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Simple6
Simple6 Posts: 170 Member
Dear Ones,

I have been praying for you......I know that God has chosen this time and this study for you. Here is my prayer for us all:

Father,

I just invite you to be the Lord of this study. As you help us to learn of you, unite our hearts to encourage, strengthen and build each other up. Give us hearts that honor you. Help us to prioritize our time to seek you first. Help us to hear your voice and receive your love, approval, and acceptance. Your word says, that as we delight in You, You delight in us. Each of us has a part of your heart. I pray, Lord that you would just flow out of our learning processes and help us to touch and comfort one another. Give us the right words at the right moments. Reveal Yourself to us. We want to know you. Let this training time be blessed. Help us to put into practice what You are teaching us. Let us become women who allow your Word to transform our lives. Be the Lord of our discussions. Help us to have wisdom and discernment as we speak to one another. Let your words flow out of us. You are the God who never fails and who is always faithful to complete the good work you started in us. Help us to see that good work and to feel secure in You. Help as to have balance as we study. To see the places we need to change but also the places we are making good choices. Give us the right perspective. Help us to know you truth and to practice it with grace. I just praise you in advance for these life changing moments that are coming to us all. Your steadfast love, never fails! In Jesus Name, Amen


So, my first name is Jenni. I would love it if you would share your first name and anything about yourself you feel lead to.

I will start.

This bible study is part of me learning to trust the Lord with all my heart and not lean to my own understanding. What I mean, is I feel so insecure about my own personal ability. But as I sought the Lord, I really felt that I needed to step out in faith and trust Him. So, I have been having lots and lots of battles in my mind about this.....which means I have been also practicing training my mind to what God's word says about it. It often feels like I am fighting in multiple arenas.....fear, doubt, pressure for time, and double mindedness (Did God really ask me to do this?) Every time I practice what I have been learning, God gives me the victory. For me, that is peace about where I am, what I am doing and where He is leading me. I still have so much to learn and that is why I count it a high privilege that you have decided to join me. It is His love connecting us. I am looking forward to fellow shipping over His word. It is truly one of my favorite things to do.

Your turn:love:

Replies

  • Snitch1
    Snitch1 Posts: 201 Member
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    Hello new/old friends. If we are not yet MFP friends, please feel free to add me.

    My Name is Nicolette.

    In my faith, (Pentecostal) and in the Lords word, we are all Brother's and Sister's in Christ. I choose to carry that through to our daily lives, so that is why I will call you Sis, or Sister (unless you are uncomfortable with that), and I usually sign my name Sis Nicolette or Sis Nic.

    I am seeking a closer fellowship with the Lord, and also with Women who love the Lord as I do.:flowerforyou:

    I am seeking to change my scattered, fractured existence, to one which pleases the Lord.:love::love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

    I have tried to write more..but the more I try to express myself, the more I end up deleting.:ohwell:

    So, for now..this is it..Hope to get to know all of you in a more intimate way during this study.:blushing:

    "The Creator of this universe calls me His child-what a blessing! What a privilege! What a responsibility!" ~Margaret Fishback Powers

    "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the LORD ALMIGHTY." ~ 2 Corinthians 6:18

    In Christ,
    Sis Nic
  • new_blossom
    new_blossom Posts: 111 Member
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    Hello to everyone! My name is Michelle. I want to start off by thanking you Jenni and Donna for the invite of this study group. I feel that I am called to do it . God is so good. I was stressing over getting the study guide in time and it arrived today. For those that do not yet have the book, I downloaded it from Amazon onto my computer. There is a free download of a simple Kindle version and from there you can purchase ebooks. The study guide is not available for download, but I did purchase it as well from Amazon for 5.99 and it arrived pretty quickly.

    I was raised Catholic and was not really taught much about about the Bible and was only a part time church goer, but for special occasions. Years ago, when my son was younger, God blessed my son and I to meet up with a lady that happened to live in my apt. complex. She just so happened to work with me at before and after care at my sons school and on top of that, found out she and my mom went to school together as well in another city! Small world or was it Him working His plan? I think the latter. Anyways, He used Ms. Joan to bring me closer to Him. She taught me things about Jesus I never knew. One was that I could actually have a personal relationship with Him. She taught me how to look up bible verses and taught me about the Holy Spirit by talking about it and inviting me to go to charismatic mass on Friday nights. I took my son with me and he seemed to enjoy it as well and learned a lot too. She was so nice, and was devoted to God! She did what He wanted, with me and others, while also working with her. I lost contact with Ms. Joan for a long time now. He had plans for her, big plans. I believe she was called to the convent or something like that. I miss her and always wished I had what she had with Him. It was LOVE. A true, unconditional devotion to Him. I just could not seem to get to that point. I believe now, looking at my past, He was always there, calling me, wanting to talk too me, but I was not listening a lot of times. I would start to devote time, and then. I was always following my own path of choices. I need Him. I actually am admitting it, that I really need Him in my life.

    I want to be a good example for my son, who is now 23 and no longer believes in God, due to past hurts. And I feel somewhat responsible for this. If I continued to go to church or was an example of a true Christian mother, maybe he would not have strayed. I am hoping with all my heart that he still has a little bit of faith that could possibly grow again. I am asking for prayers for that.

