Suggestions for meeting new people???
Kerri_is_so_very
Posts: 999 Member
I am a single, working full-time mother of 2 kids (ages 4 & 7). I am the sole custodial parent and I'm also a homeowner (which means so many tasks at home occupy much of my free time). On weekdays I leave the house at 7am, drop my kids off and I'm at work by 7:30. I leave work at 4 and spend about 60-90 minutes at the Y (which is where I drop off and pick up my kids each day...one goes to school there and the other gets bused there and back from her school). So as you all know, losing weight/getting healthy/staying fit takes time and really, exercise is a MUST for me...otherwise I blow up like a macy's day parade balloon. We get home around 6pm...dinner, baths, homework etc. I'm sure you can imagine (assuming you are all "single peeps") how busy evenings are with kids. I don't want to say there isn't anyone at my gym with potential, but I go to the Y and I'm involved in many different activities (zumba, treadmill, eliptical, weights etc). My times there are varied, though becoming more consistent as we get settled in to our back to school routine. On weekends there is typically some major cleaning/laundry etc that needs doing and always some project hanging in the balance...bringing in wood for the winter, painting my house (yes I am painting the exterior of my home) etc. Not to mention trying to get in some "quality" time with my girls.
I am social and outgoing and happily accept almost 100% of all invitations...with the mindset "you just never know, your prince charming could be at this event". I keep my eyes open for any other single parents at any of children's functions/activities. I make sure to mention to my close friends periodically that I'm still single so if any of them have anyone in mind let me know. I get together for a "girls night out" maybe once a month or every other month, keep my eyes open, but really don't want to meet anyone at a bar. My friends that were also single seem not to have problems meeting new guys/relationships (one friend joined POF per my encouragement, went on one date with one guy and they are now a year in to their relationship, living together. Another has been through at least 3 relationships to my none). People seem to think I should have no problem meeting someone, but I have had no luck.
I have been on Plenty of Fish for over a year. And either the interest I get is from people that I'm attracted to (but are located in an unreasonable distance to even consider meeting them) or I'm simply not attracted. I don't think it is a common dating site for my area, as there really aren't too many in my demographical area. I do find I know several already. I seriously don't have time to travel all over New England trying to meet "the one" and even to have a cup of coffee with someone local it means finding a sitter etc (and also typically means I have to pay for a sitter since I don't have a huge support system where the kids are concerned).
I was divorced 3 years ago and I haven't really dated since. I've had some "hook-ups" with past boyfriends, but nothing progressed.
I don't dwell on the ex, I'm very eagar to meet new people and move on and feel like I have seriously exhausted my options. What can I possibly try that I haven't already???
I am social and outgoing and happily accept almost 100% of all invitations...with the mindset "you just never know, your prince charming could be at this event". I keep my eyes open for any other single parents at any of children's functions/activities. I make sure to mention to my close friends periodically that I'm still single so if any of them have anyone in mind let me know. I get together for a "girls night out" maybe once a month or every other month, keep my eyes open, but really don't want to meet anyone at a bar. My friends that were also single seem not to have problems meeting new guys/relationships (one friend joined POF per my encouragement, went on one date with one guy and they are now a year in to their relationship, living together. Another has been through at least 3 relationships to my none). People seem to think I should have no problem meeting someone, but I have had no luck.
I have been on Plenty of Fish for over a year. And either the interest I get is from people that I'm attracted to (but are located in an unreasonable distance to even consider meeting them) or I'm simply not attracted. I don't think it is a common dating site for my area, as there really aren't too many in my demographical area. I do find I know several already. I seriously don't have time to travel all over New England trying to meet "the one" and even to have a cup of coffee with someone local it means finding a sitter etc (and also typically means I have to pay for a sitter since I don't have a huge support system where the kids are concerned).
I was divorced 3 years ago and I haven't really dated since. I've had some "hook-ups" with past boyfriends, but nothing progressed.
