Hi everyone, I just need to vent. I've needed to vent a lot lately--to the extent that I've even considered starting a blog here within MFP--but this seemed like the safest place to get started. I have insomnia, anxiety and depression (and PMDD, but it isn't that time of the month so can't blame that), though for now the depression is in remission. The insomnia, however, has taken on a life of its own and it's significantly interfering with my ability to conduct mine. The anxiety isn't too bad, but my brain is significantly overactive at all hours of the day. I'm being evaluated for ADHD on the 12th. I see a psychiatrist every three weeks and a therapist every week, so I'm getting the professional help I need, but the situation is really starting to drag me down. I'm tired all the time and even though my psychiatrist just gave me a new prescription (Trazadone), I don't really want to take it because it is very important to me to figure out how to treat it holistically; I see the pill as a band-aid, not a real solution. In the meantime I've been eating at (or above?) maintenance, have mostly stopped working out and have been napping a lot trying not to feel so tired all the time. I've been too tired to shop or cook, so the quality of what I'm eating hasn't been so great.

There are some days when I feel like I can conquer this and with enough diligence we will find a solution somehow, but there have been more days where I'm discouraged. I've tried several times in the last two weeks to begin a "new plan" to eat better, to exercise again, and to generally take care of and be nice to myself. I feel like I can't even get started. Today is yet another 'starting point': I have finally finished building my sleep journal (I also have a Zeo for measuring sleep quality objectively), I made myself work out today and I've designed a menu that, while not perfect, is a lot better than how I have been eating. I've been on the message boards looking for inspiration and today it's just not coming. I'm generally not this down about my health: I have lost 27 pounds in the last 4 months and I'm proud of that. I went through a phase of buying new clothes because I'd lost enough weight that I could, and it made me feel really good. Many times when I walk past a mirror I stop and look at myself and say "great job!" but I think I've just been too tired for too long now and that positive energy is harder and harder to maintain.

Maybe in a few days this slump will pass and I'll feel good again, but for right now I'm feeling unusually discouraged. Unfortunately, the discouragement is already affecting other areas of my life and I'm generally discouraged about being able to successfully take care of myself as a whole, not just in the food/workout/weight loss department. If you have any advice, I'm happy to listen; if you'd like to help keep me on track (so far so good but this is where I tend to fall off), definitely send a friend request; if you just want to tell me you can relate, I do feel better knowing I'm not alone; and if none of the above, then thanks for at least letting me vent!