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How do you know it's working online?
kendrafallon
Posts: 1,030 Member
By that I mean, when all you have is real time online chat and emails?
The story so far....
I signed up with POF and after wading through the crap got this amazing message, that literally had me sitting there stunned. I didn't reply straight away, give it some time, re-read the message a few times, and still came away from it stunned.
I replied to his email address, rather than POF and we've been chatting via Yahoo Messenger and email everyday since.
Unfortunately I'm not going to get to meet him in real life until possibly Christmas - he's an Army Medic, serving in Afghanistan.
I've was wrong once before about a 'virtual' relationship I invested a lot into it and got hurt quite badly as a result. I don't want history to repeat itself.
Any thoughts welcome
The story so far....
I signed up with POF and after wading through the crap got this amazing message, that literally had me sitting there stunned. I didn't reply straight away, give it some time, re-read the message a few times, and still came away from it stunned.
I replied to his email address, rather than POF and we've been chatting via Yahoo Messenger and email everyday since.
Unfortunately I'm not going to get to meet him in real life until possibly Christmas - he's an Army Medic, serving in Afghanistan.
I've was wrong once before about a 'virtual' relationship I invested a lot into it and got hurt quite badly as a result. I don't want history to repeat itself.
Any thoughts welcome
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Replies
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I'd like to say I know, but I recently found out someone had been deceiving me for years. So I am obviously clueless.0
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Sorry hun, but army medics (or soldiers or any military) in Afghanistan that are too good to be true, is usually a Nigerian (African) scam artist!!
I was taken in with this BS myself a couple of years ago!! The online conversations went on for months........
At some point he will ask you for money, either to call him or meet him, claiming that the army doesnt let him have any disposable cash.............
Here is one site explaining but if you google 'romantic scams' you will find lots more:
http://www.romancescams.org/
All the best :flowerforyou:0 -
Here:
1) It might be a scam, and then he will proceed to ask for money to visit you (this is a known scam).
2) If not, then it's a bad start, really really bad.
Why? You don't KNOW him. For all I know, he stinks or has no teeth at all, or has a very high pitched voice (that of a child).
It's never "working online" for the physical world. It is working (online) if this person remains (forever) an online relationship.
I hope you understand and accept there is a gap between the online world and the physical world. Technically, then you're wrong once again (90% chances), so better accept it now.
3) Well you made it here, congratulations. There is a 10% chance that this person is actually genuine, will be interested in you if you ever meet, and that you will be interested in him if you ever meet, and maybe also it's not "just for sex".
Well done.
My advice: don't invest too much.
Problem: the more time you spend talking to someone, the more you invest.0 -
I have no idea your location but unless the guy is from your area and coming home soon so you can meet did you ask yourself why he is searching your zipcode for women?
Second if he instantly wanted to bypass the ability to "talk" on POF then most likely it is a person phishing for your email address to sell.
Sorry,just my gut feeling. :flowerforyou:0 -
I had thought it could possibly be a scam and in that respects, I work damn hard for my ££'s, I'm tight with it as it is, not going to give it away 'just like that' (said in a Tommy Cooper voice). Takes a lot to convince me to part with my cash and that's including family and friends!!!
Learned that lesson the hard way. So yes I'm wary, which is why I posted the topic.It's never "working online" for the physical world. It is working (online) if this person remains (forever) an online relationship.
I hope you understand and accept there is a gap between the online world and the physical world. Technically, then you're wrong once again (90% chances), so better accept it now.
The "just for sex" thing...been down that route before, but stopped short of ever doing anything more than meet up face-to-face
For now, I don't know, other than to keep being wary0 -
Don't invest, keep it light and fun, build a friendship if you want.
But see other people!!!!!!!!! That will help.
Chemistry online is completely different than in person.
People can lie all they want behind a screen...they are safe.
In real life all the truth comes out eventually.
Also skype so you actually know the truth about what you look like.0 -
How does the old saying go? If it's too good to be true, it usually is?
Just the other day, I got my hopes up about a condo for rent in a nearby town that I saw on Craig's List. I hadn't planned on moving, but I just happened to see it and it was such a beautiful place and in a great downtown location for a GREAT price, so I started fantasizing about this new chapter in my life and how much fun it would be to live there......... well, it turned out to be a scam. The unit ended up being for rent by a legitimate person, but for about 3x the amount.....
