What was my MIL thinking? Or was she...
TLCEsq
Posts: 413 Member
My mother in law's coworker crocheted baby Brock a beautiful Finding Nemo (nursery theme) blanket with his name on it. MIL gave it to me last weekend and another family member mentioned to me that I should check her Facebook page and definitely wash the blanket... turns out she had it on the floor of her house and let her three dogs walk all over it and lay on it!!! Complete with PICTURES on Facebook. What the hell is the matter with people?!
My husband is now finally realizing WHY I have reservations about his mother...
My husband is now finally realizing WHY I have reservations about his mother...
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Replies
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Ugh- sorry you have to deal with that... WASH IT!!! I think we all have MIL reservations, but that is pretty gross....
Deep breaths... =D0 -
Ugh- sorry you have to deal with that... WASH IT!!! I think we all have MIL reservations, but that is pretty gross....
Deep breaths... =D
Right?! Sheesh. It went straight into the laundry! She just doesn't think.
I've been especially hormonal lately and even cried over this crap... Ridiculous LOL.0 -
Ugh- sorry you have to deal with that... WASH IT!!! I think we all have MIL reservations, but that is pretty gross....
Deep breaths... =D
Right?! Sheesh. It went straight into the laundry! She just doesn't think.
I've been especially hormonal lately and even cried over this crap... Ridiculous LOL.
As the kids say, your MIL sounds a bit cray-cray. That would have totally upset me too.0 -
I've learned that MILs just don't think sometimes. I'm sure the idea of "dog butt on blanket = ewww" didn't even cross your MILs mind ... But it should have! That being said, I wash anything and everything people have given us for the baby as soon as it enters our house. You just never know.
I hope I don't end up being a crazy MIL when my son gets married!0 -
That is pretty gross. I do wash everything when it comes into the house because I just never know.0
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I wash everything. I mean, even if someone is clean most knitter/crochet people transport the yarn and project to all sorts of places (soccer games, coffee houses, friends homes) to work on it. So even pristine folk might get some 'yuck' on it. Nice gift though!0
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Yeah I agree I would've washed it anyway so I guess that part isn't so bad lol. My FIL (surprised they're divorced?) had a couple choice comments on her FB photos. He said, "That's a really nice blanket but when did you get a dog named Brock?" He's a total smartass and I love it lol. I think sometimes my husband thinks I overreact but I don't even care anymore... this is our baby we're talking about! She's so obsessed with her dogs and used to only have two, they just got the third one.0
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Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Not you, her.
First of all, why is she posting a picture of a gift someone is giving *you guys* on *her* Facebook page before you've even received the gift? I appreciate that it's a nice, thoughtful gift (it really is!), but it's not her place to be posting it at all, really, especially before you've seen it.
Second, why is it on her floor?
Third, why are her dogs walking/sitting/lying on it?
I am a total dog person. I have four. They are my babies. I mean, I put my son WAY above them in the pecking order, but still, I love them so, so much. I get her POV that they are her little angels and would never, EVER taint such a lovely blanket. In fact, she probably thinks she is doing you a favor by gracing the blanket with their whatever (dirt, butt crusties, dander, fur, etc.).
However, as much as I love and spoil my dogs, I am well aware that they are dogs. They get dirty. Their butts can smell. They shed. A lot. Occasionally they puke and/or piddle. They can drool, and their breath smells funny..
I washed everything that was given to me for my son regardless of where it came from, but even things that I bought myself, I washed and dried and put in a place where it would be unlikely to get dog fur on it. I didn't want to have a newborn covered in dog fur. Now I wasn't a total spaz about keeping the dogs away from him; in fact, I encouraged their interaction if both sides were up for it. But having dog fur on his clothes, blankets, and stuff was not ok. It's the same reason my kitchen counters are cleaned multiple times a day. I know a dog hair in my food won't kill me (probably other things my dogs do, like licking their butts, are more likely to kill me), but I still don't want it there.
Also, I clean my floors regularly (see above re: dirty dogs and dog hair). I don't throw clean clothes on my floor and then think it's ok to wear them (I mean, if I drop a sock moving clothes from the washer to the dryer, that's one thing, but you get my drift). I don't eat off my floors. I wouldn't wrap myself, let alone my baby, in something that was just lying on the floor. I don't care how clean that floor is.
It's just common sense. She clearly has none.0 -
It's just common sense. She clearly has none.
