I've come to the conclusion that I moved on too soon, I'm over my ex I hate his *kitten* now, but in no way shape or form am I ready to be intimate or even semi/close to intimate again.

My case in point. This guy I've been seeing, we hit it off really well...he's very caring, compassionate etc. When we first met, I was attracted to him, he was skinnier than most guys I've dated in the past but wasn't a big deal he didn't look that thin, we never touched except holding hands that night. Second date we went fishing, and ended up snuggling on the couch, he fell asleeep during the movie, and I ended up balling my eyes out quietly deciding whether I should stay the night or go.... if I left that meant I quit trying....I don't wanna be a quitter...
so he caught me crying and at first was oober confused why...we had jsut had a great time fishing and playing with the horses afterall... and he tried to console me and hold me, and I just kept pulling away, even though in my head I was saying not to.

For a little bit I felt better and we kissed, that was good, then don't know if it was on accident or if he got a little carried away but he tried to french kiss me and I bout bit the poor guys' tounge off. I apologized and just started crying again....
I was sooo mad at myself, he doesn't deserve this, he shouldn't have to put up with this crap he deserves someone who can love him back right now.
So the whole ride home the wheels in my mind kept spinning and the first thing that came to mind was how thin he was, like I could feel his bones, it bugged me and now I've got it in my head that I dont' want to continue with that being one of the reasons? Seriously who am I to fn judge.... I just don't want him to touch me and I don't know why.... that's the best part of having a "partner" (I hate the word girlfriend, I'm fn 30 for god sakes)

He still likes me and thinks that we can work thru this, but I don't think (and I wouldn't ever tell him) how repulsed I am by the fact that he's caring about me right now. He's treating me the way that I would treat someone if they pulled this on me....I don't know how to handle that.

Anyway....I feel like in order to not break his heart even further I need to do something, I'm obviously not ready for this yet... will I ever be?? I don't know if I want to concentrate on that yet....
What would you do?

I know I go see my psych tomorrow....she better have some damn good reasons as to why I'm doing this, I don't like it, I want it to quit, I want to be loved and love again.... wtf?!

Well, I think going to see a psychologist is a good step to take. Sometimes it's just really good to talk to someone, let your emotions out, and hopefully they can offer some sound advice.

To be completely honest, if I was the guy, I'd be running for the hills. No man deserves that on a date. You were crying for no real reason and bit his tongue when he tried to kiss you. All this was after, what seemed to be, a nice date of going fishing and playing with horses.

I'd be completely honest with him and say you aren't ready to get involved with anyone at the moment. He deserves the straight forward truth at this point.

I hate to hear that you are going through this, but I agree with the others. A counselor is going to be the best option for you right now. But my first instinct is to tell you that you aren't ready...for whatever reason. Because of this, it makes me wonder how long you've been seperated/divorced and how long were you married? I ask because I know that I had deep rooted issues and it takes a long time to figure them out and how to overcome them. If this guy is willing to work with you on these things, why are you pushing him away?

I wish you luck, and keep us posted. :flowerforyou:

If I were in his shoes, I'd probably be doing what he's doing...but in the back of my mind I'd give it maybe a few more times then I'd say nope this isn't gonna work. So I commend him for wanting to be compassionate about it, and I think that's why I want him to go.
I kind of did give him the option for an out, I told him everything I've said here that he doesn't deserve this etc. I want to be friends but that's bout all I can handle at the moment.... and thats when he came back with the "we'll get thru this"

So then I kind of sense something not right with him in the fact of why the hell does he want to keep on with me?

I don't want to be mean about it either.

I understand it can be difficult to tell someone exactly how you feel, but it's absolutely necessary in this case, since you know you can't picture anything serious with this guy.

From a guys perspective, the straightforward news is always tough to hear. But, after a few days, he'll respect the fact that you were completely honest with him and he'll get over the bad news much quicker.

It doesn't sound like you are ready to be dating yet. Personally, when I was healing after my last breakup, the last piece to feel resolved was the attraction issue. Don't rush anything until you know with 100% certainty that you are ready both mentally and physically to be involved with someone new.

While I agree with Anna that you shouldn't settle for a guy you aren't head over heels for, I do applaud him for being sweet to you during such an awkward situation. He easily could have been a jerk, but instead showed you that some men do have a sensitive side, which is a positive reminder for you even if he isn't someone you can picture yourself with long term. But you need to be honest with him about that at the same time.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

You may need some more time away from the dating scene before you can form a well balanced relationship.

One of the things that people who have coupled long term, as it appears that you have, struggle with is adopting the single person's mentality. Once a person has a few years of being in an exclusive relationship under their belt, they forget what it is like to be a single person. As an individual, you do things completely different than a childless, unmarried couple or a childless married couple, not to mention the immense differences between single life and married with children life. And being a single mom is a different set of challenges than being a regular single person without kids.

All of the stuff in the preceding paragraph involves a significant adjustment period.

It is easier to change mentality going from a single person to a couple, than going from a couple back to a single person, especially if you weren't well established as a single person prior to a lengthy relationship.

I'd say try not to beat yourself up over it any more. Maybe he was brought into your life so you could figure out you aren't as far along as you originally thought? So just keep focusing on you, and you'll get there. :flowerforyou:

I've come to the conclusion that I moved on too soon, I'm over my ex I hate his *kitten* now, but in no way shape or form am I ready to be intimate or even semi/close to intimate again.

