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Being Single with Married Friends
christine24t
Posts: 6,063 Member
I always listen to this morning show and they had a list today of what sucks about being single with married friends. Here we go!
1. Trips always involve couples-heaven forbid a girls trip-the night ends with drunk couples making out/hooking up and you're left alone on the couch or cot because couples get the beds.
2. Everyone tries to set you up with people that are heinous-which proves how little they think of you.
3. Everyone wants to give you tips on how to score a man or have a successful relationship based on what they do/did.
4. Your sex number keeps going up, and theirs stays the same.
5. You are horny and want to have sex but don't want to sleep around. They have someone but complain they don't want to have sex with them.
6. Sometimes you just want to go out and get hammered and dance, but they don't want to be out too late.
7. You continuously see your friends posting their engagment ring/photos on online.
8. Sitting around having others ask your friends how he proposed...then you get to hear all the cute proposal stories without your own.
9. I never get to have a plus one or have anyone to share a room with after an event like a wedding.
6 is sooooo true! And so is number 1!
1. Trips always involve couples-heaven forbid a girls trip-the night ends with drunk couples making out/hooking up and you're left alone on the couch or cot because couples get the beds.
2. Everyone tries to set you up with people that are heinous-which proves how little they think of you.
3. Everyone wants to give you tips on how to score a man or have a successful relationship based on what they do/did.
4. Your sex number keeps going up, and theirs stays the same.
5. You are horny and want to have sex but don't want to sleep around. They have someone but complain they don't want to have sex with them.
6. Sometimes you just want to go out and get hammered and dance, but they don't want to be out too late.
7. You continuously see your friends posting their engagment ring/photos on online.
8. Sitting around having others ask your friends how he proposed...then you get to hear all the cute proposal stories without your own.
9. I never get to have a plus one or have anyone to share a room with after an event like a wedding.
6 is sooooo true! And so is number 1!
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I don't understand #9. I have never been to a wedding where I couldn't invite a plus one - and I have gone to weddings before with a friend. In fact, one of my ex-husband's friends went with me to a wedding while my ex was out of the country on a trip. I've even brought a female friend to a wedding before because it was a friend from university and I didn't know anybody else at all at her wedding. I didn't really want to go unless I had someone I knew there with me.
I agree with you on #6, especially as I used to be one of those people in a couple that didn't want to be out too late. :bigsmile:0 -
The girl who wrote it explained number 9 on the air. She meant that she never has a plus one to invite when she gets a plus one.0
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4. Your sex number keeps going up, and theirs stays the same.
5. You are horny and want to have sex but don't want to sleep around. They have someone but complain they don't want to have sex with them.
These are the only two that are true for me, hahaha0 -
I feel #1..I want to travel..but traveling alone sucks.
And for me its more that all my married friends have kids..and I want kids, and marriage so I'm just looking at the sidelines at multiple versions of the life I want but can't seem to have its sad.0 -
I feel #1..I want to travel..but traveling alone sucks.
And for me its more that all my married friends have kids..and I want kids, and marriage so I'm just looking at the sidelines at multiple versions of the life I want but can't seem to have its sad.
Can't stress this one enough. It's pretty hard to travel without a significant other. That sort of thing happens a little later down the line in couple hood. Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.0 -
Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.
Not so.
One thing having a high-travel job for the last year has taught me is how to be happy and content traveling alone. I still try to find girlfriends to go with me, but since they often can't, I've learned to pick up and go by myself now. Sometimes I go somewhere and make a "friend for a day" (or few hours, whatever the case) and sometimes I'm just alone. Eating alone was the hardest thing for me to get used to (especially since I don't like bars) but I'm ok with that too now.0 -
Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.
Not so.
One thing having a high-travel job for the last year has taught me is how to be happy and content traveling alone. I still try to find girlfriends to go with me, but since they often can't, I've learned to pick up and go by myself now. Sometimes I go somewhere and make a "friend for a day" (or few hours, whatever the case) and sometimes I'm just alone. Eating alone was the hardest thing for me to get used to (especially since I don't like bars) but I'm ok with that too now.