Turned out some a** was wanting to get me or someone else to send money for a security deposit and they stole someone else's listing and pics.
Anyway, just be careful and guard your heart. While it wasn't a man in uniform, I was still pretty sad when I figured out that it was all made up.0 -
I had talked to some guy from POF...was a gorgeous guy, and he was emailing me, then went to reg. email and then I gave him my number, and I don't remember where he was, but he was from England and had a daughter in TX. So, I thought it was all strange.....and everytime he called I avoided the call....finally he stopped calling and then I sent an emaill it was not going to work. He never asked for money, but did give me a sob story about how he was having trouble getting his work done in order to get back.
So, do as the others said and see others, make sure to Skype--if possible. So, don't give up, he could be a medic in Afghanistan, but he may not be either....just be wary..............0 -
^Good point about the location.I have no idea your location but unless the guy is from your area and coming home soon so you can meet did you ask yourself why he is searching your zipcode for women?
Second if he instantly wanted to bypass the ability to "talk" on POF then most likely it is a person phishing for your email address to sell.
Sorry,just my gut feeling. :flowerforyou:
On the small chance that this guy is genuine, could you not Skype with him? Then you could see that he is the person in his profile and if he has all his teeth and doesn't have the high pitched voice as flimflamfloz suggested you could find out in future.
Edit to add: I see Moe already suggested Skype. My bad for being too lazy to finish reading the thread before posting.0 -
I had thought it could possibly be a scam and in that respects, I work damn hard for my ££'s, I'm tight with it as it is, not going to give it away 'just like that' (said in a Tommy Cooper voice). Takes a lot to convince me to part with my cash and that's including family and friends!!!
Learned that lesson the hard way. So yes I'm wary, which is why I posted the topic.It's never "working online" for the physical world. It is working (online) if this person remains (forever) an online relationship.
I hope you understand and accept there is a gap between the online world and the physical world. Technically, then you're wrong once again (90% chances), so better accept it now.
The "just for sex" thing...been down that route before, but stopped short of ever doing anything more than meet up face-to-face
For now, I don't know, other than to keep being wary
I know that you wouldnt part with your cash, just as I wouldnt, but the point is that these conversations will go on for months, in which time you become emotionally invested. You can't help that.
To corner him you can do one of two things:
a) question him in detail about his home town (do your homework first). Whats his fave restaurant, cinema, pools, population....whatever..........if he's vague you'll know he's never been there.
b) the online scam buster sites have a way of checking where (most - there is also a way of blocking this now) the email address is located. Join a site and ask them to check it.
Scammers are very, very clever. They do this for a living and will spend hours /months forming a relationship with you as they know that you will be less likely to refuse them if there is romance involved. And they dont have a conscience whatsoever. Dont waste your time :flowerforyou:
And yeah, just my gut feeling too, but so far he's done and said everything that my scammer did! The next thing also, is watch out for a sick mother or in my case, a child in boarding school that he can't get access to/ fees for................ :huh:0 -
I'm gonna be the bad guy but I *am* in the military so here goes...
It could be a scam (you fall in love electronically and then they slowly start manipulating)
He *could* be an Army medic in Afghanistan, in which case he is probably doing what most of the guys do when we go away: find something to distract them, have fun with, and give meaning to life while they're away. But you will likely never meet him. It's ok to build a friendship and maybe even be the motivation that gets a guy home safe, but it's not real. And don't believe it to be real, even if he's emailing/calling/skyping every day for months. When he comes home. 99% of the time he will poof on you. I've seen it several times.
But it could be a scam. Said 2x b/c that's usually the case with these things.
The way I know it's going well online is that a man takes me out. If he doesn't, due to location time work whatever, then it is not going well with that guy. If you want to start a relationship, do you immediately go to guys in another continent where you won't be able to meet them for a year? No. You look for someone here that you can get to know. And what happens with most guys who we build long electronic relationships with and then finally meet in person? We discover WHY they were single and felt they had to emotionally connect for along time first before meeting us, in hopes that the emotional connection would overcome the physical/personality/in person repulsion.
But it really sounds like a scam.0 -
Yes, it could be a scam, yes it could end up not working out.
So -what-?
