Maybe I'm naive or whatever, but I think if a person is on date three or four with a person, they still shouldn't be accepting new first dates or also on date three or four with someone. If you like where something is going with someone, why are you still looking at other people?

1. Because it's not til later (like dates 7-10 and some guys even later than that) when that person's "true self" starts coming out. Up until then, you're seeing the person they WANT you to see and vice versa to some extent though I try to be "myself" the whole way.
2. In fact, I find that going on multiple casual (no sex, no serious make out sessions) is a great way to keep myself from "being what the guy wants" to snag him because if it doesn't work out there are other guys. Also, it helps me relax in the early stages because, again, there are other guys lined up if that doesn't work.
3. The biggest reason to me: I've had men lie to my face about dating others. Even men who told me they didn't believe in casual dating. It ruins my mojo to see that I've been played. But if I'm playing the same game I don't feel so bad about it.

Like I said earlier... when someone really clicks with you, you naturally begin spending so much time with them that their presence eventually crowds out all the others (often before you even HAVE the exclusive convo). I don't see this as big of a deal as many of you do. But then again, sex isn't in the equation for me until much later in the process, so maybe that's the difference...?

Mike, I think this is rather pragmatic of you. And I understand what you mean about weeding through to find the good ones, but in my experience (and from friends & Peeps telling me too) that often for whatever reason most of us go through feast or famine in dating. Either you don't find anyone decent for a long time or everyone seems to be great at the same time. Just an observation I guess.

I'm no mathematician, but I think the laws of probability might disagree with you here. I have a hard time believing that your friends (and SP friends) all experience feast or famine when it comes to online dating. Maybe it has more to do with moods or attitudes, over a certain period of time, toward dating?

Mike, I think this is rather pragmatic of you. And I understand what you mean about weeding through to find the good ones, but in my experience (and from friends & Peeps telling me too) that often for whatever reason most of us go through feast or famine in dating. Either you don't find anyone decent for a long time or everyone seems to be great at the same time. Just an observation I guess.

I'm no mathematician, but I think the laws of probability might disagree with you here. I have a hard time believing that your friends (and SP friends) all experience feast or famine when it comes to online dating. Maybe it has more to do with moods or attitudes, over a certain period of time, toward dating?

Yeah, I'm not saying it's a statistical thing, but definitely a human nature kind of quirk that I do think most singles will admit they have encountered. Again, just an interesting observation.

What I meant re point 2 was couldn't you get to know one guy at a time, whilst still knowing the others would be there on match.com to find afterwards rather than getting to know a bunch of them at a time just in case.

Each to their own but I personally wouldn't want to go on a date with someone who was potentially playing me just in case I played her, hardly an honest way to start things!!

Women - Do you expect that the man you are at the early stages of dating is still looking? Does it make you feel differently towards him if you see he is still active on the site? How many dates does it take where you decide you want to spend more time with the new person?

Hello!

I would expect that a man is dating other women until he tells me he isn't. But if you told me you didn't want to date anyone else and then were still active on a site .. that would tick me off and I would give you the boot. I usually know pretty quickly if I want to date someone more than once.

Same exact for me.

Yeah to each his own. I think it takes longer to really evaluate someone's long term compatibily than the rest of you seem to think. You have to see how they handle stress, conflict and such.

I don't regret multi dating. There were weeks when I met 3-4 different guys. It was fun and I never sat around moping wondering if he liked me. If he did, he'd ask me out again. If I liked him i would say yes. If we were also getting to know others they would fall away if he liked me or I liked him.

And guess what? I like asking this stuff of men so I've talked about it with many it didn't work out with and only that one criticized me so if any girl asks me I will recommend the same thing.

At the same time I do recall at least one person who is now saying they don't do this who have asked us about two separate girls at same time. Will have to look up their posts when I get back.

Maybe it's one of those things that when it rains it pours but in the meantime, when the well is dry, we'll toe the party line.

I think it depends what your intentions are with 'serial dating'. I have no problems having 1st meetings (I don't call the first one a date) with more than 1 man in a week or two becuase you just never know. I would probably see multiple men up until one went to a 3rd date and I knew I wanted to pursure more time with that person. But I don't have sex or heavy makeout sessions until much later on so it's not like I am screwing around with all these men. Of course if I met someone and I was that smitten on date one I would pursue that. You just NEVER know until you meet them once or twice if you will click, as people are nervous, etc. I don't know that is just me.

I also agree with the feast and famine. Before my last relationship ended I only had 1 interest at a time anyways so it was never an issue, but this time around I have alot more men I would be interested to meet - I have been one 2 first meetings in one week. I think keeping your options open until you are sure that you want to pursure that guy further is totally ok (I would hope by date 3 you would know).

haha with my last boyfriend we went to Vegas on date 4 so I guess it was serious then :P

Many women show their true colors very early on. You're supposed to be on best behavior early on, but I've seen women in the early stages find ways not to be communicative and find ways to show that they are unreliable and irresponsible.

Yes, yes, I know I'm going to generalize here (sorry not meant to offend anyone), but I think a lot of that has to do with the age of the women you are pursuing DM. I've mentioned here before that I mostly get asked out by younger guys (often in their 20s :blushing:) and every single one of them says they look older because they're tired of the games that women their own age play. Again, they ALL (and no, these are not guys ONLY after one thing... ) say the same thing!!! I know you want a "top tier" woman who's younger than you are, but considering how mature and logical you are, I think you might be better off taking a look at women your own age and a tiny bit older. This isn't meant rudely, but I do think you are passing on some great matches with your current parameters and just disappointing yourself in the end.

every single one of them says they look older because they're tired of the games that women their own age play. Again, they ALL (and no, these are not guys ONLY after one thing... ) say the same thing!!!

My sides! I can't stop laughing. (in a respectful manner, of course)

I've used that line on older woman before and never once was I really serious about it. Most young guys think that older women will put out easier due to the following reasons.

2. The younger guy thinks an older woman is only interested in sex with him. He think that she doesn't view him as a potential long term mate. He views this as a window into NSA sex.
\

This is the reason I let younger guys hit on me lol. I don't expect a relationship from them. Lets be honest most of them couldn't handle me long ter anyways

every single one of them says they look older because they're tired of the games that women their own age play. Again, they ALL (and no, these are not guys ONLY after one thing... ) say the same thing!!!

My sides! I can't stop laughing. (in a respectful manner, of course)

I've used that line on older woman before and never once was I really serious about it. Most young guys think that older women will put out easier due to the following reasons.

1. The younger guy and he think he has an advantage (or hand) in the relationship. Meaning he's younger, in good physical shape, etc.
2. The younger guy thinks an older woman is only interested in sex with him. He think that she doesn't view him as a potential long term mate. He views this as a window into NSA sex.
3. The younger guy knows a woman's sex drive peaks in her late 30's or early 40's. He thinks it'll be easier to hop into bed with her.

I feel both Mike and PJ are right. Maybe that is a huge copout. Or maybe there are shades of truth to both.

As a result of interacting with mostly mid 20s women, I see how one would be tired of games. I sure am! I still see a lot of high school bull**** from 24-27 year olds and you'd think that **** would be done by now. If a guy is saying that to an older woman, there's a shade of truth to it.

I agree with Points #2 and #3 Mike makes, and sometimes #1 can be applicable.