Would you be traveling without a high travel job?0 -
I always hated having to specify, "girls only". I know for weddings and other big events that a spouse should automatically be invited but wanting to go out to dinner with my best friends or drinks, or a play...I shouldn't have to assume that the guy is coming, too. Sometimes you just want it to be a friend thing and not have couples in their own world and singles left alone trying to figure out their inside jokes and glances. I don't mind socializing with couples sometimes, but especially if I don't see my friends often, I want to see just them. And how are we supposed to talk about the menfolk if they are sitting right there?0
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I always hated having to specify, "girls only". I know for weddings and other big events that a spouse should automatically be invited but wanting to go out to dinner with my best friends or drinks, or a play...I shouldn't have to assume that the guy is coming, too. Sometimes you just want it to be a friend thing and not have couples in their own world and singles left alone trying to figure out their inside jokes and glances. I don't mind socializing with couples sometimes, but especially if I don't see my friends often, I want to see just them. And how are we supposed to talk about the menfolk if they are sitting right there?
AMEN!0 -
Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.
Not so.
One thing having a high-travel job for the last year has taught me is how to be happy and content traveling alone. I still try to find girlfriends to go with me, but since they often can't, I've learned to pick up and go by myself now. Sometimes I go somewhere and make a "friend for a day" (or few hours, whatever the case) and sometimes I'm just alone. Eating alone was the hardest thing for me to get used to (especially since I don't like bars) but I'm ok with that too now.
Would you be traveling without a high travel job?
I prefer traveling by myself. Other people being around give me anxiety instead of just relaxing and doing what I want to do without worrying about someone else.0 -
I feel #1..I want to travel..but traveling alone sucks.
And for me its more that all my married friends have kids..and I want kids, and marriage so I'm just looking at the sidelines at multiple versions of the life I want but can't seem to have its sad.
Can't stress this one enough. It's pretty hard to travel without a significant other. That sort of thing happens a little later down the line in couple hood. Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.
I travel a decent amount on my own for various reasons,to me it is no different then doing any other thing alone.
Maybe it is part of being out in the wilderness (slight exaggeration) but one needs to get to the point where they take care of themselves quickly or they are in for a rough time.5. You are horny and want to have sex but don't want to sleep around. They have someone but complain they don't want to have sex with them.
This is the one that gets to me and not just about sex but the entire companionship thing.
If you can`t do anything but gripe about your spouse/BF/GF then get the eff out of the relationship.
You want single life then move into it otherwise STFU.0 -
I feel like my married friends try hard to make time for us to do things that are not "married folk" things. When I go out with my closest friend, it's almost always without her hubby. We shop, we got out to eat. We've taken a girl's trip with our old college roomie and things like that.
I think more of what sucks is the general atmosphere that really isn't their fault. Like when I go over to their house and every other person there is part of a couple. Most have babies. So the conversation naturally revolves around those topics. It's not a concerted attempted to leave me out. It actually makes perfect sense. It's the stage of life they are in.
I just usually end up feeling like the little kid at the adult's table. It's no one's fault, but it does suck sometimes.0 -
There's a bit of unease between singles and marrieds, as well as those who completely single and established non married couples. One who is single is often going to get overlooked in social situations, get fewer invitations to do things at a certain point and perceived as a third wheel. Singles could often need marrieds to help them with fix ups in the friend of friend network, especially single males. Whereas single females are likely to fix each other up, that rarely happens with single males.0
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#5!!!! LOL yep, this one...
I was talking to a man at church last night. He's married. We've talked a few times. We both work in ministry. But he explained to me last night that the reason he doesn't talk to me more is because it just doesn't look right... I agree and really thought nothing of it. What frustrates me is that my church has fellowships and groups for the younger married couples and for the older married couples.. youth... kids ministries... college and career age... but nothing for people in my category. Misfits?
My married friends, which is most of them, are all about their spouses and their kids. That's fine. It's rightly so. BUT that does tend to leave me feeling ostracized...
And I hate it when I hear one of my friends complain about her husband all the time and complain about how she doesn't want to have sex. REALLY? REALLY? Shut up. LOL Just don't even go there with me...0 -
I feel #1..I want to travel..but traveling alone sucks.
And for me its more that all my married friends have kids..and I want kids, and marriage so I'm just looking at the sidelines at multiple versions of the life I want but can't seem to have its sad.
Being a single parent, I, too, get a bit sad when I go to my kids' activities and see all the families together. I have kids. I am blessed. I love being a mom. But sometimes I wish there was a dad in the picture, too...0 -
Being a single parent, I, too, get a bit sad when I go to my kids' activities and see all the families together. I have kids. I am blessed. I love being a mom. But sometimes I wish there was a dad in the picture, too...
