You always go for players, can't see a guy really likes you
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
This is what my friends told me this weekend: "you always go for the players, and you can't see when a good guy really likes you." My initial response was, that's NOT true! But when I think about most of my dating stories, they're guys who were players. If you asked me what kind of guy I go for, I would have said the nice guy next door. My friends say that may be what I *want* but that's not what I *go out with.*
Have your friends ever told you something about yourself that catches you by surprise? What did you do, if anything, about it?
Have your friends ever told you something about yourself that catches you by surprise? What did you do, if anything, about it?
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Yes, all the time. I get suckered in easily by guy's who SAY the right thing. It's like I'm waiting to be swept off my feet and this is good enough.. I've been looking back and realizing that almost every guy I've ever dated was REALLY hot. Something that surprises me, yet I realize they were all also cheaters and/ or players. Now I'm hesitating to talk to anyone hot, haha...
All you can do is be aware of your tendency and make a conscious choice to change it. No easy solution that I have found. I'm now having to watch that I'm not choosing ugly men just to get a response even though I'm not attracted. It's almost like I think an unattractive man certainly couldn't be a player, geez.... where do I come up with this?0 -
I didn't realize I had anxiety until it was pointed out multiple times that mentally healthy people don't have panic attacks about going to the grocery store. My mom was the same way so I thought it as perfectly normal and acceptable.0
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I have a history of attracting men who NEED me. My friends have pointed that out time and time again. I'm a problem solver and very down to earth and supposedly I have a target on my head for every man who needs help in his life. And even though when I'm on my own I'm extremely selfish, when I'm with someone I'm always doing things for them. It's something I'm working on, setting limits early and not allowing myself to be used but it's a hard habit to break...0
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Players? Bad boys? Sociopaths? Yup... but they are so attractive and charming and confident and intelligent. Sigh.0
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That is why players are players. The women like the game that the players bring. When a guy sees a woman respond sexually to certain types of behaviors, that's positive reinforcement and encouragement to act in the stereotypical player manner.0
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I'm shy, especially around the opposite sex. I avoid eye contact, become quiet, rarely smile. However because of my physical size, my friends tell me I give off a don't F with me, all business, intimidation sorta vibe when I do that. I really didn't realize until someone pointed it out. I'm working on it. Smiling more, etc. etc.0
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Yeah I've had friends tell me I'm awkward around guys that I find attractive, if I can even get the courage to say something. If a just think of a guy as a friend I can talk for hours. But if I think I'm into him I get weird because I feel uncomfortable. I always thought that and knew that, but that other people noticed sucks. I'm getting better at remembering to take a deep breath. What also helps is looking at my friends' successful interactions with men and trying to pick up tips from that. I'm a lot better at 22 than at 17 but I'm still working on it.0
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I have a history of attracting men who NEED me. My friends have pointed that out time and time again. I'm a problem solver and very down to earth and supposedly I have a target on my head for every man who needs help in his life. And even though when I'm on my own I'm extremely selfish, when I'm with someone I'm always doing things for them. It's something I'm working on, setting limits early and not allowing myself to be used but it's a hard habit to break...
This is me...in a way. The men I've been closest too have had some kind of physical handicap. I think I could relate to being physically disabled because I was so obese and I have a caregiver attitude because of my job. Problem is I want to have someone to take care of ME...(not be the mother in the relationship)..so no more of that.0 -
My friends at work tell me that I am too independant and also too sarcastic to keep a guy around past the first few dates. go figure. I'm proud of my independence
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depressingly, story of my life!0
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I've had them tell me I run from commitment... that I get scared when I start having feelings for a man, and just take off running...
Ummm...
Of course, that's not true
or
maybe it is...
And I seem to always choose the unavailable men... the ones who aren't wanting a relationship, the ones who live too far away for a relationship to really work out, etc
I gripe and complain about it... saying that's all that's attracted to me... but is there a reason I attract married men, men who live too far, or men who are extremely busy with careers ... ?0 -
People always tell me they have no idea why I'm single. Even my students screech that they can't believe I'm not married.
I'm just weird. And extremely introverted. I hate going out and doing pointless crap. Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
If only I could find a place to meet other reclusive weirdos! Le sigh...
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.0 -
People always tell me they have no idea why I'm single. Even my students screech that they can't believe I'm not married.
I'm just weird. And extremely introverted. I hate going out and doing pointless crap. Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
If only I could find a place to meet other reclusive weirdos! Le sigh...
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
You seriously have no reason to be an introvert. You're smart, pretty, and have a solid career. The world is your oyster and you don't even know it!
All you need to do is go for it. :drinker:0 -
People always tell me they have no idea why I'm single. Even my students screech that they can't believe I'm not married.
