An Ode To Her...or him
SVCat
Posts: 1,483 Member
Please tell me...have you ever caught someone innocently perusing the contents of your phone?
0
Replies
-
nope.0
-
Touch my phone and die.... By the same token I will stay out of yours.0
-
My first ex constantly snooped. He even installed keylogger on my computer - poorly. I saw it and questioned him about it, which he denied vehemently... then a couple days later he left his email open on one of the email alerts he had received with screen caps of my sites visited. Labeled and everything. Then he accused ME of snooping through HIS stuff, despite the fact that he left all of that up on his desktop in the computer in the living room. All I did was walk by! Geez I am so glad that *kitten* is over and done with.0
-
I had one of those....My first ex constantly snooped. He even installed keylogger on my computer - poorly. I saw it and questioned him about it, which he denied vehemently... then a couple days later he left his email open on one of the email alerts he had received with screen caps of my sites visited. Labeled and everything. Then he accused ME of snooping through HIS stuff, despite the fact that he left all of that up on his desktop in the computer in the living room. All I did was walk by! Geez I am so glad that *kitten* is over and done with.
I wondered what program he kept threatening me with that he could see everywhere I had been and exactly what I had typed. It was probably ^ that one.
He never found anything on me cause there wasn't anything to find.....the paranoia of him repeatedly cheating on me finally made a vein in his head bust apparently.0 -
No. I will admit I snooped on my ex after he cheated. Now, I have promised myself I'll never be that mad woman again. If I feel the need to snoop, I shouldn't be with him.0
-
I have had someone do this to me.
He did it while I was sleeping, saw a text from "Bob" that said, "Okay sweetheart. Be safe." So he threw my phone at my head, waking me up and calling me all kinds of beautiful names.
My dad is in my phone as Bob. He was telling me to have a safe trip up north.
THAT was an awkward drive home.0 -
I have had someone do this to me.
He did it while I was sleeping, saw a text from "Bob" that said, "Okay sweetheart. Be safe." So he threw my phone at my head, waking me up and calling me all kinds of beautiful names.
My dad is in my phone as Bob. He was telling me to have a safe trip up north.
THAT was an awkward drive home.
That's so cute, that you call your Dad Bob :flowerforyou:0 -
Never had it done to me and never would do it to another.
I wouldnt be overly bothered if saw whats on my phone/computer as nothing to hide, but intentionally checking is different. I never would as that's her personal space, and even if there is nothing there its the lack of trust and respect that snooping implies.
If i am with someone I believe in trusting them implicitly otherwise there is no point to it. I am open and honest from the beginning that have close female friends and will continue to do so whether or not in a relationship, and those friends will at time finish a text message with love you etc or something alike but nothing more than close friendship is meant by it. If she can't accept that then there is no point even starting anything, I have no problem with her having blokes as friends, as I say trust is everything.0 -
Some men get very creepy on surveillance of their partners. It seems all women have dated one of those idiots. Sad.
On the other hand, just about all women seem to check mobile phones, whether they admit it or not. I was doing some app design work a few years back, and my two partners suggested we write iOS software that prevented snooping from wives and girlfriends. It went beyond simple password protection. They had both been caught in affairs because of their mobile phones, and thought this would be a huge seller... :-)
From those discussions I learned the best way to determine if your husband/boyfriend is cheating is if he locks his phone. My guess is there is a very good correlation (statistically significant) between password protecting an iPhone and having an affair. After all, if it's just for work and innocent communication between friends, why lock it? It's always a hassle to type in four numbers (or whatever) 50 times per day.
Interesting how this story ended, btw. As I said, both were having affairs. One quite regularly with prostitutes, the other with various friends, neighbors, workers, etc. Of course, the one friend ended up having an affair with the other's wife. They were very close at the time, and of course it ended the friendship (and our future plans for a company). Miraculously, both are still with their wives today. They were actually in the same room for our Christmas party, the first time together since the incident. One is still a serial adulterer. The other is not.
The one found out his wife was cheating because he installed software on her laptop. I can still remember him calling me, in tears, to tell me our mutual friend had been sleeping with his wife for the past 4-5 months. He had all the chat logs to prove it. He wanted to kill him, of course. But he had started it all by sleeping around. Somehow they have managed to save the relationship.
