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Today, I broke up with my OB
VelociMama
Posts: 3,119 Member
... and he did not take it well.
WARNING: rant incoming, but I think my experience should be shared for women considering their birth options and hopefully will be an eye-opener for others as it was me.
I've been leaning more toward a natural drug-free childbirth for a while now, but I wanted to get my OB's thoughts on it as a medical doctor. So, today I went in with a list of questions.
My list of questions included:
1. What is your c-section rate and why is it as high/low as it is?
2. What is the c-section rate for the hospital you are associated with?
3. How does recovery from c-section work and what risks are there to me and my baby?
4. Do you allow women to move around, eat, sleep, or drink water during labor?
5. Do you push for an epidural? If so, when during labor do you usually give one?
6. Have you ever handled a 100% natural birth before for any patient in your care? If so, how did it go?
7. What are your thoughts on natural childbirth with a midwife?
8. What proportion of deliveries are induced in your practice and what are your thoughts on induction?
I don't feel like the questions I wanted to ask were inappropriate or in any way demeaning, but apparently, this doctor got very defensive when I started asking him about these topics.
These were the only answers I got (following the same numbering of the questions above):
1. C-section rate for his practice is 50%. He said this was because many of his patients are high-risk (obese or older). He also went on to say that while he tries to do vaginal deliveries at first, he prefers to use c-section to prevent complications during labor and delivery (I couldn't get him to elaborate on what he meant by this, and I found this answer to be a little odd.)
2. C-section rate for the hospital he uses is 70%, which is shockingly high.
3. He said that recovery from a c-section requires one extra day in the hospital as well as placement of a urinary catheter if there isn't already one present. Risks to baby include increased risk of breathing or respiratory problems. Risk to mother include bleeding, abdominal wall rupture, and various other risks associated with abdominal surgery.
4. He asks all his patients to get an IV, urinary catheter,and an epidural, though the epidural he said he considers highly-recommended but optional. He does not allow mothers to eat, drink water, or get out of bed during labor at all. He does allow them to roll on their side and sleep.
5. He does not require but highly-recommends an epidural for patients as soon as they are admitted for delivery.
6. This answer shocked me. In 25 years of his practice, he has never handled a 100% natural drug-free, IV-free, catheter-free birth. (!!!!!)
7. This question is when the conversation broke down, and he started to backhandedly insult and mock me. At this point, I decided to just get my medical records from his office and leave. He began answering this question somewhat condescendingly. He said that he doesn't believe in natural childbirth that it's far too risky and dangerous for the mother and child. He also said that he believes midwives do not have medical training and that I would be risking both my life and the life of my child by going to one. This is when it really got bad. He said that women should not have a choice about their birth preferences. He said that women were not qualified to make those decisions since they have no medical training. Essentially, he committed the "appeal to authority" logical fallacy. He went on to say that the birthing center I was using does not have an OB on call, which is completely false as were his statements about midwives not having medical training. All the midwives at my birthing center have certifications in neonatal emergency care, obstetric nursing, and have prescription rights, and every single one is a licensed and registered practicing RN. They also have an OB on call 24/7. At this point, I just packed up and left.
8. I didn't even get to ask this one, because of how off-put I was by his attitude for the first questions, especially #7.
Long story short. If you are exploring your options for birth, and you're low-risk, please talk to your doctor. Find out what he/she believes in as a birthing philosophy and make an informed decision about what you want. I'm really glad I found out my doctor was a condescending turd now instead of in the birth room.
/rant
WARNING: rant incoming, but I think my experience should be shared for women considering their birth options and hopefully will be an eye-opener for others as it was me.
I've been leaning more toward a natural drug-free childbirth for a while now, but I wanted to get my OB's thoughts on it as a medical doctor. So, today I went in with a list of questions.
My list of questions included:
1. What is your c-section rate and why is it as high/low as it is?
2. What is the c-section rate for the hospital you are associated with?
3. How does recovery from c-section work and what risks are there to me and my baby?
4. Do you allow women to move around, eat, sleep, or drink water during labor?
5. Do you push for an epidural? If so, when during labor do you usually give one?
6. Have you ever handled a 100% natural birth before for any patient in your care? If so, how did it go?
7. What are your thoughts on natural childbirth with a midwife?
8. What proportion of deliveries are induced in your practice and what are your thoughts on induction?
I don't feel like the questions I wanted to ask were inappropriate or in any way demeaning, but apparently, this doctor got very defensive when I started asking him about these topics.
