Dating scenario - cold and flu season
rainman3k
Posts: 174 Member
Things have been a little slow on the board today, so I am going to run a scenario by you guys and gals for your humble opinions.
Say a girl you have been casually dating, but are really starting to like, comes down with a cold and you give her a call to see how she is doing. Through conversation you learn she would like some homemade chicken noodle soup, she knows you have a busy evening planned and that you aren't feeling well yourself, but you offer to make a pot of soup and bring some over for her.
You contact her the next day and she is still sick in bed, you let her know you made the soup and have some free time to drop it off. She is hesitant in conversation but finally says swing by and drop it off.
Now as you go to drop it off you realize that this will be the first time you are seeing her where she won't be at her best, she answers the door is very short in conversation and thanks you for dropping it off.
You leave and start to wonder, was that a smart thing to do?
Ladies of single peeps:
1) is it just a sweet gesture that makes you want to push the guy to the friend zone or does it build chemistry and give you something to brag about to your friends?
2) do you really want to see a guy you may be interested in while your sick?
3) let's say you received flowers from the same person the previous day, not because you were sick, but with a note so that you could enjoy the flowers before valentines day, is that too much too soon?
4) when do you let the guy know you really appreciated the thought and that the soup was unbelievable, if you did and it was?
Guys of single peeps:
1) do you bother doing it?
2) do you really want to see a girl you may be interested in while she's sick?
3) is how she reacts to this situation really important to building a relationship or do you wait until she is feeling better and continue on with relationship?
Say a girl you have been casually dating, but are really starting to like, comes down with a cold and you give her a call to see how she is doing. Through conversation you learn she would like some homemade chicken noodle soup, she knows you have a busy evening planned and that you aren't feeling well yourself, but you offer to make a pot of soup and bring some over for her.
You contact her the next day and she is still sick in bed, you let her know you made the soup and have some free time to drop it off. She is hesitant in conversation but finally says swing by and drop it off.
Now as you go to drop it off you realize that this will be the first time you are seeing her where she won't be at her best, she answers the door is very short in conversation and thanks you for dropping it off.
You leave and start to wonder, was that a smart thing to do?
Ladies of single peeps:
1) is it just a sweet gesture that makes you want to push the guy to the friend zone or does it build chemistry and give you something to brag about to your friends?
2) do you really want to see a guy you may be interested in while your sick?
3) let's say you received flowers from the same person the previous day, not because you were sick, but with a note so that you could enjoy the flowers before valentines day, is that too much too soon?
4) when do you let the guy know you really appreciated the thought and that the soup was unbelievable, if you did and it was?
Guys of single peeps:
1) do you bother doing it?
2) do you really want to see a girl you may be interested in while she's sick?
3) is how she reacts to this situation really important to building a relationship or do you wait until she is feeling better and continue on with relationship?
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Replies
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1. It's a beautiful gesture and I would be
all over the place
2. but NO, I do not want to see anyone when I'm sick!! So, I would make it kinda short and sweet too!
3. another lovely gesture. I love flowers. I'm thinking you like me ...... a lot
I don't beleive you should hold back if you like someone. Just make sure she likes you back!! IE dont get into a situation that you're the only one giving!!
4. I let him know when I've eaten it that evening and offer to make him dinner when I'm well again :bigsmile:0 -
1) is it just a sweet gesture that makes you want to push the guy to the friend zone or does it build chemistry and give you something to brag about to your friends?
It depends if I'm interested in the guy. If I'm into him it would definitely give me something to brag about.
2) do you really want to see a guy you may be interested in while your sick?
Generally speaking no, I prefer to be left alone when I'm sick - that being said, if I have a BF or something I love it when he makes gestures of taking care of me when I'm feeling ill.
3) let's say you received flowers from the same person the previous day, not because you were sick, but with a note so that you could enjoy the flowers before valentines day, is that too much too soon?