This, totally. I wondered if I was the only one that felt this way. Sad to hear that I'm not, but glad at the same time!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Bitter.0
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I feel #1..I want to travel..but traveling alone sucks.
And for me its more that all my married friends have kids..and I want kids, and marriage so I'm just looking at the sidelines at multiple versions of the life I want but can't seem to have its sad.
Can't stress this one enough. It's pretty hard to travel without a significant other. That sort of thing happens a little later down the line in couple hood. Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.
I'm sorry, I have to call BS on this one. Granted my job requires traveling alone, but it is so ridiculously easy to do so anyway. And despite it's flaws it sure as hell beats moping around wishing you were doing something but instead lamenting your friends are boring now.
For example, my best friend who has been married about a year emailed me today saying life sucks, he is just spending the weekend playing video games etc. So I got to respond that my weekend thus far has involved being followed around Pyeongtaek by an old drugged out hooker commanding me to go to her room while I hit the bars last night. And that I just got back from running around Seoul sightseeing, about to go back out to the bars in Pyeongtaek and tomorrow morning I am off to see some ancient Bhuddist temples and a presidential palace.
And that weekend sure as hell beats doing nothing.
Edit: And I see after posting this JJ has already said much the same thing. And to answer your question to her, I'd be traveling either way I've been doing far more day/weekend trips when I've been home lately as well.0 -
The real questions is: why do you still have married friends (couples) that you have to see frequently?
They are boring, talking about their relationships, kids, house, new car... *YAWN* I'm content with seeing them once a year (in which case it becomes a non issue).
Meet new like-minded people, go out with these new people. There are people of all ages trying to meet new friends, because their life circumstances have changed.0 -
The real questions is: why do you still have married friends (couples) that you have to see frequently?
They are boring, talking about their relationships, kids, house, new car... *YAWN* I'm content with seeing them once a year (in which case it becomes a non issue).
Meet new like-minded people, go out with these new people. There are people of all ages trying to meet new friends, because their life circumstances have changed.
Lol so you leave behind all your life long friends who have found a partner in life and only visit them once in a blue moon?
I mean I get going out and meeting new people but I won't abandon my best friends just because they have men in their lives...I certainly see them less but still on a weekly basis. I don't abandon loved ones because they are lucky in love and I am not.0 -
Without an established relationship, your only hope for traveling is other single friends.
Not so.
One thing having a high-travel job for the last year has taught me is how to be happy and content traveling alone. I still try to find girlfriends to go with me, but since they often can't, I've learned to pick up and go by myself now. Sometimes I go somewhere and make a "friend for a day" (or few hours, whatever the case) and sometimes I'm just alone. Eating alone was the hardest thing for me to get used to (especially since I don't like bars) but I'm ok with that too now.
Would you be traveling without a high travel job?
I do it all the time. Alone. Because my friends are either married/coupled up, and/or don't have the means to travel with me. Like Janie, I don't find any difficulty in meeting people when I do, or enjoying my own company when I am alone.
Number 5 & 6 on that list are the most true for me.....LOL.0 -
I think more of what sucks is the general atmosphere that really isn't their fault. Like when I go over to their house and every other person there is part of a couple. Most have babies. So the conversation naturally revolves around those topics. It's not a concerted attempted to leave me out. It actually makes perfect sense. It's the stage of life they are in.
When I was married and living in the US, I thought these type of conversations sucked, too. I was often at neighborhood parties with other married couples with kids, and it was always the same: the schools, the lawn, property taxes, perhaps college football... Believe me, it doesn't get better when you get married and have kids. It's still much ado about absolutely nothing.
--P0 -
I admittedly feel some frustration with my married friends who have to discuss ad nauseum with their spouse about whether they can go do something with the girls. I've never been there so I just don't get it but I do try to remain calm, haha....
The travel part I used to understand. As a single person, you need to learn how to enjoy being alone and vacations seem to be one of the hardest parts. My friends and I had dinner Tuesday and talked about this specific topic. Some wouldn't eat in a restaurant alone, some wouldn't go to the movies alone, but all of them were clear that they would NOT go on vacation alone, excepting the two who've done it (myself being one). That vacation was the best of my life truthfully! I slept when I wanted, went where I went, ate what and when I wanted, etc... I don't do it often but am ready to again
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Well, yeah, I actually do leave my "long life" friends behind now.
Lol so you leave behind all your life long friends who have found a partner in life and only visit them once in a blue moon?The real questions is: why do you still have married friends (couples) that you have to see frequently?