    I also want to be a better wife to my husband. He is a good man and due to my past, I can be really unbearable. But he has been so loyal and so caring too me. I am hoping that God uses me to help him have a personal relationship with Him as well.

    I pray for all of us, to understand and hear what God is calling us to do in our lives. I pray for myself, and for those that have minds that scramble and have trouble focusing, to be able to meditate in His word. I pray that we can accept Him as our loving Father and come to Him as His children. Amen.
  • ccadroz93
    ccadroz93 Posts: 136 Member
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    Hello Sisters!!
    Well, I am a little behind, but I will catch up quickly!

    My name is Christine, I am 46, mother of 2 boys-Gage 21 and Logan 17, wife to my sweet Teddy for 19 years this October 28th:bigsmile:

    My life story is pretty rough on first reveal, but if I had not gone through everything I have gone through to this point I would not be who I am in the Lord now. I lived the life of Samuel in some ways....

    Grew up Catholic in an alcoholic home. We walked on egg shells alot because we never really knew what condition he'd be in when he hit the door. Catholic school, mass 3x a week, no Bible instruction-I actually got in trouble one time for ascking where the Gospel of John reading came from one day in church!!! Can you believe that??!!

    Anyway, at 11 I dicovered alcohol and drugs and took off on my own adventure. That lasted til I ended up in treatment in 1985. I was only 18 when God rendered me sober through that treatment center and Alcoholics Anonymous. In AA you develope a relationship with a "Higher Power" of no specific name or religion. It worked. I know in my heart today that the Lord showed much mercy on mein those early days because I was willing to believe in Him even though I did not know at the time who Him was.

    I married my first husband when I had 5 years of sobriety. When our son (Gage) was 10 months old I found out my husband had a girlfriend who was 8 months pregnant. Do the math...she got pregnant during my 6 weeks post partum!! I divorced him after realizing he had absolutely no remorse for this and was bound and determined to do the right thing by her and not abandon her....WHAT???!!! What about doing the right thing by his wife??? Me and God were not on very good terms at this point, for sure.

    Now, my husband now-Teddy- was my pen-pal and had been since before I married my first husband. I would call him and tell him how "J" was just never happy and I couldn't seem to do anything right-he would tell me that it sounded like I had done everything I could and that maybe "J" had a problem...WOW!! I never thought of that!! After my divorce, Teddy came down from PA where he was born and raised to TX where I had grown up and took care of Gage while I went into the hospital for my severe anorexia. You see, with out Jesus Christ and only having the higher power I had found in AA I was still trying to control my own life. I weighed into the treatment center at 107 pounds, which for a woman of 5-9 is pretty frail. I would not drink, or do drugs and now I was determined to not abuse my body by starving it anymore either. When I got out of rtreatment, Teddy went back to PA and we continued writting letters and talking on the phone.

    Eventually we decided we wanted the same things and had similar goals so Gage and I packed up and moved to PA and Teddy and I got married. Teddy soon adopted Gage. After I became pregnant with Logan, Teddy said we should find a church because he thought that was important for kids....I had steered clear of church after my Catholic experience so this was a hard one for me. I had a friend who I met through my son when he entered kindergarten. She invited me to a thing at her church called MOPS. I figured, well, its not church, and they talk about God the same way I do, so, ok. Little did I know that Jesus was waiting in the wings to flood my heart throuigh those women who knew I needed him desperately!!!

    I was given a Bible by one of the ladies in my MOPS group and started reading it. I was totally freaking out! There were so many thing s that conflicted with what I had percieved the nuns teaching me in school and what I heard in mass!! I would call Carol crying asking if I was losing my mind! The Holy Spirit was taking over and I confessed my sinfulness and let Him come in-I get goose bumps thinking about it still!!!

    Fast forward to today. Teddy and I are still married. He got saved 5 years after me which is funny when I think that it was him who said we should find a church....we moved back to TX where my whole family is. I celebrated 27 years of sobriety this past March and I also can claim victory over other addictions in my life-drugs, alcohol, pornography, cutting, anorexia, and cigarettes. God is so awesome and loves me soooooo much to bring me this far!! I look forward to where he will take me through this study! I was telling Jenni I actually got to go to a weekend with Joyce Meyers in Hershey, PA in 2004. Talk about inspiring!! I am grateful for every affliction I used to try to change how I feel and for every surrender of that affliction to Jesus Christ when He brought me to the realization of what I was doing!!! WOOOO HOOOO!!!

    Sorry for the book! So excited to hear all our stuff!!

    You Sister in Christ,
    Christine:flowerforyou:
  • TamaraGraceS
    TamaraGraceS Posts: 273 Member
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    My name is Tamara maybe I will start by posting a bit of our faith story.http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150860082059538 As Jenni knows I am very sick but crawled out of my bed to check in on you all. I hope to feel better tomorrow and post more.
  • Kristy713ckm
    Kristy713ckm Posts: 54 Member
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    Wow, what a testimony of lives and our journey's. My name is Kristy & I live in Dayton Ohio. I've been overweight all my life. And I know it's all mental, that causes this physical downfall.