I don't like flowers and I make it pretty obvious early on. If I had told him I don't like flowers and he got them for me anyway I would probably be mildly annoyed - unless that was something special (like if they came in a green lantern vase, or were lime green or something, then I would think it's sweet)
4) when do you let the guy know you really appreciated the thought and that the soup was unbelievable, if you did and it was?
immediately. If I'm into him I would be super grateful. If I wasn't into him I would tell him not to bother, unless he coerced me into it, and then I would probably be very generic when expressing what feels like forced gratitude.0 -
1) is it just a sweet gesture that makes you want to push the guy to the friend zone or does it build chemistry and give you something to brag about to your friends?
** so very sweet. It would all depend on how I feel about you... If I do like you and am into the dating then yeah!! I'd be all over it.
2) do you really want to see a guy you may be interested in while your sick?
*** I personally wouldn't care... I'm not that superficial. If you are ok seeing me sick. Then I'm ok with it. You know what I look like on a normal day. Would YOU be ok with it?
3) let's say you received flowers from the same person the previous day, not because you were sick, but with a note so that you could enjoy the flowers before valentines day, is that too much too soon?
***Depends on the dynamic of the previous dates. I think it's very sweet and something I would swoon about.
I want to know where these kinda men are... Are they over 6'?... And can you send some to Georgia?
4) when do you let the guy know you really appreciated the thought and that the soup was unbelievable, if you did and it was?
***Depends on how terrible I feel. If its nasty of all nasty... Then it may
Not be til I'm on the mend. But if its just yuck... And I ate the soup, then it'd probably be soon after receiving and eating.
Look... Everyone is different. Different views different reactions.
My advice would be to be real about what you are looking for and how you feel. Be honest with the person you are into... Without freaking her out and over sharing.
But be smart. Don't let some chick drag you along. Be confident enough in who you are and what you have to offer her and a relationship. If someone isn't smart enough to see it- then move on. Plenty of fish in the sea!!!0 -
1) do you bother doing it? No, smothering women with those favors gives off a "subliminal" message that you are a pushover. Temporarily it may work it your favor, but it will eventually blow up in your face. Women love to see how far they can use men, even if they know it or not.
2) do you really want to see a girl you may be interested in while she's sick? Well I try and space out interaction, so her being sick would be a good excuse to create some healthy space. Now if it is a "terrible" sickness where she REALLY needs some help, then the situation is a bit different.
3) is how she reacts to this situation really important to building a relationship or do you wait until she is feeling better and continue on with relationship? Not sure what you mean, again you want to create healthy space.
I get the impression you AREN'T in an official relationship of any kind aside from just hanging out with her. Therefore exactly how are you continuing anything? You need to make a move quick if you want to be with this girl, and let her know your intentions. If you wait too long they get disinterested, and sometimes in some cases just see how much they can mess with you. If you haven't at this point made it clear you want to pursue this girl, in whatever style of relationship you want, then you need to make your move. Otherwise you will lose.
Also, you need to define "casually dating". What I mean by that is, you may think you are casually "dating", but if you haven't done anything physical, or made your intentions clear (and no I am not saying it has to be sexual) then she might not think you are "dating". Hence the friend zone.
Rule of thumb as well for the posts above me: What girls say != What girls do.0 -
I don't beleive you should hold back if you like someone. Just make sure she likes you back!! IE dont get into a situation that you're the only one giving!!
I agree with you on this. I left out the length of time dating so it would prompt some different responses.
On our last date we went to an event with some of her friends, and at the end of the night as we left she informed me that I passed the friend test with flying colors, but we haven't had the talk yet.0 -
If I wasn't into him I would tell him not to bother, unless he coerced me into it, and then I would probably be very generic when expressing what feels like forced gratitude.[/b]
Didn't think about the coercion angle, lol0 -
Thanks Zach! That's what I was looking for. After passing the friend test we spent the night together, she knows how I feel and what I'm looking for,
I've had to turn down plans with her because of having other plans.
