more identify as queer than gay?
kennethmgreen
Posts: 1,759 Member
I love words and etymology. I just read something that surprised me, and I wondered if it's true and how widespread it is.
According to Urban Dictionary, definition #2 for the term "unicorn" (don't ask) reads, in part:
Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=unicorn
What I'm curious about is the distinction between "queer" and "gay." Is there really a difference in the meaning? Do some gay men (or women) identify more with one term than the other? If so, is it merely the politicized nature of the term? Or does the gay community see a difference in meaning between the two terms?
I did read through this thread:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/395694-queer-empowering-label-or-hate-word
Good discussion there. And Mike's comment about Warlock describes a distinction between "gay" and "queer" but didn't state what it was. Much of that thread seemed focused on the political/social connotations of the words. I'm curious about the definition differences - the Warlock question, I suppose. Specifically, what does it mean for a gay man to more identify as queer than gay? If it's simply personal preference, then the definition doesn't make sense (and may be the answer - UD just being silly).
According to Urban Dictionary, definition #2 for the term "unicorn" (don't ask) reads, in part:
They are desired by straight men who enjoy anal sex, lesbian women who enjoy vaginal intercourse and homosexual men that more identify as queer than gay.
Source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=unicorn
What I'm curious about is the distinction between "queer" and "gay." Is there really a difference in the meaning? Do some gay men (or women) identify more with one term than the other? If so, is it merely the politicized nature of the term? Or does the gay community see a difference in meaning between the two terms?
I did read through this thread:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/395694-queer-empowering-label-or-hate-word
Good discussion there. And Mike's comment about Warlock describes a distinction between "gay" and "queer" but didn't state what it was. Much of that thread seemed focused on the political/social connotations of the words. I'm curious about the definition differences - the Warlock question, I suppose. Specifically, what does it mean for a gay man to more identify as queer than gay? If it's simply personal preference, then the definition doesn't make sense (and may be the answer - UD just being silly).
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Within the community and in scholarly work, "queer" frequently refers to anything not hetero-normative. It's kind of a way of satisfying a need to label someone without being specific. I happen to consider myself gay because I only fancy men.
As far as the meanings go, it depends on their use, like any other word. I react differently if I hear the phrase "Die queer!" than I do if I hear the phrase "Most study participants referred to themselves as queer or bisexual."0 -
My impression is that "queer" is used more when someone wants to be confrontational about sexual orientation. "We're here; we're queer; get used to it."
But I believe there are also some who prefer queer as a umbrella term that's not quite as silly as a string of initials. "Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning" is too long to more than once in a conversation. LGBTQ is a silly string of initials. Queer is a nice one syllable word that encompasses all of the above. Get used to it!0 -
My impression is that "queer" is used more when someone wants to be confrontational about sexual orientation. "We're here; we're queer; get used to it."
But I believe there are also some who prefer queer as a umbrella term that's not quite as silly as a string of initials. "Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning" is too long to more than once in a conversation. LGBTQ is a silly string of initials. Queer is a nice one syllable word that encompasses all of the above. Get used to it!
I think it USED To be used that way, but now I think its just that queer encompasses a much bigger world than LGBT because all of those terms are gender specific and don't take into account people who feel that gender is sexually irrelevant for them (as opposed to bi people who like both MEN and WOMEN equally) or people who want to draw lines between gender and physical sex (gender as a social construct vs what sort of genitalia you have).0 -
I do like queer better because I don't like to define my sexuality too rigidly. I like what I like, and I don't want to be tied to bisexual or pansexual or anything specific. Plus, it's sometimes necessary to express that I'm not straight, but I don't feel like I owe anyone a detailed explanation of my sexuality.0
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My impression is that "queer" is used more when someone wants to be confrontational about sexual orientation. "We're here; we're queer; get used to it."
But I believe there are also some who prefer queer as a umbrella term that's not quite as silly as a string of initials. "Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning" is too long to more than once in a conversation. LGBTQ is a silly string of initials. Queer is a nice one syllable word that encompasses all of the above. Get used to it!
I think it USED To be used that way, but now I think its just that queer encompasses a much bigger world than LGBT because all of those terms are gender specific and don't take into account people who feel that gender is sexually irrelevant for them (as opposed to bi people who like both MEN and WOMEN equally) or people who want to draw lines between gender and physical sex (gender as a social construct vs what sort of genitalia you have).
WERE DO I START, FIRST LGBT with an I. lesbian gay bi transsexual intersexed. me im gay *kitten* queer lesbian or am i, actually ..... what sort of genitalia you have you said. actually im I intersexed so i am both male/female. so does that make me a straight camp man.0 -
I didnt know that bisexual meant that you like men & women equally...I dont. I married a man because he has been my best friend since we were 19 yrs old. He likes men and women equally. On the Kinsey scale, I rate myself as a 5. I guess that makes me more queer than bi.0
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I didnt know that bisexual meant that you like men & women equally...I dont. I married a man because he has been my best friend since we were 19 yrs old. He likes men and women equally. On the Kinsey scale, I rate myself as a 5. I guess that makes me more queer than bi.
Eh you're right, I didn't mean to imply that it has to be perfectly equal or it doesn't count, but I know plenty of people who don't call themselves Bi because they feel that it implies you like both FAIRLY equally.0 -
I identify as gay, because I am only interested in sexual relations with a woman. I identify as gay, because I am interested in a lifelong relationship with a woman. I identify as gay, because I care and am an activist about the issues that affect gay men and women.