What's the worst that could happen? I mean honestly, think about it. As long as you don't send him money and don't have sex with him the moment he comes home it's pretty much got as much chance as any other relationship. The reason there are ****ty people online is because ****ty people exist offline too.
I say if you like him and you're having fun then roll with it. Chat with him, text him, call him do what makes you happy and if it goes from there then WOOHOO if not, it's not like you were passing other people by in the mean time right?
Geez, y'all are hardcore pessimists.
Have an ADVENTURE!0 -
There are too many men nearby so I wouldn't invest in this. I don't see the point.
To me, it'd be strange if a man so far away made plans or even talked about seeing me on Christmas that soon.0 -
Yes, it could be a scam, yes it could end up not working out.
So -what-?
What's the worst that could happen? I mean honestly, think about it. As long as you don't send him money and don't have sex with him the moment he comes home it's pretty much got as much chance as any other relationship. The reason there are ****ty people online is because ****ty people exist offline too.
I say if you like him and you're having fun then roll with it. Chat with him, text him, call him do what makes you happy and if it goes from there then WOOHOO if not, it's not like you were passing other people by in the mean time right?
Geez, y'all are hardcore pessimists.
Have an ADVENTURE!
I'm all for adventure but I prefer face to face, skin on skin. She mentioned having a previous online relationship which ended up badly so maybe they're not for her? (just like online dating isn't for everyone)0 -
I personally rather learn how to play guitar than make myself available (physically and emotionally) to someone who is likely a scammer. I find it a better use of my time.Yes, it could be a scam, yes it could end up not working out.
So -what-?
Everyone is free to use their (precious) time as they see fit though.0 -
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I personally rather learn how to play guitar than make myself available (physically and emotionally) to someone who is likely a scammer. I find it a better use of my time.Yes, it could be a scam, yes it could end up not working out.
So -what-?
Everyone is free to use their (precious) time as they see fit though.I'm all for adventure but I prefer face to face, skin on skin. She mentioned having a previous online relationship which ended up badly so maybe they're not for her? (just like online dating isn't for everyone)
Which is why I specified to do what makes her happy and not worry about impossible to foresee outcomes. From her first message she sounds hesitant but excited. So my advice is to go for it, be smart, but have fun!0 -
Ok, so you all know, I'm from Leicester, UK.
I hadn't actually thought about Skype, but point well made, if he has access to the Internet, then surely he has Skype, though saying that Yahoo Messenger has voice and camera facilities now and that's how we're chatting.
Step a) sounds logical and something I can start on next time we chat, his profile (while it was on POF) said he was from London and from what we've spoken about, he knows that area of London quite well and other parts that you couldn't really pick up from a guide book or online. Step b) I'll seriously look into.a) question him in detail about his home town (do your homework first). Whats his fave restaurant, cinema, pools, population....whatever..........if he's vague you'll know he's never been there.
b) the online scam buster sites have a way of checking where (most - there is also a way of blocking this now) the email address is located. Join a site and ask them to check it.
The adventure part is why I signed up in the first place!! LOL Real life wasn't getting me anywhere, either that or I was meeting guys that are quite a bit younger than me.
I'm all for adventure but I prefer face to face, skin on skin. She mentioned having a previous online relationship which ended up badly so maybe they're not for her? (just like online dating isn't for everyone)Have an ADVENTURE!
And yes the online relationship I had previously ended badly - SecondLife, spent a lot of time online chatting to this particular guy, Skype, email etc. Flew out to Canada for a holiday, catch up with family out there and also see if there was anything real between me and this chappie. Things were going great, the conversation was like it was online, we connected really well. It was during my last few day of my trip that he told me he wanted to introduce me to his wife....he tells me this after almost 6 months of chatting online and a trip out to Canada. Had I known, from the start that he was married, it would never have gone as far as it did, I certainly wouldn't have thought about meeting him. He wasn't even divorced....*deep breath* water under the bridge but, the memory of what an idiot I was is still with me.
Enough said, and thank you all for responding, it's very much appreciated! :drinker:0 -
the conversation was like it was online, we connected really well. It was during my last few day of my trip that he told me he wanted to introduce me to his wife....he tells me this after almost 6 months of chatting online and a trip out to Canada. Had I known, from the start that he was married, it would never have gone as far as it did
I forgot to mention in my earlier post that many of my military peers who pick up a new girl (whether in the local area or virtually) are actually married. That's one big reason they poof when they get home.0 -
He claims to be a widow of 5 years....time will tell.I forgot to mention in my earlier post that many of my military peers who pick up a new girl (whether in the local area or virtually) are actually married. That's one big reason they poof when they get home.