What I meant in #3 is do you think it becomes expected or set the bar to high in the relationship, lol0 -
Thanks Zach! That's what I was looking for. After passing the friend test we spent the night together, she knows how I feel and what I'm looking for,
I've had to turn down plans with her because of having other plans.
What I meant in #3 is do you think it becomes expected or set the bar to high in the relationship, lol
Well then, you should be in the money. As far as setting the bar too high, it still can come back and bite you in the *kitten*. Don't get me wrong, nice things are nice every once in a while. However "smothering" will generally not help your cause. (I am not saying your particular situation is "smothering", however if you start bombarding her with flowers every week, and chicken noodle soup every other day that behavior WILL backfire.)
However, since intentions are clear you should be fine then. Just don't smother.0 -
If I wasn't into him I would tell him not to bother, unless he coerced me into it, and then I would probably be very generic when expressing what feels like forced gratitude.[/b]
Didn't think about the coercion angle, lol
There are definitely some guys who don't take no for an answer and push with the "But I WANT to do this, I WANT to take care of you" even after you've tried being polite. Be careful not to be that guy. If she says no, don't keep trying with the gestures.
I've got moments where I'd like to show you how much I'd use you - mind you, you'd be gagged the whole time.Women love to see how far they can use men, even if they know it or not.
Though you contradict yourself. First you say:Well I try and space out interaction, so her being sick would be a good excuse to create some healthy space.
But end withYou need to make a move quick if you want to be with this girl, and let her know your intentions. If you wait too long they get disinterested
So which is the real advice? I'll take your gag out so you can answer
:laugh: 0 -
If I wasn't into him I would tell him not to bother, unless he coerced me into it, and then I would probably be very generic when expressing what feels like forced gratitude.[/b]
Didn't think about the coercion angle, lol
There are definitely some guys who don't take no for an answer and push with the "But I WANT to do this, I WANT to take care of you" even after you've tried being polite. Be careful not to be that guy. If she says no, don't keep trying with the gestures.
I've got moments where I'd like to show you how much I'd use you - mind you, you'd be gagged the whole time.Women love to see how far they can use men, even if they know it or not.
Though you contradict yourself. First you say:Well I try and space out interaction, so her being sick would be a good excuse to create some healthy space.
But end withYou need to make a move quick if you want to be with this girl, and let her know your intentions. If you wait too long they get disinterested
So which is the real advice? I'll take your gag out so you can answer :laugh:
Healthy space meaning not being needy.
If we went on a date and I was aggressive enough to let you know I was interested, that is what I mean by making a move.
Healthy space then would be me not texting you every 5 minutes after said date and calling you my little pumpkin patch.
Get it now?0 -
What I meant in #3 is do you think it becomes expected or set the bar to high in the relationship, lol
I think if you do things when you want to based on her reactions to them you'll be fine. You send her flowers and she's stoked? Cool, make a note to sometimes send flowers. She won't be expecting them every day just because you sent them once. She was super grateful for the soup? Awesome. Next time she has a cold if you have the time, offer again. She didn't care for it? Next time just let her know you hope she feels better.
The trick is to do what you can within your means. If you want her around, you will try to meet her expectations - unless they are ludicrously high. In that case RUN AWAAAAAY!0 -
If I wasn't into him I would tell him not to bother, unless he coerced me into it, and then I would probably be very generic when expressing what feels like forced gratitude.[/b]
Didn't think about the coercion angle, lol
There are definitely some guys who don't take no for an answer and push with the "But I WANT to do this, I WANT to take care of you" even after you've tried being polite. Be careful not to be that guy. If she says no, don't keep trying with the gestures.
I've got moments where I'd like to show you how much I'd use you - mind you, you'd be gagged the whole time.Women love to see how far they can use men, even if they know it or not.
Though you contradict yourself. First you say:Well I try and space out interaction, so her being sick would be a good excuse to create some healthy space.
