That's so tough. My son can get into those phases and the best response I have found is to just send him to his room for an established amount of time. He's 13 now, so sometimes it's for an entire afternoon if he's not able to get it together. I don't know if it actually works, but it does separate him away so that everyone can calm down. He's an epic arguer, so getting him off by himself helps immensely in the thinking-clearly and stress departments. For repeat transgressions, we've used writing standards that are a positive statement, such as, "I will tell the truth because lying will always get me in trouble." Again, this is a punishment designed to keep him busy and away from arguing longer. This also gives him control in how long his punishment will last. If he plays in his room or whatever, that's fine, but he doesn't get his DS back or his TV or watching movies with the family, and sometimes when its a mega-tantrum, he can't even have the same meals as us (my son is very food focused). So instead of what we're having, he'll have some sandwiches. Messing with his meals tends to motivate him the most. Usually having everything else in his life stop until the task he's been given (homework, chore, etc) is complete often works. But, unfortunately, not always.

I have yet to figure out how to control behavior when he's at school. I don't hear about it until after the fact, of course, so even if I punish him at home, it doesn't stop the next incident. Sometimes he had a teacher who was firm enough and, with our permission, would restrict him from fun activities and/or remove him from the class when he was acting up. But, for my son, this only worked if the teacher was firm and consistent. A few times running into that brick wall had my son recognizing his boundaries. Overly sweet and wishy-washy teachers were a promise of a year of problems and phone calls. Sometimes just letting the teacher know it was ok to be firm and consistent was all it took for them to be so. But, again, unfortunately, not always. Sorry I couldn't be more help.