You hit the nail on the head with this one, multiple times! She means well but she can be really really REALLY ditzy sometimes. I don't know if I mentioned that she was talking about taking my baby to her work one day when she babysits? Um, NO. Matter of fact, HELL NO. She doesn't have a carseat for one thing and even if she did I am NOT comfortable with my newborn son riding around with her in her car, which she also smokes in. He's not a toy to show off! I told her if she wanted to show him to her coworkers THAT bad, then I will take him to her workplace one day, given that I have 12 weeks off.
I have a feeling I'm going to be constantly fighting battles with her.0 -
I have a feeling I'm going to be constantly fighting battles with her.
My SIL is constantly fighting battles with our MIL. Get your DH on your side and have him back you up because she'll (hopefully) listen to him. It took a long time for BIL to step up and tell his mom to lay off whatever she was doing (usually undermining SIL and giving the kids junk food after being told not to). She still doesn't always listen, but she is more likely to when BIL chimes in. This kind of stuff is why I'm SO glad we live 18hrs from home!
Oh, and I totally agree about the car seat/smoking/work thing. I've never driven with MIL but I hear she is an awful driver, and SIL won't let her take the kids anywhere. She had to tell my 6 year old nephew that he is NOT to get in MIL's car after she took him to the grocery store without permission/telling anybody where she was going. (At the store she let him pick out lots of treats and then told him not to tell his mom because she would be mad! Gotta love that he's old enough to inadvertently tattle on his grandma :laugh: )0 -
I have a feeling I'm going to be constantly fighting battles with her.
My SIL is constantly fighting battles with our MIL. Get your DH on your side and have him back you up because she'll (hopefully) listen to him. It took a long time for BIL to step up and tell his mom to lay off whatever she was doing (usually undermining SIL and giving the kids junk food after being told not to). She still doesn't always listen, but she is more likely to when BIL chimes in. This kind of stuff is why I'm SO glad we live 18hrs from home!
Oh, and I totally agree about the car seat/smoking/work thing. I've never driven with MIL but I hear she is an awful driver, and SIL won't let her take the kids anywhere. She had to tell my 6 year old nephew that he is NOT to get in MIL's car after she took him to the grocery store without permission/telling anybody where she was going. (At the store she let him pick out lots of treats and then told him not to tell his mom because she would be mad! Gotta love that he's old enough to inadvertently tattle on his grandma :laugh: )
Oh yeah, she's totally going to do this crap LOL. I don't have to explain to my parents why my toddler/child doesn't drink cow's milk or eat certain things, etc. With MIL I know I will have to justify everything and I know she thinks I'm totally strange but I don't care. DH does think I am getting a little too bent of shape about it since we haven't had the baby yet and I agree that I probably shouldn't get worked up until a situation actually arises. However, I already made it VERY clear to him multiple times that if she babysits it won't be for the whole day unless there is an emergency and she will be coming to our house. I am not about to have my child at her house with three dogs, etc., especially after what happened to the blanket. Her house is also not set up to care for a child at all. My parents are retired and will be our "day care" for a long time, so my mom has a crib, playpen, etc. My parents will also not be taking him anywhere, I work very closeby and if there's an emergency they will call me first. Both my mom and I also told MIL that she is more than welcome to go see my son when he's at my mom's house, anytime. I think that made her feel better. My MIL works but I still don't want her feeling left out or like my mom is the "favorite grandma" because it isn't like that. However, I trust my parents and know they won't do anything dumb and my MIL is a different story. Ultimate bottom line is, if you don't play by my rules you don't see my child. Sounds harsh but hey, if it gets to that point I'll do what I have to do. I'm already there with MIL's mom (my son's great grandma) who doesn't even live here. With all the crap she's pulled over the last few months, we have both blocked her from Facebook and as far as I'm concerned, she's not automatically getting any kind of relationship with my son. Both her and my MIL act like they're entitled to my son somewhat because they're the grandma and great-grandma.0 -
My MIL had a lot of grand illusions early on with my first. I am a shy person but I put my foot down from the start. It worked, she finally came around and figured out what not to do. You have the power, don't be mean but state your concerns and don't hand the baby to her if she doesn't meet your standards. When my first was under 3 months, she tried to put a piece of her chewed food in his mouth to "give him a taste". She also wanted to stick her finger in his baby food that I just mixed up so she could taste it. She hadn't washed her hands or anything. It will only get worse so be prepared!0
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My MIL had a lot of grand illusions early on with my first. I am a shy person but I put my foot down from the start. It worked, she finally came around and figured out what not to do. You have the power, don't be mean but state your concerns and don't hand the baby to her if she doesn't meet your standards. When my first was under 3 months, she tried to put a piece of her chewed food in his mouth to "give him a taste". She also wanted to stick her finger in his baby food that I just mixed up so she could taste it. She hadn't washed her hands or anything. It will only get worse so be prepared!
