Have I lost my mind!!
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Cinnamon0603
Posts: 149 Member
Ok, so here's the deal. I did the POF thing for a while, and got completely fed up with the nonsense. So, I deleted my account a couple of months ago. I decided on Sunday that I wanted to give it one more shot. My thinking was, I know that I am a good woman, so there has got to be at least a couple of good men on there. I adjusted my expectations to……… let's just see what happens. I put my profile back up and low and behold I got an email from this man. From his profile he seemed to be a lot like what I was looking for. I responded and we have been chatting for the last 3 days. The more that we chatted the more I thought......I can see this man in my world. Yesterday he suggested that we meet on my lunch break. I thought.......ok.......good plan. I only get 30 minutes for lunch. We can meet, see if there's a spark and take it from there. We met today and the sparks flew. He was sweet, kind, respectful, and totally cute. I went back to work on cloud nine. He texted me all afternoon, telling me how much he enjoyed meeting me and what I total surprise I was to him and we talked for a very long time tonight.
So, I'm sure that you're thinking like me.........awesome! BUT, here's my dilemma.....he told me tonight that he can see this going somewhere. And that he could really see himself falling for me. I want to believe him, but experience has shown me that this is too soon to be thinking this way. I want to believe him and go for it, but I'm terrified. My heart has taken many beatings in the past.
My question for you guys is this.........do I take him at face value and go for it. OR is it too soon and should I back off and put my walls up?
So, I'm sure that you're thinking like me.........awesome! BUT, here's my dilemma.....he told me tonight that he can see this going somewhere. And that he could really see himself falling for me. I want to believe him, but experience has shown me that this is too soon to be thinking this way. I want to believe him and go for it, but I'm terrified. My heart has taken many beatings in the past.
My question for you guys is this.........do I take him at face value and go for it. OR is it too soon and should I back off and put my walls up?
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Take it at face value. Just roll with it and see what happens.
If you put up walls and become slightly standoff-ish, you'll accomplish absolutely nothing. He'll think you're either game playing or flat out not interested. Just keep the lines of communication open and go from there.
Keep us all posted when date #2 happens!0 -
You've given option A (face value) and option B (back off), but I say option C. Go forward slowly with caution, as you might with anyone you've just met and don't know all that well yet.
The thing that he said that is a bit worrying is that he could see himself falling for you. He didn't confess that he's in love with you already, so it's not super scary and sending you running for the hills but it is giving you pause. Think about it. This early in dating, don't you consider whether you can SEE YOURSELF falling for the other person eventually? I do. It's part of my deliberation process of whether I want to go forward dating someone. I think he just over-shared, possibly because he is so keen on you and felt like you really connected. Perhaps he's the kind of guy that likes to date only one woman at a time and he just wants to make his intentions (to focus on you because he really sees potential) very clear.
I'm just guessing here, so that's why I would proceed with caution. The real test of whether you should really go for it or back off will be his actions as you continue to date, IMO.0 -
I do get what you're saying. I went on a date with a guy from POF tonight. I think I'll go on a second date, but just as Mellie said, I'm already wondering whether I can see myself falling for this person. He's been a good guy so I'm willing to give it a chance, but at this point, can't see it.... I feel like I NEED to be able to see myself falling for someone eventually in order to give it a chance!
I say jump in but take it slow. You don't know him enough to do anything but take exactly the words he said. I think too many times women over-analyze guys specific words to get the "subtle meaning".... guys don't have subtle meaning most of the time (shocker). They mean what they say so take it and go. Yay for you! :drinker:0 -
Most guys who want a second date can see themselves falling for you... what's that term? Chemical Enthrallment? Then, after a couple dates/days the chemicals wear off and the guy realizes you're a woman like the rest of them.
So if a guy told me "he could see himself falling for me" and "could see this going somewhere," I don't take that like he's head over heels for me... because that's not what he said. Of course he can see himself falling for me. If he didn't, he wouldn't want to see me again.
I would just enjoy the attention for now, but not give my heart away just yet.0 -
The last guy that said that to me poofed on the second date!! :noway: I'd take it with a pinch of salt
Also, the cynical side of me know's it's a good line to get you into bed, men know we are suckers for emotion!
