Urgent, no link with weightloss problem !
SafiyaBWG
Posts: 119 Member
Hi everybody !
I feel like, because we are a community, I could be able to talk to you about a serious problem I have regarding my love life.
Here's the deal, I thought I was something like bi or pan... Not really certain if I was ready to label myself as anything, actually. Anyway, I was certain of one thing, I liked girls...
I recently met this great guy, and I fell for him really fast, but we didn't want to enter a relationship yet. So we were flirting, texting etc. But I began wondering why I could not see myself kissing him (like not in a 'you're-my-best-friend' way, see what I mean), but I could picture myself doing soooo much more with a (girl)friend of mine.
So, I was wondering, do you think I should risk being with this guy anyway and leading him on, or stop telling myself and him, that one day we'd be able to put a name in what we were, and clearly say what we mean to each other ?
I hope you read that seriously, and that you're thinking about it!
Thanks a lot
I feel like, because we are a community, I could be able to talk to you about a serious problem I have regarding my love life.
Here's the deal, I thought I was something like bi or pan... Not really certain if I was ready to label myself as anything, actually. Anyway, I was certain of one thing, I liked girls...
I recently met this great guy, and I fell for him really fast, but we didn't want to enter a relationship yet. So we were flirting, texting etc. But I began wondering why I could not see myself kissing him (like not in a 'you're-my-best-friend' way, see what I mean), but I could picture myself doing soooo much more with a (girl)friend of mine.
So, I was wondering, do you think I should risk being with this guy anyway and leading him on, or stop telling myself and him, that one day we'd be able to put a name in what we were, and clearly say what we mean to each other ?
I hope you read that seriously, and that you're thinking about it!
Thanks a lot
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Replies
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Sooo have you actually seen him recently, in person? Because I mean, honestly, physical attraction is not JUST about what bits the person has or doesn't have. People who identify as straight to not find ALL MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX sexually attractive. So, just ....meet up with him, have a date, if you're feeling it, go for it, if not say "hey I really like you and I think you're great but i'm just not feeling it, I am so sorry."
I know lots of people feel like they fit some particular sexuality strongly but plenty of us feel like we don't, and its really not a big deal. Have sex with the people you want to have sex with (safely please) and don't have sex with the people you don't.0 -
Thanks for giving me a quick answer, it feels good seeing this from another point of view !
I think we'll go and have a date as you suggested, and yeah, I'll see, thajks a lot anyway0 -
I think Tameko gave really sound advice.
I do understand your dilemma and your uncertainty. When I was younger, I dated some guys that I really cared for, and the flirting/excitement kind of masked the fact that I wasn't actually that attracted to them.
Dating can go sour no matter what your or the other person's sex, sexuality or gender is. There really is no way of knowing except by giving it a go and seeing if the chemistry takes off or doesn't. Starting something in no way obligates you to finish it. Just be honest with yourself and the others involved.
AND If you are only attracted to them after a few cocktails, by all means have fun, but don't expect it to last! :drinker:0 -
Yeah, what everyone else is saying.
You're 18, so I'm going to give you some pieces of advice that I wish someone had given me, or if they had, I wish that I had taken it to heart. It took a really long time for me to learn this:
1) Flirting, even if it's reciprocal and lasts for a long time, is not dating.
2) Going out on a date or three or five with someone does not mean that you are in a relationship.
3) Never go out on a first date with the mind set that "this is (or even could be) the one." You're just hanging out with someone you're attracted to.
4) Having sex with someone, even several times, does not necessarily mean that you're in a relationship.
There are too many people (including myself up until a couple years ago) who think that after the third date you should start calling yourselves a couple. This is not accurate. You are only in a relationship if the two of you have sat down and had a mutual adult conversation about it and have agreed that that label fits. Too many people want the label of "not single" but don't want to put in the work of an actual relationship. And it takes a lot of work. The sunshine and roses of the first few months eventually fades and what is left is just the dynamic between two people.
So, yeah, definitely go out with this guy. See where it leads. You're at a good place for it right now. If it doesn't work out, at the very least you could have a new friend.0 -
I agree with Tameko!0
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I think Kevin and Tameko give excellent advice.0
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Thanks a lot everyone, I take each and every single word to heart !
I'm glad you took the time to reply !
I'm gonna talk to him, even though we've already broached the subject, and see what happens, and I guess we'll go from there ! 0 -
Just take it easy and see what happens. Do what feels right & what makes you happy. Try not to over-think it & don't worry too much about labels. If you're interested in him then you're not leading him on. As long as you're true to yourself it will all come out in the wash.0