    I was 25 when I met my husband, and we got saved 9 months into our dating. We were then apart for 9 months, and then back together for 10 days when we got married (neat story behind all that). When we got married, I was about 250 pounds. I got pregnant with my son about 3 years later. I was nearly 300 by then. When my son was 2, I was 351 pounds. I had Gastric Bypass Surgery December 2002. I lost 120 pounds and got down to 229 (my lowest). But in 9 years, I gained 60 back.

    I started here at 289 (12/18/11). I've lost 37 pounds this year thru counting calories and exercising as best I can. But the food/mind battle is tremendous. I want to graze every moment on food. It's ALL mental.

    When I met my husband in 1995, he suffered from Anxiety/Panic Disorder - and still does. My son, now 11 (almost 12) is now showing signs of anxiety, and food issues. I have a 2 year old (almost 3) daughter. I work 4 am to Noon, and homeschool my son. I go to bed at 6:30 or 7 p.m. to get up early to work. Life is very stressful.

    So, what can I do to create PEACE in my home. We're ALL so stressed. All so BUSY.

    My husband & son just returned to church about 4 weeks ago, and my daughter & I joined 2 weeks ago. I realized I was MAD at God. Why would my family suffer so much.... I am now on a journey to a better relationship with God. To increase my faith. To better know His Word. To find Peace, Healing & Deliverance, in Jesus Name.

    I look forward to this journey with you all.

    KRISTY in Dayton Ohio
  • right2b
    right2b Posts: 93 Member
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    :heart: Just like most people, I find myself on a continuous journey of self discovery. Some days are more exciting than other days and vice-versa. I ask myself the question…”What have I “packed” today, Jesus…that perhaps was inappropriate for this leg of the journey? Are my garments too heavy or too light for this season? In retrospect, when I gained a lot of weight…I gave away all my “skinny” clothes. Some I knew I would never be able to replace; either the garment was sentimental or vintage/collectible. (I love vintage clothes). But I felt so liberated from the giving to someone else, that the loss was never a void or regret. God opens opportunities for blessings, I believe. Many, many times I have been blessed by the gift of some beautiful believer’s graciousness.
    I absolutely admire Joyce Meyers ministry. She is a hoot and very, very straight –forward, no nonsense woman of God. She’s tough on the Devil and loving to believers. Her questions have purpose and I think for these bible studies…we better buckle our seat belts…we are in for a ride!
    For me, it will be an honor to join you ladies in this learning experience. I hope that you will allow me to use my nickname Zoey…given to me by my dear friend and leader of this bible study…Jenni. God bless you and enrich your inner spirit mightily!
    :flowerforyou:
  • milove1029
    milove1029 Posts: 308 Member
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    Hi there my name is Gwen and I am very happy to be part of this group, I too am behind but I downloaded the book and started reading it and hopefully will have the workbook soon. I am a born again Christian since 2006, since I gave my life to the Lord seems like my whole life spiral downhill. I now realize that I needed to be humbled in order to effectively give my life to the Lord and to share His grace and glory!!!
  • debbiestine
    debbiestine Posts: 265 Member
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    Hi I am Debbie and thank u Jenny and Donna for inviting me to do this bible study. I am not as good a writer as most of u are and I am terribly incompetent on the computer. But I do love The Lord my God with all my mind, soul and heart and am thrilled once again to be in a bible study online.
    it's funny hearing someone mention the mops group. Back in 1989 when I started understanding my faith (and the joke is thank u Mormons b/c we had just gotten stationed in Utah and I was reading a book on their cult. ) When it mentioned that most Christians didn't know much about their own faith, I started reading my bible and loving Gods word. Well I had said a prayer and asked God for a moms group at church where I could bring my 2yr old and within a very time He answered my prayers with a group called lamps-learning about mothering preschoolers. I was so shocked that God heard my prayers and answered me so quickly! I started attending bible studies and teaching sun school, children's church, vbs.
    Fast forward 13 assignments,17houses, 30 yrs married to my hs boyfriend, 2 grown kids. I work at my church in the childcare and help w lesson plans, bulletin bds, crafts, staffing. God has been so good to me and has blessed me at every turn. I sing his praises in the car-he lifts me up!
    Love The Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength! Luke10:27
    I can do all things thru God who strengthens me! Phillipians 4:13
  • jaajh
    jaajh Posts: 1,262 Member
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    Hi! Many of you already know me, but not all of you, so here is a bit about me. I have been VERY touched by how open you have all been in sharing things from your past, so I will try to be equally honest here.

    My name is Ali. I am 42. I'm originally from the UK, but have lived here in Mali, West Africa for the past 16 years. I am married (for 15 years now) to a wonderful man, and we have 3 beautiful kids (aged 12 (almost 13!), 11 and 7).