My case in point. This guy I've been seeing, we hit it off really well...he's very caring, compassionate etc. When we first met, I was attracted to him, he was skinnier than most guys I've dated in the past but wasn't a big deal he didn't look that thin, we never touched except holding hands that night. Second date we went fishing, and ended up snuggling on the couch, he fell asleeep during the movie, and I ended up balling my eyes out quietly deciding whether I should stay the night or go.... if I left that meant I quit trying....I don't wanna be a quitter...

Girl, slow the eff down! Here we go again. With the first date, you were all in a tizzy about not being ready to be in a committed relationship. Now you are crying on date two over a decision to spend the night. Quit putting the cart before the horse!

You need to (once again) separate out dating from being in a relationship. Dating is supposed to be a fun time getting to know another person. Why do you keep putting so much pressure on yourself about things that could be a long way down the road? This does not have to move at the speed of light to intimacy and commitment.

The last guy I dated over 2 months, we saw each other 8 times and I never worried about this. After date 8, we had a heart to heart about some big deal breakers like kids and decided to just be friends, which was easy to do since we hadn't jumped into intimacy. YOU set the pace of how things progress, so if you need to have things move slowly, like I did, it is ridiculous for you to put pressure on yourself on date #2 about spending the night. Where does that even come from? The guy knew you weren't even ready for French kissing and he seemed okay with it. And if you aren't ready for that, how does spending the night enter into it? Those two things aren't even in the same universe!

This whole business of putting this pressure on yourself and feeling put off by him physically seems to me to be self sabotage, because of this:

He still likes me and thinks that we can work thru this, but I don't think (and I wouldn't ever tell him) how repulsed I am by the fact that he's caring about me right now. He's treating me the way that I would treat someone if they pulled this on me....I don't know how to handle that.

Anyway....I feel like in order to not break his heart even further I need to do something, I'm obviously not ready for this yet... will I ever be?? I don't know if I want to concentrate on that yet....
What would you do?

You don't seem to feel like you deserve a person who has the same sense of caring, kindness and understanding that you would give another person. Why? Your sense of self-worth is so low, and THIS is what you really need to work on. I disagree with the others that you shouldn't continue to date this guy. I think you should and you need to keep telling yourself that you ARE worthy of him treating you well.

And the second part of that^? There it is again... the huge pressure on yourself that you're breaking his heart. Pullease! You just met the guy. He'll be just fine if you decide you aren't ready to continue dating him.

I think you really need to work on this with your therapist. I also think you need to communicate with this guy that you need to take things slowly if he still wants to see you after all that. The crying and biting his tongue would send a lot of guys running for the hills. If he's still interest, I would give him a chance while you give yourself a chance. Look, a couple weeks ago (or however long it was), you were total strangers. It takes time to get to know someone and to become comfortable with them. You also need time to get comfortable with yourself around him. The best thing to do , IMO, in early stages of dating if you don't want things to move to quickly is to only go out on dates. Don't go to each others homes and snuggle on the couch until you are ready for things to move in that direction. Keep it more formal and out in public until you are more comfortable.

So, take a deep breath and calm down. This isn't life and death decision making - at this stage, it's just deciding if you enjoy the company of someone enough to want to spend a few more hours with him again. If you decide to give it another chance and start thinking about commitment or intimacy again, give your brain a big mental slap for putting the cart before the horse again! Remember, this is supposed to fun and exciting, so quit sucking the fun out of it with these big heavy decisions!

I want to see you having fun with this! :flowerforyou:

@Mellie - I usually love what y say, but this time, you've blown me away!

I get that you have the OPs best interests at heart and you want her to have fun. That's great! But have you thought about what the guy might be thinking and what might happen down the line?

IMHO I'm really not sure that the guy in question is going to stick around!! This is mainly why I think the OP should take the initiative and break it off OR just be friends.

I mean, if the situation were reversed and it was me with a guy who reacted that way:

a)I would be running a mile if I tried to kiss someone properly and they nearly bit my tongue off and started crying!

b)In order to not add fuel to the flame, I would say something calming like 'dont worry, we can work this out'

c)I might even mean that for the next date or two, but EIGHT dates down the line?

d) if someone is willing to put up with that kind of crazy at such an early stage, I would be questioning THEIR mental state!

e) a non intimate situation, is a FRIEND situation. I think OP would be better off being friends with the guy until such time as she feels comfortable/strong/ready enough to get intimate. And I'm not trying to rush sex here, but I think any dating couple kiss/cuddle/hold hands, dont they?

f)the OP categorically said that she doesnt feel ready to move on with dating or getting intimate. I understand that you want to b!tch slap her and say 'get on with it' but I think it could do more harm than good, What if the guy makes the decision to stop seeing her in 3 dates time and rejection sets in?

OP I'm not trying to distress you here. Please dont think for one minute the guy will do any of what I'm suggesting. It's more of a 'what if '. I think carrying on seeing him could cause more harm than good.

But then again, I dont know you, and your initial post may be an over reaction to which you just needed to hear that you should carry on seeing him..........lol right now the ball's in your court :flowerforyou: