I have been dating this guy for about a month now, and we agreed the other day that there was no spark. So we decided to be friends.

Well, I stayed the night at his house Saturday, we had been drinking and he lived closer to the bar than I did. We messed around, and he wouldn't let me reciprocate the things he was doing to me. He said "tonight is about you, You deserved to be pampered." It was amazing. It was like he'd been together a million times before. He just KNEW my body, which was a first.

But now I'm confused. I know he's not looking for a FWB, and neither am I. We had been drinking, but by this time we were both sobered up... What am I supposed to think? am I over thinking?

Wait.. so you agreed to be friends and then you stayed at his house? Holy mixed messages!

Ask yourself this: Do you want to do it again, often?

I'm of the mentality that the different between a friend and a person you are in/want a relationship with is that you don't want to have sex with your friend.

Relationships can be casual. If there's nothing else going on then you can hang out, drink and have sex until something more serious comes along.

That's just my perspective though. I know not a lot of people will necessarily agree with that mentality.

It was nothing short of amazing. I'd love to do it over and over and over, even if we never have "sex"

The next step: Tell him that.

Ask yourself this: Do you want to do it again, often?

I'm of the mentality that the different between a friend and a person you are in/want a relationship with is that you don't want to have sex with your friend.

Relationships can be casual. If there's nothing else going on then you can hang out, drink and have sex until something more serious comes along.

That's just my perspective though. I know not a lot of people will necessarily agree with that mentality.

It was nothing short of amazing. I'd love to do it over and over and over, even if we never have "sex"

The next step: Tell him that.

that would be crazy lol

I know open and honest communication is kind of a crazy theory, but I've heard that it works wonders when it comes to attaining clarity, hahahaa!

If you want to be FWB fine, but don't think it will lead to a relationship

I'm all for the open and honest approach. The only way you can know what he's thinking is to ask him. The only way for him to know what you are thinking is for you to tell him.

Yeah, but it's pretty rare that a guy will come out and be honest about "I don't see a relationship with you. I'm just gonna rock your world a once or twice so I can use you indefinitely as a future booty call." Even if he was just looking for FWB/Booty call, I suspect he's not likely to say so to her face.

I'm all for the open and honest approach. The only way you can know what he's thinking is to ask him. The only way for him to know what you are thinking is for you to tell him.

Yeah, but it's pretty rare that a guy will come out and be honest about "I don't see a relationship with you. I'm just gonna rock your world a once or twice so I can use you indefinitely as a future booty call." Even if he was just looking for FWB/Booty call, I suspect he's not likely to say so to her face.

You might be surprised.

Agreed...on the part of being surprised.......I had two guys that I went out with a couple times, ask me to be FWB.....one was not that straight forward with the request, the other was very straight forward. I refused both times--I can't seperate the emotional attachment, but point is some guys are very blunt about that type of stuff

You only live once. People need to stop over thinking things and just enjoy life. IT is way to short. If you enjoyed it and he enjoyed it then just enjoy each other. You are both grown and if a relationship happens then so be it, but trying to analyze feelings and such will just stress you out.

You only live once. People need to stop over thinking things and just enjoy life. IT is way to short.

THIS. Very well put.

I'm all for the open and honest approach. The only way you can know what he's thinking is to ask him. The only way for him to know what you are thinking is for you to tell him.

Yeah, but it's pretty rare that a guy will come out and be honest about "I don't see a relationship with you. I'm just gonna rock your world a once or twice so I can use you indefinitely as a future booty call." Even if he was just looking for FWB/Booty call, I suspect he's not likely to say so to her face.

You might be surprised.

Agreed...on the part of being surprised.......I had two guys that I went out with a couple times, ask me to be FWB.....one was not that straight forward with the request, the other was very straight forward. I refused both times--I can't seperate the emotional attachment, but point is some guys are very blunt about that type of stuff

Yeah, I have to agree with Moe & Darla. Lots of guys are very open about what they want and how causal they are willing to be. It's people who usually want more out of a relationship that have a hard time expressing it. There's more room for rejection in saying you want something serious and the other person doesn't as opposed to telling someone you'd like a no strings attached or FWB deal.

I completely agree. I hear so many people complaining that they don't understand where they are in a relationship, or what he/she wants. Then when you really get down to it you realize that they're playing subtle hints and trying to guess. I don't know who it was that decided that just TALKING straight up was taboo but I have an inkling that it's the greatest joke played on humankind yet! If you want to know more information, talk. It shouldn't be a surprise that people are willing to be open and honest about what they want.

Ok. What exactly do I say to him?? I don't want to sound crazy, or needy, or anything like that, and I'm really bad about doing that when I want answers.

"Well, the sparks were flying for me on Saturday night baby, how about you?? Or do you still just want to be friends?"

Ok. What exactly do I say to him?? I don't want to sound crazy, or needy, or anything like that, and I'm really bad about doing that when I want answers.

Have you figured out what you want? Do you want a relationship? Do you want FWB? Do you want more amazing nights but none of that icky relationship work?



You said he was the one who initially felt no spark, and your spark dwindled while he withdrew but restored after a fun night….so… I'm not thinking you should stay involved with this guy unless HE says he wants more than just FWB (and not just says it but shows it with his actions). I would feel different if you told us that it was amazing but aside from how he made you feel physically you don’t have any true relationship spark for him.

I could be overanalyzing here, but it sounds like you’re starting to like him again and (if that’s true) I think you will want more and be hurt. OTOH, you will have some fun. And only you know whether that fun will be worth the eventual hurt. I’ve not seen a guy tell a woman there’s no spark/no emotional/relationship connection and then go on to truly love her on an emotionally level. Doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Just means I think it’s more likely he wants to have fun, nothing permanent. And you have to be sure you’re ok with that (I wouldn’t be).