Soooooo........
jenbit
Posts: 4,252 Member
Mr. Nice Guy and I had the TALK last night . Thats right talk is in big letters lol.
The conversation basically broke down to we are dating (no **** lol) . However even thoguh he said he is not dating anyone else right now we are not exclusive and if I wanted to date others it would be ok... (ITS a trap ) He did say if he was going on a date with someone else he would tell me first. :huh: Then he said hes still gonna call me his girl.
BTW Running on tons of coffee today so I'm feeling pretty weeeeee at this point :drinker:
The conversation basically broke down to we are dating (no **** lol) . However even thoguh he said he is not dating anyone else right now we are not exclusive and if I wanted to date others it would be ok... (ITS a trap ) He did say if he was going on a date with someone else he would tell me first. :huh: Then he said hes still gonna call me his girl.
BTW Running on tons of coffee today so I'm feeling pretty weeeeee at this point :drinker:
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What are your thoughts on that? Did you want to be just dating still or be more exclusive? For me, personally, I would not be happy about this situation.
Edited: I said committed, but I meant exclusive.0 -
Sorry Jen??? I dont get this :huh: Talk about leave your options open!!
You are definitely running high to consider this a 'talk'!! :laugh: Or am I losing the sarcasm in the TALK??0 -
How long have you been dating?? How often do you see him?0
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What are you thoughts on that? Did you want to be just dating still or be more committed? For me, personally, I would not be happy about this situation.
Actually considering I wasnt sure what the hell he thought we were doing I'm ok with just dating right now. We've really only been going out for a little under a month and honestly I dont want to rush into the BF/GF label thing...I was completely honest with him and told him that I've never actually dated anyone before I've always just been in relationships so dating for a little bit is fine with me.0 -
Sorry Jen??? I dont get this :huh: Talk about leave your options open!!
You are definitely running high to consider this a 'talk'!! :laugh: Or am I losing the sarcasm in the TALK??
No Anne this is kinda where I wanted it to go.. We are really just now getting to know each other. He initiated the conversation and brought up that we are dating. I brought up wether we were exclusive or not lol. I just didnt want him to take it for granted that we would be exclusive without a talk. I'm not sure he was trying to leave his options open lol but he knows he left mine open.0 -
Like you, I haven't really done dating before this year, just relationships, so it makes me uncomfortable to know the other person is still keeping their options open one month in. I would think by that time, I'm investing quite a bit of emotion into him, and if I know he is still actively looking around (open to going out on dates with other women like this), that might be a big problem for me. Maybe I'm a little old fashioned about this sort of thing, but it would really knock me for a loop if someone didn't want to date me exclusively at this point. I wouldn't need the girlfriend label, but just to know that he's not still actively shopping around.0
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I'm curious how this would even come up? It's not really THE talk... it's more like him saying that you're not at the point of the "talk".He initiated the conversation and brought up that we are dating. I brought up wether we were exclusive or not lol. I just didnt want him to take it for granted that we would be exclusive without a talk. I'm not sure he was trying to leave his options open lol but he knows he left mine open.0 -
I'm curious how this would even come up? It's not really THE talk... it's more like him saying that you're not at the point of the "talk".He initiated the conversation and brought up that we are dating. I brought up wether we were exclusive or not lol. I just didnt want him to take it for granted that we would be exclusive without a talk. I'm not sure he was trying to leave his options open lol but he knows he left mine open.
I think I'm writing this wrong so it loses something.
He asked me where I saw us and I said "dating"
He then said but not at the point of BF/GF right and I agreed .
He then said that he really likes me but doesnt want to rush it.
I asked him if we were exclusive or not and His responce was that He wasnt dating anyone else and didn't plan on dating anyone else BUt if he did go on a date with someone else (the example he used was an old friend) He would tell me before it happened.
I told him the reason I wanted to know was because other males who had expressed interest in me wanted to know what was going on and I wouldnt have know what to tell them proir to this conversation. He then told me that he is still introducing me/calling me his girl lol..
I honestly thought it went well I'm not ready to be BF/GF yet. I always jump in without thinking about it and it usually ends badly. This time taking it slow is ok with me.0 -
That sounds different than how it played out in my head from reading the OP. It sounds like you two are on the same page at least.
