Not sure where you live, but it's true that under-challenged gifted kids without ADHD can look like they have ADHD. The boys tend to act out physically and loudly, while the girls tend to daydream. Notice I said' "tend." The classroom-disuptive behavior is what the teacher notices, so notes start to go home, especially if the disruptive kid also happens to be a class leader, because he takes the bus right off a cliff...

A good teacher differentiates her instruction to all of the kids in her class. For example, your son may be terrific at math and reading and not so good at writing. Instead of classifying him as behind simply based on his writing skills, she meets him where he is in all subjects. However, you will need to push for the work, because many teachers don't know how to handle the twice exceptional (gifted/ADHD, gifted/dyslexia, gifted/autism spectrum).

Where you live can affect how your son is treated. All exceptional children are guaranteed a free and appropriate education, Some states classify giftedness as an exception and fund services for them, especially if they are struggling with an autism spectrum disorder. Many do not fund gifted services at all. Still more will not help any child with a developmental or learning disability if they are performing at or above grade level, even if that child is not performing to his or her potential.

Many teachers and principals mistakenly believe that they can withhold gifted services as an incentive to force "good behavior" and compliance. Frequently they will do this without even informing the parents. This is incredibly short sighted because young children just don't get the idea of delayed gratification and all that, especially if they have ADHD!!!

My kids' teachers have successfully handled the gifted and ADHD through differentiation, behavior contracts, and redirection. Experience and training make all the difference. My youngest son's current second grade teacher has now taught both of my sons with ADHD and giftedness. She had the first about one year into her teaching career and the second in her eighth year. The difference is remarkable. She has become very skilled in classroom management and differentiation. She told me that in the intervening years that her experience with my first son's class caused her to seek additional training in gifted and special education.

My suggestion to you are:
1. Remember that people with ADHD and autism spectrum disorders MUST be active players in learning self-control and how to interact "normally" with peers. Do not make the mistake of assuming that they are incapable or excusing their behavior. They will learn, it will just take longer. You must be patient.

2. Do not be afraid of stimulants such as Adderall and Focalin. They are very short-ating and will not linger in your child's system for days or weeks. It becomes very quickly apparent whether they will help.

3. Stimulants will not be a "cure." They merely change the biochemistry of your child's brain so that he will have the chemicals necessary to "apply the brakes" to impulsive or distracting behavior. Having glasses doesn't teach your child to read, and having Adderall on board won't teach him how to act. It will simply tip the scales in his favor while he learns self-control