background check
Replies
-
Most of the "pro background check" arguments don't stand the test of reality...
1) If I was a psychopath, I would be lying about my name and you wouldn't find me on Facebook. So you would not find anything about me. Otherwise you are not talking to a psychopath but an idiot.
Anyone who believes they will find something about a psychopath by a Google search (lolz... are we being serious here?) is clearly deluded.
Psychopaths are known to have some degree of intelligence...
2) For lesser crimes (i.e. small criminals/normal people who screwed up):
- Either the crime is confess-able and so the person will confess it (so... trust them maybe?) but could be waiting for the first date to explain (after all, it's hard enough to get dates and a good explanation happens in person).
- Either the person is trying to hide their "unconfess-able" crime, but didn't do their job properly. That person is an idiot. They will be less skilled at concealing/lying and you will spot that on the first date or quickly afterwards. So you will know soon enough. OK, Google would help in this case.
- Either there is a perfectly good explanation for the crime, but you will never find out about it because you "stalked" the person and got the first date cancelled.
3) For a non criminal:
Some have the mindset that this is a breach of trust (me, Zach). Often people with "morals". You might be missing on a good opportunity.
4) If anyone is lying about their name (at which point you won't find any information about them except fake information), they are either in just for sex or to cut you in small cubes.
So they will lie until they get what they want. Concretely, if someone is in to lie to you, you WON'T be able to find the truth (except if they are an idiot).
5) As Zach said, plenty of people lie and exaggerate about all kind of things. Most of my acquaintances will only see one aspect of your personality and will fill the blank with their imagination.
They are not a trustworthy source of information.
My point is:
You will never know, except if the person is an idiot - but you should be able to tell after a first date if they are.
So, just use your guts... And don't piss normal people off.
Just ask what you want to know rather than play a game of "google" detective and think you know anything about the person.
You rock........:drinker:0 -
Most of the "pro background check" arguments don't stand the test of reality...
1) If I was a psychopath, I would be lying about my name and you wouldn't find me on Facebook. So you would not find anything about me. Otherwise you are not talking to a psychopath but an idiot.
Anyone who believes they will find something about a psychopath by a Google search (lolz... are we being serious here?) is clearly deluded.
Psychopaths are known to have some degree of intelligence...
2) For lesser crimes (i.e. small criminals/normal people who screwed up):
- Either the crime is confess-able and so the person will confess it (so... trust them maybe?) but could be waiting for the first date to explain (after all, it's hard enough to get dates and a good explanation happens in person).
- Either the person is trying to hide their "unconfess-able" crime, but didn't do their job properly. That person is an idiot. They will be less skilled at concealing/lying and you will spot that on the first date or quickly afterwards. So you will know soon enough. OK, Google would help in this case.
- Either there is a perfectly good explanation for the crime, but you will never find out about it because you "stalked" the person and got the first date cancelled.
3) For a non criminal:
Some have the mindset that this is a breach of trust (me, Zach). Often people with "morals". You might be missing on a good opportunity.
4) If anyone is lying about their name (at which point you won't find any information about them except fake information), they are either in just for sex or to cut you in small cubes.
So they will lie until they get what they want. Concretely, if someone is in to lie to you, you WON'T be able to find the truth (except if they are an idiot).
5) As Zach said, plenty of people lie and exaggerate about all kind of things. Most of my acquaintances will only see one aspect of my personality and will fill the blank with their imagination.
They are not a trustworthy source of information.
My point is:
You will never know, except if the person is an idiot - but you should be able to tell after a first date if they are.
So, just use your guts... And don't piss normal people off.
Just ask what you want to know rather than play a game of "google" detective and think you know anything about the person.
Let's call it what it is: a simple "convenience" and not "a matter of life and death".
Well said, much better arguments that I have been putting forth.
Sadly I didn't even think about #1, this is exactly why I would be a terrible psychopath, haha.0 -
And don't piss normal people off.
hahahahahahahahhaa0 -
Run one one me, there's nothing there except my divorce and some unpaid judgements that were connected to my ex husband.
Please Please Please run one on me, and if you are that much of a judgemental *kitten*, I wouldn't want to date you anyway.
Maybe I just have bad luck but I've run into too many major crime sprees that are recent and ongoing.... but don't you dare tell me I'm not open minded, I dated the sex offender, and I gave the guy with the buttload of traffic tickets, and I have given the ones without thier drivers license from OWI/DWI chances....don't tell me I'm not open minded.
Do it early, don't wait until you sniff trouble 6 weeks in (then you could consider it being sly).... it's the same thing as judging someone because they are too fat, too skinny, wrong color hair etc. It has nothing to do with trust. It has everything to do with being smart about meeting a stranger, protecting yourself, protecting any children you have and sometimes protecting your heart.