    I grew up in a non-Christian family, but my best friend at school was from a lovely Christian family and she used to drag me along to the youth group at their church. I therefore gave my life to the Lord at around the age of 12. I actually had a fabulous childhood. My parents are wonderful people and I have two great sisters. However, my parents are both teachers and for them the MOST important thing in life is a good education. Thankfully I was intelligent and always did well at school, going to university and then law school. I ended up getting a job as a lawyer in a very large international firm in the City of London. My parents couldn't have been more proud of me. The only thing is that I always felt their approval when I got good exams results, good reports from school, or when I got my job (they drove across the country when they heard about my job offer and ended up on my doorstep with champagne!) I don't remember ever being complimented or made a fuss of for any other reason. I know they DO love me very much, but they are very achievement orientated.

    Which meant that 16 years ago when I decided to leave behind a good career (and great salary) and come and live in Africa, marry an African and be a missionary they went CRAZY over it! Not only was I "throwing everything back in their face" (all they had paid out for my private education, those holidays abroad they had sacrificed etc) but I was throwing away my future and not even going to earn my own way in the world. To them, being a missionary (and raising my own support) is "living off charity". They are not Christians, so had no understanding of the idea of God's call on my life, and they blamed God and Japhet (my husband) in equal measure for this decision! There followed some very horrible years, when my parents hardly spoke to me. (I remember ringing my mum to tell her I was pregnant with my first child and she told me "She won't be my granddaughter though, will she."!!!!) I learnt, the hard way, that their love was conditional - on my doing what THEY wanted.

    That led me to believing Satan's lies - particularly that I am only worthwhile when I do as others think I should. I have worked hard at the relationship with my parents, and we have made some major progress - to the point where they now welcome me, my husband and the kids when we go back to the UK (although we still never stay at their house). We still have our issues (normally now over how much I am making their grandchildren suffer / depriving them of a good education / etc. ! Note it is at least THEIR grandchildren now!!!) It is all SO much better than it was, but I have over-compensated in seeking my approval from others.

    All this has led me into a spiral of doing things because I think other people will approve! When I came to Mali 16 years ago I KNEW that God wanted me in French-speaking West Africa. That was clear (since my first visit to Africa in 1993). However, the reason for being in Koutiala, Mali was because my fiancee (now husband) was there, and I joined YWAM because he worked there (and after all what else was an English-qualified lawyer going to do in Mali!!!) I honestly never received a "call to missions" in that sort of clear sense.

    I worked for YWAM for 14 years. Being a "missionary" gave me a title. It gave me "approval" and "respect" in the eyes of my home church, and in the eyes of people here in Mali. I needed to know I was valued by others!

    Just over 2 years ago, I became increasingly aware that I was not actually doing anything specifically because GOD has told me to, but more to please others/gain their acceptance. ( I have so struggled to try to fit in here and be "Malian"! I will NEVER be Malian! I had to learn to accept that I will always be English! I just need to adapt enough to not shock Malians. My husband has been the one person who has NEVER asked me to be something I am not! When I cried - often - because I just couldn't be like the Malian women around me, he kept telling me: "I married you because I love YOU. If I wanted a Malian wife, I think I could have found one!") Anyway, back to me and my walk with God. I began to realise that everything had become a "mask". I put on my Christian missionary mask each day, and did the things that were expected of me. Yes, I had begun to do some things I enjoyed too (like meeting up with some lawyers in the capital and meeting every couple of months for prayer together - THAT made my heart race! I LOVED those times!) but most of the time I was living what others expected and my personal relationship with God was pretty non-existent. I was also very over-worked because I just couldn't say NO. (Always have to please people!) I had taken on more and more responsabilities in the mission, and yet was increasingly feeling that it was not my place. Add into all this that I was very unhappy and was comfort eating and piling on the pounds, and you have a recipe for disaster.

    I got to the point where I was so depressed and I almost just walked away from it all. Thankfully just over 2 years ago, I cracked and my husband made me take time out. I took a year's sabbatical from the mission and just concentrated on family (my kids go to the local school here, but I also supplement that with English home schooling a couple of times a week) and on my lawyer contacts. (I had also begun some translation work that I was enjoying so I continued that, but ONLY when I felt that I wanted to.) I made it a priority to spend time with God too. It was a great year. And by the end of it I knew that my place was no longer in YWAM. I love YWAM, and I am glad for all it did build into my life, but MY place was not there. God told me clearly to develop my work with the Christians lawyers, which has just taken off so amazingly, and to concentrate on HIM and on my family for now. I am so glad this "crisis" was 2 years ago, as if all that had happened this year(more on that below!) had happened BEFORE I got those things sorted in my mind, I would have had a total breakdown.

    I am now doing MUCH better in myself. I have not been an "official missionary" now for over a year. I don't have a problem with that any more. I still know I am called to Mali (know it even more clearly now that I ever knew it before!) and although I don't fit into some nice category or role I am fine with that! I still have an overwhelming tendency though to want to please - and also a need to "achieve"! But I am working on that! I realise so much of my thinking is still messed up, and I believe this study will help me get to the bottom of some of that.