I don't dwell on the ex, I'm very eagar to meet new people and move on and feel like I have seriously exhausted my options. What can I possibly try that I haven't already???
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Replies
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Try meetup.com and join a group that does activities you are interested in. It's a great way to meet people with common interests.0
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Thanks, I've checked that out before and nothing really caught my eye. I'll give it another look though...it's been awhile.0
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Work the friend of friend network first. Ask your friends to set you up with singles that they know. I believe that the best quality comes via the friend of friend network.
Meetups are a mixed bag. The main advantage of Meetups is getting out in front of people and getting the in person experience right away. However, in a typical Meetup, only about 1-2 people who attend the event are going to meet your qualifications, whatever they are. So you're showing up to an event for the privilege of talking to 1-2 people.
You have to avoid groups on Meetup specifically labeled "Singles". These groups tend to be unstable and also produce some of the worst human behaviors and quality of singles. Many desirable female singles are turned off by what goes on in these groups, making the selection poor for males. These groups are usually middle aged divorcees.
Look for common interest groups. There are many generic common interests like 20s/30s, Professionals, etc. These generic interest groups are not singles per se, but most attendees are singles, especially if the group is having a bar mix n' mingle type event. No person in a relationship would logically go to the bar mix n mingle type events, because working a room is usually pretty unpleasant. The bar mix n' mingle Meetup events are advantage over a random night at the bar, because people are easier to talk to due to common group membership, but the bar mix n mingle events can be quite emotionally draining.
The best Meetup events involve you doing something you enjoy. For me, I'm an athletic type, so the best Meetups are ones where I am playing sand volleyball, tennis, etc. So I'd recommend focusing on Meetups that involve activities you like rather than the Happy Hour/bar mix n' mingle type events. You may not meet someone that way, but at least you'll enjoy yourself.0 -
Work the friend of friend network first. Ask your friends to set you up with singles that they know. I believe that the best quality comes via the friend of friend network.
Meetups are a mixed bag. The main advantage of Meetups is getting out in front of people and getting the in person experience right away. However, in a typical Meetup, only about 1-2 people who attend the event are going to meet your qualifications, whatever they are. So you're showing up to an event for the privilege of talking to 1-2 people.
You have to avoid groups on Meetup specifically labeled "Singles". These groups tend to be unstable and also produce some of the worst human behaviors and quality of singles. Many desirable female singles are turned off by what goes on in these groups, making the selection poor for males. These groups are usually middle aged divorcees.
Look for common interest groups. There are many generic common interests like 20s/30s, Professionals, etc. These generic interest groups are not singles per se, but most attendees are singles, especially if the group is having a bar mix n' mingle type event. No person in a relationship would logically go to the bar mix n mingle type events, because working a room is usually pretty unpleasant. The bar mix n' mingle Meetup events are advantage over a random night at the bar, because people are easier to talk to due to common group membership, but the bar mix n mingle events can be quite emotionally draining.
The best Meetup events involve you doing something you enjoy. For me, I'm an athletic type, so the best Meetups are ones where I am playing sand volleyball, tennis, etc. So I'd recommend focusing on Meetups that involve activities you like rather than the Happy Hour/bar mix n' mingle type events. You may not meet someone that way, but at least you'll enjoy yourself.
I agree with this if you are going to do meet up. Find something you enjoy to do and find a meetup that matches those. I belong to 2 I am active in one for sports and one for other social activities, like trying new resturants. Even if you don't meet a guy at the actual events you might be able to expand your friends circle.0 -
Great tips...thank you!0
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You've more or less described my situation perfectly. I have joint custody of my two kids, but my ex seems to regularly miss her weeks for a variety of reasons. On the one hand it works well for me, because I love being with the kids, and I can ensure they are getting proper care. But my social life has really gone down of late. I'm either with the kids or traveling on business (like now).
Meetup is not an option for me because of my location. I hated on-line dating and don't bother any more. I think I need to work the friends' angle more aggressively. But most of my friends are married with kids, and their friends are married with kids, as well. Not so easy...
