I've been on dates at my current weight before
MaraDiaz
Posts: 4,604 Member
I just realized last night that I'm at 'dating weight' I couldn't imagine doing it now, I'm just not ready to get back out there yet, and maybe I wouldn't be even if I were at goal weight. For one thing, I don't plan on living here the rest of my life, so why get into anything that might get serious?
But in the past I've dated when I was over 175 pounds, and I was on Yahoomatch before at my current weight. (Yes, I've used these sites in the past and managed to avoid any Ted Bundys, but they still make me nervous!)
One guy I went on a few dates with years ago did have the gumption to ask me how I felt about being fat, though. I asked him how he felt about being fat, since he was a bit soft in the middle himself. He had no answer for that. Men are strange.
But in the past I've dated when I was over 175 pounds, and I was on Yahoomatch before at my current weight. (Yes, I've used these sites in the past and managed to avoid any Ted Bundys, but they still make me nervous!)
One guy I went on a few dates with years ago did have the gumption to ask me how I felt about being fat, though. I asked him how he felt about being fat, since he was a bit soft in the middle himself. He had no answer for that. Men are strange.
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If you're really serious about dating and meeting the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, I would wait until you reach your goal weight. Your prospects will greatly increase and you'll land a much better man. I cannot stress enough how important it is to put your best foot forward and be the best version of yourself you can possibly be.
Good luck!0 -
Mike, yes, everyone's prospects are better when they aren't carrying a lot of extra weight, but I have to object to your comment that she will "land a much better man" if she's at goal weight. That sounds like you are saying the only decent guys out there won't date or fall for a woman carrying extra weight and that's simply not true. There are men who are kind, considerate, funny, intelligent and have good jobs, etc. that do marry women who aren't thin. They don't necessarily limit themselves to thin women.A friend of mine has been obese as long as I've known her and she has been married for about 13 years to the most wonderful guy, whom she met while obese. I don't think she could find a better man.
Mara - this year, I'm actually heavier than any previous dating weight that resulted in relationships, but I sometimes sit around and think, am I missing out on some guy who will make me happy the rest of my life because I'm not even looking? So I go online and see who's there. I'm of the philosophy that you've gotta be in it to win it! Do you actually have plans to move one day? Or its just a vague idea that you won't stay there forever? Would it be so bad to stay where you are if you met someone who made you light up inside? Just some things I'm wondering about since I don't know you and your situation.0 -
Don't make excuses for being single. If you want to meet someone just put yourself out there. You may move someday? Won't many of us? Don't try to predict the future, maybe if you meet someone you'll want to stay, maybe they'll want to move too.
Mike was half right, your prospects will increase if you wait until goal weight, but it doesn't mean you will find a better man.0 -
Mike, yes, everyone's prospects are better when they aren't carrying a lot of extra weight, but I have to object to your comment that she will "land a much better man" if she's at goal weight. That sounds like you are saying the only decent guys out there won't date or fall for a woman carrying extra weight and that's simply not true. There are men who are kind, considerate, funny, intelligent and have good jobs, etc. that do marry women who aren't thin. They don't necessarily limit themselves to thin women.A friend of mine has been obese as long as I've known her and she has been married for about 13 years to the most wonderful guy, whom she met while obese. I don't think she could find a better man.
I certainly see your side of the arguement, though I completely disagree. I know from my personal experience that I have 100x more confidence when I'm at my ideal weight. confidence = sexy. And, there has been a lot of talk on here about women (and men) who are doing online dating and getting e-mailed by people they feel physically repulsed by. Well, if they raise their game and be the best version of themselves, perhaps they'll attract partners who they won't be repulsed by.
My friend NCTravelingGirl hit the nail on the head with her last post titled, "You attract who you are, not what you want". She's sharp as a whip and definitely gets it.
Maybe I come off as a little brash, shallow, narcissistic, etc. But I'd rather be honest with people instead of handling everyone with kid's gloves and partake in all the ego padding that goes on here (which is ultimately counter-productive and harmful).
Just my Saturday morning rant/rave as I sip on my Baily's infused coffee.0 -
I guarantee you that all the beautiful women are getting emailed by men they feel physically repulsed by too.And, there has been a lot of talk on here about women (and men) who are doing online dating and getting e-mailed by people they feel physically repulsed by. Well, if they raise their game and be the best version of themselves, perhaps they'll attract partners who they won't be repulsed by.0 -
The best looking women have the most options. The best looking women are usually thin to normal weight.
There are overweight women that have options. I have seen it before.
The OP said in a different thread that it is still easier to her to get laid than it is for most men.0 -
I certainly see your side of the arguement, though I completely disagree. I know from my personal experience that I have 100x more confidence when I'm at my ideal weight. confidence = sexy. And, there has been a lot of talk on here about women (and men) who are doing online dating and getting e-mailed by people they feel physically repulsed by. Well, if they raise their game and be the best version of themselves, perhaps they'll attract partners who they won't be repulsed by.
My friend NCTravelingGirl hit the nail on the head with her last post titled, "You attract who you are, not what you want". She's sharp as a whip and definitely gets it.
Maybe I come off as a little brash, shallow, narcissistic, etc. But I'd rather be honest with people instead of handling everyone with kid's gloves and partake in all the ego padding that goes on here (which is ultimately counter-productive and harmful).
Just my Saturday morning rant/rave as I sip on my Baily's infused coffee.
Why thank you?! The irony is that your post really left me thinking, or shall I admit to overthinking?! I'm not near my goal weight, though thankfully more than half there now and am definitely not attracting the type of men I'm both attracted to and can hold a conversation. Made me wonder if I'm wasting my time online at this time. BUT, that's me in a bad mood today and fortunately I recognize that, haha. So for now, I'll view my online efforts as me finally taking steps to get out of my shell, even if it doesn't yet yield the man I'm looking for.
