Hi Sara,

I just joined MFP a few days ago. I'm really excited about meeting other people who struggle with food addiction. I have had issues with food for the past almost 40 years. It started when I was 9 and my Aunt told my Dad (in front of everyone) that I was short like my mother and fat like my Dad. She also said my sister was tall and thin, like her and that being tall and thin is beautiful. That's the day I went home and looked in the mirror and said, "i'm fat?" I wasn't fat. I started my first diet that week. By 9th grade I was anorexic. After the doctors confirmed this with my parents and they began watching me to see if I was eating I began my many years of bulimia.

Then at age 25, I got married and gained 30 lbs the first year and 20 the next. Followed by being pregnant the next. I went from a size 6 to a size 18 in 3 years. I stayed overweight for years, trying every diet out there. In 2008 after the doctor told me I was 2 points away from being insulin resistent I took a serious course of action. I joined a food addiction program. For 2 1/2 years I never ate flour, sugar, processed foods or caffeine. I never cheated once. I lost 70 lbs in 9 months. Then I just couldn't do it anymore. I was so sure I was missing out on something everyone else could enjoy. I was also tired of the 3 meetings per week, daily phone calls to my sponsot and being a sponsor to others as well as all the other requirements. I quit 2 years ago. I had a break because I ate one bit of General Tso's chicken. My husband hated me being in the program, my sister called me a freak (she's now a vegan) and I was more confused than ever about why I always need to eat. I was ok at first. I was running 20 miles a week and lifting weights. Then I tore the tendon in my quad muscle and couldn't run for a year. I have now gained back 25lbs. Once again I am full of self-lothing. To makes matters worse, my husband and 2 teenage boys are all thin and eat whatever they want in front of me. My husband actually encourages me to eat junk with him.

I am so annoyed that I can handle everything in my life pretty well, but I've never been able to eat in a healthy lifestyle. I tried counseling, that didn't help. I went to a nutritionist and all she wanted to do is sell me expensive supplements. I feel like such a failure!

Karen

Hi sara,

Thank you for your encouraging words. Most people are unfamiliar with FA and what it entails. Most people also don't understand food addiction. It will be nice to have someone to share this problem with.

I love to exercise, but I can't do a whole lot right now. I am returning to the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. I might have to have surgery. Lke my food addiction, I exercise in excess. I do too much too soon. I love to run, box, bike, elliptcal and lift weights. When I exercise I can eat more without gaining a ot of weight. This probably isn't a healthy attitude, but it works for me. I'm hoping that I can get my knee healed up for good so I can get back to exercising. Can you do exercises that don't require heavy breathing? Maybe yoga or pilates. Lifting weights will make you stronger too and it also burns calories.

I sent you a friend request.

Karen

Do not be discouraged. I had to hit rock bottom before I decided to do something about my weight. I called it my "gift of desperation." It kept me motivated to lose 70 lbs. I have recently gained back 25 lbs due to a knee injury and not being able to exercise, but I am using this time and situation to really focus on eating healthy.

Make some healthy changes. Ask yourself why you are eating. Are you hungry or bored? If you're bored find something to do. I have been cleaning out closets and doing odd jobs around the house so I keep busy and forget about eating. If you do eat, don't beat yourself up over it. Just start again. You can do this!

I recently started seeing a psychiatrist and talking with her awhile she said "well you know you have food addiction right?" and I was like well DUH LOL Duh to me cause I never realized I did but she said its more obsession.. I will sit and think about food all day long and if I let myself I will eat all day, hungry or not. I've seen a therapist once and see her again next week and will start working on this issue as well as others. At this point I feel kind of hopeless with the whole thing, I see so many people losing all this weight and I just don't believe that could ever be me. Food literally controls my life and I feel so pathetic even saying that. I am a wife, a mother, I'm a girl scout leader, I manage a lot of things within girl scouts, I do so many things but yet this one stupid thing RULES my life!!! What is wrong with me??

I am obsessed with food, to the point of addiction for sure. I have been dieting since I was 13. By 17 I was anorexic. After I got prego at 19 I gained all my weight and then some. I thought I was better, however I was just on the opposite side of the spectrum. Now food is my crutch. I use food to deal with everything from bordem, loneliness, nervousness, stress. Sometimes I eat just to eat, and sometimes I binge on food till I'm sick and I feel so guilty I purge it. Sometimes I can stop the purge and sometimes I can not. Its weird though, last week I went on a 3 day fast and I only drank water, I felt amazing, free, and not hungry or worried about food. I even dreaded the fact that I had to go back to rayon because I know once I did I would not be able to stop. I lost and kept off 5lbs in that 3 days, but I still have a long way to go to heal.Any Suport is needed

I just read what everyone posted and I feel like finally someone else understands me!!! I seriously was beginning to think I was the only one with the problem. I just finished having 4 babies in 5 years and with each baby I gained more and more weight. After the last one was born I found myself 70 pounds overweight. The baby is now almost 7 months old and EVERYDAY for those 7 months I have went to bed saying "tomorrow is the day to get serious, and everyday I've failed most of the time before breakfast. I don't know what is wrong with me. I'll get up in the morning and instead of making an egg white scramble and toast, I'll make pancakes with loads of syrup or I'll come up with a reason to go to the store and get doughnuts. The rest of day pretty much follows suit. Also, its like I can't focus on anything else if junk food is in the house. All I can think about is eating it until its all gone. My husband loves me very much, but doesn't understand. He says I have no will power and I completely agree with him. I am a prisoner to food. I stopped buying anything sweet or snacky at the store because I will eat it all in a day. I've even begun getting rid of sugar because if nothing else I'll make sugar toast and eat half a loaf of bread. I feel so out of control. I don't know why I do it or why I can't control it. Its so frustrating!!!! I see all these other new moms and they are all loosing the baby weight and seem so happy and then I look at myself in the mirror and feel totally worthless. I NEED to pull myself together. Then, I look at my kids and I think I would do ANYTHING for these 4, I know I would give up my own life, but for some reason I can't give up binge eating. I don't want my kids to see this and learn this behavior from me. How could I ever live with myself if I helped my children be obese adults and struggle the same way I do? I have to get control on this now!!! Its just so hard!!!!!!