The other guy, while also still married, has learned nothing. He was telling me about the new neighbor he is banging now. He's still lying to his wife. She learned of the earlier affairs, but I guess she thinks he's changed? Or sticking around because of the kids? In any case, he definitely locks his phone...
--P0 -
By the way, I'm still close with the one friend who has reformed after the other friend slept with his wife. We did start a company together. The other guy I still consider a friend, too, but I'm no longer that close with him. I view what he did as being much worse, completely inexcusable. I suppose it's guy logic? Perhaps women would see it differently?
To repeat a bit:
Friend 1 (with whom I'm still close) was sleeping around with prostitutes. He also had one long term affair. I knew his wife and liked her (still do). I told him he was making a HUGE mistake with the long-term affair. I told him an occasional fling with a prostitute was one thing, but an affair with the same woman (weekends in Paris, etc.) was quite a different matter. He needed to stop that or potentially lose his wife and children. Sadly, he only stopped after getting caught, and then later finding out his wife was sleeping with his best friend (Friend 2 below). But he's definitely completely different now.
Friend 2 was sleeping with just about everybody. But for him, while the sex was important, it was more about power. Showing he could sleep with wives of friends, co-workers, etc. was a huge power high for him. We often spoke about it. He was practically pathological in not being able to see how wrong his behavior was.
After the falling out, I just couldn't forgive Friend 2, since he had broken a major guy code by sleeping with the wife of Friend 1. While both were cheating and lying to their wives, for me, Friend 2 had done something infinitely worse. And I could never trust him to be part of a business with me.
Not sure how women would have viewed all of this, but for me, it was obvious. Affairs are a private matter, really none of my business. But betraying a close friend is something else entirely. I accept I'm not being very consistent, however.
--P0 -
From those discussions I learned the best way to determine if your husband/boyfriend is cheating is if he locks his phone. My guess is there is a very good correlation (statistically significant) between password protecting an iPhone and having an affair. After all, if it's just for work and innocent communication between friends, why lock it? It's always a hassle to type in four numbers (or whatever) 50 times per day.
...
The other guy, while also still married, has learned nothing. He was telling me about the new neighbor he is banging now. He's still lying to his wife. She learned of the earlier affairs, but I guess she thinks he's changed? Or sticking around because of the kids? In any case, he definitely locks his phone...
Hang on...people don't lock their smart phones as a regular thing?! Mine has bank details, passport numbers, all sorts of personal data on it, that I really wouldn't want in someone else's hands should they happen to pick it up somewhere, not to mention direct access to my email, which has another trove of personal info.... Wow - whole new level of paranoia required - I'd never have thought that a locked phone would imply infidelity! :noway:0 -
My phone is permanently locked with a pattern code, and most people i know either lock theirs with this or number code.
Like castadiva has said, mine contains bank details, passwords etc. so would rather if i lose it that they can't access it, nothing to do with affairs, wouldnt have one so wouldnt need to hide it.
And prahasauras, although i dont agree at all with affairs, i know what you mean about that breaking the guy code. Also to me extends to friends exes unless there is a long period in between, or they are fine with it. Happened to me not long after a split and didnt take that too well, major breach of the code to me! though have let it pass now and they're not together anymore anyway.0 -
Good point on the private info, but I strongly suggest a program like Keeper if you have sensitive bank details or passwords on your mobile phone: https://keepersecurity.com/ Great encryption, back up to the cloud, etc. You do pay an annual fee, but I believe it's worth it. You have access to the info on other devices, it's synced, and should you lose your phone, you always have the info stored.
I didn't say the correlation between affairs and locked phones is 100%. I just said I believe it's statistically significant. But perhaps I'm wrong on that. In any case, I don't lock my iPad. But I do use a security program (Keeper) for bank data, etc. I use a cheap Nokia now for my mobile, and it's never locked, either.
--P0 -
Good point on the private info, but I strongly suggest a program like Keeper if you have sensitive bank details or passwords on your mobile phone: https://keepersecurity.com/ Great encryption, back up to the cloud, etc. You do pay an annual fee, but I believe it's worth it. You have access to the info on other devices, it's synced, and should you lose your phone, you always have the info stored.
I didn't say the correlation between affairs and locked phones is 100%. I just said I believe it's statistically significant. But perhaps I'm wrong on that. In any case, I don't lock my iPad. But I do use a security program (Keeper) for bank data, etc. I use a cheap Nokia now for my mobile, and it's never locked, either.