I agree, proceed with caution :smokin:
But give the guy a chance!
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
the cynical side of me know's it's a good line to get you into bed, men know we are suckers for emotion!
I deleted a sentence I originally wrote on this, b/c some folks feel like I'm twisting everything a guy does into a ploy to get us in bed.... but ladies watch out for the guys who use "I like you-ish" language like "I could see myself falling for you/ "we're headed that way [toward a relationship]" etc to make you feel all mushy and lovey (and willing to go further)
Not saying don't give it a chance... just saying even if he appears to be moving fast, keep your emotions in check- have fun!!
Also, I've found that the faster and more demonstratively a guy appears to fall for me, the more quickly his interest fizzles out0 -
Definitely go on that 2nd date based on the way you feel, but don't rush things either.
Best wishes!0 -
I think he just over-shared, possibly because he is so keen on you and felt like you really connected.
I also believe you should give the guy a chance, but do so with caution. Good luck!! :flowerforyou:0 -
It's ok to fantasize but by now you know it's in your best interests to keep a level head and both feet on the ground.0
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Hey I have a seat on the CRAZY BUS next to me LET'S RIDE!
Not saying you or I or anyone else is crazy, dating can drive you crazy. It sounds like you are in a similar situation to me right now. Everything sounds good there's flattery coming your way and becuase of issues in the past you are putting up a wall.
The only advice I can give you is what I've experienced. First of all acknowledge the wall/barrier that you have put up as a defense mechnisim from getting hurt again. Then proceed slowly....
I can tell you that I posted here not that long ago questioning if I was moving too soon... through the process of "going through it" Ive learned that I'm pretty close to being able to break through that first "wall" that I put up. And it's simply just being able to talk on the phone with him....I know to everyone that sounds silly but it's the same concept. You are afraid that the way he's thinking is "too much too soon" but maybe that's the only way he knows to express how he feels.
Take it with a grain of salt. But like I said go slow and if he's willing to go at your pace then keep at it. He might be a keeper, who can handle your past just as well as I know you can.
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the cynical side of me know's it's a good line to get you into bed, men know we are suckers for emotion!
I deleted a sentence I originally wrote on this, b/c some folks feel like I'm twisting everything a guy does into a ploy to get us in bed.... but ladies watch out for the guys who use "I like you-ish" language like "I could see myself falling for you/ "we're headed that way [toward a relationship]" etc to make you feel all mushy and lovey (and willing to go further)
Not saying don't give it a chance... just saying even if he appears to be moving fast, keep your emotions in check- have fun!!
Also, I've found that the faster and more demonstratively a guy appears to fall for me, the more quickly his interest fizzles out
Yeah, with hindsight, that guy in particular was definitely after one thing. But I dont think men in general are that pathetic just for a leg over!! :huh:
Although something doesnt seem right with a guy being so invested after one date........hmmm!!
Benefit of the doubt. Proceed with caution. Sleep with him if you want. Dont lose your heart.......yet! :flowerforyou:0 -
the cynical side of me know's it's a good line to get you into bed, men know we are suckers for emotion!
I deleted a sentence I originally wrote on this, b/c some folks feel like I'm twisting everything a guy does into a ploy to get us in bed.... but ladies watch out for the guys who use "I like you-ish" language like "I could see myself falling for you/ "we're headed that way [toward a relationship]" etc to make you feel all mushy and lovey (and willing to go further)
Not saying don't give it a chance... just saying even if he appears to be moving fast, keep your emotions in check- have fun!!
Also, I've found that the faster and more demonstratively a guy appears to fall for me, the more quickly his interest fizzles out
Yeah, with hindsight, that guy in particular was definitely after one thing. But I dont think men in general are that pathetic just for a leg over!! :huh:
Although something doesnt seem right with a guy being so invested after one date........hmmm!!
Benefit of the doubt. Proceed with caution. Sleep with him if you want. Dont lose your heart.......yet! :flowerforyou:
You guys may be right, maybe he is just looking to get me in bed. I will say however, I had a very blunt conversation with him about just that. My question to him was this, "are you looking for a good f**k, or do you want more?" I think I shocked him with my bluntness.............lol :noway: He said that he wants more. Only time will tell.