These were the only answers I got (following the same numbering of the questions above):
1. C-section rate for his practice is 50%. He said this was because many of his patients are high-risk (obese or older). He also went on to say that while he tries to do vaginal deliveries at first, he prefers to use c-section to prevent complications during labor and delivery (I couldn't get him to elaborate on what he meant by this, and I found this answer to be a little odd.)
2. C-section rate for the hospital he uses is 70%, which is shockingly high.
3. He said that recovery from a c-section requires one extra day in the hospital as well as placement of a urinary catheter if there isn't already one present. Risks to baby include increased risk of breathing or respiratory problems. Risk to mother include bleeding, abdominal wall rupture, and various other risks associated with abdominal surgery.
4. He asks all his patients to get an IV, urinary catheter,and an epidural, though the epidural he said he considers highly-recommended but optional. He does not allow mothers to eat, drink water, or get out of bed during labor at all. He does allow them to roll on their side and sleep.
5. He does not require but highly-recommends an epidural for patients as soon as they are admitted for delivery.
6. This answer shocked me. In 25 years of his practice, he has never handled a 100% natural drug-free, IV-free, catheter-free birth. (!!!!!)
7. This question is when the conversation broke down, and he started to backhandedly insult and mock me. At this point, I decided to just get my medical records from his office and leave. He began answering this question somewhat condescendingly. He said that he doesn't believe in natural childbirth that it's far too risky and dangerous for the mother and child. He also said that he believes midwives do not have medical training and that I would be risking both my life and the life of my child by going to one. This is when it really got bad. He said that women should not have a choice about their birth preferences. He said that women were not qualified to make those decisions since they have no medical training. Essentially, he committed the "appeal to authority" logical fallacy. He went on to say that the birthing center I was using does not have an OB on call, which is completely false as were his statements about midwives not having medical training. All the midwives at my birthing center have certifications in neonatal emergency care, obstetric nursing, and have prescription rights, and every single one is a licensed and registered practicing RN. They also have an OB on call 24/7. At this point, I just packed up and left.
8. I didn't even get to ask this one, because of how off-put I was by his attitude for the first questions, especially #7.
Long story short. If you are exploring your options for birth, and you're low-risk, please talk to your doctor. Find out what he/she believes in as a birthing philosophy and make an informed decision about what you want. I'm really glad I found out my doctor was a condescending turd now instead of in the birth room.
/rant
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Replies
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Luckily i went with midwives and they totally support any option i want.0
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Wow, sorry you had to go through that!
Is he an old OB and mentally stuck in the '80's? Or he sounds like he has a god-complex.
I think your questions were great. You should be able to make your own decisions during labor (unless medically necessary to do otherwise), and he should listen to what YOU want, not what Dr. Diva decides his protocol shall be...
This is why I love my midwife (who is a medically trained RN).0 -
WOW, I'm totally pissed off FOR you by this! Women shouldn't have a choice in their birthing options? What a chauvenist IDIOT. Then, um, how did women give birth for thousands of years without medical intervention? Sheesh. I have an OB/GYN but also hired a doula and I am very adamant about having a natural birth, aside from any absolute emergencies that require otherwise. Good for you for firing this dude, what an insensitive *kitten*.0
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I broke up with my midwives for an OB, but had the total opposite response. They were really supportive of my decision, and understood why I would want an OB. Apparently, they have never (and the lead midwife has been doing this for 25 years) worked with women with herniated discs before. I think it was cool they were originally going to work with me anyway, and cool that they supported my decision to choose someone who could operate on me if need be.
Your story reminds me a lot of The Business of Being Born. When they asked those doctors what they thought of birth with midwives and so few of them (highly trained in their profession, working at some of the "best" hospitals in the country) had any clue what midwives did. Your doctor certainly sounds like one of them. Glad you found a better fit for you with your midwife/birthing center!!0 -
Wow. Just.... wow. What a ****. Good news is that now you know what would have went down with this dr.0
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I broke up with my midwives for an OB, but had the total opposite response. They were really supportive of my decision, and understood why I would want an OB. Apparently, they have never (and the lead midwife has been doing this for 25 years) worked with women with herniated discs before. I think it was cool they were originally going to work with me anyway, and cool that they supported my decision to choose someone who could operate on me if need be.