I don't have any issues about the term queer, I feel it is more fluid and for many people that is what they need. Labels overall tend to be confining so whatever someone has to do to make them feel comfy with a label is fine by me. They can call themselves Lord of the fairy queer mucky mucks. And I'm on board
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I ID as queer more because things just aren't that straightforward for me.
For one, I'm genderqueer, so that blurs what would make others strictly 'gay' or 'lesbian' or 'bi', etc. Not only that, but for the most part I'm rather asexual/aromantic... but not always. There are exceptions. That isn't every day for me. Sometimes I do get those feelings. Mostly I don't. Nor was I always ace.
And I think most people are pretty gray-area like this to some extent, but a lot of them are more concrete and feel comfortable identifying as something more straightforward than 'queer'.
So personally I just ID as queer. Not only that, but it makes things easier for everyone else. A sort of "well it's a long story that I'm not going to get into..." kind of ID. haha.0 -
Interesting stuff here.
For me, the term queer doesn't necessarily mean sexual fluidity, but rather serves as an over-arching, all-encompassing label for people that fall outside of sex and/or gender norms. I use the terms gay and queer to identify myself. I often prefer using the term queer, even though my sexuality is straightforward (I am only attracted to women).
I don't like the word lesbian because it implies things about my gender that I don't necessarily mean to imply. Though I do not have any desire to physically alter my body through surgery or hormones, I do feel that I fall somewhere in the genderqueer/trans* spectrum, so lesbian just doesn't do it for me. Gay is better, because it doesn't assume me to be female, but it is also incomplete because it assumes same-sex attraction, which, depending on how trans* I identify, could become misleading.
So queer is a great term because it sort of implies my attraction without implying anything unwanted about my gender. It falls short though in the sense that it might make people believe that I sometimes sleep with men or that I cultivate a masculine appearance but sometimes wear a dress. That's not me.0 -
I like queer because it's seen as a bit vague, so it makes people go, "well what does THAT mean?" I don't like walking into specific assumptions. On a personal level, I feel like my specific identity is nobody's business until there is a chance we'd become involved. OTOH I feel unsure of what the best thing to do is, from a society-and-politics standpoint. Should I side with my specific side to raise awareness of that type of preference/identity? Is there more social value in specificity of identity? Or is there more social value in ambiguity of identity, which might force people to think?
I also REALLY like the idea of all of us being united under a single umbrella term because I feel a lot of camaraderie towards and within the community, regardless of whether people share my specific identity, but I think we probably need to find some term that isn't considered derogatory by some of us for that. In my dreams 0 -
Queer's become an umbrella term for anyone who falls on the GSM (gender/sexual minority) spectrum, but it's a very personal thing whether people want to identify as such, even if they do fall within that spectrum. Personally I identify as queer more than I identify as bisexual because bisexual leads to people making assumptions that I'm not sure fit me. (maybe they do or don't, but I'm always figuring that out and it's not anyone's business.)
But not everyone likes being lumped under that same umbrella because of our wide variety of unique experiences and the fact that some GSM people are already silenced more than the rest of us in the general discourse and when it comes to activism and policy (like nonbinary people often are marginalized within the LGBT movement, for example). So it's important to some to distinguish themselves as more than just 'queer' because it's not always about making things easier for someone else, and the idea of solidarity can sometimes feel cheap if it's not backed by something real.
So I hesitate to say it's a good term in general even if it fits for me personally, but yeah. It's an individual thing.0 -
I don't identify as queer because I am not queer am a normal guy, the ones who ever call me that used for an insult, they saying queer and freak and all these things. I am a gay guy, that is all. I am not gay because of any reason except for fancying men.
I have a job making alterations and mending clothing, creating fashion accessories, home accessories and customisations etc and supporting people who want to learn about fashion, sewing, textiles and things. The people i work for and provide this service to don't care about my identity very much, they only care if I did a good job (and I DO!!
) Peopl care less who you are than what you do, usually.
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At least to me, queer implies transgression of gender norms along with a non-heterosexual attraction and expression.
I feel too femme usually to identify as queer, and work fine as being a bisexual woman who tends to dress practical and elegant rather than cute or pretty.
That said, I'd be read as butch if I cut my hair and stopped wearing makeup. It's an odd sort of thing.
I don't regard the BDSM issues as making me queer; that's orthogonal to my sexuality. The only way it might be impacting it is that I don't care about the gender I'm spanking.0 -
As far as I was aware queer is nowadays a catch-all term for anybody who's non-heteronormative.
I call the LGBT community the queer community because it's more inclusive than LGBT is. .
It's down to personal identity though. A lot of genderqueer/non-binary folks tend to identify with queer, and it's also pretty common among those who are pansexual or grey-ace.
I identify with queer. If anything, it's a lot shorter and simpler than fully explaining my sexuality.0 -
Grey-ace?0
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I sometimes find it hard to be called queer, even as a group because if remind me of terrible times when this word has been used to me. I think I need to get some help to change my perception of the word because the world has changed. I am left behind aged only 21. The word is a brilliant empowering thing, well that is how we are supposed to feel about it, but to me it still makes me think of kinds carving the word into my desk and throwing stuff at me and shouting this word. Why are words so powerful, I do not know
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I do like queer better because I don't like to define my sexuality too rigidly. I like what I like, and I don't want to be tied to bisexual or pansexual or anything specific. Plus, it's sometimes necessary to express that I'm not straight, but I don't feel like I owe anyone a detailed explanation of my sexuality.
I think that says it perfectly. I prefer the term queer, because it is no ones business whether I am bi, lesbian, pansexual, or any of the other labels I could use. Queer just simply means I am not heterosexual, and that is all that needs to be said.0
