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Moe4572
Posts: 1,430 Member
Okay, so most of you know I have been seeing a guy since mid January, and our issue is due to time restraints for both of us, we only see each other once a week. For me, this is not enough...........I don't think we are getting anywhere, and don't know how he feels.
Let me say that the time restraints are: Mon and Wed I have school, Thurs, meeting, he has daughter Fr, Sat, Sun. so we meet on Tuesdays and I could change Thursdy to make time for him and I think he is available Sun. night after he drops daughter off.
Opinion-does it make sense to ask to see him more, or is that going to make him go screaming in the other direction? In other words, do you think if he wanted to see me more he would have brought it up? Or maybe he doesn't realize it is an option?
The reason I am looking for advice is that I have 2 others that I have been talking to that want to meet, and don't know if I should stay with this one or meet the others, maybe let this one go as not sure is going anywhere or stay with this and meet (not really my style)
Sounds silly when I write it all down, but it actually is very confusing for me................
Let me say that the time restraints are: Mon and Wed I have school, Thurs, meeting, he has daughter Fr, Sat, Sun. so we meet on Tuesdays and I could change Thursdy to make time for him and I think he is available Sun. night after he drops daughter off.
Opinion-does it make sense to ask to see him more, or is that going to make him go screaming in the other direction? In other words, do you think if he wanted to see me more he would have brought it up? Or maybe he doesn't realize it is an option?
The reason I am looking for advice is that I have 2 others that I have been talking to that want to meet, and don't know if I should stay with this one or meet the others, maybe let this one go as not sure is going anywhere or stay with this and meet (not really my style)
Sounds silly when I write it all down, but it actually is very confusing for me................
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Replies
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If you like him and he likes you, you should see each other more! I would just say something along the lines of, "I like what we have so far, but I wish we could see each other more so we could get to know each other better."
ETA - he could meet up with you for a drink after school, you could attend his child's sporting events and just sit in the crowd with him (you don't necessarily need to be introduced to the daughter), you could meet up for breakfast before work one morning, you could invite him to the gym with you, etc.0 -
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If it's concerning you then it is time to say something. His reaction will be a good indicator of where he sees things going in the future. Probably better to know sooner than later if this schedule isn't meeting your needs.0
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If you like him and he likes you, you should see each other more! I would just say something along the lines of, "I like what we have so far, but I wish we could see each other more so we could get to know each other better."
ETA - he could meet up with you for a drink after school, you could attend his child's sporting events and just sit in the crowd with him (you don't necessarily need to be introduced to the daughter), you could meet up for breakfast before work one morning, you could invite him to the gym with you, etc.
Thanks for ideas, but I don't get out of school until 9:30 --he is in bed because he gets up at 4;30, his child doesn't do sports, and he leaves for work before 6...and lives 40 min. away from me, so breakfast won't work, and we go to different gyms
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If it's concerning you then it is time to say something. His reaction will be a good indicator of where he sees things going in the future. Probably better to know sooner than later if this schedule isn't meeting your needs.
On a slightly more helpful note, I agree with this. It is a good conversation starter. It might be that he can't really commit to more weekly time at this point but that he is still committed to pursuing the relationship. I guess you'd have to figure out whether or not that works for you.0 -
If you like him and he likes you, you should see each other more! I would just say something along the lines of, "I like what we have so far, but I wish we could see each other more so we could get to know each other better."
ETA - he could meet up with you for a drink after school, you could attend his child's sporting events and just sit in the crowd with him (you don't necessarily need to be introduced to the daughter), you could meet up for breakfast before work one morning, you could invite him to the gym with you, etc.
Thanks for ideas, but I don't get out of school until 9:30 --he is in bed because he gets up at 4;30, his child doesn't do sports, and he leaves for work before 6...and lives 40 min. away from me, so breakfast won't work, and we go to different gyms
Damn that is like the worst schedule ever. Can I ask how you guys met then? Sounds like you live far apart and are quite busy! 0 -
Damn that is like the worst schedule ever. Can I ask how you guys met then? Sounds like you live far apart and are quite busy!
A mutual friend set us up....she said check out his facebook page from mine....if you are interested, let me know....so I did, I was, and during winter break from school I went on cruise and returned to fb friend request, we emailed through fb for a week or so and then decided to meet, and have seen each other once a week since with the exception of one week he had to cancel due to his daughters mom being in the hospital.0 -
Damn that is like the worst schedule ever. Can I ask how you guys met then? Sounds like you live far apart and are quite busy!
