Stupid Break-up Post...
SweetBasil35
Posts: 126 Member
Okay guys, I realize this is really stupid, but this is hard for me and I need some ideas...
I recently joined okcupid and have met two guys. I took advice from you all for the second guy and gave him my phone number before we met (which is why I'm in the pickle I am in). He's a great guy, I enjoyed our conversation during the date and think he would make a great friend... dun, dun, dunnnnn! For several good reasons (that I won't get into here), I'm not interested in him - but this guy REALLY likes me and I need to find a way to let him down easy.
I don't ever initiate texts with him, but he's texting me every day. I typically wait a while before I respond and I occasionally do not respond to his texts... it's at the point where I need to tell him that I'm not interested in dating him. THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO! I know it's the right thing to do, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I realize it would be more hurtful to him if I were to lead him on, so I want to be responsible about this.
Do you have any thoughts on what I could say to break up with him? And yes, it feels like a "break up" after only one date.
I recently joined okcupid and have met two guys. I took advice from you all for the second guy and gave him my phone number before we met (which is why I'm in the pickle I am in). He's a great guy, I enjoyed our conversation during the date and think he would make a great friend... dun, dun, dunnnnn! For several good reasons (that I won't get into here), I'm not interested in him - but this guy REALLY likes me and I need to find a way to let him down easy.
I don't ever initiate texts with him, but he's texting me every day. I typically wait a while before I respond and I occasionally do not respond to his texts... it's at the point where I need to tell him that I'm not interested in dating him. THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO! I know it's the right thing to do, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I realize it would be more hurtful to him if I were to lead him on, so I want to be responsible about this.
Do you have any thoughts on what I could say to break up with him? And yes, it feels like a "break up" after only one date.
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Replies
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"I am sorry but I don't see this going in further. Good luck in your search"0
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I would just politely say it is not something you feel or are interested in and wish him the best then end it with a good bye.
Don`t do the "you`re a great guy" "lets be friends" "maybe someday things will be different" "I`m sure there is a perfect/better then me/wonderful lady out there that you will meet".
If he keeps texting or begging say no and it is making you uncomfortable for him to keep doing so.
After that just delete him from your phone.0 -
I would just politely say it is not something you feel or are interested in and wish him the best then end it with a good bye.
Don`t do the "you`re a great guy" "lets be friends" "maybe someday things will be different" "I`m sure there is a perfect/better then me/wonderful lady out there that you will meet".
If he keeps texting or begging say no and it is making you uncomfortable for him to keep doing so.
After that just delete him from your phone.
Maybe I just need to be okay with feeling bad about this, and do it anyway?
Do you think an email or text is better???0 -
either would be fine after 1 date from an online source.0
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Maybe I just need to be okay with feeling bad about this, and do it anyway?
Do you think an email or text is better???
I just had to do it again this week with a guy and it sucks, but it's for the best. Email or text does not matter, but do it quick like pulling off a band-aid and move on.0 -
I just had to do it again this week with a guy and it sucks, but it's for the best. Email or text does not matter, but do it quick like pulling off a band-aid and move on.
Pa - what did you say to your guy?0 -
I would just politely say it is not something you feel or are interested in and wish him the best then end it with a good bye.
Don`t do the "you`re a great guy" "lets be friends" "maybe someday things will be different" "I`m sure there is a perfect/better then me/wonderful lady out there that you will meet".
If he keeps texting or begging say no and it is making you uncomfortable for him to keep doing so.
After that just delete him from your phone.
Maybe I just need to be okay with feeling bad about this, and do it anyway?
Do you think an email or text is better???
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be polite,caring and gracious.
There is also nothing wrong with doing what is best and right for you.0 -
I just had to do it again this week with a guy and it sucks, but it's for the best. Email or text does not matter, but do it quick like pulling off a band-aid and move on.
Pa - what did you say to your guy?
I said something like this:
I've enjoyed talking to you, but I don't think we're a good match to date.0 -
Just text him" I had fun the other night but I dont think we make a good match. Good luck on your search" then if he cant take no ignore him. Your aloud to feel bad about it but honestly you shouldn't it was 1 date not a marrige.0
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I'm afraid you have no other choice but to marry the guy and lead an unhappy existence of misery and frustration as his wife now - since you are unable to tell him you are not interested.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm afraid you have no other choice but to marry the guy and lead an unhappy existence of misery and frustration as his wife now - since you are unable to tell him you are not interested.
:flowerforyou:
I
you so much right now 0 -
Hmm I understand your thoughts. This happened to me recently and I proofed on him. Only because, it was 1 date. But like your guy, he'd call, text, etc a lot (before date and after) so it felt like more than just a date. Still, I felt I didn't owe him anything.
I had a date with a guy last Saturday. We talked beforehand too. I havent heard much from him. Again, he doesn't owe me anything after 1 date. Luckily for me, I didn't feel for him either.0 -
I know how you feel because so much went into setting up that first date likely.... it stinks to be the one to change the direction.