    Life here in Mali right now is VERY uncertain. We had a military coup back in March, and for the months of April and May my family and I were evacuated to neighbouring Burkina Faso. We are now back home in Mali, but the coup led to the advance of a rebellion that had already begun in the north and 2/3 of Mali is now controlled by Islamic extremists (linked to Al-Qaeda), so although we are in a safe part of the country, noone really knows how this situation is going to pan out. We keep a close eye on it and are ready to leave again if we need to. In all this I have so totally seen God's faithfulness. And yet I STILL get negative when something goes wrong (like my daughter's malaria attack last week!) One thing doesn't go how I would like it and I get negative, down and "blame" God! I so need to win this battle in my mind!!

    I have gone on for ages! And there is so much more about my past I haven't shared - in between that conversion at 12 years old and my coming to Africa, there were a few years of some major rebellion! But maybe that is for another time. The things I have mentioned are those I feel I need to deal with now. I know in my heart that God loves me, that I am now doing what he wants me to do and being where he wants me to be - but sometimes my head / thoughts / emotions tell me otherwise! Satan has a party in my mind at times!!

    Thank you for having the patience to read all this! I look forward to walking this journey with you!

    Love, Ali
  • LaurasClimb
    LaurasClimb Posts: 211 Member
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    Hi, I'm Laura. Thank you for the invitation!

    I would love to write about myself but, like Nic, the more I write, the more I delete! So I'll just tell you where God has me right now!

    I'm in Small Town, USA in upstate (Western) New York. I work for a Head Start (pre-kindergarten). I am no longer working in a classroom (unless they call me in to sub), they have recognized some gifts & talents I have and decided to place me in the office. My official title is Office Support but that doesn't describe what I do...that's kind of hard...I do a lot. We have 27 classrooms (5 are new this year). I order and distribute all classroom supplies, this includes food, cleaning supplies, paper production, Educational consumables like paint & construction paper, classroom supplies like furniture and teaching aids. I track inventory for every classroom - every piece for furniture and toy that every classroom has. I assist the Nutrition Manager with preparing reports for the federal government so we can get reimbursed for the meals we serve. The list could go on and on but I'm tired and want to get to bed! Being a federally funded program, you can imagine we get inspected...a lot. That's okay. I have the gift of being able to think like an inspector. I love my job! I am given much freedom in my tasks and really feel God uses me there to just make things run better. We are part of a larger organization, a "community action" group. Although it is not a Christian organization, the morals and beliefs are very Christian-like (feed the hungry, help the poor, etc.) I could go on and on about my job, I just love it so much!

    I am a deacon at my church. God uses me on our Deliverance Team. He has me bring my organization and problem-solving skills to the church. The people of my church really are my family. I love them and have build such close relationships with so many of them. We are not your typical American Baptist church, we really have released many of the constraints of doctrine and embraced Jesus' teachings! One of the best decisions I made was to step away from the church my parents attended where I was "Don and Margo's daughter" and step into a place where I could be a Woman of God. I love my parents, the problem came when, at almost 40 years old, people couldn't see me as an adult but as a child going to church with her Mommy & Daddy.

    I am 45 years old, a veteran and a single mom of 3 awesome kids! My oldest daughter is 17 (she joined MFP but hasn't been on in a while) and my twins are 14 - boy/girl. As much as I love my job, the paycheck is pitiful. There is no way I could support my three on my own so we live with my parents. It's hard at times but we make it work.

    I just want to say that I will do as much as I can on this board but you may not see me post often. Doesn't mean I'm not following along!

    Laura
  • newness4life
    newness4life Posts: 20 Member
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    I know I'm late joining in, and I ask that you forgive me for that. I had the book already, but needed the workbook. I started reading the book again and doing the workbook and the next day I was spiritually attacked. So for the past two weeks it's been a hard haul. I just put it together and realized what was going on. So with that said... I gather you get the fact that this is very much needed in my life! Thank you for letting me be a part.

    My name is Debbie, I'm 49 years old, and my husband and I celebrated our 30th last July. I live in Sacramento, California. We have identical twin girls that are 28, and a son that is 16. Yes, there's a twelve year span between them. I couldn't get pregnant, and then when I did I kept miscarrying. When I finally let go the thought of having another baby and we got a dog, I got pregnant six months later. God is good!

    I grew up in a dysfunctional home. We never went to church, but my mom always said that God was taking care of us. I really didn't know what that meant, but I believed her. My mom and dad both had depression problems, but didn't understand that until I was an adult. I have a brother that is ten years older than me and was addicted to drugs and/or alcohol from the time I can remember. Our home was extremely messy. You know the hoarding show you see on TV? Our home wasn't as extreme, but very, very close. There was a lot of fighting and arguing, a lot of anger, and because my mom worked to help make ends meet, I was left alone a lot. My fear issues started at a very young age. I was always afraid as a little girl, and it's followed me my whole life. It just comes out in other ways.

    I don't know when my overeating began. The pictures of me as a little girl I was always chubby, but the real problem started when my home life got worse. When I was in 5th grade, I weighed 150 pounds and was about 5'4". Not only was I the tallest child in 5th grade, I was also the widest. The summer between 5th and 6th grade my mom took me to Weight Watchers and that summer I lost 20 pounds and grew 2 inches. When I went back to school people noticed me and actually wanted to be my friend. After so many years of being called names, spit on, the last to be picked for sports, humiliated, standing on the playground alone, I finally had friends. That was the year I became aware that my looks and my weight could make me happy.