To you Mara....I've read your posts a long time. I think you've come such a long way but still haven't given yourself that credit mentally. You're really not much outside your ideal weight, I'm guessing based on the numbers you've posted... maybe 10-20lbs, just guesing to be a normal weight for your height??? I don't consider that enough to stop your dating life... when you're READY! Good Luck, girl!0 -
I think its more important to feel comfortable in your own skin. If you FEEL fat then you will portray it. If you FEEL confident and sexy, then you will exude confidence and sexy!!
I really think its about your own acceptance of yourself that is the biggest barrier to attraction.
Its fine for a guy to say that he only wants the most beautiful, slim woman in her 20's. However, in reality, it really rather depends where the guy is at himself!! I mean a balding, pot bellied 36 year old bloke with little intelligence isn't exactly going to be able to choose!! So why is it that woman are the only one's that need to be at goal weight? Intelligent? Beautiful? Tall? Independent? Blah! Blah! There are plenty of men not at goal weight and make no attempt to ever get there either!! And there are plenty of men, good and bad that aren't buff, but make wonderful partners!!
What most of us fail to remember (perhaps because this is a fitness site and our personal demands are a bit off the scale??) is that most of us peeps in the world are just AVERAGE, both male and female!!!
There are tall, short, fat, thin, ugly, pretty, rich, poor, young, old,boring, exciting people that have managed to find partners for as long as mankind has existed. All this talk of 'you must look/be a certain way' is just nonsense!!0 -
Its fine for a guy to say that he only wants the most beautiful, slim woman in her 20's. However, in reality, it really rather depends where the guy is at himself!! I mean a balding, pot bellied 36 year old bloke with little intelligence isn't exactly going to be able to choose!! So why is it that woman are the only one's that need to be at goal weight? Intelligent? Beautiful? Tall? Independent?
This applies to both men and women. Never said that only women need to be at their very best.
I know when I go out tonight, I will see tons of 40-something, overweight guys hitting on a bunch of drunk 21 years olds. I'll bet you dollars-to-doughnuts that they'll go home alone as well.0 -
Its fine for a guy to say that he only wants the most beautiful, slim woman in her 20's. However, in reality, it really rather depends where the guy is at himself!! I mean a balding, pot bellied 36 year old bloke with little intelligence isn't exactly going to be able to choose!! So why is it that woman are the only one's that need to be at goal weight? Intelligent? Beautiful? Tall? Independent?
This applies to both men and women. Never said that only women need to be at their very best.
I know when I go out tonight, I will see tons of 40-something, overweight guys hitting on a bunch of drunk 21 years olds. I'll bet you dollars-to-doughnuts that they'll go home alone as well.
You missed the point Mike. The point is that there are very few people that meet the ideal fantasy of man OR woman! Not very many people are 'at their best' as life just isnt that simple, but people manage to form relationships regardless :flowerforyou:0 -
First thing you need to do is take some normal,clear,non exercising pics of you and post a couple.
Let the world see who you are and are becoming.0 -
I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.0 -
I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.
I love you!
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I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.
I wish I felt this way. I must have been more confident ten years ago when I was dating at 175 than I am now.
But I definitely am moving (I'm very sick here, can't work, can't function, miserable). So no point in getting serious with anyone for now. I was just surprised to remember I had been out there and dating at a heavier weight than I am now. I was in college and working and my allergies hadn't knocked me down hard yet, though, maybe that has a lot to do with it.0 -
I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.
I wish I felt this way. I must have been more confident ten years ago when I was dating at 175 than I am now.
But I definitely am moving (I'm very sick here, can't work, can't function, miserable). So no point in getting serious with anyone for now. I was just surprised to remember I had been out there and dating at a heavier weight than I am now. I was in college and working and my allergies hadn't knocked me down hard yet, though, maybe that has a lot to do with it.
If you make the decision to focus on your career or do some "soul searching" and take a break from dating, I don't see anything wrong with that. More power to you. I needed that time for myself as well. But please don't let your weight be the reason you decide to not put yourself out there. I would never want to be in a relationship; friendship or otherwise based strictly on the way that I look. Or the way someone else looks.
There is more to people than the physical.
Best of luck to you :flowerforyou:0 -
I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.
I love you!
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I must sau that I had prospect when I was bigger but I am more confident now, so I have more self respect. That's what men find sexy. Not just being someone desperate to find someone. I think that when you feel better bout who you are, naturally radiate a light. From that light, you will find love.0
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Awesomely said.I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.
I love you!0 -
I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.
I you for saying this. 0 -
I am not anywhere near my goal weight...it has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about myself. And I think the statement "wait until you are at your goal weight to date someone" is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my entire life.
I loved myself 55 pounds ago.
I love myself today.
I will love myself 30 pounds from now.
ALL exactly the same...
My weight has nothing to do with my personality, integrity, loyalty, honesty, compassion, friendship, intelligence or mentality.
agreed. but i think lots of times people (ok maybe i'm just thinking of myself here :laugh: ) come up with all kinds of excuses of why they can't get into relationships - not the right weight, not settled, not making enough $$, etc - when the real reason is that they just arent ready for a relationship period.
i think in general anyone can find love when they are in a transitional period whether that be on the way to getting the body and health you want or getting the career you want. but the bottom line is how comfortable are they with themselves and their current situation. i think the more comfortable someone in the more likely they are to attract someone who'll be understanding of their transitional stage.0
