OCD
silvergurl518
Posts: 4,123 Member
ugh. my effing OCD is driving me effing crazy.
actually, i'm just gonna say **** now.
does anyone else suffer from mental repetition? like saying random sentences or words or phrases in your head over and over? knowing that it's entirely irrational but you do it anyway? i need to find a new therapist who specializes in OCD. because this is no way to live! i manage, sure. but i want to be free of the mental chains. on the outside, i'm happy. and on the inside, i'm happy. but never fully present because i always have crap running through my head, and not in the sense that normal people do.
but hell, i'm gonna give myself credit. i'm over four years sober, i've lost 10 lbs, i have an amazing family and awesome friends, and i've conquered a TON of my general anxiety. so yeah. just wanted to vent.
actually, i'm just gonna say **** now.
does anyone else suffer from mental repetition? like saying random sentences or words or phrases in your head over and over? knowing that it's entirely irrational but you do it anyway? i need to find a new therapist who specializes in OCD. because this is no way to live! i manage, sure. but i want to be free of the mental chains. on the outside, i'm happy. and on the inside, i'm happy. but never fully present because i always have crap running through my head, and not in the sense that normal people do.
but hell, i'm gonna give myself credit. i'm over four years sober, i've lost 10 lbs, i have an amazing family and awesome friends, and i've conquered a TON of my general anxiety. so yeah. just wanted to vent.
0
Replies
-
My dad has this. Have you ever been prescribed any medication for it? He takes some now, and OMG!!! it's made a world of difference.0
-
I'm the same way, but with numbers. Constantly counting in my head. If I don't have something to look at and count then I will count the letters in words that I am hearing. Yes, if someone is talking to me I will picture the words spelled out in my mind and count the letters. And for some reason I am always happy if the items that I am counting end up in an even number.
I've never been treated. Some days are worse than others but I function and hardly anyone outside of my family knows that I suffer with this. Apparently my grandpa suffered from it (similar symptoms) on a more extreme level than I.
I have a hard time admitting that I have these "quirks" because there are so many people out there who claim to have OCD tendencies when it's just a habit they've picked up.
I empathize with you.0 -
@laughingdani: thank you for sharing. i actually take lexapro to minimize my overall anxiety and while it's supposed to help target the receptors in the brain that trigger OCD thoughts, it doesn't eradicate them. some days are worse than others. and crazily enough, i'm worse around the time of month or when PMS hits. apparently my late grandfather whom i never knew had an issue with washing his hands.
first of all: it will be OK. but yeah, i go crazy sometimes. and it sounds like you do too. *hugs*!0 -
Have you tried reading Eckart Tolle? The Power of Now is great, but A New Earth is even better. I don't have OCD, but I do fight negative thoughts that do get repetitive sometimes. Reading those books has really put things in perspective for me. It's amazing how our minds take over if we let them. Try seeing your mind as a separate entity (the ego- as Tolle calls it) that is NOT who you are, you are above it. Just acknowledging that and accepting it as something that is there but don't feed it or fight it can make the thoughts vanish. He explains it better than me.0
-
Interesting you brought this up. I sometimes sort of do this. One example is measuring food. For example, I'll weigh, say, a piece of chicken and a sweet potato, and it will come out to 128 and 163g. So then I'll just start repeating in my head 128, 163, 128, 163, 128, 163, over and over until I get to the computer and log it. But then what often happens is that after it's logged, I'll just keep going and going and going until I finally realize that it's done.. I don't have to repeat it any more. :ohwell:0
-
I get words stuck in my head just like people do with songs. I still remember once in high school I kept repeating the words "Missouri Synod" in my head for an entire work shift.0
-
I haven't really noticed a trend or pattern for when I do it more or less. I will have to pay more attention and see if it is stress induced.0
-
yes. it is absolutely miserable and exhausting every. single. day.0
-
Yes. I was diagnosed with severe OCD at age 10, given a bunch of meds, and went through intensive behavioral therapy. Even thought I feel "recovered" most days, there's still a lot of activity (repetition, etc) going on almost constantly. Unfortunately, regardless of my stress level, it happens. It's no picnic and I sympathize with you.0
-
no one knew i had OCD....i must have kept it pretty well hidden. glad you've "recovered." but yes, it's definitely a life long thing.0
-
I was diagnosed with mild OCD. My mother has is much worse, but has never been diagnosed or treated.