    When I was nine years old I went to summer vacation bible school with some neighbors, and accepted the Lord, but it was hard because I went home to a house that didn't practice anything about God. So even though I wanted Him in my heart, I didn't quite get what that meant. But I truly believe the Lord held me in His hand for all those years, until I finally came to know Him when I was 19 years old.

    Because of my extreme insecurities and constantly needing the attention of boys, I became obsessed with my weight. I had a boyfriend when I was a sophomore and for two years I was verbally, physically, and sexually abused. It was a very sick relationship, but I thought it was what I deserved, and believed no one else could "love" me like he did. In this relationship I ended up gaining about thirty pounds and hated myself. He ended up going behind my back and was seeing someone else, and then eventually broke up with me. I thought my world was coming to an end. Because of the abuse, he took me away from all my friends and I was left with no one. But God had a plan...

    Because of my need to be wanted by boys, I ended up starving myself to lose weight. If I ate something, I would not eat for days. I then became obsessed with not eating. I loved the attention I got. I ended up losing the thirty pounds I put on, plus about another fifteen. It was probably the thinnest I'd ever been. I weighed about 130 and was 5'9". I was only able to stay at this weight when I was starving myself. It was easier to not eat, because when I did eat, it was out of control. I was a sick girl.

    When I was a senior in high school I met my husband. He went to the same high school I did, but we didn't know each other when he was there. I met him when friend introduced us. They were room mates in the Navy and were stationed in San Diego, I lived in Sacramento. Being the boy crazy girl I was, it was love at first sight! Part of the reason I was so into him was because he was very unavailable for me emotionally. He also was a messed up kid. He was a drug dealer, addicted to drugs, and drank too much. I didn't know all this, but I was in "love." We ended up keeping in touch for the next year and while he was on a cruise with the Navy for seven months, he was coming off a high and realized that he couldn't stop using without God. So on a beach in Hawaii, he called out to Jesus and asked Him to come change him. In that moment God healed him of his drugs, his drinking and all his emotional baggage. I believe it was because God knew what he'd have to put up with in me. So through his letters he wrote me all the time while he was out at sea, I accepted the Lord and started seeking God. We got married four months after he returned home from his cruise. I was 19 years old.

    I started gaining weight when we got married. I had put on about 40 pounds before I got pregnant. When I was 21 I delivered our twins. I had gained 10 pounds the first trimester and the nurse told me if I kept gaining like that I'd be as big as a house. We didn't know we were having twins yet, but it stuck with me and so I started starving myself. I only gained 25 pounds with them, I was afraid to gain weight. Two weeks after I delivered them, I weighed 25 pounds less than before I got pregnant. When my girls were born, one of them was born without a left arm, past her elbow. I then began blaming myself. The shame and guilt rushed over me like no other time before. I believed it was my fault that my daughter was born without an arm. I then started gaining weight again and began to use food as a crutch and comfort and became completely out of control. I then had a friend that introduced me to Overeaters Anonymous, a twelve step program. I was a part of that program for several years and God healed a lot of my guilt and shame. I lost weight and was doing well. I then became frustrated with the "higher power" thing of the twelve step program and felt God lead me into starting a group at my church dealing with eating disorders. I belonged to a very, very large church and so the group became very big. It was amazing to see God moving in so many lives and healing them of their pain of over, or under eating. I started speaking in front of large crowds and was being asked to speak at woman's groups and at different conferences. I was getting the attention I had always dreamed of. All those years of being a little girl and always feeling like I was standing outside the bubble looking in, I was finally standing on the inside of the bubble wanting to bless those that stood on the outside. It lasted about three years and then something happen. A pastor was brought in and he decided that he wanted to change everything that all the recovery groups were doing. I completely came against it because he knew nothing about compulsive overeaters and was telling me how to run the meeting I believed was being lead by God. I tried to stand up when he wanted to bring the refreshments of coffee and cookies in the room. I asked if they were bringing in the drugs, alcohol, or pornography also. He then labeled me non submissive and my life became a nightmare. I had people, many friends I'd had for years, come against me without even knowing all the information. Needless to say, it was one of the saddest times of my life. Something I felt so called to do was being taken from me, and I didn't deal with it very well. I stepped down as leader and we soon left that church. The pain was horrible. I didn't realize that Christians would do that to you. It was my first taste of the reality that people, especially Christians would hurt you. I thought I was seeking God in this situation, but I just kept packing on the weight. Year after year, the pain grew and root became deeper and more grounded.

