Do you know anyone like this?
shammxo
Posts: 1,432 Member
This one might be a little long. And excessively dramatic.
So I have this friend. I'd say she is about a 5 or 6 in the looks department and she isn't very bright. She is fairly high maintenance as well... (one of those girls who has a checklist for what she wants in a guy.) Works as a waitress, doesn't have her license(because of a DUI) But she is ALWAYS meeting these guys. I don't know where the hell she even finds them... She'll come to me excited about a new guy every week or so and she will tell me how excited she is and how she knows this one is different. For a while I'd tell her I was excited for her and that I hoped it would go well. But the same thing happened EVERY TIME- the guy told her they weren't a good match or they poofed on her. So she would come to me all upset with an "I hate guys! I'm going to die alone!" attitude. Very dramatic.
The past few weeks when she starts going on and on about a guy and how they're a perfect match, I've been telling her not to get her hopes up because she knows she has codependency issues. She's been getting mad at me and telling me I'm a bad friend for not being excited for her. It happened again last night, and as most of you know, I'm not in the best of moods lately and am feeling really *****y. After something happens a certain amount of times... Don't you think MAYBE just MAYBE that it's YOU that's the problem, and not the thousands of other people that you think are the problem? Isn't that logical?
I guess my question is whether or not you know anyone like this? If you do, how do you deal with them? I want to be supportive, because when it comes down to it she is the best female companion that I have. But I also want to choke her.
So I have this friend. I'd say she is about a 5 or 6 in the looks department and she isn't very bright. She is fairly high maintenance as well... (one of those girls who has a checklist for what she wants in a guy.) Works as a waitress, doesn't have her license(because of a DUI) But she is ALWAYS meeting these guys. I don't know where the hell she even finds them... She'll come to me excited about a new guy every week or so and she will tell me how excited she is and how she knows this one is different. For a while I'd tell her I was excited for her and that I hoped it would go well. But the same thing happened EVERY TIME- the guy told her they weren't a good match or they poofed on her. So she would come to me all upset with an "I hate guys! I'm going to die alone!" attitude. Very dramatic.
The past few weeks when she starts going on and on about a guy and how they're a perfect match, I've been telling her not to get her hopes up because she knows she has codependency issues. She's been getting mad at me and telling me I'm a bad friend for not being excited for her. It happened again last night, and as most of you know, I'm not in the best of moods lately and am feeling really *****y. After something happens a certain amount of times... Don't you think MAYBE just MAYBE that it's YOU that's the problem, and not the thousands of other people that you think are the problem? Isn't that logical?
I guess my question is whether or not you know anyone like this? If you do, how do you deal with them? I want to be supportive, because when it comes down to it she is the best female companion that I have. But I also want to choke her.
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I have known someone like that in the past. The method that seemed to work really well was saying "Oh, I hope something comes of that! Aren't you excited about The Hobbit?" and then change the subject. You'll change the subject a few times, but the less you acknowledge it, the less you have to deal with it. Eventually it diminishes.0
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I learned a long time ago that one can not deal rationally with an irrational person.
It just won`t work.
Sorry,and hope she sorts things out but you can not fix her.0 -
I think if she's a good friend you have to be there for her. Grin and bear it kinda thing. But OTOH I think you can say something subtle like "be realistic babes, these guys come and go and so I think we should talk about XYZ in a months time if he's still around".
I wish you luck. I find that dramatic friends dont really get it! :flowerforyou:0 -
It's really nice of you to put up with her. I would take Kits advice and change the subject rather than harp on it...because she does just want attention.0
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Not when it comes to people but in relation to food and weight loss.
Her: "Oh I found a new diet that blah blah blah... What do you think?"
Me:" Uhh...no, I haven't heard of it."
Her: "Do you think it will work?"
Me: " I don't believe in diets."
Her: "Why are you so negative? Can't you just be happy for me?"
Me: *rolls eyes* "Look, I'll support you. I just can't relate to diets because I have never done one."
Her: " What do you call what you are doing now? You are dieting!"
