The Family Reaction

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DMZ_1
DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
This is a relevant offshoot of the Meeting the Parents discussion as often times, meeting the parents is a sign of a serious relationship.

My main question is this: How would your family react to you getting married? There would be probably be a difference if you were previously married. For never married before individuals, I would think age would matter. In 2011, the median age at first marriage in the USA was 28.7 for men and 26.5 for women (http://marriage.about.com/od/statistics/a/medianage.htm).

This topic has been on my mind at times in the last year or so, as I officially became the oldest unmarried person in my age cohort in my family. My guess is that a lot of the never marrieds in this group have similarly aged family members who are married like siblings or cousins. So this led me to say that if I got married tomorrow or in 5 years, the majority of my family wouldn't care as much, because similarly aged family members have already done the marriage thing and that would make it less of a big deal.

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  • NCTravellingGirl
    NCTravellingGirl Posts: 717 Member
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    My mother has now taken to saying that she's not expecting any more grandchildren, and as she's told me all along, "Some people just don't get married". When she said it to me as a teenager, I took it to mean she thought no one would want to marry me. I still let that thought wonder in my mind occasionally being 36 and unmarried, but I know my mom recognized that I'm more independent than most.

    It shocked her to hear I was going on occasional dates and using POF and OKC, so I can't even fathom her reaction to me getting married. My family would have a heart attack I think!
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    As far as immediate family all I have is one older brother.
    Since we don`t talk all that much he would probably be surprised to learn of it because he likely would have no idea I was seeing someone.
    He is going to be moving away from this area in the next year I presume and will no doubt have less contact so really isn`t much of an issue for me.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    A lot of people in my family never married, so in my extended family it's not too weird not to be married. My favorite aunt didn't marry until her 40s and one of my other cousins is in her thirties and not married. My uncle is his 40s never married and my grandma never remarried after her divorce. But in my immediate family, they would be excited and want me to marry the right guy.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    I think my family would be excited, more specifically my mom and dad. They are getting a bit older (Mom just turned 70; Dad turned 76 back in May) and I know that while they do not come out and say it, they would like to see their youngest child find her soulmate. If I never married, I think they would come to accept it (what other choice would they have, really?), but I know they would be very happy to see me in love and know that I'll be taken care of after they are gone (not that I can't take care of myself, but you know what I mean).

    At the same time, I guess it could be bittersweet for them, too. My parents are used to having me be able to visit spontaneously and enjoy doing things out of love for me, showing me that I'm still their "little girl" (i.e. Mom making food for me to take home; Dad looking at my car every time I'm over). Not that they couldn't still do things like that, but it obviously wouldn't be the same and would be the final confirmation that "she's all grown-up now." However, now that I am in my 30s, I do not think that feeling would outweigh their excitement (and relief....ha-ha).

    My brother and sister are weird; I have no idea what they would think... I imagine they would be happy for me, too. Neither are very expressive with their feelings. I do have cousins, aunts, and uncles, but we barely know each other due to growing up in different states. My grandparents have all passed on.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    Honestly I don't know. I can't imagine them making a big deal about it. Mom might say something snarky.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    So this led me to say that if I got married tomorrow or in 5 years, the majority of my family wouldn't care as much, because similarly aged family members have already done the marriage thing and that would make it less of a big deal.

    It could also be the complete opposite. If you have been the lone single one in the family for a while, the day that you get engaged could be a very exciting one for everyone, especially since the others near your age are already hitched. You would not be sharing the spotlight with anyone. Had you gotten engaged back when everyone else was doing the same, some of that excitement could have easily gotten lost in the shuffle.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    So this led me to say that if I got married tomorrow or in 5 years, the majority of my family wouldn't care as much, because similarly aged family members have already done the marriage thing and that would make it less of a big deal.

    It could also be the complete opposite. If you have been the lone single one in the family for a while, the day that you get engaged could be a very exciting one for everyone, especially since the others near your age are already hitched. You would not be sharing the spotlight with anyone. Had you gotten engaged back when everyone else was doing the same, some of that excitement could have easily gotten lost in the shuffle.

    You could be right. One can't ever know until it happens. I think my mom will be happy, whenever it is. I just don't sense that me not sharing the spotlight is going to be enough to be overcome what I perceive would be an enthusiasm gap in my family. The ones who got married ahead of me are on to babies at this point, or will be on to babies by the time I get married. I sense that will be the more important thing amongst my family members.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    My parents would be thrilled. I have three older brothers ranging in age from 31 to 41 and none of them are married. It's like we're all un-marriageable for some reason...

