roller derby bummertown
grendella
Posts: 158 Member
i started playing roller derby in the end of February of this year. After a few months of epic funness and a few bootcamps, I decided this sport was totally for me. I upgraded my skates and gear, which has been the most expensive purchase to date! I was pretty stoked to get rolling like a big girl since my other skates were about 2 sizes too big.
You see, I started playing in my city's rec league, and I was getting really itchy about trying out the WFTDA league. The rec league was formed in the Fall of 2011, as a split from the WFTDA league. It was the normal thing: a group of the girls skating with the WFTDA felt marginalized. They didn't get to bout much, they never made the A team, and those who did were on the bench despite being capable players. They also felt pressured about being more 'athletic', ie - they felt judged for being too fat/too skinny etc. A lot of them had their own businesses to run as well, and the 5 day a week training was a little much for them. They felt guilty for not being able to make their attendance record 110% like some of the other skaters could. I guess the main part was, we had a skater that came from the US, that was pretty much a big deal. She came into the league and took control from the girls who founded it, which really itched some people the wrong way. Personality clashes, etc, blah blah blah. You know the story. Anyway, now there are two, lare, healthy leagues in my city with about equal number of active skaters. In fact, the rec league has more than the WFTDA. Of course the WFTDA league feels the rec league is watering down their "potential" talent pool.
You can imagine they were very warm and welcoming to the idea of the first ever league transfer from the rec leauge (ME). Their coach had skated with me at bootcamps and allowed me to come in without retaking miniskills. Basically, I wanted more practice and more resources, which the WFTDA league had with many players on the national team skating in this league. I got just that: harder training and more of them. It was just keeping my head afloat with the rest of the girls that had started with their league at the same time I had began skating. But things just didn't feel right.
I'm almost 6 weeks in with the new league. Practice is 3 hours, 4 days a week. This does not include the day of off skates training with the league, either. The commute is 1 hour each way. i get home at 1030pm and get up at 6am. Whatever! Derby rules, right?
Well, I can't say that I am still feeling that after the switch. I loved derby at first because it made me feel good and confident about my body, but now with this new crew i feel like a total loser. Many of these girls (namely, the best players) only care about winning. I get it! it's a competitive sport! For them, this means everyone should be as very fit as possible. I have only started down the road to physical fitness 1 year ago when I started weight lifting...I am not fit at all. In fact, I weigh more now than ever. I feel intimated and inept around the new team. So much so, that the last practice I went to I had a full blown panic attack. I feel super embarrassed training with some of these players that have been athletes for their whole lives... I miss my old friends from the rec league... I feel intimidated by the attendance policies....the list goes on. I basically have to pump myself up to even get to practice now. When I was with the rec league, I never thought twice about it - it was too much fun.
I've also realized that the sport has too high of an injury rate for me to really invest in it; unlike weightlifting. I'm afraid that if I get hurt in derby, I will have curtail my weightlifting/working out and will become even fatter.
My physical activity is about me feeling better and stronger and happier about myself; not anything else. I guess i forgot that when i got so stoked about derby.
I was just wondering if anyone else out there has felt super discouraged and intimidated by derby. I am thinking I will go back to my old rec league if I dont end up selling my skates all together.
You see, I started playing in my city's rec league, and I was getting really itchy about trying out the WFTDA league. The rec league was formed in the Fall of 2011, as a split from the WFTDA league. It was the normal thing: a group of the girls skating with the WFTDA felt marginalized. They didn't get to bout much, they never made the A team, and those who did were on the bench despite being capable players. They also felt pressured about being more 'athletic', ie - they felt judged for being too fat/too skinny etc. A lot of them had their own businesses to run as well, and the 5 day a week training was a little much for them. They felt guilty for not being able to make their attendance record 110% like some of the other skaters could. I guess the main part was, we had a skater that came from the US, that was pretty much a big deal. She came into the league and took control from the girls who founded it, which really itched some people the wrong way. Personality clashes, etc, blah blah blah. You know the story. Anyway, now there are two, lare, healthy leagues in my city with about equal number of active skaters. In fact, the rec league has more than the WFTDA. Of course the WFTDA league feels the rec league is watering down their "potential" talent pool.
You can imagine they were very warm and welcoming to the idea of the first ever league transfer from the rec leauge (ME). Their coach had skated with me at bootcamps and allowed me to come in without retaking miniskills. Basically, I wanted more practice and more resources, which the WFTDA league had with many players on the national team skating in this league. I got just that: harder training and more of them. It was just keeping my head afloat with the rest of the girls that had started with their league at the same time I had began skating. But things just didn't feel right.
I'm almost 6 weeks in with the new league. Practice is 3 hours, 4 days a week. This does not include the day of off skates training with the league, either. The commute is 1 hour each way. i get home at 1030pm and get up at 6am. Whatever! Derby rules, right?
