Jealous of partner
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Bevkus
Posts: 274 Member
Does anyone feel the same?
Last year I weighed in at 225 lbs and found out I was diabetic at approximately this time of year. At the same time I had a major flare of rhuematoid arthritis that I didnt even know I had until that happened. This left me with some lingering problems with my nerves. However...I have lost over 30 lbs and have greatly improved my health. Woo hoo...sort of...
my slim GF decided she needed to lose weight too. Normally a person would like to have support but its weird and almost competitive. Everything I do, she does, and does it better. I start going to gym, so does she. I am a gimp physically because of some probs with my RA in my feet and I am sad I cant do things and work out intensely... yet there she is bragging about all these mins on the elipitcal or what have you and says condesending things like She cant walk on treadmill because its too boring. Sign up for yoga, so does she..I cant stand on one foot even...meanwhile shes like a pretzel
And of course, shes lost way more weight than me, percentage wise and more body fat.
Hooray for her!...but in all of her success it makes me feel that I have failed. Without trying very hard she looks great...and seems to throw it at me...LOL might be that she wants me to comment on how hot she looks as she satnds in front of me adjusting her clothes and checking her *kitten* out... But all I can think of these days is what a failure I am.
Yes, I know I have come along way, but It just doesnt seem like much as compared to my partner. I feel crappy about myself when I think of her success.
I have talked to her about it...she tells me I am being silly. I am sad...on a recent shopping trip she was treating herself big time to Ralph Lauren, Tommy, Guess etc stufff...and yea, I dont fit into that stuff and she knows it. I felt so sad...but there she was, piling on the clothes, I didnt buy anything. She ended up buying me suspenders to keep my pants up ( i had joked about my need for them...and well, careful what you joke about). I was and still am humiliated. I cant believe she bought me those. I feel so ugly and unsexy now...I have started dressing in the bathroom.
has anyone gone through something similar with there partner??
Last year I weighed in at 225 lbs and found out I was diabetic at approximately this time of year. At the same time I had a major flare of rhuematoid arthritis that I didnt even know I had until that happened. This left me with some lingering problems with my nerves. However...I have lost over 30 lbs and have greatly improved my health. Woo hoo...sort of...
my slim GF decided she needed to lose weight too. Normally a person would like to have support but its weird and almost competitive. Everything I do, she does, and does it better. I start going to gym, so does she. I am a gimp physically because of some probs with my RA in my feet and I am sad I cant do things and work out intensely... yet there she is bragging about all these mins on the elipitcal or what have you and says condesending things like She cant walk on treadmill because its too boring. Sign up for yoga, so does she..I cant stand on one foot even...meanwhile shes like a pretzel
And of course, shes lost way more weight than me, percentage wise and more body fat.
Hooray for her!...but in all of her success it makes me feel that I have failed. Without trying very hard she looks great...and seems to throw it at me...LOL might be that she wants me to comment on how hot she looks as she satnds in front of me adjusting her clothes and checking her *kitten* out... But all I can think of these days is what a failure I am.
Yes, I know I have come along way, but It just doesnt seem like much as compared to my partner. I feel crappy about myself when I think of her success.
I have talked to her about it...she tells me I am being silly. I am sad...on a recent shopping trip she was treating herself big time to Ralph Lauren, Tommy, Guess etc stufff...and yea, I dont fit into that stuff and she knows it. I felt so sad...but there she was, piling on the clothes, I didnt buy anything. She ended up buying me suspenders to keep my pants up ( i had joked about my need for them...and well, careful what you joke about). I was and still am humiliated. I cant believe she bought me those. I feel so ugly and unsexy now...I have started dressing in the bathroom.
has anyone gone through something similar with there partner??
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Replies
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I'm sorry you are going through this. She might be being a bit insensitive, and you might be being a bit sensitive. It's the way of things with weight I think, so many triggers!
Just keep being honest with her, tell her how it makes you feel when she does those things. But no matter how she reacts or brags, or succeeds, this is YOUR journey and you have to stay motivated for it. Even when triggered by super sexy girlfriend.
Remind yourself that your partner loves you for you, and loves you at your worst and best. And if she doesn't, then find someone who does
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I'm sorry you are going through this. She might be being a bit insensitive, and you might be being a bit sensitive. It's the way of things with weight I think, so many triggers!
Just keep being honest with her, tell her how it makes you feel when she does those things. But no matter how she reacts or brags, or succeeds, this is YOUR journey and you have to stay motivated for it. Even when triggered by super sexy girlfriend.