    All of my aunts and uncles that have kids who are of age have grandchildren at this point. We're the odd people out.

    :grumble:
  • SouthernSweetie74
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    Well.. when I married my second husband, he was 30 years old and had never been married. Most of all of his family members had already been married and divorced (even the ones in his age bracket)... so when we got married, it was a BIG deal to his family... They were all excited. Looking back, I wish I had not been the one to break his single streak. Oh well... sigh...

    If I told my family or friends I was getting married, they would probably be concerned and ask a lot of questions. I don't know that they'd be shocked... I might be... but most people say they expect me to get married again... why, I'm not sure...
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    Lets see..my mother would probably throw a party but remind me that she`s not paying for the wedding, my father would want to make sure I`m happy and not settling..
    My brothers wouldn`t really say much and my 102 yo grandmother would start praying for more great grandchildren to give her something new to live for.

    Needless to say since everyone knows how much I`d like to find love and be married they would all be happy for me so long as the guy wasn`t an a sshole. (which hopefully wouldn`t happen as I hope I`m smart enough not to let that happen).

    I also am the oldest in my family of 62 first cousins to not be engaged or married..or even in a semi serious relationship..my older brother is getting married for a 2nd time this June..and out of the 11 marriages of my fathers siblings only 2 have failed..so marriage is a big deal in my family..we take it seriously and make it work. So the fact that I haven`t even come close yet..gets talked about. I think next in line are my cousin`s children ...I seriously have a feeling some will get married before I do at this rate.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I'm the youngest and have 2 married siblings and 2 single siblings, so it wouldn't be a big deal either way.

    I'm fairly private about my current dating life just because I can't stomach the constant questions and attention about it. I had a really hard time telling my family when my ex and I broke up...it was more my fear of failure than their reaction though. :ohwell:
  • Katefab26
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    Ugh. My parents would be the happiest people on earth. I can't tell you how often I get the "I really wish you'd hurry up and get married so we can have grandkids" speech. As if I'd immediately have a child just because I got married....
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    My family wants me married yesterday.
  • RMuske
    RMuske Posts: 271 Member
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    My sister (39) and my brother (29) are not married so I think we all felt a little bit of pressure from my mom who has a grandchild clock ticking loud in her ear but non of us have found "the one" I guess. I am not to worried as a 27 y/o woman I think I have time.

    I asked my bf to meet my dad in October and I might be flying to Minnesota to meet his mom and sister. I think it is exciting and I think my mom would be happy for any of us kids if we were getting married. My dad would be indifferent. My extended family would be thrilled if we found someone worth marrying. :)
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    My sister (39) and my brother (29) are not married so I think we all felt a little bit of pressure from my mom who has a grandchild clock ticking loud in her ear but non of us have found "the one" I guess. I am not to worried as a 27 y/o woman I think I have time.

    I have never felt one iota of pressure from my mom over grandchildren. I don't really think it matters that much to her.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    My siser got married and divorced in 10 months so they never really considered her married. They were together for 6 years before the wedding, owned a house together and everything. My family would probably be shocked if I got married because I have always says I would elope to Vegas. I don't want a big wedding and would rather my family stays out of the whole ceremonie all together. So they would probably find out after the fact.

    This could change though since my mom has cancer so I find someone and she is still around I might do something just to please her.
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,926 Member
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    I'm an only child, but I'm also the only single grandchild on my dad's side (I'm the only grandchild on my mom's side). If I came home tomorrow and told my parents I was getting married they'd probably sign me up for a mental ward. They were told when I was 20 (I'm 33 now) that they would never have a grandchild and I want to be single forever. My stand on either has not changed in 13 years and I don't see it changing any time soon. Now, I would like to find someone that I want to be with forever, but I don't feel I need to get Married for that.
  • Moe4572
    Moe4572 Posts: 1,430 Member
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    I think my family would be thrilled if they found out I was to get married again.....as long as they liked the guy, and if he has kids even better, as they love to spoil grandchildren, and I can't have my own. I have 2 younger sisters that are each on their second marriage--I really don't think either marriage will fail, and my "baby" sister (34) is talking marriage with her much older boyfriend (he is 50), and they have 2 chidren together. We would prefer her not to marry as we don't think she is happy with him, more she stays because he is the father of her children, and she does not want to be a single mom.
  • Myslissa
    Myslissa Posts: 760 Member
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    I would probably receive the doctor bills from them all stroking out on the spot.
  • pammbroo
    pammbroo Posts: 550 Member
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    When my mother was alive, she had both my brother and sister's large wedding photos showcased on a wall of their very own with a big, blank space between them (I'm the middle child).

    I always hated that wall...lol