I had some fun. I realized that I'm in for life with Karate - that's not how it started. I started Karate just to support my kid's activity with it and it turns out I like it. It makes me reach out of my comfort zone. When I put together my bucket list, there are still some things on it that I still want to do sometime. But, I won't ever get my husband to hike any where. And I had some fun with friends while exercising. Life is feeling pretty up beat at the moment.

I learned I'm frustrated, I'm tired of trying, and I'm ready to just throw in the towel. I have been working and working and working trying to lose weight and I keep gaining and gaining and gaining. I think I've got it down and I'm looking forward and it fails. Problem is nobody can figure out what I'm doing wrong because I'm doing everything "right" or the other answer I'm getting is that I'm eating too much and that there is no way I can have a high metabolism, the test MUST be wrong, I should be dead if I'm eating under my resting metabolic rate.
The sad thing is that the only way I have lost weight in the past to years is an extremely low calorie diet (ie 500 cals per day) I was miserable, starving, tired and couldn't do any of the activities I currently enjoy because I was so weak. I don't want to live that life again, I don't think I could even sustain the diet, correction I know I can't do that again, I did 5 days at eating the food that I ate on that diet but increased the volume so I was at 1700 calories per day... I was tired, miserable, starving, and could barely do any of the activities I enjoy.
Question I keep asking myself is do I want to give up? I still have that little voice saying no I don't want to give up, I don't know how much longer I can keep up the fight, but as long as that little voice is there, I'm still in the battle.... I'm just getting beaten down right now.

It's okay Rachel. I haven't really lost any weight this year. At least it doesn't feel like it. We all go through trying times.

I've had this rolling around for a while and just posted it. It fits what's going on:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/aakaakaak/view/don-t-quit-509274

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Thanks, I went to read your post and voted for it.... I guess, it's just so hard to stay positive and keep going when the numbers never go down after a lot of hard work and I see people working hard and getting it to work.
I know some of it is gaining muscle because in the last year, I've been exercising a lot more that I have in the past, I know there is body dysmorphia going on, and I know there is a key out there and it's in the food, but I can't find it and I don't want to starve myself and deprive myself of things that I enjoy (especially when I know moderation makes it possible to have it.) I do have an appt with a RD on Wed

Failure is not supposed to be an option, but it's all I see I am doing in spite of all the work.... then to keep being told that everything I'm doing must be wrong because if I was doing it right I would be losing (still measuring all my food, I will admit to giving up on tracking...frequently, but I still weight and measure, think about what I'm going to have, ect)

I guess between the food troubles and being laid up because of my ankle, I'm hitting a low (also have an appt. with a Dr for that)