    After I had my son twelve years later I weighed 235 pounds. I could never say that it was my kids fault that I was so heavy. At my heaviest in January of this year, I weighed 285. I have gained and lost so much weight over the years that I probably have a couple of mes walking around somewhere. I was depressed and needed to be on medication, I had stopped doing things with my family, I had avoided people in stores, I had stayed in my house not wanting to go anywhere or do anything in fear of seeing someone I knew, and I'd lied to people to avoid seeing them. The lies that ran through my mind, the times I wanted to end it all because I was so miserable. The amount of times I went to the alter and got on my face before God, and pleaded with Him to take this away from me, and the amount of times I felt confident on Sunday, and then when Monday rolled around, I was eating again. I've had so many friends pray with me over this issue, it's embarrassing. I just hadn't realized yet, that God wanted me to grow and rely on Him to make it through this eating thing. That this was not a curse, but a blessing that I had to completely and whole heartily turn to Him every day, sometimes every minute to get through. If He had healed me of this, I know myself, I would have said, "Thanks God" and been on my way. He knew me that well. He knows what I need!

    About 10 years ago we started going to a church that was nothing I was used to. It was small and the pastor just let the Holy Spirit lead him on what we were going to do that night. Through this body of believers and worship, God healed pains from my past. He taught me that I had unforgiveness for the people of the church that hurt me so many years ago. He healed me of guilt and shame I had been carrying since I was a little girl. He showed me how to love and be loved. I had always followed and loved the Lord, but He showed me what true love was. I just had this little thing I'd been dealing with my whole life that still was deep rooted in me... OVER EATING!!!

    I know that through reading the Word, reading "Made to Crave," and having the loving support of all my friends on the website, my family and church friends, I am winning this battle with food. On my profile page I wrote, "This time is different." I truly believe it is! Something feels different this time. I know that I could go back to my way of eating in a heartbeat, but I'm choosing to stay on this path that the Lord has for me in this journey of recovery. I'm so excited to go deep with all of you and even though most of us are half way around the world, we are one in Christ.
    Wow! I had no intentions on typing this much, hope I didn't bore you. Please feel free to add me!

    Blessings,

    Debbie
  • pennydavis01
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    My name is Penny. I hope you will forgive my lengthy introduction. :smile:

    A little about me....

    I am 43 years old, I have been married for 26 years to the Love of my life and best friend. We have 3 daughters and 3 grands!! God has truly been so good to me and my family.

    I was brought up in poverty, not ever knowing when my next meal would come. My daddy was a preacher and he always told us that God would supply our needs and He did just that! I never went hungy! Although there were many times I didn't get to eat what I wanted, but I was fed. As a matter of fact, I never had a steak until my first date with my husband! Boy was it good. :) It was my husband who took me to my first trip to Mcdonalds and all the other fast food restaurants I never was able to go to and there lies where I fell in love with food! It seemed like once I was able to start eating, I couldn't stop myself!! I had found this new love, it seemed to have met all my needs...I am an emotional eater.

    Unfortunately, my love has caused me to be over weight for most of my adult life!

    About 15 years ago, I lost 60 pounds thru WeighDown...not sure if you know what that is and I will not talk alot about the program. The long and the short of it was that my Spirit was not lining up with some stuff taught in that Bible Study and after 2 years I had gained all my weight and then some back. I was devestated and pretty much walked the lowest I had ever walked in my spiritual life for about 7 or so years! Simply because I had 'failed" my Savior. The program was all about putting God first in your life, which I am totally fine with and totally agree with, but every morsal you put in your mouth had better be within hunger and full or it was disobedience, I can get that too...however, I couldn't hang with the condemnation of the program. While on the program, we learned alot about bondage in different areas in regards to food and one of the bondages was counting calories or fat grams and ect. I can say I lost my 60 pounds and never counted a single calorie or never done the first work out. And with that being said...to this day I still struggle with recording or tracking my food intake.

    Four years ago...my mother that was only 54 years old died of a heart attack. That was very hard to deal with. I all of a sudden found myself not wanting my children to go thru what I had gone thru in losing a mother. So I decided to get myself together and lose my weight once and for all. Thru Gods help and a strong support system, I lost 60 pounds by choosing to eat healthy and watching my portions...again never counted a single calorie. I did find that I love to run during that time. And still love it to this day. I actually completed the three month Insanity work out as well! And after I completed that three months of work out...it all went down hill from there.

    I found myself not wanting to ever work out again in my life!! I have to MAKE myself do what little exercise I do now. And with that, comes not wanting to eat right. I am back to the old me and gaining weight very quickly. Its like I have NO motivation to do what I know is right. I have gained 20 pounds in the past year.

    In my desperation...I went searching for something fresh!! God led me to Made to Crave. I have done the Bible Study, I have the DVD's and I still cant get myself together. I believe with all of my heart Made to Crave is a message God wants to use in my life and I cant understand why I wont allow Him to.

    I started "looking" around at My Fitness Pal after a friend told me about it... but never really committed to anything. Then I decided to "look" around at Spark People and got totally overwhelmed with all they had going on...LOL.

    Yesterday, after some, what I now know as prompting from the Holy Spirit, I decided to go back to My Fitness Pal and look at the different groups and happened upon this group!! I was so thankful to find you guys!!

    I am very excited to be here and cant wait to see what God is going to do!!


    Penny
  • joyundefined
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    Hello! My name is Alex...and I'm coming on board this journey extremely late...but nevertheless, here I am.