But end withYou need to make a move quick if you want to be with this girl, and let her know your intentions. If you wait too long they get disinterested
So which is the real advice? I'll take your gag out so you can answer :laugh:
Healthy space meaning not being needy.
If we went on a date and I was aggressive enough to let you know I was interested, that is what I mean by making a move.
Healthy space then would be me not texting you every 5 minutes after said date and calling you my little pumpkin patch.
Get it now?
That makes more sense now yes.
If a guy called me pumpkin patch I'd be concerned that I had started dating a serial killer :sick:0 -
.
The trick is to do what you can within your means. If you want her around, you will try to meet her expectations - unless they are ludicrously high. In that case RUN AWAAAAAY!
That's the part I need to learn how to manage better :noway:0 -
1) is it just a sweet gesture that makes you want to push the guy to the friend zone or does it build chemistry and give you something to brag about to your friends?
I wouldn't necessarily want to BRAG, but I would definitely be touched. I think it's extremely thoughtful. I'm used to doing everything for myself when I'm sick. I still go to work, to school, and do everything I'm supposed to. So if a guy went out of his way to do something like that for me... It would pique my interest.
2) do you really want to see a guy you may be interested in while your sick?
If he can't handle me when I'm sick... Then the thought of there being long term potential would kind of just vanish. The first week I was hanging out with the guy I'm with now, I got an upper respiratory infection, double ear infection and wound up with laryngitis. I looked like ****, felt like ****, and probably wasn't being so nice. But he stuck around and didn't mention once that I looked like a disaster. That's how I knew he would probably be a keeper.
3) let's say you received flowers from the same person the previous day, not because you were sick, but with a note so that you could enjoy the flowers before valentines day, is that too much too soon?
Irrelevant. I hate flowers. I think they're tacky and I always end up murdering them. The guy I'm dating will know I hate flowers and wouldn't have gotten them for me in the first place
4) when do you let the guy know you really appreciated the thought and that the soup was unbelievable, if you did and it was?
I'd probably call him later on or the next day to say again how sweet and thoughtful it was... Depending on my temperature, though. If I had a fever, I'd probably do it sooner :P0 -
1) is it just a sweet gesture that makes you want to push the guy to the friend zone or does it build chemistry and give you something to brag about to your friends?
Probably sweet gesture, but depends.... Someone I was seeing awhile ago left a bag of meds and little things on my doorstep when I had mentioned feeling bad. It was a little too much too soon. I almost re-friendzoned him (he had been taken off the bench). All was fine in the end.
2) do you really want to see a guy you may be interested in while your sick?
Yes.
3) let's say you received flowers from the same person the previous day, not because you were sick, but with a note so that you could enjoy the flowers before valentines day, is that too much too soon?
Depends on how long you've been seeing her. Haven't read down the thread yet if that is mentioned later (or missed in op)
4) when do you let the guy know you really appreciated the thought and that the soup was unbelievable, if you did and it was?
Next day. Regardless of it being appreciated or unbelievable.0 -
I would, though I'd probably make it worse with my bad cooking skills. :laugh:1) do you bother doing it?
Only if she wants to. I would let her know I'm thinking of her. I would reach out and send her a text, phone call, Skype, FB, etc etc wishing her a speedy recovery.2) do you really want to see a girl you may be interested in while she's sick?
Everyone reacts differently. If I got the vibe that she wanted to be left alone, I would respect that and not assume "Oh she hates me/friendzoned." because she didn't want to see or have me around. I'm used to dealing with family that have sickness and/or illness. Some become really grouchy and are a pain to deal with, others mellow out and are actually more social. I'm like Kitsune though in which when I am sick, I like to be left alone as well. Some people feel the same way, others like the attention.3) is how she reacts to this situation really important to building a relationship or do you wait until she is feeling better and continue on with relationship?0 -
1. It's a beautiful gesture and I would be all over the place
2. but NO, I do not want to see anyone when I'm sick!! So, I would make it kinda short and sweet too!