They are boring, talking about their relationships, kids, house, new car... *YAWN* I'm content with seeing them once a year (in which case it becomes a non issue).
Meet new like-minded people, go out with these new people. There are people of all ages trying to meet new friends, because their life circumstances have changed.
I mean I get going out and meeting new people but I won't abandon my best friends just because they have men in their lives...I certainly see them less but still on a weekly basis. I don't abandon loved ones because they are lucky in love and I am not.
I used not to do this and tried to hang on to them, but it didn't work for me. Nothing to do with them being lucky, it's just that we don't have much in common anymore, their availability changes, their focus in life change, and they've got to consider the partner's wishes in everything they do. That's fine.
I'm 100% sure there is a difference between a single person and a couple lifestyle, so if their lifestyle doesn't match mine anymore, I don't see this as a negative thing to look for new, more like-minded, more available friends.
It's OK to flush your life from time to time, and to renew your circles of friends. You end up realising that there are people just like you out there, 100% available, and ready to open their heart to new people, and that you don't have to settle down for less rewarding friendships (the historical ones, because that's all they are really).
Note: of course, I'm talking from the point of view of someone who lives in a big city.0 -
Well, yeah, I actually do leave my "long life" friends behind now.
Lol so you leave behind all your life long friends who have found a partner in life and only visit them once in a blue moon?The real questions is: why do you still have married friends (couples) that you have to see frequently?
They are boring, talking about their relationships, kids, house, new car... *YAWN* I'm content with seeing them once a year (in which case it becomes a non issue).
Meet new like-minded people, go out with these new people. There are people of all ages trying to meet new friends, because their life circumstances have changed.
I mean I get going out and meeting new people but I won't abandon my best friends just because they have men in their lives...I certainly see them less but still on a weekly basis. I don't abandon loved ones because they are lucky in love and I am not.
I used not to do this and tried to hang on to them, but it didn't work for me. Nothing to do with them being lucky, it's just that we don't have much in common anymore, their availability changes, their focus in life change, and they've got to consider the partner's wishes in everything they do. That's fine.
I'm 100% sure there is a difference between a single person and a couple lifestyle, so if their lifestyle doesn't match mine anymore, I don't see this as a negative thing to look for new, more like-minded, more available friends.
It's OK to flush your life from time to time, and to renew your circles of friends. You end up realising that there are people just like you out there, 100% available, and ready to open their heart to new people, and that you don't have to settle down for less rewarding friendships (the historical ones, because that's all they are really).
Note: of course, I'm talking from the point of view of someone who lives in a big city.
I live in a smaller city.
But maybe its the difference between genders and the closeness of their friendships.
I don't know...I certainly don't have the same relationship once a partner comes into play as before..I shouldn't. They should be more focused on their significant other...but I still care about them and want them in my life and we still have similarities. We were after all friends for a reason!
Also as a woman I'm not much into striking out alone to meet new people in as many settings as men are capable for safety reason. I don't go to night clubs/pubs alone..I go with friends or not at all. I don't find it easy to strike up conversation randomly with random strangers..if there is an activity its not bad..ie taking salsa lessons or a sport or a meet up group. But those groups in my area are filled with couples as well. I feel more alone sometimes in those situations.0 -
None of my core, long term friends have gotten married.
A 2nd tier friend from college got married in 2009 and we no longer talk. We live far away. However, I am not a special case. Other people that this guy knew in college, he has cut them out of his life.
I only moved a year ago and have made some new friends. None are married. The longest relationship amongst any of my friends right now, is just a little over 2 years, and marriage does not appear imminent in that case, as least from what I can surmise.
There are even differences in the ways singles interact with established, long term non married couples.0 -
I definitely get invited to less things than I used to now that I'm a confirmed terminal single. I'll hear about a get-together on FB or whatever and if I inquire about it, I'll hear "it's really a couples thing and the couples aren't comfortable with singles there." They'll tell me I'm invited if I can "scare up a date." I don't worry about not being invited anymore because as others have pointed out, the conversation is almost completely children and couples/relationship things and I don't have much if anything to add.
I adore traveling alone and do it multiple times a year. I have a blast, meet great people and don't feel like my life is on hold. I will admit, I've reserved some of the "more romantic" places to visit for if/when I am part of a couple, but if I start reaching walker/wheelchair age, I'll do those places myself!0
This discussion has been closed.