Me: "I exercise, track what I eat and eat healthy 75% of the time."
Her: "Tracking food is too hard!"
Me: "No it's....never mind."
This usually lasts about 1-2 weeks then she "falls off the wagon" gets sad, complains about how it's impossible to lose weight, I must have good genes, (LOL) she is cursed with bad genes, and is just going to give up. I comfort her, tell her not to give up and that she just needs to find something that she can stick to long term. Eventually she'll find a new fad diet some where and the whole cycle starts all over again. It frustrates me sometimes. This is partially why I barely talk about my weight loss outside of MFP to people I know. They ask me all the time what I do, I tell them, and they don't listen or follow any of the advice I give. They are all askholes. People who ask you for advice and then don't follow it. There isn't any damn secret magic formula. Consistency is key.0 -
Sometimes you just have to accept someone for who they are flaws and all and decide is it worth it the effort you need to put into it to be the friend they want you to be.
I might like someone like that..care about them but I won't lie to them and tell them what they want to hear. IF that means they get pissy and think I suck as a friend..I just say well I'm not changing who I am for you..and you don't have to change for me...and then leave it be. I don't want drama in my life if I can help it. I wish people well and help if there really is something productive I can do to help but pandering nope I won't.0 -
I have known someone like that in the past. The method that seemed to work really well was saying "Oh, I hope something comes of that! Aren't you excited about The Hobbit?" and then change the subject. You'll change the subject a few times, but the less you acknowledge it, the less you have to deal with it. Eventually it diminishes.
^this^0 -
Suggest a new hobby for her. Like racquetball. Good workout.
On a new serious note, you mentioned co-dependency. That's an issue. Perhaps the services of a mental health professional might be in order.0 -
oh my gosh!!!
i say this all the time. you cannot rationalize the irrational!!!!!
tell her you are a good friend, but boy talk is now off limits. and then give her this website
www.loveshack.org
it's a relationship forum ( not sex)I learned a long time ago that one can not deal rationally with an irrational person.
It just won`t work.
Sorry,and hope she sorts things out but you can not fix her.0 -
Let it flow over you like water. Pull the teenager move, you know in one ear out the other. Get that glazy look on your face that says your a million miles away. I have done any and all of the above when people pull this kinda crap.0
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I learned a long time ago that one can not deal rationally with an irrational person.
Carl, This is one of the best lessons I've learned in the past few years!!! It's really helped me through many situations.
Back to the OP- Just do your best to change the subject whenever possible. Oh and you're around 20 or 21, right? You are very mature for your age and I'm guessing if she's in the same range, she is the opposite... hopefully give her a little time and she'll figure out her own mistakes.0 -
Thanks everyone!
This girl already IS in court ordered therapy, by the way. She is a good friend.. She has helped me through a lot of my social anxiety problems.
But there's a limit!! So I think I'm going to try the whole changing the subject thing. Again, she isn't very bright, so that shouldn't be too difficult. the non-verbal thing, like letting my eyes glaze over probably wouldn't compute with her.
@lacroyx, I know EXACTLY what you mean. people will ask me what I did, I tell them and they look at me like I'm crazy. Then they say it must have been so easy. Nooo.. One of the hardest things I've ever done. Apparently eating 1,000 calories a day or finding a diet pill makes more sense. Oh well....
Carl said it best... Can't deal rationally with an irrational person.
Thanks again!0 -
Um....maybe not to that extreme...or well i hope not anyway....i was that girl..begging dearly for my best of friends to validate my choices my thoughts and just act like they were happy for me and assuring me that i was doing something right. she likely comes to you because she is possibly in envy of what you have or who you are...you to her may be that person she needs the validation from.
Do not give it to her...do not beat around the bush. tell her exactly how you feel about her actions. tell her honestly that you want to see her succeed...and throw her for a huge *kitten* loop and ask her....what do u think about this guy does he make you happy....throw as many "you" statements in there.... she wants you to validate her when really she needs to validate herself.