A mutual friend set us up....she said check out his facebook page from mine....if you are interested, let me know....so I did, I was, and during winter break from school I went on cruise and returned to fb friend request, we emailed through fb for a week or so and then decided to meet, and have seen each other once a week since with the exception of one week he had to cancel due to his daughters mom being in the hospital.
Ah.
The fact that you both really struggle for times makes me think you should go out with those other men and at least see what is out there!0 -
Talk to him about it. If he want a more committed relationship he's not gonna be freaked out. If he doesn't, he'll back off. Either way you'll be more clear. Ask him if making more time in your schedule for him is something you should be considering (and vice versa).0
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If it's concerning you then it is time to say something. His reaction will be a good indicator of where he sees things going in the future. Probably better to know sooner than later if this schedule isn't meeting your needs.
I'd go with this.
Time may be an issue early on, but if he's someone worth being with go for it.0 -
If it's concerning you then it is time to say something. His reaction will be a good indicator of where he sees things going in the future. Probably better to know sooner than later if this schedule isn't meeting your needs.
I'd go with this.
Time may be an issue early on, but if he's someone worth being with go for it.
Agree 100%0 -
I understand why you're hesitant to say anything and scare him off, but if you don't- resentment builds? I know if I were sitting around trying to read his mind, and wanting him to bring up seeing me more, but hadn't- I'd be grumpy as hell. So then you're left with this guy you see once a week,uncertainty, and maybe some bitterness. Say something : )
Edit: I never re-read before I post, so many grammar problems.0 -
I had the same conversation with my bf at around 5 weeks of dating. We were seeing each other once a week on average (sometimes 2) due to his flying schedule. At the time, he was on call 9 days and off for 3. On those 9 days, he could get called to fly any time of day or night an he has to be ready to fly. So he's home 24/7 when he's on call. Well apparently, he was concerned about seeing me (by me coming over) and then him being called out soon after. We talked about it and cleared it up.
I think you should bring it up. You will definitely see his intentions. It's been a month an though it's not long, he at least knows if he wants to continue to get to know you on a deeper level and that only happens by spending time together.
Do y'all talk a lot on phone? Bf isn't too big into phone and I think this also made me feel like we werent where I wanted to be at 5 weeks. he's a regular caller (although we can go a day or 2 w/o talking) but we don't talk long.0 -
I did it!
I finally asked last night if we were ever going to move past seeeing each other once a week/
Him: Well, that is all our schedules are allowing for a the moment?
Me: But, well, is this "going" anywhere?
Him: I wasn't really thinking of it like that......more just having fun ......hanging out....ya know?
I said...Yeah.......that is pretty much what I needed to know. Wasn't awkward or weird after that, so will still see him, but feel free to meet others as well (which I wasn't doing before). And, texted him this morning and he texted back with nothing different.
So, I think he sees as us "friend with benefits" however, benefits are limited--won't have sex with someone without the relationship-that won't work for me. And, he hasn't gone there yet--so cross that bridge if/when we come to it !
Thanks, all for advice!0 -
Well done Moe. At least you now know where you stand. If more people just communicated with each other there would be far less disappointment in the world :flowerforyou:0
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I did it!
I finally asked last night if we were ever going to move past seeeing each other once a week/
Him: Well, that is all our schedules are allowing for a the moment?
Me: But, well, is this "going" anywhere?
Him: I wasn't really thinking of it like that......more just having fun ......hanging out....ya know?
I said...Yeah.......that is pretty much what I needed to know. Wasn't awkward or weird after that, so will still see him, but feel free to meet others as well (which I wasn't doing before). And, texted him this morning and he texted back with nothing different.
So, I think he sees as us "friend with benefits" however, benefits are limited--won't have sex with someone without the relationship-that won't work for me. And, he hasn't gone there yet--so cross that bridge if/when we come to it !
Thanks, all for advice!
So glad that you asked the question even though it wasn't necessarily the answer you wanted. But major kudos for taking the bull by the horns and not just sitting back wondering where it was going. :flowerforyou: I don't know if I could've done it!!0 -
Well done Moe. At least you now know where you stand. If more people just communicated with each other there would be far less disappointment in the world :flowerforyou:
Ditto.
I'd just keep on seeing other people and as you said, cross that bridge when it comes. There will either come a time when he realizes what he has in you and ask for more time....or he'll just go on his way (and probably try to come back later). lol Either way, it won't be a surprise.
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is there a reason you can't meet these other guys? are u exclusive with guy #1?
if you're just dating casually i see no problem meeting other people. why cut out all your options?0 -
is there a reason you can't meet these other guys? are u exclusive with guy #1?
if you're just dating casually i see no problem meeting other people. why cut out all your options?
No reason now...I will be meeting others.......0 -
I think you played that perfectly.0
