I do not go through it, as I am happily the sex I identify with.

But, I can sympathize. I know some people in similar situations.

Hey,

I'm trans myself and although I can't relate directly to your own experience, as I read this I can see how it would be pretty distressing.

I realise that telling you that people come in all shapes and sizes and that health comes first etc etc is not going to take away that dysphoria. Heck, dysphoria rarely carries any logic. You can't just change your internalised picture of yourself!

If there is no desperately urgent reason (e.g surgery, major health risk) requiring you to lose weight in a set period of time then I wonder if it might be an idea to take a little time out of a strict weight loss programme? No, I don't mean given in to it just perhaps concentrating on maintenance? I'm wondering if it would free up some headspace to try and deal with your thoughts and feelings around weight loss and how that impacts on dysphoria? Do you have access to a counsellor? There are lots of voluntary organisations all over who might be able to help with that. At the least, perhaps a supportive friend?

Hope things are a little easier soon. x

I'm looking forward to losing a few of my curves, so I'm not quite in the same boat, but I do sympathize. As someone else mentioned though, with a smaller canvas to work with, you may find more options available.

Also there are plenty of healthy men out there who do not bulk up with strength training beyond a basic level of fitness. In the Tai Chi world, "You look strong," is actually an insult, because usually a 'toned' muscle is also a tense muscle or one that has reduced flexibility. The master who comes to visit will target these guys for his demos because they will be easier to take, and they also look more impressive when they go down. I would recommend taking a dancing, or martial arts (preferably a 'soft' style such as Tai Chi or Aikido), or yoga class to focus on other traditionally feminine attributes such as grace and flexibility.

butch chicks are hot! work with what you've got. xoxo

Can you drive to another therapist? Once among or something? Or is there not a bigger town in driving distance.

I know my friend generally had to go to the nearest big city two hours away. It's harder but not impossible.

Anything I write here will probably sound stupid, so many people have given such excellent opinions to ponder.

Sometimes slowing down with weight loss can be good to ease body dysmorphia but other little things can help too. I find that if you are constantly aware that people might view you as male people people WILL view you as male. People pick up on moods and body language. Your insecurity over your adam's apple creates this awareness in you that other people sense. This awareness probably contributes to the amount of people who categorise you as male (people will categorise you as male due to body structure but awareness, mentality, attitude, stance and all those little things sway people more than you realise). So working as seeing yourself as "truly" female rather than "female identified and stuck in a male body" might help- moving away from that body awareness and changing your mentality.

What I mean by that is; (even if this sounds overly simple) just work on picturing and visualising yourself as a cisgendered female might help. When you worry about loosing weight change the tone of your worries. Instead of "I hope nobody notices my body and my sex" (note I said sex not gender) focus on what another woman would think "Omg I can't believe I have such ugly broad shoulders. They look like so manly!" (now you are focusing on gender-appropriate thoughts. You are no longer a man, you are a woman who has masculine bodily characteristics). Be mentally genuinely shocked by anyone who calls you male. Wake up one morning and consciously decide to view your body as a masculine "female" body, because you are female and that is your body. Therefore it MUST be a female body. It's just not a female body that fits the stereotypes. When you view things from this mentality, you are getting the funny looks because you aren't the social archetypal ideal- not because your body is a "male" body.

Stop focusing on "passing" and start focusing on being your own personal beauty ideal. I guarantee when you stop worrying so much about "passing" and start focusing/ worrying about being your ideal you will pass better. Your thoughts have already started to "pass" better. You're focusing on the whole instead of the hole. instead of "I want feminine hair" it's "I want hair that suits me and makes me look pretty". Thus you are becoming a more stereotypically "pretty" woman by loosing the weight, regardless of how masculine your natural body shape is.

You said you are worried about being a target, (which can't help but bring out your insecurities) but you could change this worry to "I don't want to be alone because I don't feel safe". Already the thoughts are being processed differently and more gender-relevant. It's focusing on your similarities, rather than your differences. Most women don't feel safe alone. I read an article on how women are basically imprisoned by fears such as the fear of rape- which leads us to do things at certain hours, or run with our car keys out (just in case we need to stab someone in the eye) or not travel overseas alone (which I'd really love to do, but which seems so gender-abnormal since there are certain risks that come with being female). You don't feel safe, most women don't feel safe. This is relating the way you are being treated to how you would be treated if you were cisgendered and looking for the similarities not the differences.

I know it seems like a game of pretend but "everything arises from the mind" and if your body dysmorphia is coming from your attitude to how people treat you/ your personal view of your body- to me it makes logical sense to change the way you consciously process situations. Of course it's not a long-term fix (and maybe you've been counselled to do this before) but it might be a good exercise to just fantasise yourself into being genuinely cis-gendered for a few days. Think like you would if you were cis-gendered and just focus on applying a less binary attitude to your body's sex.

Since you don't have access to any counsellors who deal specifically with transsexuality, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that some social workers and psychologists may be rather inept in certain departments such as this. I'll happily concede to "I wouldn't find that useful".

**kitten** this stupid idea that women need to be curvy to look womanly. Look however you look, with the body that is your healthiest and best. You will still be a woman if that is what you want.

I think this is a beautiful thing to keep in mind.

As someone else said, these sorts of thoughts about your body are rarely rational, but everyone deals with these things to an extent. Obviously some of us more than others.

I really hope you're able to be healthy, happy, and that you love yourself. Please remember you have many people around for support. The internet can be awesome sometimes.