What is the point exactly?
La_Amazona
Posts: 4,855 Member
First of all, I will announce I'm pms'y so I'm an emotional roller coaster today.
I've been thinking... The whole exclusive vs serious relationship talk in another thread provoked the question.. "what exactly is the point?" I guess I'm feeling a bit high due to my Midol kicking in and I'm doing some deep thinking.
As you all know I had a bf a while back- (Stupid) Smiley. I got completely wrapped up in him, we spoke BIG words for such little time. I ate it all up! I was very hurt at the end due to how fast he dropped me, just as fast as he had picked me.. Maybe faster.
I learned a lot. I am determined to never let myself get so invested without truly knowing the guy. I read the baggage reclaim blog (great stuff!) and she talks about how people don't change, they unfold. So I'm going with that and running. Before I invest myself emotionally, I will watch the person unfold and see if we truly have a shot.
I have a bf again. We seem to be compatible in many ways. Our personalities are very similar (I can be my real goofy self with him and he is even goofier, he laughs at my jokes, we play pranks, we are both active, he dances, we like a lot of same music, we are both very open minded, and many more). It hit me today. So far in 2012 I have had 2 bf's and lots and lots of dates. What is the point? How many Bfs will I have? Am I just bouncing from bf to bf? Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Dating as a 33 yr old is different. When I was 19, I dated as a romantic looking for my knight in shining armor. Now I'm looking for a partner, lover and best friend. I'm not sure if I'll get married again but I think I'd like to. But in order to get there, I have to date men. So what if Hulk and I break up? In 3 months I'll have another bf??
I'm not a person that is afraid to be alone. I'm dating Hulk because I like him, we have fun and I see potential BUT I'm not planning our future. I'm just having fun and maybe it'll lead to a serious thing, who knows.
Okay I'm rambling. Does anybody else feel this way?? I'm not complaining, just thinking.
I've been thinking... The whole exclusive vs serious relationship talk in another thread provoked the question.. "what exactly is the point?" I guess I'm feeling a bit high due to my Midol kicking in and I'm doing some deep thinking.
As you all know I had a bf a while back- (Stupid) Smiley. I got completely wrapped up in him, we spoke BIG words for such little time. I ate it all up! I was very hurt at the end due to how fast he dropped me, just as fast as he had picked me.. Maybe faster.
I learned a lot. I am determined to never let myself get so invested without truly knowing the guy. I read the baggage reclaim blog (great stuff!) and she talks about how people don't change, they unfold. So I'm going with that and running. Before I invest myself emotionally, I will watch the person unfold and see if we truly have a shot.
I have a bf again. We seem to be compatible in many ways. Our personalities are very similar (I can be my real goofy self with him and he is even goofier, he laughs at my jokes, we play pranks, we are both active, he dances, we like a lot of same music, we are both very open minded, and many more). It hit me today. So far in 2012 I have had 2 bf's and lots and lots of dates. What is the point? How many Bfs will I have? Am I just bouncing from bf to bf? Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Dating as a 33 yr old is different. When I was 19, I dated as a romantic looking for my knight in shining armor. Now I'm looking for a partner, lover and best friend. I'm not sure if I'll get married again but I think I'd like to. But in order to get there, I have to date men. So what if Hulk and I break up? In 3 months I'll have another bf??
I'm not a person that is afraid to be alone. I'm dating Hulk because I like him, we have fun and I see potential BUT I'm not planning our future. I'm just having fun and maybe it'll lead to a serious thing, who knows.
Okay I'm rambling. Does anybody else feel this way?? I'm not complaining, just thinking.
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Replies
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Every thing you say about the way that you feel seems to be pretty normal but is somewhat divergent from the typical male experience.
I will say that life is so much easier once you are past the first few months, getting to know you phase and in the comfortable with each other but not captive to a dull routine phase.0 -
I think it was Annie who consoled me after my last break up by saying she had many 2-3 month relationships that didn't go any further.
I guess once you settle in (I guess that's when being exclusive turns into a serious relationship), it might start to feel different. I'm currently happy and content with our pace. But I do wonder at times of we will last longer than that first stage not because of anything specific, just because theres a greater chance we will break up than not. (I am not being pessimistic, just being a realist)0 -
Not trying to pick but at one point you were in full swoon over how physically big he was and how it made you feel petite and feminine...have you moved past that?
The only reason I bring it up is because that feeling has nothing at all to do with who he is as a person but the attached emotion can very easily blind you to seeing who he is.0 -
Haha, still very attracted to him Carl but yes, have moved past that. Now it's about his sense of humor, his hard work ethic, his manners, hes a good friend (from what I observed during our nights with his buddies) and how he was very polite and respectful to my friends. They all told me they could see that he liked me.