I have multiple "quirks". Time, I have a schedule/routine. If it is not followed, or something happens to interrupt this I repeat the time in my head until I am able to get back on schedule. It makes it hard to concentrate on the imposter task, and I get irritable.
I add numbers together in road signs, and have to count to 20 to go the restroom, ect.
I can still function fine and just do the best I can.0 -
Oh my gosh I'm not alone! I do this too. Count, mostly add. When I read I sometimes spell the words out in sets of five. I hate it.
I have so many other little complusions, but I hate the whole mind thing.0 -
ugh. my effing OCD is driving me effing crazy.
actually, i'm just gonna say **** now.
does anyone else suffer from mental repetition? like saying random sentences or words or phrases in your head over and over? knowing that it's entirely irrational but you do it anyway? i need to find a new therapist who specializes in OCD. because this is no way to live! i manage, sure. but i want to be free of the mental chains. on the outside, i'm happy. and on the inside, i'm happy. but never fully present because i always have crap running through my head, and not in the sense that normal people do.
but hell, i'm gonna give myself credit. i'm over four years sober, i've lost 10 lbs, i have an amazing family and awesome friends, and i've conquered a TON of my general anxiety. so yeah. just wanted to vent.
I used to do it until the word didn't sound real and I amost forgot what it even meant... It was a phase for me... maybe it will be for you? I0 -
i know exactly what you mean, valentina!!! unfortch, it's not a phase. i've had it my whole life. i'm just comforted by the fact that there are waves of good and bad...rather than all bad!0
-
I commented on your status I believe, but yes - I've never been officially diagnosed with OCD (only clinical depression and anxiety), but I definitely have it. I am obsessed with checking things, things being symmetrical, things in increments of 5, my routine, and weird perfectionist tendancies that I flip about if someone doesn't do something the exact way I do.
I went through a major phase while I was riding in cars that I still lapse into every once in a while. You know the shadows that are on the pavement from light poles? I would push down my foot on the floor of the car over the "light" areas and raise it over shadows. It's hard to explain why I did this or even how I felt while doing it because it just seems crazy to me, but nonetheless, it was really important to do.0 -
I suffer from OCD as well as Generalized Anxiety Disorder and panic attacks. This makes life... And weight loss.... Quite difficult. I am on prozac for my anxiety issues. I have lots of issues regarding my OCD, including arranging, doing things until they feel "just right", and many other more internal thought process type things. I am also seeing a therapist to try to lessen my symptoms.0
-
If I have any sort of problem to solve I have to repeatedly think about it from the beginning until it is solved. I cannot think about anything else in between... if I have a problem that cannot be solved within myself, I can be consumed by it all day, all week... all month, thinking and rethinking it until I have 'the answer'. i also have to pick out every single ingrown hair, usually while 'focussing' on the problem.... which REALLY ramps up the repetition down to repeating sentences and down to repeating words. pretty exhausting and totally not helpful. i only recently even realised that i do this and that it's not rational or helpful (err... i always knew picking at my skin was not rational though). the 'problem' can be something as simple as picking a colour when i'm making a map... i have to run the script over and over for hours with different colour combinations. it can also be something big like 'why hasn't anyone loved me' (oh gosh... lol).
there are also certain words that i need to sound out in a strange way every time i think them. i can say them, but i can't think them, EVER, without sounding them out repeatedly. even writing this sentence has me stuck in an 'actually' mode. February, particularly, basically... things with an 'aly' sound on the end are worst.
my psychologist (who I am seeing for anxiety) said I display a lot of OCD traits... the fact that I don't necessarily realise it is irrational bothers me more than the fact that once i do realise it's irrational I have to do it anyway, haha.0 -
ugh. my OCD flared up again last night. thank god for my therapist.0
-
Been there Done that.. Ive been pretty clear for 3-4 years.
Repeat mental thoughts and ruminations are devastating,
I still get them when I'm under extreme stress..