3. another lovely gesture. I love flowers. I'm thinking you like me ...... a lot I don't beleive you should hold back if you like someone. Just make sure she likes you back!! IE dont get into a situation that you're the only one giving!!
4. I let him know when I've eaten it that evening and offer to make him dinner when I'm well again :bigsmile:
Anna said it all for me I too would keep the actual interaction short and sweet, especially if I was feeling really grim, but would appreciate the gesture enormously. I moved halfway across the world for college (and stayed there), so I've done the 'being really ill, with no-one to care/notice/be helpful or concerned' thing a lot. While I generally don't want a lengthy conversation (and usually look as awful as I feel), feeling that someone cares enough to look after me, even a little bit, is a definite positive, and would earn the person major kudos. It might take me a day or even two, if I'm really sick, but you'd definitely be getting a thank you card when I'm well again, and probably a text/call that evening or the next day. Assuming I liked the guy (and it sounds like she's on that path), flowers would make my day/week/month. :flowerforyou: 0 -
I agree with Zack.
Usually when I do something nice like that in the early stages of dating it doesn't last very long after that. Not sure if it makes you seem desperate or a pushover or what, but speaking from experience it doesn't end the way you think it should end.
Women are confusing (yes, I'm talking to all of you). Men probably are too, maybe even more so. But women always say how they like to be pursued, but then when you finally catch them they spray you with mace. They always put the nice guy into the friend zone and go for the guys that treat them like dirt, and then complain about it. I'd shoot for somewhere in between, don't be a **** but don't be too nice.0 -
then when you finally catch them they spray you with mace.
I TOLD you I was sorry about that! You were dressed like Freddy Kreuger, what did you think I was gonna do? You don't have to keep rehashing it in public, geez.0 -
Women are confusing (yes, I'm talking to all of you).
I'm offended!
:laugh:Men probably are too, maybe even more so.
Yep! :bigsmile:But women always say how they like to be pursued, but then when you finally catch them they spray you with mace.
That was banned in England in the 90s!They always put the nice guy into the friend zone and go for the guys that treat them like dirt, and then complain about it.
That's not true. I've never been out with a guy that treats me like dirt. Nope! Noway bro!! :noway:I'd shoot for somewhere in between, don't be a **** but don't be too nice.
I dont know, this sounds like too much effort. Just be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are then she's not the one for you!!
Guys - most women LIKE kind and thoughtful gestures. All I would say is, for the sake of balance and so that resentment doesnt build and apathy doesnt set in, is make sure you're giving as much as you get!! Or getting as much as you give!! I've been a sucker for giving too much most of my life, and people will just naturally take advantage of that :brokenheart:
Yes, women are too 'nice' too!!!
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I dont know, this sounds like too much effort. Just be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are then she's not the one for you!!
BAM. This. 1000 times this.0 -
Guys of single peeps:
1) do you bother doing it?
2) do you really want to see a girl you may be interested in while she's sick?
3) is how she reacts to this situation really important to building a relationship or do you wait until she is feeling better and continue on with relationship?
Definitely not the smart thing to do here (hindsight is 20/20, so don't worry about it). She was hesitant from the start about seeing you when she's sick, which means she would have preferred to be left alone. Plus, early on in the relationship, she probably wants to look her best for you. This is nearly impossible if she's sick.
Plus, you run the risk of being "friend-zoned" if you are too kind to her early in the relationship. I would have sent a text wishing she gets better and that's it.
Keep us posted on one.0 -
I personally wouldn't be comfortable with a guy I'm just getting to know seeing me when Im icky sicky lol... Now I guy that I've been talking to did pick me up from the urgent care and take me to fill my prescription after I sprained my ankle and that was sweet...
