When you are weak or overweight or not feeling good...you don't want to be noticed..and judged or made fun of. But being invisible is an awful feeling as well, particularly if you feel you are making an effort and it is unappreciated or not noticed.

I think you are lucky to either have come further on your "journey" than this woman, or maybe you have always had more confidence and less fear. Regardless, shame is a big factor for people...and while I know that some things sound like excuses (and they are), there is a reason (usually emotional) that people don't do or want to do what they know they should. I am not sure that judging their behaviour is really very fair.

People in general do not want to be put in places they feel uncomfortable. It is hard enough for most women to go to the free weight area of a gym much less someone that will stick out because they are not the normal person in that area of the gym. I know when I first started working out doing cardio I would usually use the cardio cinema because it was dark in there and I didn't think anyone would be paying attention to me.

I think it's a form of stage fright because I know super skinny people who want to lift but won't go to the gym because they don't want people watching them. I don't have "stage fright" at all if I know what I'm doing, and I'm an experienced lifter now, so I don't care about that sort of thing, but I can imagine I would've felt the same way in the beginning. I have a garage gym set-up at home, so I'm pretty much always alone when I train, but sometimes it would be fun to be PRing in a public gym so I could high-five a stranger after pulling a huge deadlift.

It's probably because I have been fat before, but when I notice overweight people working out or doing something that indicates that they care about their health, I want to stop and congratulate them. I saw a very obese guy today walk out of a store to his truck, which was parked all the way at the back of a huge parking lot. He could've parked much, much closer to the door, but I took it that he was trying to get some exercise, and I thought "Good for him."

I'm the same way! When I see people running I want to say nice, encouraging things to them but I always chicken out because I don't know how they'll take it, haha!

It's probably because I have been fat before, but when I notice overweight people working out or doing something that indicates that they care about their health, I want to stop and congratulate them. I saw a very obese guy today walk out of a store to his truck, which was parked all the way at the back of a huge parking lot. He could've parked much, much closer to the door, but I took it that he was trying to get some exercise, and I thought "Good for him."

I'm the same way! When I see people running I want to say nice, encouraging things to them but I always chicken out because I don't know how they'll take it, haha!

I do too! Becuase I have also been there.
In our gym (goodlife) we have alot of before/after pictures around the gym but these aren't people in our gym or even in our city.
I had recommended to them to put up success stories of the members of the gym, so people can see first hand the success, I even offered myself and heard nothing back.

I just think for alot of people, they may see 'fit' people and think 'must be nice' (haha I was like that) but they have NO IDEA that I came from where they are. Just would be nice for them to see the success stories of what will come from their hard work.

Dani, I don't see my observation as a judgement on their behavior. I really was just observing the irony. There is such a feeling of I want to be noticed. When there is a chance, there is fear that can be paralyzing. I've been there before and to some extent, I still am.

From my personal experience, I'd say my confidence is lower now than it was when I started. Back then I knew I was fat. I didn't realize I was THAT fat. I never thought I looked that bad. If I lost about 30 pounds I'd be fine. I'm just naturally big. I see those pictures now and it makes me question how much I can trust my judgement in my own appearance. I still find myself saying, I look decent for my age. I have a lot of muscle. I will never conform to the BMI charts (which I won't). If I lose another 20-30 pounds along with the weights I'll look really good. I really have no idea how others see me though. People told me I was just big back then and people will tell me I look good now. No one wants to be seen as the jerk who said you're fat and delusional.

Ah.. I see. Sorry for misinterpreting what you were meaning. Kinda cute you called me Dani. Very few get away with that. You may.

I have never really hated my body as much as society and my mother probably thought I should. I always knew I had to lose weight, but never really realized how very much until I would see myself in pictures. This flip flops now for me. Some days I feel as big as I did when I weighed 70 lbs more, and other days I realize I am now a much smaller size. I still need to lose about 70 lbs probably..but because I have a lot of muscle and do not have a small frame I can hide it in clothing relatively well.

Not only do I lift weights, but I do it in the guy section on purpose. It pushes me both physically and socially. They have much better form and exercises for me to copy than the women, and to be honest I really enjoy having someone in a room lifting something heavier than me and not wearing head to toe Lululemon (but I digress).


When I was younger I was actually painfully shy in some ways - certainly regarding my body and definitely around boys. And yet, I was a lifeguard and taught swimming lessons and was in ballet as a kid. Certainly not sports where you get away with any clothing coverage! I can't remember the moment where I learned what confidence, ANY confidence, false or real did for my relationships.. but I started faking that..and it evolved into real confidence. Even now, as I work in a university where there are always events with influential people, I make it my mission to subtlely get to know, make eye contact with or engage with the most influential people in the room. Networking yes, but it is personal practice in confidence for me.
To be honest, I'll do the same thing in a bar or anywhere else with an attractive man as well. The better looking, the more chance I'll crack a joke or talk to him in an offhand manner. It isn't about interest or even really flirting.. it is I think proving to myself that I'm not intimidated and am just as good as anyone else..and there is no place for shame or feeling like a second-class citizen due to being overweight (or anything else).

Maybe this is dumb, but I too hate doing new exercises, etc because I'm afraid someone is going to think "wow look at this girl trying to do that." If I want to try something new I watch others for a period of time and see how to do it. One of my worst gym anxieties is someone coming up and saying "you're doing it wrong."

I'm doing this new challenge where you try different classes and honestly, I get anxiety before I go each week. I know how to do the treadmill, the stationary bike...but trying something new like Zumba is scary!