I think it's great that you can make that choice without feeling judgement. I feel like a lot of people have opinions about birth and child-rearing. Essentially, they all feel like "my way or the highway" and it sucks. You should do what you feel is best for you no matter what other people say. As long as you're informed and not putting your child or yourself in harm's way, then I don't see how anyone could tell you that you have to do things one way or the other.Your story reminds me a lot of The Business of Being Born. When they asked those doctors what they thought of birth with midwives and so few of them (highly trained in their profession, working at some of the "best" hospitals in the country) had any clue what midwives did. Your doctor certainly sounds like one of them. Glad you found a better fit for you with your midwife/birthing center!!
That's exactly what it reminded me of too. My husband and I watched it together on Netflix last week, and I was just shocked that my own doctor said essentially what the doctors in the documentary said nearly verbatim. It really took me for surprise.0 -
Wow. Those views are pretty extreme, and that is not evidence-based practice!
Good luck in finding someone you mesh with better!0 -
Wow, that's crazy, I don't blame you. I can't believe they don't let women get up or eat during labor...I guess because he is just planning on a c-section! I should probably ask my docs some of those questions.0
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I read an amazing book called Baby Catcher" about a midwife who started working in the 60s when midwifery was new and for hippies and has worked into the mainstream. In the book she said something that explains it all: to doctors, birth is abnormal until proven otherwise (thus their love of interventions) and to midwives birth is normal until proven otherwise.
To me, she hit the nail on the head. My body was made to birth my babies, and if I really need help, I will take it, but otherwise, js sit back and let me do what I was made for! I have done it three times, and I thought it was easier than an Insanity workout!
Good for you for standing up for yourself, pregosaurus! I hope that you find an awesome caregiver that supports you!0 -
Dang, way to respect another human being - medical expert or not - I used to work in training in the healthcare and some doctors are rude d-bags, this guy was def one of them...0
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Wow, that's crazy, I don't blame you. I can't believe they don't let women get up or eat during labor...I guess because he is just planning on a c-section! I should probably ask my docs some of those questions.
It is common not to be able to eat or drink during labor regardless if its a vaginal or c section. I was only allowed ice chips with my first one because labor can make some women sick and I can understand that I really did not want to throw up and have labor pains. Most OB's I have experience with try vaginal delivery first if the baby is not breach but after so long of trying it becomes dangerous for mom and baby so a c section will then be necessary especially if the baby's heart rate drops. Now I was only in labor for 6 hours from start to finish with my first so things like eating really never crossed my mind and I had an epidural within 2 hours of being admitted because I was dilating extremely fast and it was now or never kind of situation so I never really had the urge to walk around I did sleep for 3 hours. Now for people who are in labor for hours and hours may want to move around. My practice has 3 OB and 2 midwives I prefer the medical side because I am a big old baby and I have had trouble with my blood pressure so I like to be around as many drugs and doctors as I can but to each their own.0 -
Wow, that's crazy, I don't blame you. I can't believe they don't let women get up or eat during labor...I guess because he is just planning on a c-section! I should probably ask my docs some of those questions.
You should. Whatever decision you make for yourself, just be informed about what your doctor who is going to be delivering you thinks. That way, you can find out if you're on the same page or not and go from there.
Hopefully, your doctor will be more open-minded and civil to you than mine was.0 -
Wow, that's crazy, I don't blame you. I can't believe they don't let women get up or eat during labor...I guess because he is just planning on a c-section! I should probably ask my docs some of those questions.
It is common not to be able to eat or drink during labor regardless if its a vaginal or c section. I was only allowed ice chips with my first one because labor can make some women sick and I can understand that I really did not want to throw up and have labor pains. Most OB's I have experience with try vaginal delivery first if the baby is not breach but after so long of trying it becomes dangerous for mom and baby so a c section will then be necessary especially if the baby's heart rate drops. Now I was only in labor for 6 hours from start to finish with my first so things like eating really never crossed my mind and I had an epidural within 2 hours of being admitted because I was dilating extremely fast and it was now or never kind of situation so I never really had the urge to walk around I did sleep for 3 hours. Now for people who are in labor for hours and hours may want to move around. My practice has 3 OB and 2 midwives I prefer the medical side because I am a big old baby and I have had trouble with my blood pressure so I like to be around as many drugs and doctors as I can but to each their own.