I'm just weird. And extremely introverted. I hate going out and doing pointless crap. Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
If only I could find a place to meet other reclusive weirdos! Le sigh...
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
You seriously have no reason to be an introvert. You're smart, pretty, and have a solid career. The world is your oyster and you don't even know it!
All you need to do is go for it. :drinker:
Being an introvert does not mean that someone has a reason to be alone or aloof other than that is part of his/her personality. Not everyone likes to be around a crowd or go out with strangers. Some people prefer the time to themselves. There is nothing wrong with that.0 -
People always tell me they have no idea why I'm single. Even my students screech that they can't believe I'm not married.
I'm just weird. And extremely introverted. I hate going out and doing pointless crap. Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
If only I could find a place to meet other reclusive weirdos! Le sigh...
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
You seriously have no reason to be an introvert. You're smart, pretty, and have a solid career. The world is your oyster and you don't even know it!
All you need to do is go for it. :drinker:
Being an introvert does not mean that someone has a reason to be alone or aloof other than that is part of his/her personality. Not everyone likes to be around a crowd or go out with strangers. Some people prefer the time to themselves. There is nothing wrong with that.
I agree. A lot of people tell me that if I wasn't happy spending time with myself I'd want to go out more. Effin' DUH. But that doesn't tell me why it's bad for me to be happy being alone.
I also despise small talk.0 -
Players? Bad boys? Sociopaths? Yup... but they are so attractive and charming and confident and intelligent. Sigh.
This! For some reason, they always know how to say the right things to reel you in. Then.......boom goes the dynamite! :grumble:0 -
maybe you go for them because the players are more likely to approach and show interest than the nice guy?
being pursued is fun and for better or worse, it's usually the player types who are all about the chase but not so interest in once they've got you :laugh:
my friends have said something similar to me, but it's mainly because i tend to not give the nicer guy a chance if he takes too long to make a move. i'm a pretty direct person mainly because i dont pick up on hints and subtleties all that well.
oh but to answer the other question about being surprised by something friend's said about you and dating... i've had a few different groups of friends who dont know each other call me a man eater :noway: i never really thought that anything i do could be construed as being a playette, yet somehow i guess it comes off that way to others0 -
I'm not buying this too much...
I agree. A lot of people tell me that if I wasn't happy spending time with myself I'd want to go out more. Effin' DUH. But that doesn't tell me why it's bad for me to be happy being alone.And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
I also despise small talk.
You despise bad small talk (yeah, probably most people are bad at it though). The same way as I despise carrots cooked badly. Now properly cooked carrots, that's another story!
As for smelling a player from 100 yards, you can probably smell a bad player, but not a good one. A bad player is not a player.
Also I would be curious to know how many players knock on people's house door to find potential women, probably not many.
How do you know someone is a good liar or player? If you don't find out early enough he is lying or playing. Otherwise, everyone (good or bad) can call themselves a player or a liar.0 -
Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
:drinker: Cruel and unusual punishment - I agree!! I am not one of life's conversational vegetarians - give me something to talk about that has some meat to it!! (No offence intended to any vegetarians out there - I just prefer my conversations like I prefer my steaks - dense, juicy and chewable!).
I don't usually notice when a guy is interested in me. Friends have told me after the event that someone was flirting/interested in more than talking, but I never noticed, so didn't respond in an appropriately-encouraging way (if it's someone I would have been interested in myself). On the plus-side, I haven't ever been accused of leading someone on by acting interested when I wasn't, but on the downside, I've missed my chance with several guys I would have been very open to having fun/developing a relationship with.0 -
lots of women go for players, because good players know exactly who to target. Yes I said target lol. These guys give good guys a bad name all the time and really, they don't care in the least.0
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My mother tells me that I am one of those people who work really hard to get what I want, then when I get it, I don't want it anymore. I don't like to be told no, I don't like to be told what to do. lol.
I never really saw that in myself until I got divorced. She is so right. I don't know how to change it either. I definitely like a challenge. Even things in my house. I obsess over something until I get it and then I'm over it. I move on and am ready to find something else. I get bored so easily and then I become lazy.
I don't know how to change. I think that is why I stayed with my husband for so long was because he was a constant challenge to me. He was never dependable .. lol. That sounds so dysfunctional ..0 -
I'm not buying this too much...
I agree. A lot of people tell me that if I wasn't happy spending time with myself I'd want to go out more. Effin' DUH. But that doesn't tell me why it's bad for me to be happy being alone.And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
I also despise small talk.
You despise bad small talk (yeah, probably most people are bad at it though). The same way as I despise carrots cooked badly. Now properly cooked carrots, that's another story!
As for smelling a player from 100 yards, you can probably smell a bad player, but not a good one. A bad player is not a player.
Also I would be curious to know how many players knock on people's house door to find potential women, probably not many.