    I'm 29 years old (30 this year!), and had my very 1st ever boyfriend last year.

    My home life...wow...let's see if I can condense it. I grew up in a very volatile home...emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually abusive. The sexual abuse started w/ an uncle when I was 7, then continued on at home. If you look at all the pictures of me when I was little, I was a skinny kid, until I hit 7/8 and ballooned. When I was 18 and moved away for college, that was the first time I discovered that I didn't have to live w/ the abuse, but I still did, because that was all I knew.

    Okay, so backtrack a bit...During my junior year in high school (I was 16), I said enough was enough, and I tried to commit suicide (to which my parents still don't know about). As I was taking the pills, the first one headed to my mouth, I heard this loud voice shout NO. It freaked me out--I thought I was alone in the house!!! So, thinking I was caught by my parents and about to get severely beaten, I searched the house...no one there. So I shrugged it off as fear/guilt, and continued w/ the pills...when I heard the voice again, NO YOU ARE MINE. Needless to say, for a 16 year old, I was freaked out. So, me being me, I told that voice in the air that if there was anything to live for, he/she/it needed to show me.

    My sophomore year in high school, I had met this Christian girl who was homeschooled before then. She was the one who had invited me to her youth group, even though I was completely unsaved and had no idea who this "Jesus" person was who her parents kept talking about. Then, my junior yr came and I went to Acquire the Fire w/ a group from the Catholic church I was a part of (they didn't preach Jesus, trust me!!!!). It was there, while Ron Luce was talking about forgiving those who have hurt you, that I surrendered my life to Jesus.

    Fast forward to college, and even though I had given Him my life, I still wasn't really living it. I turned to other things to deal w/ the pain of my past: pornography, eating, risky behavior... The 1st two being my biggest addictions. And I had been living and loving those lies for YEARS.

    Now, fast forward again to about 3 years ago, when I finally, through the urgings of several friends of mine, went to go see an amazing Christian counselor at my old church. We went through The Wounded Heart book and workbook, and I finally began to see just how much the sexual abuse affected me. I discovered I had gained all that weight in the hopes that if men saw me as unattractive, I'd NEVER be abused or touched again; I wouldn't have to fear what happened before would happen again. But during that time, having to cut out what was dug so very deep, I gained about 60 pounds in the span of a year. And my weight continued to climb as I learned to confront my past, and my parents, regarding the abuse in our home. During that time, I cut off from my family as a way to begin to heal myself, but also because the boundaries set were not being followed.

    Now comes in the depression, and the need to be loved. Which is where my ex-boyfriend comes in to play. I had transferred my needs to be loved and wanted...over to him. He was the first man who didn't mind all my weight, who thought I looked beautiful no matter what, and who even worked out w/ me and was a cheerleader for me. So, because I thought that was love, I gave him a part of myself. And then it ended. And I was right back where I was before, only deeper.

    Deeper in the pornography, which no longer satisfied but became routine. Deeper in the eating, or lack thereof depending on the day. Deeper in the addictions to so much, and deeper in the depression.

    It wasn't until about Oct/Nov of last year that I realized that something needed to change. That I couldn't live my life anymore like this...this constant yo-yo. And that so much of my battles have been mental.

    Which is where this book comes in. It's all mental. And the Lord told me to book this book up once again.

    So, that's my story. The story that it's not just eating that I'm having to fight mentally, but my whole life, my whole image, and who He says I am. Because most days it's hard to believe.

    BUT (don't you just love those sometimes?!), I WILL learn to gain the victory in this! If I overcame my past, I know that with Him I can overcome this!!
  • right2b
    right2b Posts: 93 Member
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    Welcome Alex! What a beautiful testimony you shared. I can see God’s hand directing you back to Him, like a loving heavenly father. If you have had the time to read through all the posting in the study, I think you will see that we have all come through difficult times that seemed so dark and lonely…hopeless. You will read the challenges that each of these beautiful ladies, like yourself, has shared. We are walking together, side by side, in this journey for gaining balance and healthy lives. There are so many awesome examples of God’s unfailing love for us to reflect on in His word. He has a plan for each of person and it is up to us to meet that destiny. I have heard it said: “We have to be willing to get rid of the life we had planned as to have the life that is waiting.”~(Joseph Cambell) That is complex and exhilarating all wrapped up with a pink bow!

    So, my thought is to take this journey through the book slowly…like savoring the best meal you had ever eaten!!! Also, you will come under attack...expect that Satan will discourage you every which way till Sunday…but you just stay strong and remind him that you are a child of the most High God and rebuke the devil in Jesus name…out loud!!! There are spiritual laws that Satan must obey…and it is the Word of God.

    My prayer for you is for God’s wonder to thrill your soul as He creates in you…a beautiful transformation!

    Zoey:heart:
  • joyundefined
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    Thanks, Zoey. I can already see His hand upon this journey...hopefully I can explain it more when I hit the Chapter 3 segment. This week has been...WOWZERS! :)

    And thank you for the prayers. And the words. Those encouraging words mean so much more right now than ever before. He's been using those words of affirmation to speak His love in a much more tangible way. :)