My profile is still active on POF and I'm still wading through the crappy messages.0 -
Yes, it could be a scam, yes it could end up not working out.
So -what-?
Sorry Em, you're trivialising a very real problem out there. Its not just about losing money, I think most women will back out if asked for money, but these guys dont ask for money for months!! It's more the psychological damage they cause. Imagine getting to know someone for months, talking every day, revealing stuff about yourself that is personal and emotional and sometimes intimate, and then finding out its some criminal sitting in an internet cafe in Nigeria laughing at you with his mates?? (Not that I sent him any naked pics, but a lot of women do!)
Well, when it happened to me I felt violated, stupid, ignorant, pathetic and SCARED!! This guy, after speaking to me for months, knew a LOT about me!! When I was born, where, my town, my school, my friends, my address, that I was on holiday alone...................etc etc etc
I wouldnt recommend that feeling to anyone. I dont trust anyone online now. Now, if there is even a HINT of a scam, (and this has more than a hint about it) then I will move on. I will NEVER speak to someone who claims to be in the miltiary ever again!! If I can't meet him in a couple of weeks, then I'm not going to talk to him. TIme is a precious commodity, why waste it on the possibility??
Pessimism isn't the right word. Realism is. Scamming is a very real problem in online dating sites. They worm into you and find your vulnerability. You know me, do I seem stupid to you?? But this guy had me in the palm of his hand. They specifically target lonely women 35+ Actually I'd just lost my Mum and I was at my lowest ebb!!! Maybe that's why I didnt think abou tit much, I dont really know. But all the signs I now know were there. His broken English, his strong emotion, his 'too good to be true' empathetic persona...........hmmm...........anyway
It's not a very pleasant experience. And it's certainly not adventurous. It's very scary!! I was looking over my shoulder for months after this incident. Yes, I even gave him my home address. He said he needed it for military security............Jeeeeeeez! How I wish I even knew this type of stuff existed, I would never have spoken to him for 5 mintues. And yes, they can and do turn nasty when you figure it out.......Read up on it.
To the OP- You can call it adventurous if you like, or you can learn by somebody elses mistakes. I've told you how to check him out. I hope you do Saying he's widowed is another trick they use. It's all about creating a sob story that will eventually lead to pulling at your heartstrings and parting with cash...........:flowerforyou:0 -
i'd never invest anything with anyone until i've met them in person.0
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I hate so much hearing about these horrible people taking advantage of someone at their most vulnerable. I'm sorry this happened to you, Anna. They are such parasites. :frown: You certainly don't seem stupid and I think it's brave of you to share this with us. :flowerforyou:Pessimism isn't the right word. Realism is. Scamming is a very real problem in online dating sites. They worm into you and find your vulnerability. You know me, do I seem stupid to you?? But this guy had me in the palm of his hand. They specifically target lonely women 35+ Actually I'd just lost my Mum and I was at my lowest ebb!!! Maybe that's why I didnt think abou tit much, I dont really know. But all the signs I now know were there. His broken English, his strong emotion, his 'too good to be true' empathetic persona...........hmmm...........anyway0 -
@AnnaPixie I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a horrible time of things. I am listening, not just to you, but to all the opinions posted, both here and on my newsfeed. Time will tell and I will be cautious....