Every woman should make her own decision about what she wants in her birthing experience, as long as her medical condition allows.
For me, I'm not afraid of pain. I got through the most horrific pain when I had my kidney infections (2 within 3 months of each other) with no more than a tylenol (hospital gave me morphine in the ER against my wishes at first, which pissed me off after I figured it out). I know I'm a stubborn *kitten* though, so if I can't move around, can't eat, and feel like I've been strapped to the bed, I might get all stabby. Plus, I downright refuse to have a c-section unless it is absolutely medically necessary, and I don't want pitocin either.0 -
Wow, that's wild! I would've broken up with him too!
I'm in the process of trying to find an OB who is willing to let me attempt a TOLAC. According to the ACOG, I'm a good candidate to try for a VBAC, despite two previous c-sections. My OB is fine with it, but the other OBs in the practice aren't, and there isn't a guarantee that *my* dr would be available, depending on when I go into labor. Ugh!0 -
Oh my.....umm....wow...I don't even know how to respond to that. Good think you broke up with him. My family doctor jaded me so I was lucky to get in to see a midwife. My friends OB tried to force her to get a cesarean and she refused because there was no reason other than she had to push long and the OB was impatient.
Always trust your instincts!0 -
I'm not entirely sure this is "on topic," but it got me thinking about how dependent we women are on the ideological beliefs of our doctors. My mom, who is a crunchy hippie type (and won't even take aspirin for a headache), had epidurals with both me and my little brother because, as she said, "I was just listening to the doctor. I didn't know there was another option." And she wishes she had known she could have done it drug-free. My mother-in-law, who is like an older version of Victoria Beckham (totally the kind of woman who I would imagine scheduling each of her births for C-Section if possible), just revealed to me that she did all of her three births drug free. I was like, "Wow! That's impressive. What made you decide to go drug free?" Do you know she said, "Oh...I would have definitely taken drugs had I known that was an option." So crazy to me.0
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I'm not entirely sure this is "on topic," but it got me thinking about how dependent we women are on the ideological beliefs of our doctors. My mom, who is a crunchy hippie type (and won't even take aspirin for a headache), had epidurals with both me and my little brother because, as she said, "I was just listening to the doctor. I didn't know there was another option." And she wishes she had known she could have done it drug-free. My mother-in-law, who is like an older version of Victoria Beckham (totally the kind of woman who I would imagine scheduling each of her births for C-Section if possible), just revealed to me that she did all of her three births drug free. I was like, "Wow! That's impressive. What made you decide to go drug free?" Do you know she said, "Oh...I would have definitely taken drugs had I known that was an option." So crazy to me.
So spot on!
I had no idea I had options either until I started digging around on the internet and watching some birth documentaries. I just never thought that doing a drug-free birth like that was an option in America. I always thought of birth as something women did in hospitals with IV's, epidurals, and half the time, a c-section.0 -
i'm so glad you posted this! it's funny, so many people are saying they had no idea they had options, i'm the other way around. I just assumed that I have options and my doctor would respect my wishes. I love my OB but haven't had these talks with him. Then again, I'll be moving cross country before the baby is born so I guess I'd better start considering an OB out there!0
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Good for you for taking the time to ask those questions and find out now (rather than later).
Even though my hospital has a 34% csection rate (they do not do vbacs) they are very natural birth friendly. One of the rooms has a birthing tub (which I hope is vacant when it's my time lol). I was induced with my last baby, but before they started the pit they offered me a boxed lunch. I'm not sure they would have let me eat anything after that (my husband had snacks packed and smuggled just in case lol), but labor hit full swing pretty quickly and I didn't feel like eating anything!
I do remember walking the halls for a good part of labor and at one point a nurse told me that 17 laps = 1 mile. lol. At least I got my walking in for the day!0 -
@Emily and Betty: Glad you found this helpful! I am hoping by sharing my story on this, I can help other women feel empowered to make their own decisions.
Good luck to you both!0
This discussion has been closed.