Don't even know what to name this post...
ourmaybebe
Posts: 28 Member
I am exhausted... I am feeling like a failure of a mother. My daughter just turned 9 months and is a terrible sleeper thanks to e and my husband.
She can not put herself to sleep and co-sleeps and nurses to sleep or feeds on a bottle to sleep for every sleep cycle. She falls asleep in the car but even that is with a bottle sometimes.
I don't want to do cry it out but night after night of sleeping on my side(with a bad shoulder)so she can nurse all night or several times a night is starting to take its toll on me.
I know this is our fault for setting up these bad habits but I am lost as far as what to even do now...
I try putting her in her crib asleep and she wakes up. I try to sneak out of the bed while she is asleep to study/eat/shower/do anything and she usually wakes up.
I feel so guilty for feeling like this because I love her in a way words can't explain but I really wish I had set up better sleep habits for her. I hate the fact that when she is awake I am cleaning/cooking/working-out/and doing things that take time away from spending quality time with her.
I feel like such a failure as a mother/wife. The house is usually a mess and I can never do anything for the house or myself without my husband watching her becasue doing anything while she sleeps can't happen...
I would love to take care of my needs during her nap and bedtime but I can't because I can't get out of bed! I hat that I am taking so much time away from her during the day to to complete the day to day things that need to be done but I can't keep ignoring the needs of my husband or myself.
Does anyone have any tips for ANY of the issues I have listed? Thanks in advance if you do...
She can not put herself to sleep and co-sleeps and nurses to sleep or feeds on a bottle to sleep for every sleep cycle. She falls asleep in the car but even that is with a bottle sometimes.
I don't want to do cry it out but night after night of sleeping on my side(with a bad shoulder)so she can nurse all night or several times a night is starting to take its toll on me.
I know this is our fault for setting up these bad habits but I am lost as far as what to even do now...
I try putting her in her crib asleep and she wakes up. I try to sneak out of the bed while she is asleep to study/eat/shower/do anything and she usually wakes up.
I feel so guilty for feeling like this because I love her in a way words can't explain but I really wish I had set up better sleep habits for her. I hate the fact that when she is awake I am cleaning/cooking/working-out/and doing things that take time away from spending quality time with her.
I feel like such a failure as a mother/wife. The house is usually a mess and I can never do anything for the house or myself without my husband watching her becasue doing anything while she sleeps can't happen...
I would love to take care of my needs during her nap and bedtime but I can't because I can't get out of bed! I hat that I am taking so much time away from her during the day to to complete the day to day things that need to be done but I can't keep ignoring the needs of my husband or myself.
Does anyone have any tips for ANY of the issues I have listed? Thanks in advance if you do...
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Replies
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We have a 6 month old girl and she also does the same. She naps on me, sleeps on my side so can can nurse all night too, usually every 4 hours still. She is very clingy and i cant stand it. She has a 3 year old brother so he entertains her alot for me and they play so i can get things done. She will fall asleep on me and i put her in her crib or pack and play and she may sleep for 20 minutes and wake up. I dont have the time to hold her all day while she naps, so usually she ends up taking and bunch of cat naps all day which makes her very fussy and never really rested. At night, she falls asleep on me and i put her in her crib and she wakes up! so then i put her in my bed. I have researched and found "Sleep training." After they are 6 months, it is okay to let them "cry it out". it will have NO effect on them emotionally or long term. this is what i plan on doing here very soon because she has been sick. I dont want to sound like the mean mom but i want to teach her to fall asleep on her own, soothe herself, and be able to fall asleep on her own. My first child had no problem. Sleep all night in his crib at 3 months but my girl just wont do it. So just google sleep training and see what you find. i believe its the only way to break them of it, Good luck!0
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Thank you and good luck to you as well:-)0
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It's not too late it will just be rough. YOu don't have to CIO. You can try putting her in the crib and just soothing her without picking her up...or picking her up and putting her right back down. It might take a while, but it could work. I kind of started doing that with mine...he is only 11 weeks old. That was I am still there to comfort him, and I only put him in his crib when he is sleepy.0
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Honestly talk to your pediatrician and see what they say about help, but I hate to say it you may have to let her cry it out for awhile she is old enough to self soothe. I know it sounds horrible but its not I had to do that with my son for a few nights and now he is 9 and has great sleep habits I never had trouble with him sleeping even as a toddler. Hoping I won't have to do it with my daughter but I will to save my sanity. Definitely talk to your doctor and I would try not to hold her all the time or she will be extremely clingy.0
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I agree with Chicky- it's not too late. Read up on some sleep training blogs or books. Every parent and child is different. You just have to find a method you're comfortable with and stick to it. It's not easy but I'm sure your back and brain will appreciate it in the long run.
