and I got hit on first and she was left with the seconds my first thought was "I finally won."0 -
I agree with what is written above. Girls are worse in my opinion although it's not so obvious. I know that I myself compare myself to a lot of women my age that I meet. Most of it is my self-consciousness though not competition. I know I can't compete with many people and it somewhat stresses me out. Part of me wanting to lose weight was to be able to compete better in the dating market but even after it didn't make too huge of a difference. I know now that since I can compete on that level I just decided that I'm going to try and be me and hope someone likes that but I do admit I still look at others girls and say "damn I wish I had her body."
I'm this way, too. In all honesty, I'm the first to back down in a competition I don't think I can "win". And I won't argue unless I'm very passionate about something, or know that I'm right. I never played sports or anything growing up because I've always had really low self esteem and I guess I was trying to protect myself from disappointment.
Oops!0 -
It's just basic human survival instinct, sort of like "survival of the fittest". I know I'm pretty competitive, I like to win, I can't explain why, it's just instinct. Like if someone tries to pass me on the highway occasionally I get the "Oh no you didn't" attitude for no reason at all. It's just instinct like I think they are going to beat me to wherever we are going. Or like if two of us are being chased by a bear, I don't need to be faster than the bear, I just need to be faster then the other person.0
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Or like if two of us are being chased by a bear, I don't need to be faster than the bear, I just need to be faster then the other person.
I don't even need to be faster than the other person. I just need to be strong enough to knock that person down quickly so he can't start running to begin with.0 -
woman are so competive with eachother that some women can't even be friends with other women. How many times do girls say "Oh I prefer to hang out with guys, they are less catty" or "I don't like other girls I rather have guy friends". I have never understood that as I have always cultivated friendships with other girls.
I have heard this line from women before. It is a red flag to me. I prefer women to have primarily female friends. There can be some interesting dynamics at play when I'm romantically interested in a woman with many male friends.0 -
Or you can try to outsmart them. Say "whatever you do, don't run. Just make loud noises and it'll go away." Meanwhile I'm running away while they are standing there yelling at a bear.Or like if two of us are being chased by a bear, I don't need to be faster than the bear, I just need to be faster then the other person.
I don't even need to be faster than the other person. I just need to be strong enough to knock that person down quickly so he can't start running to begin with.0 -
It's just basic human survival instinct, sort of like "survival of the fittest". I know I'm pretty competitive, I like to win, I can't explain why, it's just instinct. Like if someone tries to pass me on the highway occasionally I get the "Oh no you didn't" attitude for no reason at all. It's just instinct like I think they are going to beat me to wherever we are going. Or like if two of us are being chased by a bear, I don't need to be faster than the bear, I just need to be faster then the other person.
I do that thing on the highway, too. It's like a game. Then I feel like a crazy person!0 -
I try not to, but I can't help it. Like when I met my bf's ex wife last weekend, I was delighted to know that I'm thinner. It's horrible, and I felt bad for thinking it, but it was still a small mental victory for me. And motivation to keep my size and not let all the beer and cake fatten me up. :laugh:
Unless it's an ex or competition/threat for a man, I really don't care. But as for driving, like y'all mentioned, I'm a very aggressive driver most of the time, heheh.0 -
woman are so competive with eachother that some women can't even be friends with other women. How many times do girls say "Oh I prefer to hang out with guys, they are less catty" or "I don't like other girls I rather have guy friends". I have never understood that as I have always cultivated friendships with other girls.
I have heard this line from women before. It is a red flag to me. I prefer women to have primarily female friends. There can be some interesting dynamics at play when I'm romantically interested in a woman with many male friends.
What about a woman in the military? I have a lot of male friends, but I hardly ever hang out one-on-one with any of them. However, I do end up at a lot of get-togethers that are mostly male.0 -
woman are so competive with eachother that some women can't even be friends with other women. How many times do girls say "Oh I prefer to hang out with guys, they are less catty" or "I don't like other girls I rather have guy friends". I have never understood that as I have always cultivated friendships with other girls.
I have heard this line from women before. It is a red flag to me. I prefer women to have primarily female friends. There can be some interesting dynamics at play when I'm romantically interested in a woman with many male friends.
What about a woman in the military? I have a lot of male friends, but I hardly ever hang out one-on-one with any of them. However, I do end up at a lot of get-togethers that are mostly male.
Every situation is unique, and there's got to be some communication and trust about it. What you describe seems more like acquaintances than friendship. I know that I prefer the women I'm seeing if I'm deeply attracted to them to spend more time around other females because I know that most guys are wanting to have sex with women. In some ways, acquaintances can be even more dangerous from the perspective of the boyfriend because guys know that it can be difficult to dig out of the friend zone. Most attractive women have full list of iPhone options to them.
Here's an exact quote from me on Sat night said to 2 women:
"Due to my heterosexuality, I don't have a lot of female friends."
I meant female friends in the context of platonic friends without any traces of the sexual element.
