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chickybuns
Posts: 1,037 Member
So, I was just wondering how your signficant others (if you have them) are responding to your pregnancy. I sometimes get frustrated because I'm worrying about all this baby stuff, and my husband kind of cares, but I can tell it's not on the top of his list. In a way I want him to just enjoy his last few months of freedom 
, but at the same time I wish he would show more interest. He is usually interested when I start up baby conversation, but he rarely brings it up. As it gets closer I'm just worried about getting everything together, and he is worried about other things. It also kind of bothers me that he rarely wants to feel baby move. However, he does always say goodnight and I love you to baby when he says it to me. Am I just being emotional? I think it's a hard adjustment for us, because we have always both been very independent, but also do a lot of things together. Pregnancy is starting to change that, I can't be as independent, and I need his help more, and neither of us are used to that. I'm also worried that his priorities will not change when the baby comes, in my fantasy world it will, but in reality it scares me. I guess I should talk to him about it?? it just feels that my parents are way more excited about the baby than he is. I don't know, just venting, rant over...thanks for listening
, but at the same time I wish he would show more interest. He is usually interested when I start up baby conversation, but he rarely brings it up. As it gets closer I'm just worried about getting everything together, and he is worried about other things. It also kind of bothers me that he rarely wants to feel baby move. However, he does always say goodnight and I love you to baby when he says it to me. Am I just being emotional? I think it's a hard adjustment for us, because we have always both been very independent, but also do a lot of things together. Pregnancy is starting to change that, I can't be as independent, and I need his help more, and neither of us are used to that. I'm also worried that his priorities will not change when the baby comes, in my fantasy world it will, but in reality it scares me. I guess I should talk to him about it?? it just feels that my parents are way more excited about the baby than he is. I don't know, just venting, rant over...thanks for listening 0
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I can understand how you feel. My DH is kind of the same in terms of touching the belly, or talking about her, but he does surprise me and shows that he's thinking about her. He will drag me to Babies R Us or Carter's ON HIS OWN (lol) just to look around.
I think for my DH, and possibly yours, it's that they are helpless until there's something to physically DO. Men are the movers. Women are the planners...it's in our nature to think, dream, worry, and organize. At this point DH just wants me to tell him what to do and when - including in the delivery room. He's so excited to be dad, but isn't as completely mental about it as my mom and I are. Hope that helps 0 -
Thanks, I've always heard that it doesn't really hit men until the baby is born. We can feel the baby and bond more, but they cannot do that as much. I kind of have a feeling that is how it is with my husband, I think he is exciting, but it's not really going to hit him until we get close or the baby is born.
I agree that I have to tell him what to do. When I mentioned car seats and strollers, we went and researched it online. I guess maybe I should just be more assertive and tell him what I need him to do!0 -
I feel like you took the thoughts out of my head and wrote them out. I've had two very serious talks with my husband and I don't think they've sunk in- at all. He's been having the summer of his life- enjoying golf, vacations, his very own DD, pool league, etc. I've been trying to get ready for this baby. This baby that is really coming which means there are very real deadlines to get things done around the house!
DH isn't really that into feeling the baby move either. Every once in a while he'll rub my belly but we're definitely not on the same page. I just sit and rub my belly and talk to the baby- he watches tv. Like you said, I think it's a lot harder to bond with the baby for guys. I'm hoping they'll come around before the birth.
I've been in a pretty rough place mentally for the past two weeks because of how I feel about DH. I had my mom come out and help me clean out a closet, my dad is visiting this week to finish with some wallpaper and painting. If it weren't for them, I'd be a hot mess. DH is in Vegas all week having a great time... partying, gambling, playing in a pool tournament. I'm quite jealous, which then in turns to getting angry. I'm trying to cope- a glass (or bottle) of wine sure would be nice! Haha!
Feel free to vent to me- I'm in the same boat. I finally came to terms that I'm nagging or complaining. Everything I've asked him ot do or help with is completely justified and acceptable. I don't think he realizes how fast 10 weeks is going to fly by. (and what if she comes early!)