The flowers on top of the soup would probably be to much... Klenex has the care package thing you can send in the mail and not have to see the person that would probably be the smartest move..... Personally I spend 95% of the time I'm sick asleep fighting off fevers so I would not be good company0 -
1) To me it would all depend on where I felt we had got to. If it had just been a couple of dates (ie hardly knew them) then maybe not. If was a bit more and there was clearly something forming between us then yeah would probably do something similar.
2) If your that interested in her then your likely to see her in all states anyway once your in a relationship.
3) Difficult to judge, depends on the person involved.
As for being friend zoned etc, i don't go in for the don't be too nice or whatever. Just be you, if you end up just friends fine. If you end up more then, its because you're you not because you're pretending to be someone else.0 -
1. If it was a girl I've only been on a few dates with I would not make her soup, I would pick her some up though.
2. I wouldn't expect her to sit and have a long conversation with me while she's sick.
3. I wouldn't think anything of it... maybe call later to see how she is.0 -
Homemade soup would probably scare me into the friend zone. It's a very thoughtful gesture, but considering you're only casually dating it's a too grand of a gesture. Especially since the flowers were given the day before. If she's too sick to leave the house, and has nobody to pick up soup for her, than takeout would be a safer alternative.
I don't mind a man seeing me when I'm sick, but I don't want the germs spread. If a man dropped off soup, I'd feel obligated to invite him in to hang out.
I would thank him right away, but follow it up later with a text thanking him again (I don't call when I'm sick).0 -
I agree with Zack.
Usually when I do something nice like that in the early stages of dating it doesn't last very long after that. Not sure if it makes you seem desperate or a pushover or what, but speaking from experience it doesn't end the way you think it should end.
Women are confusing (yes, I'm talking to all of you). Men probably are too, maybe even more so. But women always say how they like to be pursued, but then when you finally catch them they spray you with mace. They always put the nice guy into the friend zone and go for the guys that treat them like dirt, and then complain about it. I'd shoot for somewhere in between, don't be a **** but don't be too nice.
I have to agree with you! We are from the same general area and I am starting to wonder if it is just the women in our area that act this way, lol.0 -
I agree with Zack.
Usually when I do something nice like that in the early stages of dating it doesn't last very long after that. Not sure if it makes you seem desperate or a pushover or what, but speaking from experience it doesn't end the way you think it should end.
Women are confusing (yes, I'm talking to all of you). Men probably are too, maybe even more so. But women always say how they like to be pursued, but then when you finally catch them they spray you with mace. They always put the nice guy into the friend zone and go for the guys that treat them like dirt, and then complain about it. I'd shoot for somewhere in between, don't be a **** but don't be too nice.
I have to agree with you! We are from the same general area and I am starting to wonder if it is just the women in our area that act this way, lol.
Maybe it's the women you are choosing to date?0 -
Definitely not the smart thing to do here (hindsight is 20/20, so don't worry about it). She was hesitant from the start about seeing you when she's sick, which means she would have preferred to be left alone. Plus, early on in the relationship, she probably wants to look her best for you. This is nearly impossible if she's sick.
Plus, you run the risk of being "friend-zoned" if you are too kind to her early in the relationship. I would have sent a text wishing she gets better and that's it.
Keep us posted on one.
Yeah, hindsight is the reason I posted it.
I decided yesterday to let her be until I heard from her and she contacted me today. She is actually getting worse instead of better and was going into the Dr. office.0 -
Homemade soup would probably scare me into the friend zone. It's a very thoughtful gesture, but considering you're only casually dating it's a too grand of a gesture. Especially since the flowers were given the day before. If she's too sick to leave the house, and has nobody to pick up soup for her, than takeout would be a safer alternative.
The scenario you mention is exactly what happened, she was to sick to go out and my first thought was carry out. We have had a playful debate going on about who's better in the kitchen, and after we had talked it was more of a challenge to do it, than it was trying to be over the top nice.
But after I did it I was second guessing my decision.0