--P
That's handy info to have, not being a tech wizard. I'll look into the programme you suggest - thanks! :flowerforyou:
I was being mildly facetious before, but it really wouldn't have occurred to me to think that a locked phone was something to worry about on that score! :laugh: You may well be right on the statistical significance though.0 -
I have had the phone "incident". He believed that what was mine was also his and that I had no right to privacy despite our several discussions about it. He still to this day does not understand the concept of not violating someones personal space. On a separate occasion I have had a BF grab my phone and threaten, actualy that has happened several times, (sad that I just realized that) here I was thinking i was all mature and moved past the overly possesive insecure type.
I did not have my phone locked in either incident, however my phone is locked now and I have never "cheated".0 -
I have never done it nor have I had anyone do it to me. I wouldn't care tho. I don't have anything in there. I talk a lot, so anything that is in there I probably told you already ..lol.
Well .. actually check that .. I do it to my sons phone a lot. But .. he is my kid and that is my duty as a mom.0 -
I've had it done several times. I am on call and have a large group of people that have to give me situation reports, so I am constantly getting messages. Every now and then, I'll get the overly curious type that just can't help themselves. My messages change colors when opened and I confess to leaving my phone there (Prahasaurus....very interesting post!) unlocked. I have nothing to hide, but I don't want to deal with an overly jealous lover.0
-
I was being mildly facetious before, but it really wouldn't have occurred to me to think that a locked phone was something to worry about on that score! :laugh: You may well be right on the statistical significance though.
Please use an encrypted program to protect and back up your sensitive data! A simple phone lock is not enough. I like Keeper, the annual fee is very low, it's user friendly, it seems to be the market leader, etc. I have it for my iPad, and my desktop (through a web browser). They encrypt everything and back up to their own database, so a lost iPhone or iPad (or smartphone) would mean only downloading the program to your new smartphone, entering in your password, and the data immediately syncs. And during that time, you always have access to the data from a standard web browser.
And btw, I just found a great reason in the US to lock your phone: police can search it without a warrant if they stop you, and anything on it can be used against you in a court of law. They can't, however, make you give them the password (that would violate the 5th Amendment to the Constitution against self incrimination). Although they probably will threaten you if you don't. Just ignore them.
It's not easy to break into a phone that is password protected, but it's not impossible. With the right time and software, it can be done. Which, again, is why you must use an encrypted program for your sensitive data!
I'm probably wrong on the locked phone = affair. Just forget I wrote that. Most people lock now, so hard to find a correlation.
--P0 -
Some men get very creepy on surveillance of their partners. It seems all women have dated one of those idiots. Sad.
On the other hand, just about all women seem to check mobile phones, whether they admit it or not.
Wow, this just reminded me how unusual I must be as a woman!
I've never dated anyone who needed to spy on me. And I have never, ever, ever gone through anyone's phone. Maybe I should start being more secretive just to make people wonder?? :laugh: 0 -
Well .. actually check that .. I do it to my sons phone a lot. But .. he is my kid and that is my duty as a mom.
I disagree with this, mainly because you are looking for something you really don't want to see. If you can't trust him, why did you give him a phone in the first place?0 -
Well .. actually check that .. I do it to my sons phone a lot. But .. he is my kid and that is my duty as a mom.
I disagree with this, mainly because you are looking for something you really don't want to see. If you can't trust him, why did you give him a phone in the first place?
Because his dad and I are divorced and his dad is not always reliable and he needs to have a way to get in touch with me at any given time.0 -
Well .. actually check that .. I do it to my sons phone a lot. But .. he is my kid and that is my duty as a mom.
I disagree with this, mainly because you are looking for something you really don't want to see. If you can't trust him, why did you give him a phone in the first place?
Because his dad and I are divorced and his dad is not always reliable and he needs to have a way to get in touch with me at any given time.
Oh, I thought divorce only happened in the movies :frown:0 -
Well .. actually check that .. I do it to my sons phone a lot. But .. he is my kid and that is my duty as a mom.
I disagree with this, mainly because you are looking for something you really don't want to see. If you can't trust him, why did you give him a phone in the first place?
Because his dad and I are divorced and his dad is not always reliable and he needs to have a way to get in touch with me at any given time.
Oh, I thought divorce only happened in the movies :frown:
:laugh:0
This discussion has been closed.