And even when I've met people, it's so hard to find time to kick start a relationship. I just don't have two weekends back to back available. This weekend is a perfect example. I'm away on business until Saturday afternoon. I'm going from the airport to my son's hockey tournament. Then home with the kids. Next week with the kids. Next weekend I'll need to be in Saudi Arabia on business. And on it goes.
Clearly it's by choice, nobody is forcing me to do this job. But I love it. And I guess I love it right now more than finding a partner. Perhaps there are no guarantees no matter, so I might as well at least enjoy my work.
Not necessarily looking for advice, just ranting a bit. I just don't see an answer here, until I reconfigure my priorities.
--P0 -
Sorry Prahasaurus!! I am in the exact same place, including business related travel!! Only state side, but it still means I'm busy and the social life really suffers (even though I make every effort to socialize on business trips with people at the hotel or in my group that I am in training with from other locations). And I'm not complaining about having my kids all the time (it's for the best and I love it), but it means I don't have the typical situation where I'm exchaging them with their dad every other weekend etc.
Meeting people is one thing, connecting with that certain someone is an entirely different thing!!! LOL I am far from picky and routinely "connect" with men....mostly they aren't single though and it is just some flirty exchanges (at work or online)...but clearly we connect and find one another attractive, the same thing just doesn't seem to happen with guys that are available and I don't know why.
I have had a couple of dates from POF and while they were nice, there just wasn't any spark.
So I feel your pain, it's a tough spot!0 -
I signed up with my local meetup, but haven't been to anything yet, because I'm a little shy/nervous about meeting new people.
Which, if you knew my friends, would tell you that is complete foolishness, because I'm friendly, like to laugh, etc.
But when it's TOTALLY new people I do worry. :ohwell:0 -
But most of my friends are married with kids, and their friends are married with kids, as well. Not so easy...
I really empathize with you right here. The friend of friend network can be difficult to use.
I'm a single man. Most of my friends locally are single men, either completely single or in new relationships of 6 months or less. I have one friend who is in a 2+ year relationship, but his girlfriend and I have spent very little time together and she has not offered to ever fix me up. I did get one fix up offer last December via the friend of friend network and the person who I was supposed to be fixed up could not have acted more disinterested. I later learned through the grapevine that she's usually cold to single men.
Single men do not fix up other single men. So a younger single man does need to have a married couple (s) or a couple (s) in a long term, established, stable relationship to get fixups, or get fix ups through associates of older co-workers/clients, etc who have younger sisters or age appropriate nieces or the like.0 -
Am I looking in the mirror????
You are a social butterfly like myself...you know how to get out there... and you have fun for the most part when you are doing it. The elusive male counterpart keeps slipping through your fingers for some reason though....
As of lately I keep asking myself where in the heck does the time go at night, I get rarely anything done, and I find that I ask the girls for thier homework folders right before the bus picks them up the next morning.:grumble:
Where is there time except on a free night or weekend, then all you want to do is sleep or de-sensitize!
I can't say that you haven't tapped into any resources that I haven't tapped into or thought of... just hang in there lady :flowerforyou:0 -
Just another suggestion is one of the single parent websites. There, you'd have a chance to meet someone also with kid(s) who will understand your time limitations and perhaps your "every other weekend" would be the same as theirs, or other schedules are similar so it would be convenient to get together. Evenings when the kids are in bed etc, good time to talk, get to know each other.
http://www.datingsitesreviews.com/staticpages/index.php?page=43-single-parents-dating-sites0 -
Reading the description of your day, you don't have a lot of extra time, but your children's school might be a possibility. This might be more true in an urban area than the suburbs, but I met a few single men at my daughter's last school. One being an awesome guy with whom the timing was very wrong- in line for an after school club, and I met my last boyfriend on the playground. Also, the other mommies might be a possible network to meet friend of friends. Good luck, and I commiserate with your day to day!0
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anything but Chatroulette or Omegle0
