Friend's Pregnancy
Ajnyvt09
Posts: 22 Member
In the past month I have learned that two of my friends are pregnant. While I am super happy for them, a part of me goes straight into the "Why not me"?/"When is it my turn" questions. This happens every time I learn of someone's pregnancy. I feel so guilty for thinking that way. Having PCOS is difficult for many reasons, and this is just one of the many I struggle with.
Do others find themselves feeling this way too? How do you work through it?
Thanks!
Do others find themselves feeling this way too? How do you work through it?
Thanks!
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Replies
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I am like this ALL THE TIME. It is probably the hardest thing. Do you have kids? I have one - it took us a year to conceive her. The reason I'm asking is that during that year, I was so obsessed with getting pregnant. And then once I was pregnant and she was born, there were things I missed about my old life. So my best advice is to enjoy whatever life has handed you at this point. Just recently, I've really been able to say, if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, it doesn't. But that is a lot easier to say when you have one child already.0
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While I have not yet reached the point in my life where I am trying to have children, I have accepted that having a child will be a very hard journey and a journey that may not be possible. It is hard when I see other people getting pregnant because my initial thought is "I will never experience that" and yes, I get jealous. But I hold on to the hope for adoption, and to spoiling my friend's kids
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Yes, I had a friend that got pregnant, had no business getting pregant, just got out of a messy divorce, and pregnant with another mans child... and I never ever to this day told her "congratulations"...we had a falling out about other things.. and I have yet to see the baby and he is almost 4 months..which is probably better... because I have alot of angry feelings about the baby towards her, towards god...or whatever lets certain people have kids (that don't deserve them) while others struggle constantly... so I totally know how you feel... and in the past 2 years... my FB has exploded with pregancies.. some on their 4th and it just makes me angry more than happy... share the pot man... others hope for #1 or #2.... while others are having baby 3 and 4 and 10... so yes I get how you feel... totally normal.. and they should respect how you feel. And if they are all baby talk, just excuse yourself.. or don't go to the shower, but send a gift... simple things like that can help.. you have to make your life liveable for you... they should understand if they are good friends...0
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I have a very close knit group of friends that I've known since elementary school. Ever since we were young I've been the only one that wanted kids. As we've gotten older, they still don't want children... yet, but I know the day will come where one of them is pregnant before I get the chance and I will be initially be devastated- I’ve even had panic attack inducing nightmares involving them having children before me. Not to say I won't be overjoyed at becoming an aunt to their wonderful future children, but I know I will be really upset at first as well. I don't know how I'll deal with it, but I think I'll just have to suck it up, push those sad thoughts out of my mind, and be genuinely super happy for them and so happy to have a baby to love even if it's not my own.
Their joy of conception doesn't detract or add to my struggle to conceive, it's an event completely independent from my own circumstances and I’ll just have to continue reminding myself of that. It’s hard, but such is life.0 -
I cry about it and pray. I cry about how hard it is for me to get pregnant. I pray to heal my heart. I think it hits me the hardest when people that are simple minded get pregnant over and over again.0
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I have that feeling too! My friends are now starting to get pregnant and are trying when I have been trying for almost 2 years now. My sister in law is about 6 years younger and in the last 3 years have had their two girls while not having the best relationship/ marrige. It really sucks and makes me sad and uncomfortable. All of my friends know my journey the last two years so I also feel like everyone thinks of me right away or are afraid to talk about being excited in front of me. I am so happy for them cause I would never wish my struggles on anyone else! But it is still hard to process it and takes a little bit to get to the point where you are happy and can openly talk with your friend about their baby.
I don't think it is something that will ever get easy to deal with, you can put a good front on but that thought of 'why not me' will always pop up as the first thing you think of when you hear someone say they are pregnant. Just have to learn to deal with it and the emotions it brings up as best you can.0 -
I used to feel like that all the time, I wanted kids at 20 but decided i was to young and that i would wait and have my first at 25. Its taken me 4 and a bit years to concieve and just like you I had to watch all my friends around me fall preggy with not just there first child but there second child too! yep I was jealous, yes i said congrats and yes i was happy for them but man I was envious! I was told to expect a misscarriage with the one currently in my tum, that took me 4 years, i made it passed the 2 weeks and am now currently 13 weeks. I used to ask the same questions, when will it be my turn, why not me, what am i doing wrong, is it cos im to fat. my other friend who has PCOS who has also been trying for a year couldnt even congratulate me and look at my very first precious scan piccy despite knowing everything ive been through like her to get preggy and it broke my heart because when she falls ill bve happy for her too. My advice is to see a nutritinist cos 7 weeks after i saw one, i got preggy.....a week before my treatment was due to start. your time will come, just keep trying and i think there is a tad bit of truth to the "dont try to hard bit" as i think it can stress you out and make you obssesed, I had pretty much given up in the last 6 months and fell so there has to be some truth to it somewhere. good luck!0
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Yeah this is pretty much my life right now. Friends getting pregnant the first month they start trying. I'm thrilled for them but, yeah, doesn't feel great.0
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I totally get the feeling. It's hard seeing all your friends and family having babies and you have nothing. Hubby and I have only been trying for about 8 months but no matter how many times I tell myself "it will happen, just give it time", it doesn't always work.
Hubby tells me to focus on becoming the healthiest person I can be so that we can enjoy our baby when it does come. Works sometimes, but other times I just want to cry.0 -
Oh boy, I can relate to this. I feel so guilty for not being able to fully share a friend's joy. Outwardly, I do my best to be congratulatory and supportive. Really, I am happy to see my friends starting (or growing) their families, but the initial news always taps my inner "it's not fair" nerve.
I haven't given up on the possibility that my husband and I might be blessed with our own someday, but it makes me sad and angry that we can't get our hopes up the same way as most of our friends do because, realistically, our odds are not very encouraging. I resent the PCOS cloud of doubt that makes me say, "if we have kids," instead of, "when we have kids."
It takes a little effort sometimes, but I give myself the "it's not my friend's fault I have PCOS" pep talk when I need to put on a happy face for them. Then, when I'm alone (or with my husband), I allow myself to indulge in a pity party once in a while.0 -
I can relate. My husband and I are, I feel like, the last ones without children. I often wonder why God will allow people that don't deserve kids to have them, while my husband and I can't. Boo.0