OMG... chewed up food to give him a "taste"? Gah, that would send me over the edge LOL. MIL and her mom tend to think we are going to be too strict but it isn't their problem or their choices, so they'd better butt out. She thinks his dad was too strict on him and his sister but that's because his sister really overplays everything. I am NOT shy at all (and she knows it) and I will speak up if something isn't right. My husband will do the same thing. He and I are on the same page with mostly everything, he just doesn't want me getting worked up over nothing since we haven't even had the baby yet.
On the other hand, I read some of the Baby Center boards, etc. and what I am dealing with PALES in comparison to most, if not all, of those ladies so I am going to count my blessings!0 -
Both my mom and I also told MIL that she is more than welcome to go see my son when he's at my mom's house, anytime. I think that made her feel better. My MIL works but I still don't want her feeling left out or like my mom is the "favorite grandma" because it isn't like that. However, I trust my parents and know they won't do anything dumb and my MIL is a different story. Ultimate bottom line is, if you don't play by my rules you don't see my child. Sounds harsh but hey, if it gets to that point I'll do what I have to do. I'm already there with MIL's mom (my son's great grandma) who doesn't even live here. With all the crap she's pulled over the last few months, we have both blocked her from Facebook and as far as I'm concerned, she's not automatically getting any kind of relationship with my son. Both her and my MIL act like they're entitled to my son somewhat because they're the grandma and great-grandma.
Yeah, I can't stand the "rivalry" between grandparents. My MIL drives me nuts, so for my sanity, we don't see them a lot. My parents don't live nearby (they're a plane flight away, or a 12+ hour drive, whereas my in-laws can come and go in the course of a day), but my MIL is ALWAYS asking how often my parents see our son, etc. My parents don't come here that often, but for some reason my MIL is convinced that they are here all the time and that they see more of our son because they stay overnight (not with us) when they do come. Frankly, they haven't been here since December 2011, but they are coming this weekend and for a weekend in March. (I went to them for a week in July with our son, but other than that I literally have not seen them otherwise, not even for holidays.) When they come down, they fly in late Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon, which means they go to the airport around noon or shortly thereafter, so it's really only like getting a good 24 hours with everyone. "Everyone" not only includes us but my sister with her husband and two kids and my brother with his wife and four kids. My parents get very little one-on-one time with our son, especially because they stay at the house they own, which my sister lives in. When my in-laws come, they come for an entire day, which is basically entirely dedicated to our son, and they do this every couple of months (they can't stay overnight generally because we work during the week, and MIL is a minister and needs to be prepared for church on Sunday morning). My ILs get WAY more time with him than my parents do, but for some reason my MIL plays it out like she and my FIL have somehow been cut off while my parents get unlimited time with him. She lays this guilt trip on my husband all the time, but he puts the smackdown on it.0 -
My MIL had a lot of grand illusions early on with my first. I am a shy person but I put my foot down from the start. It worked, she finally came around and figured out what not to do. You have the power, don't be mean but state your concerns and don't hand the baby to her if she doesn't meet your standards. When my first was under 3 months, she tried to put a piece of her chewed food in his mouth to "give him a taste". She also wanted to stick her finger in his baby food that I just mixed up so she could taste it. She hadn't washed her hands or anything. It will only get worse so be prepared!
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
I'd hate to read what the OP sees on other baby boards if this isn't that bad in comparison!!!0 -
I'd hate to read what the OP sees on other baby boards if this isn't that bad in comparison!!!
Here's one for you... maybe not in the "ew" realm but in the "OMG WTF?!!!" category (I might actually be getting two different people's stories mixed together but they're both bad so whatever). This lady had her daughter and the MIL was constantly coming over at whatever time she pleased, regardless of whether the OP and her DH said it was okay or not. She insisted on picking up the baby whenever she wanted without asking first, which included waking her up when she was still in her carseat even though OP told her not to. Then I guess she was making comments at the dinner table when she'd tell OP that she would "take the baby for her" and OP told her she was fine the way she was... the MIL would say stuff like "Oh, you'd think you'd be more grateful to have inlaws here to help you out and not be so selfish with the baby!"
