Yeah, me too. My date is May 1. I'd love to walk this journey with you.

I am 227, 5'6". Not as severe as others, so I convinced myself for a long time that I should be able to just work hard and lose the weight. Willpower:nada. I hate my lack of discipline, but I've come to terms with the band as a tool to force myself to do it. Just being honest here.

My husband had the surgery before Christmas last year, and he's totally the poster child for doing this right. He's a freakin' runner now! I appreciate his wholehearted support, but it's also a bit intimidating. He's lost over 100 lbs and looks so great! More energy too. He works out a lot... and I HATE working out. Well, I'm kinda looking forward to starting to work out, because with this 'forced diet', I feel like there might actually be some change in my body finally.

So I just started to try to loose the 5-6 lbs they want me to before surgery. I don't really have to do it now, but I'm working at a retreat next week, so I'd like to have a head start so I won't have to worry so much while I'm away. Today was pretty easy. I created a yummy pear-vanilla smoothie for breakfast and just ate lowfat all day. Came in way under calories, although a little hungry still. I should just go to bed, because at night I crave buttered popcorn or sweet cereal. Those would be okay once in a while, but this week I have a lot to prove to myself.

So back to your post. Freaking out? Yeah. I keep reminding myself of my gallbladder surgery. I closed my eyes, then opened them, and it was over. I just hate the waiting.

My husband has had VERY little problem eating. He eats everything he's been told he can't, thus, he has to be even more careful because he'd never lose weight if he wasn't really careful. I'm hoping for the same experience, but I've read all the horror stories too.

I haven't really told anyone I'm doing this. I don't want them to watch me, judging every bite I take, comparing me to my husband's success. I don't want people to say "oh, you had surgery" and assume that the weight just melted away without any work. I don't want the people telling me that I should have just worked harder at it (instead of surgery), or even thinking that. My husband says I'm missing out on support and prayer from friends and family, but I'm just not ready to do this in public.

So I'm here. Let's encourage each other. Convince me that I'm not the one person that this surgery might not work for. I'm committed to change... today. I may need some help tomorrow... or in May or June.

Thanks for being kind to my ramblings. I've never put my feelings out there before. It's a little scary.

Most of our class is having the band, but my last class talked more to the sleeve patient, probably because I know a lot more than her, and her husband (not real supportive - buys/eats lots of junk food) was there and needed to see what she is up against.

I just don't mention it to anyone. I've told a couple close friends that I am "eating right" or "trying to get healthy" or "trying to lose weight". I don't really want to talk about it. This one friend, though, when she heard my husband was having surgery said, "oh, I'm so glad to hear that! I've been so worried about your health. I've been praying for you for a few months". I held my breath, because that is sort of "your so fat I was worried" insulting. He was really blessed by it though, and it really touched his heart. So I've told her that I am trying to lose weight, and she'll support me. My bff lives far away, and I mentioned surgery to her (she NEEDS it) and she said "Oh, I would never do that" disdainfully, and I never mentioned it again.

I know in my head that it will work. But...

For example. I weighed in at the office at 224. They 'give you' 2lbs for clothing. So I was 226 w clothes. They told me to be 221 at my presurgery appt 4/29, or they won't do it. So they say from the 17th to then, only liquid to get the fat off the liver and make surgery safer. I will be out of town the 18th-21st. My plan was to start last Mon, the 8th and try to get it off before I go so that I don't have to do 2 liquids and one super lowfat while I'm away with limited options.

So I start, then weigh myself Monday night after a good day... and I'm freakin' 228.6!!! I'm thinking "this will never work". I was so discouraged. Weighed myself this morning - 226.2! I was in my head too much, psyching myself out. I can do this! One pound down, one more to go this week. I'm hoping to be down below what they ask for so I don't have to worry. It was hinted that I shouldn't lose too much in the 6 month nutrition class because Insurance may #1 think I don't weigh enough, #2 think I can do it on my own. They needn't worry. I know that I've never been able to do it on my own. I DON'T watch what I eat that much. I try to eat healthy, but I get hungry, and I eat too much... grazing.

So the 'always hungry' part? You WON'T be! Yay!! My husband has no trouble eating so little and not being hungry. Our problem is grazing, like I said. You can eat all the wrong things, or just too much. You'll figure out how to do it wrong. But I love that I can eat the right stuff and not be hungry, because I'm with you right now:h u n g r y.

I think we need to focus on: Small bites. Chew a lot. Don't drink with meals. Eat enough protein. Get enough water. My husband is really good at looking at labels and deciding if the ratio of protein to calories or fat is a good one. I know I will depend on him, but... Not loving it last night when he suggested we go try out the new Mexican restaurant. What was he thinking? I didn't want to be rude, but... really? What can I eat there? I was nice, but he got the point and we went elsewhere.

Wow. I'm sorry if I'm writing too much, but I truly have no one else to talk with about this except him. I don't believe in fate but I do believe in destiny. I think both our destinies are to be happy, healthy and SEXY, all our remaining days! You in for that?

Let's do this thing!
Loring