I ve never paid for one, the state offers the information free of charge accessible to anyone with the internet or a way to get to the courthouse.0 -
Touchy subject. I could see single parents with small children in particular doing it. So much scum out there, so many tragedies that can be averted!0
-
I've had several love interests state that they googled me. One went as far as a full credit check (she worked for a law firm and was somehow tied into credit monitoring services). I have nothing to hide so I didn't mint. That being said, I have found that those that mentioned the googling and including the one with the credit check, they tended to be more cynical and for some reason seemed to always be looking for things swept under the rug.
Perhaps it was me? Maybe they primed me by sharing that they had looked me up and I was somewhat sensitive? In either case, I don't care one way or the other. It's logical and it makes sense for people to protect themselves.
Running a credit check on you without your consent is absolutely against the law.0 -
Flim .....
That is all. 0 -
I'd never date anybody that felt the need to creep on me past Google or my semi-public Facebook account. There's just something called privacy and boundaries that you should respect. I can only assume they are going to go through my underwear drawer and internet history every time I leave the house.0
-
In the "old days" (ha) we used to ask our friends about the individual we were interested in - especially if they knew the person rather well, right?
This happened to me recently.
I had two friends try to set me up with a guy and vice-versa. Well meaning friends, mind you. In their opinion he had a good job, had his chit together and was a nice guy.... upon first meeting, he came across exactly like that....
But when a few others found out he and I were "hanging out" they were quick to pipe in. Everything was negative. They never went into detail, but I later found out they were friends with his EX WIFE! (Hello, why are you listening to the ex? She's strung out on drugs, hello!) Then another friend of mine decided to pipe in with her, "I heard a story" and of course that's just heresay so I didn't listen to it.... especially since she admitted, "Well I really don't know the WHOLE story"... seriously? Neither of these two friends went into detail and had no concrete ANYTHING to say. I still wonder what the point of all of that was....
I gave the guy a chance anyway and didn't listen. He's been nothing but a gentleman to me and bottom line is while I still have the above in the back of my head, I'm a grown adult and can make my own decisions..... and I'm very good with my gut.0 -
I can't imagine every doing one - that's an awful lot of effort. If I didn't trust someone I just wouldn't date them.
Probably wouldn't care if someone did a check on me. I think I'd be more interested actually, ask them if they found anything interesting. There's a lot of people with my exact same name so maybe they'd have looked up the wrong person haha!0 -
I like the way things used to be back before all of this technology (if possible). Trust the guy UNLESS he proves untrustworthy & then MAYBE do a background check but I believe if you fall in love with him/her , you do so without prejudice on his background first. Start out being trusting but be smart about it & follow your gut. Don't bring someones past into it unless it's needed. Just like with their past sex life - so what - unless it could affect your future together. Just my two cents though.0
-
Beyond a possible Google or Facebook glance, I don't have the desire to try and find out more about someone that I couldn't ask them personally. I don't have anything to hide..I automatically assume anyone I meet is the same until they prove otherwise.0
-
To me it seems reasonable to check someone on facebook or the internet before you meet them, but a full background check seems a little too far and gives off creepy vibes.0
-
I understand why a woman might be more cautious about going over to a man's house, for fear of something happening. However, you as a woman should be able, by a few dates, know if the guy is crazy by then. If there is any uncertainty, you shouldn't be going over to his place (alone). Maybe then if you are cautious, invite him to yours where you feel a bit safer (let people know someone is at your house, whatever you need to do to feel safe.)
uh no. Because the kind of guy hiding a criminal background is good at appearing normal.
A lot of guys on this thread feel offended because a woman should be able to "tell" they're not a criminal. But a lot of violent and abusive guys are skilled at appearing charming. They're good at tricking women.
We're not talking about thugs or drug dealers here who display some type of obvious behavior.
I don't know that I'd do a background check automatically, but I would if a guy showed even the tiniest red flag.0 -
This happened to me too, except I was in the same situation as "your guy". :ohwell:In the "old days" (ha) we used to ask our friends about the individual we were interested in - especially if they knew the person rather well, right?
This happened to me recently. I had two friends try to set me up with a guy and vice-versa.
But when a few others found out he and I were "hanging out" they were quick to pipe in. Everything was negative.
People are just funny like that.
And that's precisely the point...uh no. Because the kind of guy hiding a criminal background is good at appearing normal.
A lot of guys on this thread feel offended because a woman should be able to "tell" they're not a criminal. But a lot of violent and abusive guys are skilled at appearing charming.
They're good at tricking women.
Would you call someone who would leave obvious clues on the googlesphere "good at tricking women" or "skilled at appearing charming"?
- What?! You searched my real name (which I gave you) on Google!? I would never have thought of that... BUSTED!0 -
I don't know that I'd do a background check automatically, but I would if a guy showed even the tiniest red flag.
And, this is the point at which I would walk away. Why? Because my intuition is nearly never wrong. Better safe than sorry. Sure you might find a police report to justify your feelings, but at the same time, you might not. He might just be awesome at hiding things. If you have anything that makes you feel like you need to do a background check, leave. If I can't trust a man, I'd rather be single.
Again, my .020
This discussion has been closed.