Chicky- I would just talk to him. Let him know you are truly overwhelmed. You need him to be there for you and love you and just listen sometimes. It might not be the most fun conversation but it's definitely one worth having.0 -
Mine has become more concerned with me, getting things so I don't have to get up, buying every cough treatment on the "safe" list when I got sick, etc. and he's excited to get things done for the kid and imagine him being here but I'm not sure if he connects my big ol' belly with the child. More like his wife is getting fat and then we'll have a baby :laugh:
He's felt him kick a couple of times but I'm not sure if it is as real for him since he doesn't have to think about being pregnant all the time.0 -
My husband was the exact same as your though out my whole pregnancy with my son. I thought he didn't care as much as me be my mom said that, that's just the way some men are. They don't have the same feeling as us because they don't feel the baby in side of them. Believe me, he is such a good dad and loves our little boy just as much as I do but when pregnant, he never got too excited. He never felt my son move even one time. Don't worry, this is normal (It think) anyways and as soon as that little guy is born he will be a soft teddy bear. My husband is being the same with this pregnancy and I just accept it.0
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I know what you mean....I had all these worries too....my SO only started showing more interest recently. It took him a long time to adjust. While I am worried like you about prepping things for the baby...he is talking about organizing the garage....LOL So I know how you feel..cuz wtf does a garage have to do with the baby? Why is that even a priority?
I stopped worrying about it when I realized that its just anxiety for him. He needs to have some time to himself to do other things that distract him from reality for a little bit. We don't have that luxury! LOL....We have a totally different bonding experience as well that they can't be part of cuz the baby is inside us!
I really think this is normal behavior for men...I really do....we just have it built into us as women...I don't think they do. Getting excited about baby stuff is like them getting excited when we come home with new shoes. Its just not their thing I guess. You will see how he will change with he actually has the physical baby to hold. That's when his bonding will start!!!
Men are funny creatures...LOL0 -
My husband never really knew how to show more interest in the pregnancy. There wasn't much I wanted from him other then a foot rub or a back massage. lol I think it's hard for them to understand or be more "involved" since they aren't the ones carrying the child in their womb. I don't like anyone to rub my belly even DH. lol He was always more hands on and involved once the children were born. If I want something from him or his opinion I always ask for it. He won't know what to give or what to do unless u don't tell him, like u mention.. But don't take it to heart. I think most men are just like that..0
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I've been lucky, my DH has been pretty good about everything. He won't let me lift anything bulky/heavy, or clean the bathroom or help with painting because he's worried about me breathing in chemicals. I really appreciate the thought and the work he's doing, but I'd like to have the bathrooms cleaned more frequently (I've tried some chemical-free stuff, it didn't work and the sink was grimy again after 3 days), and the painting is going so slowly! It's not just the baby's room that needs to be finished, we also have a 1/2 bathroom and our (large) basement on our list. DH has been doing the majority of the cooking (partly because he gets home before me after work) and has been doing all of the clean-up lately because I'm back to being dead-tired in the evenings again and he tells me to put my feet up/nap. He's been quite good about understanding that some days my pelvis really aches and I can't move as easily, but I did get a bit of an eye roll the other day when I asked him to retrieve a pair of pants from the laundry room 2 floors below, and had to ask him to go back when he brought the wrong pair (I wasn't being picky, I just didn't want to wear black work pants to the gym!)
One thing I do wish he would improve on is bonding with the baby. I'll admit, I don't talk to the baby at all. However, I do always have my hands on my belly when it is kicking, and when it makes crazy movements that make my belly shake I tell DH to look, but he doesn't try to feel it often. When I tell him to put his hand somewhere his response is usually "It's uncomfortable for me to hold my arm that way and wait for a kick". While it does bug me, I'm not worried that he's not interested and won't be a good father. I see how great he is with our neice/nephew and our friends' kids and I know he'll be a great dad.
Pantera - Organizing the garage is on DH's to-do list, too. I think for him (and me) it's just one of those things that he knows will be harder to find the time for once the baby is here, so he wants to get it done sooner rather than later. And for us, even when organized our garage is quite tight once the car is in there, so it will be worse this winter trying to get a baby in/out of the car if there's stuff in the way.
It was DH's idea all along that we should have everything ready 4 weeks before my due date, but I'm not sure he realizes we only have 5 1/2 weeks left to get everything done!0