So while the physical attraction is very much still there, both ways, I'm wanting to see more of who he is as a man. What I've seen so far has been great. Truly no red flags... Yet.0 -
I'm right there with you on the hormones. Never again will I take birth control... I'd rather be pregnant than feel how I've been feeling.
Anyways! Dating is different for EVERYONE.
And yeah, I think you are being a realist when considering the possibility or likelihood of the two of you splitting up or staying together. But for now, I'd try to stop worrying about it and enjoy his company as much as you can. Overthining ANYTHING (and I mean anything) will just take the fun out of it. Just have FUN! That's what it's all about. There will be time for all the serious stuff later down the line.0 -
I feel like this too, and I don't really care to feel like this. I guess.So far in 2012 I have had 2 bf's and lots and lots of dates. What is the point? How many Bfs will I have? Am I just bouncing from bf to bf? Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Dating as a 33 yr old is different. When I was 19, I dated as a romantic looking for my knight in shining armor. Now I'm looking for a partner, lover and best friend. I'm not sure if I'll get married again but I think I'd like to. But in order to get there, I have to date men. So what if Hulk and I break up? In 3 months I'll have another bf??
I'm not a person that is afraid to be alone. I'm dating Hulk because I like him, we have fun and I see potential BUT I'm not planning our future. I'm just having fun and maybe it'll lead to a serious thing, who knows.
Okay I'm rambling. Does anybody else feel this way?? I'm not complaining, just thinking.
I personally think this is "dating as it should be".
When you think about it, should you be with someone for any other reason that because you like them, because you have fun with them?
If you agree with this, then you realise that you actually have to "challenge" your partner and yourself for life. You need to keep the fun alive, you cannot stagnate - otherwise you might as well not be together. Sure you get some latitude as you spend more time with someone, but being "lazy" isn't an option any more. You can't just pick one and say: "this is the one!" and then just think you've won. Nope, you're in it for good or you accept to lose it.
The great thing about this (the fact that you're always on your toes) is that you will keep growing and learning more about the other person, and your bond should become stronger over time - that's probably what true love is. Not a decision you made 5 years ago, something you can still feel in you.
If you break up, it doesn't make a world of difference, since in both cases (meeting someone new, staying with someone) you can't really rest anyway, and you keep discovering new aspects of the person.
When breaking up with someone, we're sad because we think about what we've lost, "I will never find the same relationship". I agree with that, you'll never find the same relationship actually, but don't be sad about it: each relationship is unique, so the next one will be unique and exciting too - for its own reasons.
Which leads me to this: cherish each of your relationships as much as you can, respect them, as they are all truly unique. You will never have the opportunity to enjoy a particular relationship as much as now: just live each relationship as if it might be the last one. Because for all you know, you guys might still be together in 45 years, and this relationship was indeed your last one.
So no, you're doing it right from my point of view.
What's the point in a relationship? From a biological standpoint, we're here to procreate and perpetuate the species - so the chemicals in your brain (and genitals) just make it so you are naturally drawn to relationships and intercourse. But the "homo modernus" doesn't give a damn about that. There are too many humans on this planet anyway, so it's not like it matters a lot if some of us don't procreate.I've been thinking... The whole exclusive vs serious relationship talk in another thread provoked the question.. "what exactly is the point?"
So really, our goal in life is to be happy. As "humans", we want to be happy and are generally drawn to happiness. You're going to die one day, your children are going to die too, and their children as well, the sun is going to die one day and the whole humanity is going to burn one day too. So all of this is a pointless dance, ultimately in the grand scheme of things, there is no point. :laugh: There is no absolute true answer to your question.
So just try to be happy and achieve greatness. All of this to say that you simply want to have a happy relationship so that you can be happy in your life, and relationships are great in that they provide a very special kind of happiness, shared with someone, complete (mental, physical, emotional), a pure bond, so it's probably as close as you can get to bliss!
Probably not the answer you wanted to hear. :laugh:0 -
There is no point. I'm going to die one day anyway.
True!!!
I hate periods.
That's all.0 -
I guess I wonder if I end up having 2 more Bfs this year, isn't that too many Bfs? 4 Bfs in 1 year? Eh. Why the hell am I even thinking about this? (doing math about possible relationships)0
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Dating as a 33 yr old is different. When I was 19, I dated as a romantic looking for my knight in shining armor. Now I'm looking for a partner, lover and best friend. I'm not sure if I'll get married again but I think I'd like to. But in order to get there, I have to date men. So what if Hulk and I break up? In 3 months I'll have another bf??