As far as the court ordered therapy im guessing for the DUI....they are doing nothing they will not touch on any of these issues...it is likely a cut rate therapist who couldnt get a job anywhere else so they work for the DOC. They probably work from worksheets made in the 80s.
be strong. i know u want to be there for her...and if she truly is a friend shell stick around0 -
I have a friend who will constantly nag about all the crap her fiance pulls. For the longest time I asked why do you even bother staying (before and after they got engaged) and it would turn into an argument. Now, when she complains about him or something he did I just keep my mouth shut. It's easier!0
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In my 30 years I've learned that it's ok to let some friends go, might be an option to look into?0
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In my 30 years I've learned that it's ok to let some friends go, might be an option to look into?
Wise words :flowerforyou:0 -
I learned a long time ago that one can not deal rationally with an irrational person.
It just won`t work.
Sorry,and hope she sorts things out but you can not fix her.
agreed.
and since i'm a sorta of a biyatch i don't keep overly irrational people in my circle of friends either. just from past experiences i've found that i end up being their emotional dumping ground or the person they look to for support without feeling the need to fix themselves. so my support would be no support.0 -
In my 30 years I've learned that it's ok to let some friends go, might be an option to look into?
I had a friend for 15 years and 7 of those years she complained about the man she dated, then got engaged to, then married and had kids with. Complained and cried and yelled and cried and complained some more. I got so fed up with it I finally said look, either leave him or quit complaining about him. You never take my suggestions, you never listen to what I say, you never DO anything about it .. other than complain to ME. Not to him, ME. She didn't change, so I just slowly pulled away and now we don't speak. I don't miss it. lol0 -
Last night she told me she wants to have a baby because then someone will actually love/need her.
God help the human race.0 -
Oh I wish I had one of those emoticons that is smacking its forehead !!!!0
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Last night she told me she wants to have a baby because then someone will actually love/need her.
God help the human race.
Yikes, it's therapy time for her for certain.0 -
Oh I wish I had one of those emoticons that is smacking its forehead !!!!
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Oh I wish I had one of those emoticons that is smacking its forehead !!!!
I have a better one.
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I generally just zone out while they are going on and on about themselves and how bad their life sucks until they decide to talk about something interesting.This one might be a little long. And excessively dramatic.
So I have this friend. I'd say she is about a 5 or 6 in the looks department and she isn't very bright. She is fairly high maintenance as well... (one of those girls who has a checklist for what she wants in a guy.) Works as a waitress, doesn't have her license(because of a DUI) But she is ALWAYS meeting these guys. I don't know where the hell she even finds them... She'll come to me excited about a new guy every week or so and she will tell me how excited she is and how she knows this one is different. For a while I'd tell her I was excited for her and that I hoped it would go well. But the same thing happened EVERY TIME- the guy told her they weren't a good match or they poofed on her. So she would come to me all upset with an "I hate guys! I'm going to die alone!" attitude. Very dramatic.
The past few weeks when she starts going on and on about a guy and how they're a perfect match, I've been telling her not to get her hopes up because she knows she has codependency issues. She's been getting mad at me and telling me I'm a bad friend for not being excited for her. It happened again last night, and as most of you know, I'm not in the best of moods lately and am feeling really *****y. After something happens a certain amount of times... Don't you think MAYBE just MAYBE that it's YOU that's the problem, and not the thousands of other people that you think are the problem? Isn't that logical?
I guess my question is whether or not you know anyone like this? If you do, how do you deal with them? I want to be supportive, because when it comes down to it she is the best female companion that I have. But I also want to choke her.0 -
Oh I wish I had one of those emoticons that is smacking its forehead !!!!
I have a better one.
bhahahaha .. is he saying WTF??0 -
Maybe "What just happened?"
bhahahaha .. is he saying WTF??
I have a better one.Oh I wish I had one of those emoticons that is smacking its forehead !!!!0 -
Oh I wish I had one of those emoticons that is smacking its forehead !!!!
I have a better one.
bhahahaha .. is he saying WTF??
Yep!0
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