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A friend of mine has issues lol

jenbit
jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
in Social Groups
So a male friend of mine has girl issues (shocking I know). I decided to get everyones take on his issue since he doesn't like my opinion on the situation very much lol...


So he likes this girl, he expressed interest to her and she said she doesnt see him like that but if it happens its meant to be.... They were at dennys and they prayed over dinner and she said Thank you for my friend ______ (insert his name here) ... Then he asked her if it would be wrong of him to be interested in her and she said no....We were at a bonfire this weekend (it actually got to the 40's down here) and she kept wandering away from us and complaining .Her body language was not what we would refer to as welcoming.

He also does alot of things for her, he is helping her rebuild a car and takes her alot of places. She also can't stand me cause he and I hang out alot..

Now my take is she friend zoned him hard core but keeps giving him little breadcrumbs of hope to keep him around and doing stuff for her.

What do you guys think ?
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Replies

  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
    ...she said she doesnt see him like that ...
    Enough said. Next!
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    ...she said she doesnt see him like that ...
    Enough said. Next!

    This... as well as the fact she gives him 'breadcumbs of hope'
    Sounds like he needs to move on, when she sees she lost him, she may ask for that chance...otherwise he is wasting his time.
  • wharmychippy
    wharmychippy Posts: 40
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    I told him she is just friend zoning him and that he needs to distance himself. Sad part is he is an awesome guy
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I really wouldn't call those breadcrumbs of hope IMO.

    "Meant to be" sounds like she means that she wishes he would just stop pursuing her and let things run their natural course, which to her is to nothing. The praying thing isn't a big deal to me as I think typically you pray for people at the table.
    I'm not religious but I've had dinner with people who are and they'll say a prayer for me too. As for the "understand" comment I could see it taken out of context, like "I understand if you like me, and it wouldn't be wrong...but I don't like you like that."

    Maybe she is saying/doing that stuff to be polite and not rude to him. I've had a situation where I had a guy ask me out but wouldn't take no for an answer and because of that, eventually I had to start being extremely rude to him.

    My advice to your friend - back off. You can be her friend but draw the line somewhere as to what a friend can do and not do.
    For example with the car thing...I might ask a friend "hey I don't know how to put washer fluid in my car can you help?" and they could help but your friend shouldn't ask you "hey can you replace my engine for free?" There's a line. And he should realize there are many other women out there that might like him and stop drooling over one girl who probably isn't that cool either.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    I think she's told him she sees him as a friend (this will help her conscience) but leaves the door open so that she can string him along to kepp getting what she wants.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Hahahahahhaa love that. So true.

    "Well damn lets see. I fixed her car, cleaned her windows, that should at least be enough for a BJ right? Or if I maybe put in two hours of plowing her driveway I could get sex. Reward now or later?"
  • Moe4572
    Moe4572 Posts: 1,428 Member
    I think she's told him she sees him as a friend (this will help her conscience) but leaves the door open so that she can string him along to kepp getting what she wants.

    Agree with this take
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    this might be the quote of the day. :laugh:
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Hahahahahhaa love that. So true.

    "Well damn lets see. I fixed her car, cleaned her windows, that should at least be enough for a BJ right? Or if I maybe put in two hours of plowing her driveway I could get sex. Reward now or later?"

    Normally I agree but this guy is one of those LTR deals ... Hes only had 2 gf and one of those was his wife (they were together 10yrs) he has repeatidly told me that he wants a relationship with a girl and can wait until he is in one before he has sex. Like I said awesome guy.....

    Oh and he is placing an engine in a car for her and rebuilding the body interior and exterior
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    They were at dennys and they prayed over dinner

    I pretty much stopped reading here. I come to these forums for entertainment, and that is about as good as it's going to get.
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    But then I read that. Well done.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    Your friend isn't going to listen to anyone, including the girl that has openly said she doesn't see it that way. Let it run its course.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    They were at dennys and they prayed over dinner

    I pretty much stopped reading here. I come to these forums for entertainment, and that is about as good as it's going to get.
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    But then I read that. Well done.

    I know I giggled typing it and almost hurt myself keeping a straight face when he told me ........
  • wharmychippy
    wharmychippy Posts: 40
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Hahahahahhaa love that. So true.

