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did he blow off the third date??

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4themoney
4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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we were supposed to hang out sunday night. his idea. he suggested it and picked the time. the location was set by me because my kids would be getting home sunday night. but, meeting up was HIS idea.

so, i hadn't heard a word from him all day. normally i wouldn't have asked, but since he seemed adamant about seeing me i sent a text just to see.......... he did respond. he said that his grandmother was in the hospital and he was there with her.

so, immediately i took that as " ditch." i thanked him for letting me know and told him i hoped she got better soon.

he ended up calling around 745 last night and told me that while we had been on our date sat night she had an emergency issue and ended up in the hospital. that no one had called him until sunday to let him know. he told me that if he had been called saturday he would have left the date to go be with her.

we talked for a bit. and he asked what my week looked like with the kids and free time and told me he wants to see me this week sometime...... i gave him my schedule and told him that sounded good to me.

i guess i'm teetering between "he's not being honest and isn't interested", and " he is interested and i'm too jaded." so, i guess i'll just have to wait and see how this week turns out, LOL!!!

we have a lot in common, which is nice. and i am attracted to him, physically, which is nice. so, i'd like to see him again, but if i don't that's cool too!!

thanks!
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  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    The truth is that none of us in this group really will know the answer to your question.

    However, I think I can say that many of us have been in similar situations. The early stages of dating/a relationship are so precarious. It is normal to be suspicious of any sort of cancellation. In theory, the early stages is when both people are putting on their best presentation for the other person. Even the most nonchalant person does this to an extent.

    I do think you answered your own question that time will tell the answer. It's not a good feeling to be in a such a vulnerable place, so I feel for you.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    Wait it out. There's no reason to distrust him at this point. See if he reschedules, don't pester him. If he sets something else up or not, that'll be your answer.
  • disneywm76
    disneywm76 Posts: 573 Member
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    Wait it out. There's no reason to distrust him at this point. See if he reschedules, don't pester him. If he sets something else up or not, that'll be your answer.

    Agree with Kits 100%. He explained what happened so you'll just have to wait it out. And I like your attitude about if he doesn't call. :flowerforyou:
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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    oh i know. it is more me asking myself ;-)
    The truth is that none of us in this group really will know the answer to your question.

  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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    and this is why i am thinking I'm jaded....
    he was very forthcoming on both dates, the good, the bad, the ugly.
    did NOT paint himself as a saint and good guy all the time.....

    i think i've been blown off/ lied to so many times in the past it's just the easier route to take, even though it could be the wrong one! ya know?

    if he calls, he calls. if he doesn't he doesn't. either way, i will have my answer :-)

    Wait it out. There's no reason to distrust him at this point. See if he reschedules, don't pester him. If he sets something else up or not, that'll be your answer.
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
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    I always trust unless given a reason not to. I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt right now and see how this week goes. I have been in the reverse role and sometimes it's not a blow off.

    About six months about I called a man about 2 hours before our date to re-schedule. He didn't answer, so I sent a text. My friend's oldest daughter had gotten hurt at sofball. She was rushing to the ER and needed someone to watch her youngest. Her husband had just passed away the month before and I had to help her. I told him that I wasn't sure how long they would be gone and that it would be best to re-schedule. He replied back right away that he didn't appreciate me blowing him off, that I should come up with a better excuse next time and good luck finding a man that would play my games. I apologized and assured him that was not the case. He texted to apologize the next day, but I was so repulsed by his initial reaction that I didn't have a desire to see him again.
  • SouthernDad
    SouthernDad Posts: 16 Member
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    I've been on both sides of that situation. I've had to cancel and I've been canceled on. I think one of the most important things is to be open about it. You haven't built up the trust part of the relationship, yet. I told a young lady that I would have to reschedule our evening plans once because of an airline situation, my flight had been canceled. I could tell that she didn't believe me. Later that afternoon, I received one of those hateful, "Why did you lie to me text messages" that we all think about sending and usually don't. She just railed upon me for lying to her that my flight had been canceled when she knew for a fact that it had not. She had checked with Airtran's website. Good job, Nancy Drew!

    Deciding that maybe we weren't destined to have a positive relationship, I just let her believe what she wanted. I never let her know that I was flying Delta that particular flight. So, I'm sure her next crush got to hear what a *kitten* I was. I've always tried to be up front from the beginning that while I'm dating, that doesn't mean that I'll be accountable 24/7 and I don't expect her to be.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    I always trust unless given a reason not to. I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt right now and see how this week goes. I have been in the reverse role and sometimes it's not a blow off.

    This. A relationship needs to have trust. Yes it is hard to start one with it but if you start off parinoid there will be nothing to over come that.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I always trust unless given a reason not to. I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt right now and see how this week goes. I have been in the reverse role and sometimes it's not a blow off.