I hate so much hearing about these horrible people taking advantage of someone at their most vulnerable. I'm sorry this happened to you, Anna. They are such parasites. :frown: You certainly don't seem stupid and I think it's brave of you to share this with us. :flowerforyou:Pessimism isn't the right word. Realism is. Scamming is a very real problem in online dating sites. They worm into you and find your vulnerability. You know me, do I seem stupid to you?? But this guy had me in the palm of his hand. They specifically target lonely women 35+ Actually I'd just lost my Mum and I was at my lowest ebb!!! Maybe that's why I didnt think abou tit much, I dont really know. But all the signs I now know were there. His broken English, his strong emotion, his 'too good to be true' empathetic persona...........hmmm...........anyway0 -
I hate so much hearing about these horrible people taking advantage of someone at their most vulnerable. I'm sorry this happened to you, Anna. They are such parasites. :frown: You certainly don't seem stupid and I think it's brave of you to share this with us. :flowerforyou:Pessimism isn't the right word. Realism is. Scamming is a very real problem in online dating sites. They worm into you and find your vulnerability. You know me, do I seem stupid to you?? But this guy had me in the palm of his hand. They specifically target lonely women 35+ Actually I'd just lost my Mum and I was at my lowest ebb!!! Maybe that's why I didnt think abou tit much, I dont really know. But all the signs I now know were there. His broken English, his strong emotion, his 'too good to be true' empathetic persona...........hmmm...........anyway
Thanks Mellie. I'm well over the embarrassment of it now, it was a couple of years ago. If sharing my story is spreading awareness and if I can save one woman (or man, it happens to men too) form this experience, then I'll be happy :bigsmile:
If I had more time I would join a scammer baiting club!! People that are active in talking to them and shutting them down. Yep, parasite is a good word :flowerforyou:0 -
Yes, it could be a scam, yes it could end up not working out.
So -what-?
Sorry Em, you're trivialising a very real problem out there. Its not just about losing money, I think most women will back out if asked for money, but these guys dont ask for money for months!! It's more the psychological damage they cause. Imagine getting to know someone for months, talking every day, revealing stuff about yourself that is personal and emotional and sometimes intimate, and then finding out its some criminal sitting in an internet cafe in Nigeria laughing at you with his mates?? (Not that I sent him any naked pics, but a lot of women do!)
Well, when it happened to me I felt violated, stupid, ignorant, pathetic and SCARED!! This guy, after speaking to me for months, knew a LOT about me!! When I was born, where, my town, my school, my friends, my address, that I was on holiday alone...................etc etc etc
I wouldnt recommend that feeling to anyone. I dont trust anyone online now. Now, if there is even a HINT of a scam, (and this has more than a hint about it) then I will move on. I will NEVER speak to someone who claims to be in the miltiary ever again!! If I can't meet him in a couple of weeks, then I'm not going to talk to him. TIme is a precious commodity, why waste it on the possibility??
Pessimism isn't the right word. Realism is. Scamming is a very real problem in online dating sites. They worm into you and find your vulnerability. You know me, do I seem stupid to you?? But this guy had me in the palm of his hand. They specifically target lonely women 35+ Actually I'd just lost my Mum and I was at my lowest ebb!!! Maybe that's why I didnt think abou tit much, I dont really know. But all the signs I now know were there. His broken English, his strong emotion, his 'too good to be true' empathetic persona...........hmmm...........anyway
It's not a very pleasant experience. And it's certainly not adventurous. It's very scary!! I was looking over my shoulder for months after this incident. Yes, I even gave him my home address. He said he needed it for military security............Jeeeeeeez! How I wish I even knew this type of stuff existed, I would never have spoken to him for 5 mintues. And yes, they can and do turn nasty when you figure it out.......Read up on it.
To the OP- You can call it adventurous if you like, or you can learn by somebody elses mistakes. I've told you how to check him out. I hope you do Saying he's widowed is another trick they use. It's all about creating a sob story that will eventually lead to pulling at your heartstrings and parting with cash...........:flowerforyou:
I certainly do NOT think you are stupid, you're one of my favorite MFPers! What I originally said also included to be smart about how she handles everything. I'm not saying you weren't smart, I'm saying that this is now a very real and very well known scam so there are ways to protect against it. Like not giving out your address, not sending money, checking up on if he knows the area where he says he lives, skyping with camera, noticing the broken english, etc etc. So yes, the worst that can happen is your scenario and I'm so very sorry you got taken advantage of at such a vulnerable state in your life - I don't mean to trivialize that.
All I was saying is that she can check everything out and still have a good time, without giving out too much personal information. I have had two internet experiences, one of which started prying more than I was comfortable and I told him that I wasn't going to give him the information he wanted so he stopped talking to me, and the other just kinda fizzled out on it's own but they were both still fun while they lasted - which is why I say go for it! Just be aware. Everyone gave really good advice! I'm not saying don't take that advice, don't research scams! I was just saying to have fun in the meantime.0
This discussion has been closed.