    "Well damn lets see. I fixed her car, cleaned her windows, that should at least be enough for a BJ right? Or if I maybe put in two hours of plowing her driveway I could get sex. Reward now or later?"

    Yep. Then step 2 is blaming everything except themselves when it does not work out. "I H8 ALL GURLZ. Why don't women want me!!!!! I AM SUCH A NICE GUY"

    If your only redeemable quality is being a nice guy then you might need to take a step back and reevaluate yourself.


    If they focused 1/2 this energy into improving themselves in some way. Like maybe focusing on some sort of hobby or something... Just anything to help boost their sense of self-worth.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Hahahahahhaa love that. So true.

    "Well damn lets see. I fixed her car, cleaned her windows, that should at least be enough for a BJ right? Or if I maybe put in two hours of plowing her driveway I could get sex. Reward now or later?"

    Yep. Then step 2 is blaming everything except themselves when it does not work out. "I H8 ALL GURLZ. Why don't women want me!!!!! I AM SUCH A NICE GUY"

    If your only redeemable quality is being a nice guy then you might need to take a step back and reevaluate yourself.


    If they focused 1/2 this energy into improving themselves in some way. Like maybe focusing on some sort of hobby or something... Just anything to help boost their sense of self-worth.

    I can relate to this personally... I was him, it's all about raising your self worth and knowing you deserve better.. feels so much better!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Hahahahahhaa love that. So true.

    "Well damn lets see. I fixed her car, cleaned her windows, that should at least be enough for a BJ right? Or if I maybe put in two hours of plowing her driveway I could get sex. Reward now or later?"

    Normally I agree but this guy is one of those LTR deals ... Hes only had 2 gf and one of those was his wife (they were together 10yrs) he has repeatidly told me that he wants a relationship with a girl and can wait until he is in one before he has sex. Like I said awesome guy.....

    Oh and he is placing an engine in a car for her and rebuilding the body interior and exterior

    For free???

    I'm sorry but some people are massive suckers...
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Oh god I love this!
  • wharmychippy
    wharmychippy Posts: 40
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Hahahahahhaa love that. So true.

    "Well damn lets see. I fixed her car, cleaned her windows, that should at least be enough for a BJ right? Or if I maybe put in two hours of plowing her driveway I could get sex. Reward now or later?"

    Yep. Then step 2 is blaming everything except themselves when it does not work out. "I H8 ALL GURLZ. Why don't women want me!!!!! I AM SUCH A NICE GUY"

    If your only redeemable quality is being a nice guy then you might need to take a step back and reevaluate yourself.


    If they focused 1/2 this energy into improving themselves in some way. Like maybe focusing on some sort of hobby or something... Just anything to help boost their sense of self-worth.

    I can relate to this personally... I was him, it's all about raising your self worth and knowing you deserve better.. feels so much better!
    Yeah you need to learn to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    Hahahahahhaa love that. So true.

    "Well damn lets see. I fixed her car, cleaned her windows, that should at least be enough for a BJ right? Or if I maybe put in two hours of plowing her driveway I could get sex. Reward now or later?"

    Normally I agree but this guy is one of those LTR deals ... Hes only had 2 gf and one of those was his wife (they were together 10yrs) he has repeatidly told me that he wants a relationship with a girl and can wait until he is in one before he has sex. Like I said awesome guy.....

    Oh and he is placing an engine in a car for her and rebuilding the body interior and exterior

    For free???

    I'm sorry but some people are massive suckers...

    For free.. He is even helping her pick the body of the car... I told him straight up that she wont tell him flat out there is no cause he is building her a car for fuk sakes
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,923 Member
    Your poor friend. You are right here. He's being a sucker for doing so much nice stuff for her. Friendship is a give or take, she's using him because she knows he likes her.

    Oh and the vending machine theory - I'm using that the next time my guys friends do something stupid for a girl, thanks! Welcome to Single Peeps by the way!
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    He should probably move on. Too many guys think girls are vending machines where you put in kind gestures and out pops sex.

    LMFAO!!!

    Back on track....