THEN this other poster had to deal with alcoholic inlaws and a messed up BIL and her husband didn't back her up with anything (which to me is the main problem). I guess the FIL (stepfather) went upstairs into a room where OP was topless and pumping milk and just walked right in (the door didn't lock but she had told everyone what she would be doing and to stay out) and despite OP's protests he wouldn't leave the room and she started freaking out and crying. My DH said if his dad did that there would be an all out fight, LOL. Poor lady!0 -
I'd hate to read what the OP sees on other baby boards if this isn't that bad in comparison!!!
Here's one for you... maybe not in the "ew" realm but in the "OMG WTF?!!!" category (I might actually be getting two different people's stories mixed together but they're both bad so whatever). This lady had her daughter and the MIL was constantly coming over at whatever time she pleased, regardless of whether the OP and her DH said it was okay or not. She insisted on picking up the baby whenever she wanted without asking first, which included waking her up when she was still in her carseat even though OP told her not to. Then I guess she was making comments at the dinner table when she'd tell OP that she would "take the baby for her" and OP told her she was fine the way she was... the MIL would say stuff like "Oh, you'd think you'd be more grateful to have inlaws here to help you out and not be so selfish with the baby!"
THEN this other poster had to deal with alcoholic inlaws and a messed up BIL and her husband didn't back her up with anything (which to me is the main problem). I guess the FIL (stepfather) went upstairs into a room where OP was topless and pumping milk and just walked right in (the door didn't lock but she had told everyone what she would be doing and to stay out) and despite OP's protests he wouldn't leave the room and she started freaking out and crying. My DH said if his dad did that there would be an all out fight, LOL. Poor lady!
Holy crap... that first one is bad, but the second one is really horrible! I would have screamed "GET THE F*** OUT!!!"
As for the first one, the husband needs to open his mouth. Actually, that goes for the second one, too, but the first one could be nipped in the bud pretty easily.
My sister's MIL is annoying as all get-out as well (she doesn't bother me as much, but that's probably because she's not my MIL). When my sister was pregnant with her second (she already had a son), she found out the baby was a boy. Her MIL's comment, "Oh, I really wanted a girl. You should throw him in the river after he's born!" Now obviously she wasn't serious, but that's an incredibly messed up comment to make, no? She also kept moving my sister's Windex and whatnot from lower, unsecured cabinets to upper cabinets in her house, so my sister would go to wipe their (glass) kitchen table down and be unable to find her cleaners. Even though her kids are really good about not getting into things they shouldn't, MIL felt that my sister was allowing them access to "poisons." Then she would extol the virtues and safety of some cleaning products that she sells through some pyramid scheme which, if you look up, have all the same "poisonous" ingredients that the regular stuff my sister buys have.0 -
Holy crap... that first one is bad, but the second one is really horrible! I would have screamed "GET THE F*** OUT!!!"
As for the first one, the husband needs to open his mouth. Actually, that goes for the second one, too, but the first one could be nipped in the bud pretty easily.
My sister's MIL is annoying as all get-out as well (she doesn't bother me as much, but that's probably because she's not my MIL). When my sister was pregnant with her second (she already had a son), she found out the baby was a boy. Her MIL's comment, "Oh, I really wanted a girl. You should throw him in the river after he's born!" Now obviously she wasn't serious, but that's an incredibly messed up comment to make, no? She also kept moving my sister's Windex and whatnot from lower, unsecured cabinets to upper cabinets in her house, so my sister would go to wipe their (glass) kitchen table down and be unable to find her cleaners. Even though her kids are really good about not getting into things they shouldn't, MIL felt that my sister was allowing them access to "poisons." Then she would extol the virtues and safety of some cleaning products that she sells through some pyramid scheme which, if you look up, have all the same "poisonous" ingredients that the regular stuff my sister buys have.
Seriously? Wow that lady needs to get a grip! No one should be going in her house and telling her how to run things. My husband and I have both been saying during this entire pregnancy that it's our way or the highway, so choose! And yes that's a totally messed up comment... my MIL hasn't said the "our baby" or "my baby" stuff at all lately so I think she got the hint that it pissed me off. Call me possessive but he is, after all, MY son. She had her two kids and now it's our turn. She's kind of hands off when it comes to a lot of things so ultimately I don't think I have much to worry about, it's just the anticipation since I don't know how she's going to react. I'd rather have her be excited about the baby like she is than be like some of my friends' inlaws and not give a crap, you know? But she's not going to have him alone in her house with those stupid dogs until he's a toddler. I'm okay with taking him over there and visiting while we stay there, but that's it for now.0