Look at it a little differently .... it doesn't flare up, you flare up and it's off to the races
I know...ugh. my effing OCD is driving me effing crazy.
i'm happy. and on the inside, i'm happy. but never fully present because i always have crap running through my head... and not in the sense that normal people do.
but hell, i'm gonna give myself credit. i'm over four years sober, i've lost 10 lbs, i have an amazing family and awesome friends, and i've conquered a TON of my general anxiety. so yeah. just wanted to vent.
i use a couple of stop the thought tricks when i catch it.
You should also see a psychiatrist not a psychologist due to prior alcohol use.. I had too after self medicating the anxiety away for years. Your brain chemistry is different now. 1 -3 visits and your done.0 -
Wow! I'm not on my own! I count everything too and yes, it has to be even numbers! If it's not even numbers I have a meltdown. The volume on things has to be an even number. The number of squares of chocolate I eat, has to be an even number. And so it goes on. I count the number of lamp posts, the number of white lines, all whilst driving! This became such an issue that the only way I could deal with the counting and not compromise my concentration, was to decide to only count to 12 and then start over. I used to get so distressed if I lost which number I was up to but 12 seems to be achievable! I too have anxiety and depression and am on medication for those. My psychiatrist says we could change my medication for one that is specific for the treatment of OCD but I am reluctant to do so as I am relatively stable on the current combination and I don't want to take the risk of upsetting the balance. My OCD definitely seems to get worse if my stress levels go up.
As far as dieting goes, OCD definitely gets in the way but I am finding ways of getting round it. For example, I will break a biscuit in half, that way I tell myself over and over that it's two pieces, an even number - otherwise i'd have to eat two biscuits! Minstrels are good, you can eat multiples of two and in fact, compared to a strip of cadbury's dairy milk (which is five chunks!!), 8 galaxy minstrels is not only an even number, it's less calories! I repeat things over and over in my head too. This makes reading really difficult as I have to repeat all the words over and over and when I approach the end of a szentence, I have to focus on each letter, letter by letter, then I have to repeat it out loud, then say full stop, then I can start on the next sentence. Very frustrating, especially as I know these things are irrational as it were but unexplicably, I just HAVE to do them.
Living with OCD is hard and very frustrating. Unless your OCD is more obvious with visible repetitive actions (e.g. washing hands), then it can go un-noticed by family and friends. I have told those closest to me and they understand. They say my OCD is 'just me'. They accept that the volume has to be on an even number and they know how distressed I get, if it isn't! My compulsive side of my OCD means I can get 'stuck' in a task until it is completed. This means I can't even go to the toilet or get a drink until the task is finished. Unfortunately, whilst i'm doing that task, I find other tasks etc and then they have to be completed too....suffice to say, my friends insist I stop and have loo and refreshment breaks! So although I don't tell everyone about what's going on in my head, telling those closest to me has been a positive thing.0 -
Been there Done that.. Ive been pretty clear for 3-4 years.
Repeat mental thoughts and ruminations are devastating,
I still get them when I'm under extreme stress..
Look at it a little differently .... it doesn't flare up, you flare up and it's off to the races I know...ugh. my effing OCD is driving me effing crazy.
i'm happy. and on the inside, i'm happy. but never fully present because i always have crap running through my head... and not in the sense that normal people do.
but hell, i'm gonna give myself credit. i'm over four years sober, i've lost 10 lbs, i have an amazing family and awesome friends, and i've conquered a TON of my general anxiety. so yeah. just wanted to vent.
i use a couple of stop the thought tricks when i catch it.
You should also see a psychiatrist not a psychologist due to prior alcohol use.. I had too after self medicating the anxiety away for years. Your brain chemistry is different now. 1 -3 visits and your done.
first off, you don't know me so you don't know that i already have seen a psychiatrist and that i'm on medication. but it's not your place to advise me to do anything. you just take care of you. i'm 5+ years sober. not 6 weeks, grasping at sanity. thank you though.0 -
Your welcome for what it's worth...
I'm not trying to advise you of anything. I read the whole thread.
I guess what i was really trying to say is five sober is a long time.
I stopped in 2006 my chemistry and life are very different now.
As the anxiety went down and years passed I had to back off the medication on multiple occasions and re-adjust to stop the re-occurrence crap.
Learn to Keep my brain " Present" not wanderiing..
Good luck! I wish you well.0
This discussion has been closed.