And it is true. I find it difficult to be friends with women who are local to me and I'd have a lot of in person interaction with if I am physically attracted to them. I know many men feel this way. I just don't want to be caught up in the complexities of the friend zone and find all or nothing easier.0 -
When I was in college, I had my roommate who was my best friend there and then the two of us were very good friends with a houseful of guys...at one point she was dating one of them, but we were just friends with the rest and other girls HATED us, because of that. So, we had a few girls in our house we got along with and then the guys and that was more than enough of a social cirlcle for us. THen, after college, when she started dateing her now husband, we all hung out in a big group and we were often the only 2 girls. there was no competition between us......but when other girls came around it was sometimes awkward because we were close and they were like the outsider.
I now have more femal friends, but one i have been friends with since i was three and some others from high school, and not so many guy friends--a few that I wouldn't want to break contact with though.Definitely not competitive with them......
Life stages bring you in touch with different people for different reasons.0 -
My son and his cousin have been competing t every turn… my candy’s bigger, I can run further; punch in the gut here, smack upside the head there.
I told my sister that I didn’t understand this innate competition between boys… I know boys are competitive, but I just don’t *understand* the competition.
She said it was no different than the competition between girls. I said, “What? There’s no natural competition between girls.” She laughed at me and spoke for a bit about the natural competition amongst women to be prettier, more accomplished, get the choice guy’s attention, etc.
I told her I didn’t understand that- I don’t meet another woman and get jealous and/or wanna compete with her. It’s a waste of energy I could be using to achieve what I really want.
This isn’t really a single’s question, but I love reading your opinions so what do you think? How do you see this innate drive to compete play out in your lives?
Well your sister is right cause women are the only gender where two people will not actually like each other but remain friends and actually associate with other so that they can compete with one another.0 -
It's awesome that you asked this Janie, because in the last week, this one thing kept coming to mind. The first night of my cruise they had a singles event down at the dance club. Three of the four of us on the cruise were completely single, with one friend living with someone. So the 3 single girls planned to head down to the club for some dancing and drinks... until I backed out. Why?! I was intimidated by my own friends... I viewed it as a COMPETITION, OMG!
Funny thing is, I had never considered it before. One is a size 10 and a total beautiful diva, one is a size 20 and still a diva even with her size and her more attractive friend nearby... their total confidence meant that I couldn't HANG in the singles environment with them, even though ironically we wouldn't have wanted to talk to the same men. It shocked me that I let that feeling ruin that first night. I literally laid in bed at midnight crying... pathetic. But it gave me time to think about how much I compare myself to other women. How I seem to tear them down as if it'll make me feel better about myself when in reality I just tear myself down then too.
SO I decided that was the last time I was competing with my friends...the next day on the booze cruise when they got up to Wobble, damn it, I did too, because as good as they can shake it, I CAN TOO! Had a LOT more fun after that...eye-opening is all I can say and definitely NOT who I want to be. Don't think I realized how much I do that until then... wow!0 -
I dont compete. Not all women feel the need. I've never been in a situation where I've had to. And I'd rather walk away than stand up against another woman cos I hate drama. I'm a unique person and very happy with who I am.
And I honestly dont think that any man that puts you in that position is worth fighting over!0 -
I refer you to the thread about Victoria's Secret in the main forums for an example of eye-watering competition between women of the very thin variety and the more padded type. Wow! Great example of mean-spirited/Bitter and twisted on both sides of the equation, though I have to say it seems more vitriolic/dismissive from the skinny-minnie side on this particular occasion. Scary stuff! I ran away to hide rather than comment and get drawn in.:laugh:0
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didn't you have a bit of competition with that drunk pretty girl at a bar... you were with your friend or something?? I'd say that is what she ment. For us fellas it's in our blood... may the best man win!0
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Women are vicious, absolutely vicious. Forget about a woman scorned (although that is truly worse than hell), two women in competition for the attentions of the same man? Wow. Get. Out. Of. The. Way....
Men compete, but it's different, more transparent, more civilized. Men will come to an understanding. Think the USSR and the USA during the cold war. Too many warheads pointed at each other. Better to just keep it neutral.
Two women in competition for a man, on the other hand? Think Pakistan/India. But with much less love.
--P0 -
I literally laid in bed at midnight crying... pathetic. But it gave me time to think about how much I compare myself to other women. How I seem to tear them down as if it'll make me feel better about myself when in reality I just tear myself down then too.
I have lived this exact night. There was one night where my crush was out at this house party with my friends and me, and he was flirting with this other girl, and I was kinda saddened by it because I wondered how I could ever compete with her, so I went and sat in the empty laundry room for like an hour. This guy friend of mine found me and offered to take me home. As soon as I got out of the car, I just started sobbing and ran into the house, and then I awkwardly realized that my roommate's boyfriend was home, and he came out of her room because he was worried. When I didn't have a good excuse to tell him, I realized how dumb I was being. It's just one guy and one night, but at that moment it was like the whole world to me. I just always want to be the best at everything, and be right, and when I can't, it's kind of hard for me to accept.0 -
didn't you have a bit of competition with that drunk pretty girl at a bar... you were with your friend or something?? I'd say that is what she ment. For us fellas it's in our blood... may the best man win!
Drunk girl joined our table at IHOP. Not quite the same thing.0 -
women are always at competition.
survival of the fittest.0