What does that mean for you? Will you go out with one of the other men who have expressed interest in you now? How would you really feel if he told you he was going out on a date with an old friend. I think I would be gutted if I was told something like that after a month of dating someone. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.0 -
That sounds different than how it played out in my head from reading the OP. It sounds like you two are on the same page at least.
Thats why I rewrote it I felt like I was giving him a bad rap lol.... I'm wondering where all our male MFPers are with there opinions0 -
He wants to keep hanging out or humping or where ever he's at with you... but keep searching for better (in his opinion). At least that's how I read it.0
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I'm curious how this would even come up? It's not really THE talk... it's more like him saying that you're not at the point of the "talk".He initiated the conversation and brought up that we are dating. I brought up wether we were exclusive or not lol. I just didnt want him to take it for granted that we would be exclusive without a talk. I'm not sure he was trying to leave his options open lol but he knows he left mine open.
I think I'm writing this wrong so it loses something.
He asked me where I saw us and I said "dating"
He then said but not at the point of BF/GF right and I agreed .
He then said that he really likes me but doesnt want to rush it.
I asked him if we were exclusive or not and His responce was that He wasnt dating anyone else and didn't plan on dating anyone else BUt if he did go on a date with someone else (the example he used was an old friend) He would tell me before it happened.
I told him the reason I wanted to know was because other males who had expressed interest in me wanted to know what was going on and I wouldnt have know what to tell them proir to this conversation. He then told me that he is still introducing me/calling me his girl lol..
I honestly thought it went well I'm not ready to be BF/GF yet. I always jump in without thinking about it and it usually ends badly. This time taking it slow is ok with me.
I dont really understand the American way. Here, if you like someone you have a relationship with them. There is no middle ground. There is no talk. There is just a case of it working out or not, to be determined within the throws of that relationship.
But you sound happy enough, so I guess he is too :flowerforyou:0 -
I dont really understand the American way. Here, if you like someone you have a relationship with them. There is no middle ground. There is no talk. There is just a case of it working out or not, to be determined within the throws of that relationship.
But you sound happy enough, so I guess he is too :flowerforyou:
Um, not sure this is the American way or not. It sounds to me like he's just not that into you. But he's got no other alternatives at the moment, so whatever.
But maybe that's where you are in the relationship, as well?
In any case, if it works for you, great.
--P0 -
Have you read "act like a lady, think like a man"? Me either, but I've read a small section of it which was talking about sport fishing and some other kind of fishing. Basically he said if the guy tells you its ok to see other people, he's just sport fishing. If he doesn't like the idea of you seeing other people, he thinks you're a keeper.0
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Apperantly everyone took this differently than I did lol. I took this as a good thing now I'm confused :huh:0
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What you described sounds like an open relationship to me.0
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Apperantly everyone took this differently than I did lol. I took this as a good thing now I'm confused :huh:
Like porcelain_dol said it's an open relationship, if that is what you want then it's a good thing, if not then you better have the "talk" again.
I guess I only see two reasons for an open relationship, you're swingers, or you're looking for something better.0 -
I also took it as a good thing. But I understand you. I always understand you. I think that's why I'm normally an outcast in this group. I'm going to post a topic soon so we shall see.
It's been a month. One month. 4 weeks. Well maybe 5 since August was a long month. I think it's a good progression.0 -
Apperantly everyone took this differently than I did lol. I took this as a good thing now I'm confused :huh:
Like porcelain_dol said it's an open relationship, if that is what you want then it's a good thing, if not then you better have the "talk" again.
I guess I only see two reasons for an open relationship, you're swingers, or you're looking for something better.
Or you're looking for something better through swinging. To each their own.0 -
I think he was fishing to see if you were wanting to date exclusively or not. When he said that he would tell you if he had another date, like with an old friend, did he actually mean date or just meet for dinner and catch up? I would be more worried if he said he wanted to date new people then go out with an old friend. There are too many holes here to really say what he was meaning. A lot could be taken by his body language in this conversation that we cannot determine.0
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He wants to keep hanging out or humping or where ever he's at with you... but keep searching for better (in his opinion). At least that's how I read it.It sounds to me like he's just not that into you. But he's got no other alternatives at the moment, so whatever.What you described sounds like an open relationship to me.
This. This. And This.
If "open relationship" where you two hang out/make out/whatever with each other until something better comes along is what you want then, great! I'm happy for you.