You can do this.
If you did have fun, let him know..., and like others have said make it plain but clear that you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with him.0 -
I'm afraid you have no other choice but to marry the guy and lead an unhappy existence of misery and frustration as his wife now - since you are unable to tell him you are not interested.
:flowerforyou:
So you don't wanna call him for me, Flim?0 -
I'm afraid you have no other choice but to marry the guy and lead an unhappy existence of misery and frustration as his wife now - since you are unable to tell him you are not interested.
:flowerforyou:
So you don't wanna call him for me, Flim?
No, but I bet he'd be happy to help you pick out a wedding dress :laugh:0 -
It really does stink to be the one to change direction, but it needs to be done... so I'll rip it off like a band-aid! Guess I was hoping that one of you would have a magic bullet for this so I could do it without feeling badly. I'm sure I'll get over it quickly... as I'm certain he will.
Thank you Single Peeps! :flowerforyou:0 -
This happenned to me recently too. I told him that I didn't see us going anywhere. He then wanted to know why so it got a little involved and very painful but I was as honest as I could be without hurting his feelings. Next time, I probably won't do it in person but we had gone on 3 dates so I felt like I owed it to him to tell him face to face. In your situation, after only 1 date, I'd say a text is totally acceptable with "I wish you all the best but I don't think it will work out for us to continue dating"0
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I'm afraid you have no other choice but to marry the guy and lead an unhappy existence of misery and frustration as his wife now - since you are unable to tell him you are not interested.
:flowerforyou:
So you don't wanna call him for me, Flim?
No, but I bet he'd be happy to help you pick out a wedding dress :laugh:
No need... I'll put my Big Girl Panties on and get this over with.
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I agree with what MissingMinnesota and Pa_Jorg said.
Just something general like "I don't see us going anywhere. We're not a good fit. Please don't text me anymore." This way, you've expressed how you feel and you've asked for what you want, which is him not to text you.0 -
I find the "don't text me anymore" a bit rude :laugh: but yeah, that's the essence...I agree with what MissingMinnesota and Pa_Jorg said.
Just something general like "I don't see us going anywhere. We're not a good fit. Please don't text me anymore." This way, you've expressed how you feel and you've asked for what you want, which is him not to text you.0 -
I find the "don't text me anymore" a bit rude :laugh: but yeah, that's the essence...
I agree that I would only use this line if they guy is totally not getting your message and becomes bothersome.0 -
I find the "don't text me anymore" a bit rude :laugh: but yeah, that's the essence...
I agree that I would only use this line if they guy is totally not getting your message and becomes bothersome.
Yes. I sense that Sweet_Basil was already bothered by his incessant texting by the time she started this thread. That is part of why I made the phrasing suggestion that I did.
I really do think that asking for exactly what you want is a good way to do things.0 -
I'm afraid you have no other choice but to marry the guy and lead an unhappy existence of misery and frustration as his wife now - since you are unable to tell him you are not interested.
:flowerforyou:
So you don't wanna call him for me, Flim?
No, but I bet he'd be happy to help you pick out a wedding dress :laugh:
No need... I'll put my Big Girl Panties on and get this over with.
How did you get on?0 -
No need... I'll put my Big Girl Panties on and get this over with.How did you get on?
I didn't yet... I'm such a chicken *kitten*. What do you think about this?
I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I wanted to be honest that I don’t see us working out. I don’t mean to patronize you by telling you that I think you’re a great guy, but I can see that you are and it will serve you well. Thank you for being such a gentleman.
Wishing you the very best,
Angie
I have a feeling he's going to ask me WHY.0 -
No need... I'll put my Big Girl Panties on and get this over with.How did you get on?
I didn't yet... I'm such a chicken *kitten*. What do you think about this?
I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I wanted to be honest that I don’t see us working out. I don’t mean to patronize you by telling you that I think you’re a great guy, but I can see that you are and it will serve you well. Thank you for being such a gentleman.
Wishing you the very best,
Angie
I have a feeling he's going to ask me WHY.
Would you ask why? If someone sent me that text, I don't think I would. But .. if he does ask why .. I would just be honest. he may just be looking for feedback.0 -
I think your message was great, and I hope it worked if you already sent it.....I say go for it......0
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I'm not sure if I would ask why, but I think he might be curious... he isn't a very good listener so I'm sure he'll be surprised about this. Okay, I'm sending it now... gulp. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Thank you guys for your help! :flowerforyou:0 -
i usually put the blame back on myself..... i'm not as ready for dating as i thought i was..... or something along those lines.0
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Welllllllllllllllllll? Any reply??0
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Welllllllllllllllllll? Any reply??
Nope, he got the message three hours ago and hasn't acknowledged it. Maybe I'm in the clear?0