I am going to do as suggested and proceed with caution. I'm not going to put my walls up, but I'm not going to totally let him in yet either. I'm enjoying the attention and the way he makes me feel, so I'm giving myself permission to enjoy it, take it one day at a time and see what happens.0 -
Of course you need to see him again! And no you have NOT lost your mind at all!! Just proceed with caution.0
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You guys may be right, maybe he is just looking to get me in bed. I will say however, I had a very blunt conversation with him about just that.
Glad you will see him again. And I don't mean to imply that all guys who are overly enthusiastic are just looking to get you in bed. These days you don't have to pretend so much to want a relationship just to get women in bed (though it's a good way to do so, lol)
The bigger concern is that guys get SOOO excited when they meet a new girl that they do all the "I like you things" and then when the brain chemicals wear off they realize they don’t like the real her as much after all. They liked the potential.
It's like the male equivalent of women meeting a great guy and spending the rest of the evening fantasizing about their wedding and kids (even though you don’t even really know the guy). ;-)0 -
I'm on POF and I've had some bad experiences... one woman stopped chatting generally just cos' i didnt have my own car or home!!!! Most people I message don't reply and so far ALL the people that message me are really not my type, but I'm sticking at it, for now... I've got a date of it Friday night, I'll keep yopou posted0
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Ok, so here's the deal. I did the POF thing for a while, and got completely fed up with the nonsense. So, I deleted my account a couple of months ago. I decided on Sunday that I wanted to give it one more shot. My thinking was, I know that I am a good woman, so there has got to be at least a couple of good men on there. I adjusted my expectations to……… let's just see what happens. I put my profile back up and low and behold I got an email from this man. From his profile he seemed to be a lot like what I was looking for. I responded and we have been chatting for the last 3 days. The more that we chatted the more I thought......I can see this man in my world. Yesterday he suggested that we meet on my lunch break. I thought.......ok.......good plan. I only get 30 minutes for lunch. We can meet, see if there's a spark and take it from there. We met today and the sparks flew. He was sweet, kind, respectful, and totally cute. I went back to work on cloud nine. He texted me all afternoon, telling me how much he enjoyed meeting me and what I total surprise I was to him and we talked for a very long time tonight.
So, I'm sure that you're thinking like me.........awesome! BUT, here's my dilemma.....he told me tonight that he can see this going somewhere. And that he could really see himself falling for me. I want to believe him, but experience has shown me that this is too soon to be thinking this way. I want to believe him and go for it, but I'm terrified. My heart has taken many beatings in the past.
My question for you guys is this.........do I take him at face value and go for it. OR is it too soon and should I back off and put my walls up?
He sounds desperate. I know you wanna meet a great guy settle down and leave the Bull of dating behind , but be very wary of guy wanting to go steady after one date, that's kinda nuts and he very well could be one.0 -
I'm on POF and I've had some bad experiences... one woman stopped chatting generally just cos' i didnt have my own car or home!!!! Most people I message don't reply and so far ALL the people that message me are really not my type, but I'm sticking at it, for now... I've got a date of it Friday night, I'll keep yopou posted
I generally make it a point not to date carless people, let alone homeless people. :laugh:0 -
So what you are saying is there is this amazing guy - or you thought he was dandy until he was up front and honest with you about his feelings... which were "I can see this going somewhere". You're reaction is to peel out? I'm very uncomfortable with emotions, I don't like sharing them and I get anxious when someone wants to talk to me about emotional stuff. What he said was absolutely fine. He wasn't proposing to you and talking about baby names. He was saying that you're the type of girl he could see himself taking home to mom SOMEDAY MAYBE IF THINGS WORK OUT.
Chillax, roll with it and take it for what it is. Also, examine why you panic at the first mention of some sort of possible commitment. So far the guy sounds cool and it sounds like you're willing to meet him again so I hope things don't get too crazy again, haha0 -
Update.........Date number two tonight at 8. Wish me luck!!! lol :happy:0
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Good luck! Have fun! Get some!
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