How do you know someone is a good liar or player? If you don't find out early enough he is lying or playing. Otherwise, everyone (good or bad) can call themselves a player or a liar.
Most of the players I've ever known show their inconsistencies really early on, but the females in question just don't *want* to see them because he's so "hot" or "rich" or whateverthehell.
There is no perfect liar, just like there is no perfect crime. If you know what to look at, people show the cracks in their armor pretty easily. For instance, ask or find out how many failed relationships he has had in the past. How long were they? Is he a baby daddy? Is he dishonest or inconsistent in other areas of life, like with work and family? I see many women ignore all of these things from the get go...0 -
I've never really been able to tell if a guy was hitting on me or not either, or even "checking" me out or that matter. I guess a lot of it was because I lacked a lot of self-confidence when I was 35 pounds heavier I didn't think a guy would be interested. I've also had friends tell me I suck at flirting and I seem really unapproachable..lol. It has gotten a little bit better since I've lost weight and my confidence it starting to build up. I still have trouble picking up on subtle hints though which is why I think I go for the more outspoken & assertive types. I think I need to go on Steve Ward's "Tough Love" :huh: haha0
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a lot of people told me "you always go for the guy you know deep down will never love you back"...and its true because my boyfriends all turned gay... so what i did was have some self reflection time as to figure out why this was.... i came to the consensus that i simply didnt love myself enough to believe that someone else should; that i didnt deserve anything in return.
honestly all you can do is take a step back and ask yourself why youll be just as equally suprised at what you discover about yourself. 0 -
People always tell me they have no idea why I'm single. Even my students screech that they can't believe I'm not married.
I'm just weird. And extremely introverted. I hate going out and doing pointless crap. Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
If only I could find a place to meet other reclusive weirdos! Le sigh...
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
I've been feeling the same way lately. I am wondering why no interesting women just show up and watch TV with me or want to hang out and debate something.
And Gig 'em too.0 -
People always tell me they have no idea why I'm single. Even my students screech that they can't believe I'm not married.
I'm just weird. And extremely introverted. I hate going out and doing pointless crap. Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
If only I could find a place to meet other reclusive weirdos! Le sigh...
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
I've been feeling the same way lately. I am wondering why no interesting women just show up and watch TV with me or want to hang out and debate something.
And Gig 'em too.
Right? I mean, that sounds like a lot of fun to me. No parking hassles, no waiting in lines. Awesome.
Yes, Gig 'em indeed. :happy:0 -
I've been feeling the same way lately. I am wondering why no interesting women just show up and watch TV with me or want to hang out and debate something.
And Gig 'em too.
Not a lot of women want to randomly show up at your place, sit on your couch and discuss Keynes vs. Friedman, the merits of Quantitative Easing or the steepness of the slope of various demand curves. Then again, there are other types of curves I'd rather talk about than demand curves.
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People always tell me they have no idea why I'm single. Even my students screech that they can't believe I'm not married.
I'm just weird. And extremely introverted. I hate going out and doing pointless crap. Thinking, deep conversations, and being at home are my thing. And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
I'm the same way as well. Honestly, most of the time, I'd rather hang at home with my family than go out, and read. I like to be social, but at very limited times.0 -
I'm not buying this too much...
I agree. A lot of people tell me that if I wasn't happy spending time with myself I'd want to go out more. Effin' DUH. But that doesn't tell me why it's bad for me to be happy being alone.And small talk is a form of unusual punishment in my book.
I have no problem with players, though. I can smell a rat from 100 yards. Thank god for that talent.
I also despise small talk.
You despise bad small talk (yeah, probably most people are bad at it though). The same way as I despise carrots cooked badly. Now properly cooked carrots, that's another story!
I guess it depends on what your perception of small talk is. When people come up and want to talk about the weather, or say "How are you doing", I get annoyed because it's a waste of my time. Yes, I know it's sunny/rainy/cloudy because I have eyeballs and I can feel how hot/humid/cold it is, just like you. When someone asks me how I am I know they don't actually give a flying *kitten* about my life, they're just waiting for me to say "fine, and you" so they can tell me about their weekend, which I frankly don't give a flying *kitten* about. On top of that, I don't know how to respond when someone points out the obvious.
For example, there's a fish tank in the front office right by my desk. People are CONSTANTLY walking by and remarking on it (which adds to my annoyance because it disrupts my workflow). "Oh, cool fish" What do I say? "Yup. Those are fish." "Mmhmm" and what does it accomplish? Absolutely nothing (SAY IT AGAIN!)
That's what I hate. I always get really uncomfortable and don't know what to say, best case scenario I just stare for a second before going "Ooookay" and I don't mean to be rude but what the hell am I supposed to do?
(For the record, I know this comes across as angry. I'm really not, I'm just a casual cusser)0
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