I was under the impression that 3 monthsis the typical breaking point for most 30-somethings relationships.
Have fun!! Enjoy it!! Few people on this forum could say they've had 2 bfs this year ;-) I've been on lots of dates, but the only guy who actually WANTED to be my boyfriend this year (bodybuilder guy) turned out to be technically still married!0 -
I'm definately having fun.
The other night we were at the store in line. I was feeling quirky and so I pretended to pick him up in a non classy ghetto way. He was red faced but played along just fine. After a couple of minutes of going back and forth and him inviting me back to his place, we started cracking up and so did the cashier. She said we made her night and she thought we were serious. It was hilarious. Dumb I know but that's my humor.0 -
You're going to die one day, your children are going to die too, and their children as well, the sun is going to die one day and the whole humanity is going to burn one day too.
This is possibly my most favorite sentiment, ever. So freeing, ahhhh...0 -
Hmmmm... This seems like one of those female "trick questions" where there is no correct answer. At least not in the "male" sense of solving a problem...
So I'll try:
Yes, I feel your pain. It must be very difficult. Would you like to talk about it?
;-)
--P0 -
I think 3 months is typical ... long enough for the initial crazy hormones to wear off a bit and to get a sampling of the real person when best behavior is no longer sustained.I was under the impression that 3 monthsis the typical breaking point for most 30-somethings relationships.
Have fun!! Enjoy it!! Few people on this forum could say they've had 2 bfs this year ;-) I've been on lots of dates, but the only guy who actually WANTED to be my boyfriend this year (bodybuilder guy) turned out to be technically still married!
2 BFs in ANY year is pretty unusual for me - I think it's only happened once ever back when I was young and it was easy to meet other single people in real life. I think that would be more difficult to manage over 40, but I guess you never know with the potential of meeting people online.
I second that have fun and enjoy it. Surely that's the point!0 -
I guess I wonder if I end up having 2 more Bfs this year, isn't that too many Bfs? 4 Bfs in 1 year? Eh. Why the hell am I even thinking about this? (doing math about possible relationships)
4 Bfs in 1 year? One for each season! lol
No I don't think that too many of a number exists. The important thing is to enjoy and have fun. If you are then what does it matter if it's BF #1 or 50?0 -
You're going to die one day, your children are going to die too, and their children as well, the sun is going to die one day and the whole humanity is going to burn one day too.
This is possibly my most favorite sentiment, ever. So freeing, ahhhh...
You know, this IS exactly what I needed to hear during my period. This quote matches my mood.0 -
Hmmmm... This seems like one of those female "trick questions" where there is no correct answer. At least not in the "male" sense of solving a problem...
So I'll try:
Yes, I feel your pain. It must be very difficult. Would you like to talk about it?
;-)
--P
Well thought that was what I was doing??
See the other girls are saying that it doesn't happen to them. So am I a boyfriend ho??0 -
I feel like this too, and I don't really care to feel like this. I guess.So far in 2012 I have had 2 bf's and lots and lots of dates. What is the point? How many Bfs will I have? Am I just bouncing from bf to bf? Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Dating as a 33 yr old is different. When I was 19, I dated as a romantic looking for my knight in shining armor. Now I'm looking for a partner, lover and best friend. I'm not sure if I'll get married again but I think I'd like to. But in order to get there, I have to date men. So what if Hulk and I break up? In 3 months I'll have another bf??
I'm not a person that is afraid to be alone. I'm dating Hulk because I like him, we have fun and I see potential BUT I'm not planning our future. I'm just having fun and maybe it'll lead to a serious thing, who knows.
Okay I'm rambling. Does anybody else feel this way?? I'm not complaining, just thinking.
I personally think this is "dating as it should be".
When you think about it, should you be with someone for any other reason that because you like them, because you have fun with them?
If you agree with this, then you realise that you actually have to "challenge" your partner and yourself for life. You need to keep the fun alive, you cannot stagnate - otherwise you might as well not be together. Sure you get some latitude as you spend more time with someone, but being "lazy" isn't an option any more. You can't just pick one and say: "this is the one!" and then just think you've won. Nope, you're in it for good or you accept to lose it.
The great thing about this (the fact that you're always on your toes) is that you will keep growing and learning more about the other person, and your bond should become stronger over time - that's probably what true love is. Not a decision you made 5 years ago, something you can still feel in you.