    Absolutely this. It sucks to be in a place where you're the one that has to wait, but uncontrollable things happen to all of us all the time.
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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    i completely agree with these statements!! and i know the worst thing you can do is carry any residual past relationship or experience into the next one!!!! which is why i wasn't upset with him, at all. i told him i was sorry to hear it, i thanked him for letting me know, and i told him i hope she got better soon.

    he called and i picked up immediately. we talked and it was like our usual convos. he said that he knew i would understand. he told me, before we even had a date, that he is VERY family oriented and will often drop things for family. he said people often complain about it. which is why i so want to believe him and hate that i'm jaded........ le sigh, LOL!

    i hardly know him. so it's not worth worrying about or getting worked up over. but, man do i really hate dating because of stuff like this. it's like the UN-known is my kryptonite! hahahaha. i do much better when i know exactly where i stand. i ended up reading a thread on bodybuilding.com about online dating and let me tell you, THAT did NOT help!!!!!

    i mean it's nice to have the insight into the male thought process, but the KNOWING that these things really do go down this way because they guys plan for them to...... ugh. makes your head SPIN and SPIN and SPIN!!!!!
    I always trust unless given a reason not to. I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt right now and see how this week goes. I have been in the reverse role and sometimes it's not a blow off.

    This. A relationship needs to have trust. Yes it is hard to start one with it but if you start off parinoid there will be nothing to over come that.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    I dont think he's blowing you off at all!! He rang, didnt he? What more do you want? I always veer on the side of truth. I know that people lie to get out of dates, but that's because those people are tossers!! You seem to have found a really nice guy!!

    Now if he had cancelled and then not called........................different story.

    Chill out, he likes you. It would be nice for YOU to text HIM tomorrow and ask him how is Gran is? I'm sorry, but why do you feel you need to wait for him?? Show him what a kind, thoughtful and understanding person you are! :flowerforyou:
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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    oh i didn't mean for him to give more than he did. we were supposed to get together at 430 and at 230 i still hadn't heard, so i just checked and he responded he was in the hospital with her. MY gut reaction was he was blowing me off. BECAUSE i am jaded and it was just an easier reaction, but i didn't say anything at him, but nice pleasantries :-)

    he called at 745p, which did surprise me, but make me happy at the same time.

    and i don't know why i feel like i have to wait for him to contact me. this is why i just do not like dating, LOL!!! it's like you never know what you're supposed to do. blah.

    i will take your suggestion though and see how his grandma is doing. that is a great idea :-) THANK YOU!!!!!
    I dont think he's blowing you off at all!! He rang, didnt he? What more do you want? I always veer on the side of truth. I know that people lie to get out of dates, but that's because those people are tossers!! You seem to have found a really nice guy!!

    Now if he had cancelled and then not called........................different story.

    Chill out, he likes you. It would be nice for YOU to text HIM tomorrow and ask him how is Gran is? I'm sorry, but why do you feel you need to wait for him?? Show him what a kind, thoughtful and understanding person you are! :flowerforyou:
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    i will take your suggestion though and see how his grandma is doing. that is a great idea :-) THANK YOU!!!!!

    My pleasure :flowerforyou: And I totally understand what you mean about being jaded and unsure of what to do. Us women are conditioned to let the guys do the work! And when they don't, we get disheartened. And it doesnt help with half the stuff that I read on here!! Apart from Kits, I think most women on here would rather sit pretty and stressed out by the phone than just send a text :noway: . But yet, most men on here have said they would LOVE the woman to take the initiative! Go figure.......

    My view is that men need encouragement too! I'm not saying all the time. Yes, they do like to lead and like the challenge and like making the decisions blah, blah! But I am saying that there is no shame in contacting a guy first and asking him out on the 3rd or 4th date. And there definitely no harm in texting him (NB NOT bombarding him with emotional jizz!!) We need to remember that relationships take work on both sides. And it's EASY to flake in the first couple of months. IF there is not encouragement from BOTH sides then there is no reason to invest any emotion. Men like to be liked too!! And I personally dont think that men invest much emotion at all, until they are sleeping with you ..........but thats another debate....... :wink:

    Good Luck :flowerforyou:
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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    well, i am fairly certain i was right. he's not interested anymore. :-)

    oh well!!! NEXT!!!!!
  • AmericanExpat
    AmericanExpat Posts: 158 Member
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    well, i am fairly certain i was right. he's not interested anymore. :-)

    oh well!!! NEXT!!!!!

    Why do you think this?
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    well, i am fairly certain i was right. he's not interested anymore. :-)

    oh well!!! NEXT!!!!!

    Why do you think this?

    Ehhhhhhhhhhh!!! What's happened???? :noway:
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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    let's just say that after a year you come to learn what disinterest looks like and sounds like, and reads like.... rejection is something i'm very good at accepting and i've become very good at identifying!!!

    it always seems to go that if i'm actually into someone, i get rejected and if it's someone that i'm not interested in, THEY are interested in me. LOL!!!! i can't seem to find anything where we are mutually interested in one another.


    oh well. i've been attempting to date for a solid year now. NOV. to NOV. i think it's time i call it quits for a bit. rejection messes with your head A LOT! and i don't like that.

    thanks for reading :-)
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    Well, you've lost me!! I thought..............well, you know what I thought, up to the post where you said thank you for the idea to text him tomorrow..... :flowerforyou:
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
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    basically, you can tell when someone goes from wanting to talk to you, to NOT wanting to talk to you.
    goes from wanting to see you and getting to know you to NOT wanting to do those things.

    " he's just not that into me."

    it's all good. no worries :-)
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
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    I can tell you that no matter how interested I am in a woman, if I've only known her for a few weeks, she is going to be a low priority when a very significant loved one is in the hospital.

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