If you're looking for a committed relationship where the man eventually becomes alllll about you, this is not it.
By agreeing with him, and even being happy with the "talk" you have basically told this guy I don't care enough about myself to find someone who truly loves me. I will sit here and be "your girl" while you still have the option to date others (as long as you tell me about it). Sure, I have the option to date others too but I've already told you I'm not, so I'm a sure thing in your back pocket.
Some people are happy with this. I wouldn't be. If this is what you want, then great. If it isn't please reconsider. At the very least, if you are going to have an open relationship than make sure he's not the ONLY one going out with other women. Be sure you find other men to go out with too.0 -
I guess I get it, but another strategy is to focus (intensely) on the guy for a month, realise he is after all just an @sshole and dump him rather than having a wishy-washy kind of relationship for 5 years and be kinda available but also kinda not (hot'n'cold), not being sure on what foot to stand, etc.0
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I think that all relationships should progress at their own pace. My boyfriend and I started "dating" in January and even though we had talked about where we stood and whether or not we were seeing other people, I did not feel ready to be "his girlfriend" yet. I think people throw around titles and rush into things too quickly, and I am the type of girl that likes to take my time. He asked me to be his girlfriend about a month after we started dating and we didn't become "boyfriend and girlfriend" until May. It wasn't about seeing what else was out there, but more about making sure he was someone I wanted to commit my time to and focus my energy on. Real relationships take a lot of time and work from both people and I think it's better to start slow and make sure you are actually compatible before worrying about titles and exclusivity.0
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I think that all relationships should progress at their own pace. My boyfriend and I started "dating" in January and even though we had talked about where we stood and whether or not we were seeing other people, I did not feel ready to be "his girlfriend" yet. I think people throw around titles and rush into things too quickly, and I am the type of girl that likes to take my time. He asked me to be his girlfriend about a month after we started dating and we didn't become "boyfriend and girlfriend" until May. It wasn't about seeing what else was out there, but more about making sure he was someone I wanted to commit my time to and focus my energy on. Real relationships take a lot of time and work from both people and I think it's better to start slow and make sure you are actually compatible before worrying about titles and exclusivity.
^^^ this is my point exactly....0 -
I think he was fishing to see if you were wanting to date exclusively or not. When he said that he would tell you if he had another date, like with an old friend, did he actually mean date or just meet for dinner and catch up? I would be more worried if he said he wanted to date new people then go out with an old friend. There are too many holes here to really say what he was meaning. A lot could be taken by his body language in this conversation that we cannot determine.
The conversation took place in his car with his arm over my shoulder in the driveway of my house lol if that helps. My thing with him is he is kinda shy and with me being me I think he is worried about getting hurt . Before this talk I had no clue if we were just hanging out or what. I mean its obvious the guy likes me hes been chasing me for a couple of months now.
Also to the lady who asked how oftern we see each other its probably 3-4 times a week and we talk everyday. We both have full time jobs, I have kids. He has 2 bands and school on top of work so I think 3-4 times a week between both our busy schedules is really good.0 -
I personally don't understand why if a guy likes you and you like him you would still want to date other people. It's never made sense to me. It's not that you even have to label it, but why if you like him would you want to date other people? And why if he likes you would he want to date others? And it's also not like you both can be missing out on that many people to date, and if you do you can always just say "you're a great guy but I am dating someone right now."0
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I personally don't understand why if a guy likes you and you like him you would still want to date other people.
Because keeping your options open helps you keep from getting emotionally attached before you see personality flaws/failures and can objectively evaluate them.
Because it keeps you from devoting yourself to a man (and letting him know) when he’s not devoted to you, and then being hurt later b/c you thought it was a relationship when he thought it was just “fun for now.”
Because that "great guy" may just be putting up a front and you don’t find out he’s psycho for two months.
I'm sure there are many other reasons.
Also, it really depends on your definition of “dating.” I had one guy I was seeing every time we were both in town after a couple months tell me we weren’t “dating” yet. That hurt. And that’s the incident that caused me to listen to my friends and start casual dating. To me, “dating” is that initial stage of getting to know someone and determining whether or not there is long term potential. I don’t desire an open relationship, but I also don’t believe in cutting myself off from other men until it’s determined we have long term potential. And I, personally, can't determine this after just a couple of dates like others on this board say they can.0
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