If you break up, it doesn't make a world of difference, since in both cases (meeting someone new, staying with someone) you can't really rest anyway, and you keep discovering new aspects of the
Jeesh! It's hard enough to entertain myself.
I will just try to be "happy". Guess that's the point of living. Meh.0 -
Hmmmm... This seems like one of those female "trick questions" where there is no correct answer. At least not in the "male" sense of solving a problem...
So I'll try:
Yes, I feel your pain. It must be very difficult. Would you like to talk about it?
;-)
--P
Well thought that was what I was doing??
See the other girls are saying that it doesn't happen to them. So am I a boyfriend ho??
I think you are one of those girls that likes to be in a one on one relationship. You don't like to play the field. Once you find some one that you find interesting enough and they find you interesting enough in return you become boyfriend and girlfriend. I also know someone that it took her over a year of being with a guy exclusively to even call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with either secinero as really. This is more the "when do I put a label on it stage." So you will have more boyfriends then some people because you like to put the label on early in the relationship.
I haven't had a boyfriend in a year but that is because I tend to fall for guys long distance and that is just a mess. I really wish I could find a guy I am interested in close to me but I just can't put the effort into online dating that is needed. I have also come to the conculsion that I don't want to create drama inside the group I hang out with so I tend to get friend zoned because I am not aggressive with the guys.0 -
Hmmmm... This seems like one of those female "trick questions" where there is no correct answer. At least not in the "male" sense of solving a problem...
So I'll try:
Yes, I feel your pain. It must be very difficult. Would you like to talk about it?
;-)
--P
Well thought that was what I was doing??
See the other girls are saying that it doesn't happen to them. So am I a boyfriend ho??
I think you are one of those girls that likes to be in a one on one relationship. You don't like to play the field. Once you find some one that you find interesting enough and they find you interesting enough in return you become boyfriend and girlfriend. I also know someone that it took her over a year of being with a guy exclusively to even call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with either secinero as really. This is more the "when do I put a label on it stage." So you will have more boyfriends then some people because you like to put the label on early in the relationship.
I haven't had a boyfriend in a year but that is because I tend to fall for guys long distance and that is just a mess. I really wish I could find a guy I am interested in close to me but I just can't put the effort into online dating that is needed. I have also come to the conculsion that I don't want to create drama inside the group I hang out with so I tend to get friend zoned because I am not aggressive with the guys.
I enjoy dating different guys. I have fun. I also like being alone. Hmmm and I also like having a bf.
Good point! Maybe the early labeling is it.0 -
Since I was 28 I've had (4) 4-6 month relationships. I'm now 33. I have several 32-35 year old single girl friends, like myself that have never been married. All of us have had this experience in the past 5 years. You meet a guy (online, in a bar, on a rec sport league, etc), you have a few dates you both like each other so you decide to be exclusive. Everything is going great then BAM, you get to that 4th-6th month and you realize something just ain't right (either of you). In our 30's it's hard to just "stay" with someone because it's someone to be with . We get a distinct feeling that "WOW, this one isn't worth my time and effort" and we get out of dodge.
In our 20's (or at least with my experience) we are willing to "put up" with stuff that in our 30's rubs us the wrong way.
I've decided that I'll never get married (I don't want to). I also don't want kids. But I do want to find a guy that I can stand for more than 6 months. I'm happy single and I'm happy in a relationship but I do believe finding that one person that you want to spend your life with (even if you aren't married) is worth waiting for.
Hang in there, have fun. Life should be fun and not require a ton of "overthinking".0 -
See the other girls are saying that it doesn't happen to them.
Uh.... that's because most of us aren't lucky/hot enough to get 2 bfs in a row like that. Now stop beating yourself up and go wait wrapped up in your blankie with some hot tea and a chic flic until TOM passes.
xoxo0 -
^See the other girls are saying that it doesn't happen to them.
Uh.... that's because most of us aren't lucky/hot enough to get 2 bfs in a row like that. Now stop beating yourself up and go wait wrapped up in your blankie with some hot tea and a chic flic until TOM passes.
xoxo
This0 -
^See the other girls are saying that it doesn't happen to them.
Uh.... that's because most of us aren't lucky/hot enough to get 2 bfs in a row like that. Now stop beating yourself up and go wait wrapped up in your blankie with some hot tea and a chic flic until TOM passes.
xoxo
This
LOL I may not have had a BF yet this year but I have been very busy :bigsmile: if it makes you feel better. Your dating style is your dating stlye and theres no reason to feel bad about it. How are you ever supposed to find the right guy if you dont date hmmm:huh: Just relax and enjoy
Oh and for TOM dont forget your chocolate and something salty it will make you feel better0 -
This is more the "when do I put a label on it stage." So you will have more boyfriends then some people because you like to put the label on early in the relationship.
