Yes I have a similar situation. My 2 1/2 year old does something similar to this. She doesn't have the communication problem like your son but my daycare provider has mentioned before that she thinks some of it is her being frustrated about not being able to communicate sometimes. Actually we had an episode this morning that is a perfect example. My husband had to wake her up to get her ready for us to leave for the day (she goes to daycare). Most of the time when she has the tantrums its upon waking, either in the morning or from a nap. She is inconsolable. My husband asked her pediatrician if he did exorcisms bc the best way to describe it is that she seems possessed!!! Its as if she blacks out & doesn't even acknowledge anything around her. All she does is scream at the top of her lungs. She will lay on the floor and scream, kick, etc. NOTHING will bring her out of it. This morning she continued to scream almost all the way to daycare. Her poor little 4.5 month baby brother had to listen to it the whole time. The dr. said it sounded like night terrors but I don't think so if she is awake. But who knows. We don't know how to handle it besides just leaving the room and ignoring her. I'm afraid she'll hurt herself as well or possibly have a seizure or something from crying so hard for so long. It is scary!!

Well, I'm probably not going to gain any friends over this but since you asked, I really feel like I need to shoot it straight because I really feel for you.
It seems most parents don't feel they need to spank any more, but personally, I feel this is sometimes exactly what is needed. I have raised two boys (now in college) have a 22 month old now and have one on the way.. and I will say, spanking on the tush is sometimes what is truly needed. Absolutely NOT in a harmful way, and NOT anywhere other than the fatty bum cheeks.. and many experts say NOT to use your hand because it can be associated with you, so find yourself a little wooden spoon or paddle. DO NOT EVER spank out of anger. But honestly, children will ALWAYS test boundaries- that is pretty much their mission in life! They truly want to know if we love them enough to follow through and discipline them. Weather it's spanking or not, follow through and consistency is KEY. At the point that your toddler is THIS out of control, sounds to me like it's definitely time to consider spanking. Children now days do not learn that there are consequences to their actions.. Many literally run the house!
I was raised being spanked- and pretty dawn gone hard sometimes too! But I am BEYOND thankful that my parents loved me enough to do it because it taught me that there are consequences to disobedience and they can hurt!

Personally, we feel that doing this NOW while they are young will save A TON when they are older. This toddler age is when they learn the most about authority and consequences. A lot of child development experts say the first 2 years is crucial for this.
Not every child is the same- some children all it takes is a glare from the parent and they are sorry and stop immediately! But as for our 22 month old, he has been an unusually stubborn and hard headed little guy, testing EVERY boundary possible.. Our other second born son (now 21) was REALLY soft hearted and it hardly took anything!
So know your child, and know yourself to never ever spank out of anger. Be calm and love on them after, but also make sure it hurts enough to get their attention.. spanking through a diaper doesn't do squat.
They need to know, when I do 'this', than 'this' happens and he will learn very quickly that tantrums and fits are NOT acceptable.
Our 22 month old went through a tantrum stage- it lasted a very short time until he started trying it when we were in public places. He knew we wouldn't spank him in front of other people... UNTIL we would take him into the bathroom and spank his bottom there. It only took a few times for him to learn. I can honestly say, we are PROUD to say that our little guy is HAPPY and DOES NOT throw fits!! While most of his peers do..

I'm sure there are a lot of opposite opinions, and thats fine.. just sharing what works for us and what we believe is right.. I really feel for you..
Hope you find an answer that works for your little guy!

We spank our daughter, under other "normal" circumstances But these tantrums or epidsodes we're talking about, or at least I am, are different. She can not be consoled, reasoned with, talked to, or anything. She gets spanked (a good bit) bc she is a fiesty testy stubborn little thing. But when she is having one of these episodes(only upon waking) even spanking doesn't make her come out of it, it makes it worse. We also do time outs which we usually try first before spanking, but once again that would not work in these situations with my daughter. I worry she has some type of neurological problem going on but when we talked to her dr. about it he only suggested it sounded like night terrors. So we're still at a loss about it. Lovelyrose I can understand you being nervous about spanking considering your history. But like you said with your hubby if it is done correctly then it will be fine. The majority of people I know were spanked and we turned out just fine.

BlondAnnie - Thank you so much for responding! My hubby and I were both raised with spanking. Unfortunately, mine was done is a very abusive manner and quickly turned from a traditional spanking to a beating. However, my hubby's mom appropriately spanked him and my hubby says it was the ONLY discipline that worked for him and his brother. Given my experience I have been nervous about trying spanking. But, I am NOT against it being done when necessary. We tried time-out yesterday and that seemed to work. But, if that doesn't continue to work I told my hubby I don't know what else to do besides try to give him a spanking. I mean I can't just let him go on thinking it's ok to hit us!! I certainly don't want him going to daycare/school thinking that every time the teacher doesn't give him his way then he should hit.

On a side note - even his therapist told me if he gets to out of hand to spank him. I was surprised to hear this coming from an "expert." But, she said some behaviors (only the serious ones) deserve a spanking! LOL

My personal rule (or guideline) with spanking is that I can't do it when I'm angry. If I'm thinking calmly and I'm rational, and LO sincerely needs a tap on the bum for discipline, then it's ok. But if one doesn't have a cool head, then spanking becomes more of a way to make oneself feel better than to discipline the little one. my thoughts, anyway.

also, have you tried teaching another way to communicate? sign language maybe? it took my son 10 months to learn his first sign, but after that it was easier and there were fewer tantrums.

good luck! behavior issues are so frustrating.

Have you tried sign language with him so he can communicate better? I would be pretty frustrated if I couldn't say what I wanted to. There are also picture books and things like that to help him until he can verbalize more. I work with special needs people (not saying it's the same) but many of them have communicatino deficits and function mentally as children. I have seen people turn around when offered a way to communicate.

I also agree with ignoring, especially if you think they are just doing it for attention!