    He is definitely friend zoned and she has not been as forthcoming about telling him as she should. He also sounds like a really nice guy that just doesn't want to see the truth. She's using him in the capacity of a boyfriend, but only when it suits her needs. He needs to take a step back and see how selfish she is being and how unbalanced that relationship is. He gives, she takes. But, in a strictly platonic way. There is no romance to any of it. If I were him, I'd start to distance myself from her. Start declining invites for dinner. Become slower to respond to texts/calls. Tell her that he can't help fix some things. He can still help, but he needs to be less available. She may realize she has feelings for him, or she may move on to another man for help. Either way he'll find out what her true intentions were.
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    Tell him that if he services your car too, you will put in a good word for him with that girl.

    I'm sure that if the girl not only thinks he is a "nice guy" because he serviced her car, but also hears it from several different sources then clearly she will see the light.
    If that was me, I'd actually do that for real, to see what he replies.

    But who knows... maybe there will be a happy ending to this story after all and we're just a bunch of bitter critters.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    He needs to ask her straight out on a date, not a friend date, if she says no then he should start distancing himself now or be resigned to being in the friendzone for life.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    I know lol he has been friends zoned. I even told him that I was going to bring this issue to an impartial group of people who didn't know him and get their opinions (yes that would be ya'll lol)
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    Thank you for my friend ______ (insert his name here)
    He also does alot of things for her, he is helping her rebuild a car and takes her alot of places. She also can't stand me cause he and I hang out alot..

    These points alone pretty much solidify your argument.

    If she was interested in him, he wouldn't need to do **** for her and he would know.

    If he feels like he needs to do things to earn her approval, he must subconsciously believe he hasn't earned her approval.

    However this is probably more his fault than hers, (although I think she is ridiculous for stringing him along) but in fairness he apparently believes that "doing favors" is a form of investment, when it is a gift.

    What I mean by that is, sometimes men (inb4 kit) think doing favors for women is a way to "buy their approval/love" (yes it is stupid). So it looks like one of those typical cases. He of course will deny it left and right. This is to be expected.

    Basically you can "buy all the breadcrumbs" you want, but eventually she will find someone else to satisfy her needs.

    Not worded the best, but hopefully my message came across.

    EDIT: And yes I didn't read the other responses, seems as if everyone is in agreement.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    Thank you for my friend ______ (insert his name here)
    He also does alot of things for her, he is helping her rebuild a car and takes her alot of places. She also can't stand me cause he and I hang out alot..

    These points alone pretty much solidify your argument.

    If she was interested in him, he wouldn't need to do **** for her and he would know.

    If he feels like he needs to do things to earn her approval, he must subconsciously believe he hasn't earned her approval.

    However this is probably more his fault than hers, (although I think she is ridiculous for stringing him along) but in fairness he apparently believes that "doing favors" is a form of investment, when it is a gift.

    What I mean by that is, sometimes men (inb4 kit) think doing favors for women is a way to "buy their approval/love" (yes it is stupid). So it looks like one of those typical cases. He of course will deny it left and right. This is to be expected.

    Basically you can "buy all the breadcrumbs" you want, but eventually she will find someone else to satisfy her needs.

    Not worded the best, but hopefully my message came across.

    EDIT: And yes I didn't read the other responses, seems as if everyone is in agreement.

    Yea and when was the last time we all agreed on something... I think I may have just triggered the end of the world lol
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    Yea and when was the last time we all agreed on something... I think I may have just triggered the end of the world lol

    Put your heads between your knees and kiss your as[url]ses goodbye....

    Thanks Jen... :frown:[/url]
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
    Yea and when was the last time we all agreed on something... I think I may have just triggered the end of the world lol

    Put your heads between your knees and kiss your as[url]ses goodbye....

    Thanks Jen... :frown:
    [/url]

    If the world is about to end, I'd rather have someone else's head between my knees
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    Yea and when was the last time we all agreed on something... I think I may have just triggered the end of the world lol

    Put your heads between your knees and kiss your as[url]ses goodbye....

    Thanks Jen... :frown:
    [/url]

    If the world is about to end, I'd rather have someone else's head between my knees

    Eh, good point....but, I couldn't let a good Airplane quote go to waste...
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member

    What I mean by that is, sometimes men (inb4 kit)

    It's cool, you already added the "sometimes" disclaimer. My problem would be if you had said "men ALWAYS" or something like that.

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