^^This!
And for me personally, I've only been dating a few months and I find out so much from each new person and situation I encounter that it is still really a learning experience as to who I might find out there... So not only has the 'right' person not come along yet, but I don't think I'd be ready for a label if they did.0 -
First of all, I will announce I'm pms'y so I'm an emotional roller coaster today.
I've been thinking... The whole exclusive vs serious relationship talk in another thread provoked the question.. "what exactly is the point?" I guess I'm feeling a bit high due to my Midol kicking in and I'm doing some deep thinking.
As you all know I had a bf a while back- (Stupid) Smiley. I got completely wrapped up in him, we spoke BIG words for such little time. I ate it all up! I was very hurt at the end due to how fast he dropped me, just as fast as he had picked me.. Maybe faster.
I learned a lot. I am determined to never let myself get so invested without truly knowing the guy. I read the baggage reclaim blog (great stuff!) and she talks about how people don't change, they unfold. So I'm going with that and running. Before I invest myself emotionally, I will watch the person unfold and see if we truly have a shot.
I have a bf again. We seem to be compatible in many ways. Our personalities are very similar (I can be my real goofy self with him and he is even goofier, he laughs at my jokes, we play pranks, we are both active, he dances, we like a lot of same music, we are both very open minded, and many more). It hit me today. So far in 2012 I have had 2 bf's and lots and lots of dates. What is the point? How many Bfs will I have? Am I just bouncing from bf to bf? Is that what I'm supposed to do?
Dating as a 33 yr old is different. When I was 19, I dated as a romantic looking for my knight in shining armor. Now I'm looking for a partner, lover and best friend. I'm not sure if I'll get married again but I think I'd like to. But in order to get there, I have to date men. So what if Hulk and I break up? In 3 months I'll have another bf??
I'm not a person that is afraid to be alone. I'm dating Hulk because I like him, we have fun and I see potential BUT I'm not planning our future. I'm just having fun and maybe it'll lead to a serious thing, who knows.
Okay I'm rambling. Does anybody else feel this way?? I'm not complaining, just thinking.
I really don't understand this post or what your asking but damn you gotta nother boyfriend already that was FAST!!0 -
Well we are still very fresh. And the last "bf" only lasted 2 months and we broke up in the very beginning of June. I assume if it had been a longer relationship, I would probably have waited, even just to date.
Regardless, I'm happy with my choice of being with Hulky. He's pretty cool. :smokin:0 -
The point is to do what makes you happy, so long as that doesn't infringe on the rights of others.
Life is choices, so pick the things that make it worthwhile and if other people judge you try to put their morals on you, well that's their business and no concern of yours. If you are happy and somehow end up with 4 boyfriends in a year that's your business, isn't it?0 -
meh the point is that this is all just one more vein in getting to know who you are.
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I think it was Annie who consoled me after my last break up by saying she had many 2-3 month relationships that didn't go any further.
Is this 'Annie' bird, me?? :laugh:
Yeah, I said that. I've had loads of 2-3 months relationships over the last 10 years!!! And a few more longer one's - 6mths to 1year.
Sometimes I get despondent that I'm not finding the 'keeper', and sometimes I enjoy meeting new people and just living in the moment. Since my last internet 'freak zone' disasters, I've taken a break this year from even trying. Apart from if I 'hook' up with ex lovers! :bigsmile:
Anyway, some people find the 'one' straight away, and others (like me) don't! You never know if the Hulk will be him. Why worry about it?? 2 b/f's or 8 b/fs in a year., Does it really matter?? Nobody is counting. Or would you rather settle on someONE, get married and be divorced again in 10 years, just so as you can justify having sex with only one person?? I guess its the sex part that you're feeling guilty about??
IMHO Life is way too short to worry about how many sexual partners you have in life. That's one regret I won't have on my death bed
:flowerforyou: I believe if God didnt want us to have sex, he wouldnt have made it feel so nice!!! :bigsmile:
But sorry if I've digressed up the wrong tree........ 0 -
Have you heard Adele's song "Chasing Pavements?" I listened to it (literally) a dozen times last night. It's a song about exactly where you are right now... I'm in a similar place. I don't know about you, but music always makes me feel better. If it's not too cheesy - here are some of the lyrics:
I've made up my mind, don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right, don't need to look no further
This ain't lust, I know this is love
But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough
'Cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?0
This discussion has been closed.