Remind yourself that your partner loves you for you, and loves you at your worst and best. And if she doesn't, then find someone who does
Agree
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My girlfriend is very thin, I'm overweight, she eats exactly what I do and never gains a pound. I feel your pain. She is very supportive though of my recent health kick. I think it might make sense to talk to her and tell her that you feel like you need to maybe work out on your own sometimes, that way you can focus on your goal. Working out with a partner can be annoying, as me and my girlfriend quickly found out. We used to run together, and of course she could run a marathon and I could barely jog half a mile. So we decided that we needed to do our own fitness things. She goes to a different gym than I do and it has worked out well. I would give that a try. And don't beat yourself up, everyone has different metabolisms.0
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That sounds familiar in some ways. My goal would just be to wear the size of clothes my partner wears! He doesn't want to share, though :P I think that's because his clothes are nicer than mine...lol. Is she the type who usually dresses up more? She may not realise that you actually want to step out of your practical shell and get gussied up, too!
The one thing that stands out in your story is that some of her bragging around physical activity sounds a bit insensitive given your physical limitations. I think that working out separately may be a good idea, and reminding her that you would kick her @ss on the treadmill if you could.
Keep up the amazing work! 35 lbs is no small feat!0 -
I'm currently on the other side of this conundrum. It's possible she's being insensitive and self-centered, OR she might be proud of what she's accomplished and thinking her successes will inspire you.
You mention exercise, but how are your eating habits? One thing I keep telling my girlfriend, who has trouble sticking to a workout routine due to a crazy work schedule, is that weight loss comes mostly from diet. Worry more about what you're eating than whether you can twist yourself up like a pretzel. Recognize that your fitness goals are very different from your girlfriend's and stop comparing your abilities to hers.
Also make sure you talk to your girlfriend about your challenges and how inferior she makes you feel. I tend to forget that it's not as easy for my girlfriend, who struggles with depression, to go work out every day like I do. Or that the things that energize and inspire me, like seeing someone else who's incredibly fit, fill her with negativity and self-criticism. She may need to re-program her way of thinking to say and do things that will encourage you and not make you feel like a failure.0 -
Sorry to hear you're feeling so down about the situation. I think it's important to remember, as others have said, that everybody's goals are different AND that our bodies are different and will respond differently to different types of exercise. I can run for days; my partner hates running. I've been doing body weight exercises for months and months and still have little chicken arms; my partner can look sideways at a dumbbell and suddenly her biceps are a gun show, lol. I may be taller and have a lower weight than her, but she's got more lean, muscular body mass than I could ever dream of achieving!
While I do think that we can push each other a bit (we're both competitive by nature), if we really "competed" all the time we'd always be disappointed about not achieving what the other can, while failing to recognize our own successes and strengths! It's important to focus on our own goals and accomplishments It's also important that you BOTH feel free to celebrate things that make you proud, and that you can cheer each other on. Real competitiveness (or worse, jealousy) is probably a recipe for a lot of hard feelings 
It's great that you're doing some of your activities together, but don't always feel like you need to so the same things. Find things that you enjoy and that will help you achieve your own goals. She may want to try them too, probably because you've inspired her or because she wants to spend the time with you! You can also support each other with your eating. Make meal planning, prep and cooking a family affair - something you do together 0 -
Hey thanks everyone!
Nice to know I am not alone. Some good advice too!!0 -
My daughter sounds somewhat like you. She is incredible hot, with gorgeous long dark hair and she works out 5 days a week. She's quite careful about her diet and has ZERO self esteem. Her fiancee' is naturally very thin and athletic despite her horrible diet, smoking and complete lack of exercise.
As I said, my daughter is in great shape and is extremely attractive (not just mom's opinion), but she is always comparing herself to others and putting herself down. She especially compares herself to her gf and gets so angry because she "doesn't do anything" and looks so great.
She and I spend a lot of time together (talking while we work out) at the gym and I think she's making progress with her body image, but it's not easy to change the way a person sees herself. Her gf doesn't understand why my daughter gets angry/hurt when she makes seemingly innocent comments about how "easy" it is for her to look good and stay slim.
Please don't compare yourself to your partner. You are an individual and are beautiful as an individual. I'm sure your partner is proud of herself AND of you. The fact that's it easier for her doesn't diminish your progress.
You're going great! Keep up the great work!!0