Good luck mama!0 -
I have the same concerns with my son who is now 5 months old. I know nurse in the rocking chair instead of the bed to force myself to put him back in his bassinet. I also have a two year old running around so I understanding the feelings you are having; it doesn't make you a bad mom - just a tired one.0
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Ugh. I've been there. My first was a challenge. With my second, I swamped the breast and nursing at night for a paci. It didn't cause issues with nursing at all, it just helped satisfy his need to suck. I also set up a bedtime routine and stuck to it for 2 weeks like it was gospel. Bath, lotion, jammies, lights out, nursing/rocking, then I would say, "I'm going to put you in your crib. It's going to feel so good" and I'd give him a snuggle and put him down. If he cried, I'd go in after 10 min and pick him up at the edge of his crib, rub his back, give him a hug and again say, "I'm going to put you in your crib.... it's going to feel so good."
Make sure to keep yourself calm and confident this entire time. I swear they can smell fear/stress on you.
Now even at nap time, I can just walk in to his room with him and give him a hug, whisper "I'm going to put your crib...." and he goes just fine.
It takes work and commitment. don't be afraid of the crying. You know they are safe. You reassure them that you love them with the back rub/snuggle.
Maybe set a timer for yourself so you don't rush back in there or worry that it's been too long.
Finally - you are not a bad mom. You are not a bad wife. Some babies have a hard time with self soothing. But it's a valuable skill. You're a good mom for teaching your baby how to do that.0 -
Good luck, Mama! I wish I could give you a magic cure but I got nothing. Just big hugs!0
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If you can spare numerous nights sleep you can comfort lo and put lo back down, then when lo cries just keep comforting and putting back down. Eventually lo will be too exhausted not to sleep longer. But so will you. So you will need help to pull it off. If LO knows you are just going to keep putting them back down they will learn to soothe themselves. Otherwise you will prolly have to try CIO.
I incorporate my LO in cleaning, working out, etc. There are tons of great exercises that incorporate a baby. LO's make a great weight. Feel free to message me if you want more ideas.0 -
Thanks ladies I am going to order a couple of books tomorrow. I tried for over an hour tonight to get her in the crib with no success. tomorrow will be better:-)0
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Check out no cry sleep solution.
I don't believe in CIO - a 6 mo old is not going to understand that you are leaving her alone in a room to cry because she needs to sleep. It's just going to freak her out and make her feel sad, scared, abandoned, etc (and make you feel like crap too listening to your baby scream for you).
Sleep was horrific with my daughter from 4 - 10 mo. We did a 1/2 crib sleep, 1/2 co-sleep. Finally put her in her crib for good at 10 mo. I would nurse her when she woke up and put her back down. I night weaned her at 12 mo and we would just give her the nuk when she woke up at night. She didn't sleep through the night until around 18ish months, but after that she hardly ever wakes up (unless she has a bad dream or falls out of bed). Getting her to actually go to sleep is a chore now - same bedtime routine which starts at 7pm but we are lucky to have her fall asleep before 9/930pm.
Anyway though we didn't have to let her CIO to get her to go to sleep finally. A lot of it is just finding other ways to comfort, being firm, consistent and realizing that trying something new isn't going to work over night.0