Well, I can't say that I am still feeling that after the switch. I loved derby at first because it made me feel good and confident about my body, but now with this new crew i feel like a total loser. Many of these girls (namely, the best players) only care about winning. I get it! it's a competitive sport! For them, this means everyone should be as very fit as possible. I have only started down the road to physical fitness 1 year ago when I started weight lifting...I am not fit at all. In fact, I weigh more now than ever. I feel intimated and inept around the new team. So much so, that the last practice I went to I had a full blown panic attack. I feel super embarrassed training with some of these players that have been athletes for their whole lives... I miss my old friends from the rec league... I feel intimidated by the attendance policies....the list goes on. I basically have to pump myself up to even get to practice now. When I was with the rec league, I never thought twice about it - it was too much fun.
I've also realized that the sport has too high of an injury rate for me to really invest in it; unlike weightlifting. I'm afraid that if I get hurt in derby, I will have curtail my weightlifting/working out and will become even fatter.
My physical activity is about me feeling better and stronger and happier about myself; not anything else. I guess i forgot that when i got so stoked about derby.
I was just wondering if anyone else out there has felt super discouraged and intimidated by derby. I am thinking I will go back to my old rec league if I dont end up selling my skates all together.
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I've felt a lot of the same! I started with Derby Lite (a fun/fitness version of derby) and then joined a newly formed local league. I had a ton of fun doing Derby Lite. Even though I had just started working on my fitness and was 90 pounds overweight, I felt like I was strong and getting stronger. It was a totally supportive environment too. However, it was an hour drive each way. When the local league formed I was stoked. Everyone was fresh meat, and I thought we'd all grow together. However, the schedule was always changing and I started to worry about my attendance. Some of the practices started while I was still at my day job, plus I have a kid. I was basically told that since a lot of people were homemakers or worked non-traditional jobs that I'd just have to suck it up. It also become almost a "fit vs. unfit" thing, with the fit people saying things like "well if you'd just push yourself you could do it". Believe me, I pushed! Long story short, I ended up having to quit. I think most things could have been worked out, but the attendance requirements were just too much and too variable. Plus, Derby Lite was so much fun! My friend and I are trying to start a closer Derby Lite class, but I would consider going back to regular derby once their schedule is more concrete and I'm done with grad school.0
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There comes a time in every trip through roller derby that each player must re-evaluate what drew them to it in the first place, and sometimes, those reasons are gone. I'm curious about whether this new league thoroughly explained the commitment and skill level that is normal for them. Being someone who made a similar move (smaller rec league to WFTDA competitive) I've been there, trust me. But I also became one of those veteran skaters that you say you felt uncomfortable/inept around too. I can tell you, there are fresh meat girls who came in, and months later told me how terrified of me they were. They thought I was mean, etc etc because I knew how to hit people. Trust me when I say, that most of those vets, are dying to have people ask questions. Your best bet is to find a veteran skater you want to skate like, if she's a trainer, you might need to catch her through e-mail (during training is not the best time) BUT if she isn't a trainer, normally they love to help. I had someone ask me to teach them how to run on toe-stops faster, and she ran around the league saying how wonderful I was as a teacher, even though I was never a "trainer" nor had I ever run any practices.
Maybe you need to take some time away. Take a short LOA (leave of Absence) if your league allows it to clear your head. Try living your life WITHOUT derby in it every day constantly interrupting you doing other things. If you miss it enough, you'll realize it's worth the sacrifices you make. If not, then you've already made your decision.
As far an injuries go, if that's something that concerns you, quit now. Seriously. I thought because I had been a competitive athlete my whole life (soccer, softball, etc) that I was less likely to get hurt, especially since I was the youngest on the league (started at 21, "retired" at 23). Nope. Tore my left ACL clean in half in April 2011. Surgically reconstructed in March 2012. And yes, I got fat, but I also could no longer play (1 year post op for contact sports) but the rest of my life got screwed over in the meantime, especially my finances!0 -
I feel you, I hear you.
Earlier this season I was drafted onto the A-team here. It was grueling, and I love it... at first. Eventually, it became me beating myself up and not feeling like I was living up to the potential. Then came getting rostered, but not being played. At the time I beat myself up more days than I congratulated myself. I could only see what I did wrong, and I could not get better. I got injured, and tried to push through it, and my performance suffered more. I compared myself to others on my team (big BIG no-no) and was so discouraged I cried after practice instead of celebrating what fun I had learning.
Eventually it came to me skipping practices.
Eventually, and surprisingly to my relief, I was cut from the all star team.
I went back to skating with my home team, and eventually my leagues B-team. This is where I fell in love again.
While I still contemplate retirement, it's because I have been playing for about 5 years and my body is suffering.
Long and short, take Slick's advice and take a little break... but don't just quit.
Take a vacation, think, and then evaluate your heart. You said you loved skating with your rec-league. Well, maybe give a call or email someone you're still close with and see if you can come Guest Skate. Drop the word you may want to come back and you have a few new tricks to teach.
Remember: Yes, it's competitive out there now. Scary how much it is... but, we do this for love. Not just for the win.0 -
thanks for all the replies!0
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I completely understand. The league I am in is a sort of rec/competitive league.I was on the team for a year and a half, I was the president, which was draining the life out of me, and then I broke my hand during a bout and couldn't skate. I quit altogether and said **** it. So after a 4 month hiatus, I'm healed, I FINALLY miss it, and am going back. If you are feeling discouraged, take a break. What a lot of people do when they start is make derby their life, and it drains you. Everyone has a life outside of derby
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